"Toxic" Friends

[Guest]

It's been a difficult year. I started out the year with my two best friends. I began acting semi-crazy, out of fear that we weren't going to be friends after we graduate, pushed them away, we confronted each other, pretended it was all better, but it just isn't and now it's just screwed up. They're going to college together and I'm going to be about ten hours away. They filld out their housing forms while we were all hanging out. Now, I don't mind if they hang out without me, because why would I? But, they do it all the time now. It just makes me feel like I'm not wanted at all.

 

My breaking point came this past weekend when we were suposed to party together, but they both uninvited me, because these two guys they met and hung out with for two days during spring break are coming down. Like it wasn't bad enough they went on spring break together, now, I'm being excluded again. I don't know. I was really upset when we confronted each other, because we didn't attempt to resolve it for two weeks. I was a WRECK. This time I'm more just angry. One of the girls is a real bizotch. And she's turning my other friend into her. Plus, I introduced them.

 

I know that I need to dump them until things change and they start treating me like I'm actually worth something. I really just don't see that happening though.

 

So, my question is do you all agree with me cutting these girls out of my life, and is so, how the heck should I do it? I see them everyday at school, and we hang out with the same people.

 

If you all read all of this, thanks, I really appreciate it. Any advice is welcome, even if you're not 100% sure.

[amerikajin]

It's been a difficult year. I started out the year with my two best friends. I began acting semi-crazy, out of fear that we weren't going to be friends after we graduate, pushed them away, we confronted each other, pretended it was all better, but it just isn't and now it's just screwed up. They're going to college together and I'm going to be about ten hours away. They filld out their housing forms while we were all hanging out. Now, I don't mind if they hang out without me, because why would I? But, they do it all the time now. It just makes me feel like I'm not wanted at all.

 

My breaking point came this past weekend when we were suposed to party together, but they both uninvited me, because these two guys they met and hung out with for two days during spring break are coming down. Like it wasn't bad enough they went on spring break together, now, I'm being excluded again. I don't know. I was really upset when we confronted each other, because we didn't attempt to resolve it for two weeks. I was a WRECK. This time I'm more just angry. One of the girls is a real bizotch. And she's turning my other friend into her. Plus, I introduced them.

 

I know that I need to dump them until things change and they start treating me like I'm actually worth something. I really just don't see that happening though.

 

So, my question is do you all agree with me cutting these girls out of my life, and is so, how the heck should I do it? I see them everyday at school, and we hang out with the same people.

 

If you all read all of this, thanks, I really appreciate it. Any advice is welcome, even if you're not 100% sure.

 

I think you need to take a step back and look at things objectively. I don't know, maybe I'm reading this wrong, but it seems like you're just feeling very unsure of yourself and your friendships. Then your friends start to pick up on this, and it makes them uneasy, so they start to pull away. And when they pull away, you lash out at them in anger, which really makes them pull even further away.

 

Is this a fair assessment of your situation, do you think? Honestly.

[Star Gazer]

I think you need to take a step back and look at things objectively. I don't know, maybe I'm reading this wrong, but it seems like you're just feeling very unsure of yourself and your friendships. Then your friends start to pick up on this, and it makes them uneasy, so they start to pull away. And when they pull away, you lash out at them in anger, which really makes them pull even further away.

 

Is this a fair assessment of your situation, do you think? Honestly.

 

I totally agree.

 

I was just like you in high school/early college, Guest. I'm not sure what happened to make me change (for the better), but in retrospect I can totally recognize the pattern you're experiencing with my past friendships.

 

You can't always be attached at the hip forever. People grow, lives and circumstances change. People change. You have to accept that and just hope for the best that you'll all change/grow in the same direction together. But if you act "all crazy" you can guarantee that they will grow in a direction AWAY from you.

((HUGS))