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Friendship Having issues with a friend? Get it off your chest!

Old 19th March 2007, 11:51 AM   #46
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OK everyone!

My roommate is FAR from being gay.

This was the BJ situation: First of all, it was nothing new for us. Several years ago when we were younger and crazier he and I had a casual sexual relationship. Then, he went off to rehab for alcohol abuse (this 7 yrs. ago); when he returned, I helped him get back on his feet..helped him find a job,etc...we still had a casual sex thing for a while even then, but we started hanging out so much as friends, that it just got awkward; so the sex dissipated but we remained good friends for like a year.

He knew I had feelings then, but not because I told him myself. He appeared to aggravated to mutual friends that I never told him to his face. Anyhow, his Ex of many years starting to come back into his life, and he was on his feet now. So I left the friendship. It was heart breaking.

So until about a year and a half ago, he and his Ex were still living together and engaged. But he found out she was cheating. By then we had run into each other a couple times, and called each other on holidays and such. One night out of the blue he called and wanted to meet up with me. It was after they split but I didn't know it. We met up for a bite to eat and it was awkward. I wasn't sure why he had called me, as we hadn't hung out in years. I figured it was to play catch-up. It was brief as I got called away by friends. I kissed him on the cheek that night and took off.

A few months later, he tells me that his Ex moved out. Then, one night, he invited me over to his place to hang out with he and his buddy. That was when the BJ happened. We were kidding around about sexual stuff, and it just led to that. I was hoping for casual sex, but was ok with just the BJ. I figured hey, he's single now so he's horny.

I thought it was strange myself when he called the next day about needing a roommate. I joked and said he should move in with me. But he said he wasn't joking. We both made it sound like it was for "financial" reasons. But yes I still hoped we'd have sex and maybe even get to together, but I realized that was a bad idea for a roommate. I figured if we ever hooked up it would just happen naturally.

I was the 1st one to bring a guy over to the new apt. and have sex there, before my roommate was moved in. I bragged to him about it on purpose. i don't know why though. So of course when he moves in, he starts having girls over and such. I was not comfortable with it. Another time I had a guy over with him there, and NEITHER of them seemed comfortable then. My roommate wouldn't even look at me.

Then he had this sudden EXPLOSION of girls calling him, I mean blowing up his phone, and he would make sure I heard talking all smooth to them on the phone, etc, and it drove me crazy. I wanted to puke hearing him trying to act like a big player. It was also strange for me because when his kids visit I get closer to them and we act like a total family when we're all together.

But a couple months ago, for some reason, the explosion came to an abrubt halt. I never see him on the phone anymore, he rarely goes out anymore, and his phone isn't blowing up like crazy. I always refused to let it show that the girls were making me jealous. But I had a feeling he was just trying to make himself look irresistable or something. Anyhow, we've gotten closer since then, we've had a couple spats, but lately we are just EXTRA nice to each other for some reason.

I can't just move out at anytime; we are both on a lease that doesn't run out until August. A few weeks ago, he said he wants to live with me beyond the lease. We agreed we like living together.

I thought of living alone again but I absolutley can't afford it until I'm done with nursing school which is a year and 1/2 from now. Until then, I need a roommate. And believe me, I don't know anyone else who needs a roommate because everyone I know is in their 30s and married. I would never live with any old person I found in the paper either.

So that is our full story. As for what happend with us those years ago, it has never been discussed. Right before moving into our apartment, he said "why don't we get a house in a year". At first I said, well ok. But the more I thought about it, I thought, why get a house with me? We're just "roommates"! For everytime he brought up the house since then, I blew it off. He hasn't talked about it since, other than saying he wants to keep living with me. There is no way I can afford a house, obviously, and neither can he, but we can if we stick together long enough. It's his dream. He loves to fix things and work on things. I want us to make this dream come true together. Just last night, we did bills, and we have fun just doing bills together for chris sakes. He is playfully touching me more and more, calling me more, and he smiles every time he sees me.

Awfully confusing.
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Old 19th March 2007, 11:54 AM   #47
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this guy is playing you like a fiddle LL
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Old 19th March 2007, 12:29 PM   #48
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this guy is playing you like a fiddle LL
Why? Whats the point? Tell me every reason you think so.
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Old 19th March 2007, 12:31 PM   #49
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Why? Whats the point? Tell me every reason you think so.
I will let others explain to you LL
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Old 19th March 2007, 12:35 PM   #50
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LL -

You could play devil's advocate and just innocently say "maybe i'll move out now so we might be able to consider dating for a while."

See what his reaction is - that will tell you everything you need to know!

You will have an opportunity to tell him that you enjoyed your friendship and the benefits of it better before you lived there.... maybe his mind will be triggered to remember the bj you gave him before being roomies.

In any event, yes... i think he wants you badly - but is holding back so as not to lose you for good. He probably figures some of you is better than nothing at all...

Try it - okay?
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Old 19th March 2007, 12:38 PM   #51
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Originally Posted by alphamale View Post
I will let others explain to you LL
In other words, you got nothing?

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Originally Posted by 2sunny View Post
LL -

You could play devil's advocate and just innocently say "maybe i'll move out now so we might be able to consider dating for a while."

See what his reaction is - that will tell you everything you need to know!

You will have an opportunity to tell him that you enjoyed your friendship and the benefits of it better before you lived there.... maybe his mind will be triggered to remember the bj you gave him before being roomies.

In any event, yes... i think he wants you badly - but is holding back so as not to lose you for good. He probably figures some of you is better than nothing at all...

Try it - okay?
Threatening to leave someone almost guarantees to get a reaction out of someone, especially if they do care or have feelings.
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Old 19th March 2007, 12:47 PM   #52
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In other words, you got nothing?



Threatening to leave someone almost guarantees to get a reaction out of someone, especially if they do care or have feelings.
so what - at least this way she finds out what his intentions are and quits wasting her time wondering if he's planning to do anything.

she could potentially go on wondering for years; and how would that benefit her?

just throw the info out there and see how he reacts... at first, and after a few days when he has had time to think about losing you on a daily basis.
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Old 19th March 2007, 12:50 PM   #53
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Alphamale I have yet to see you back up your opinions with anything.

Sunny2 and Riddler, in way I have already threatened to move out. After the last argument we got into, I sent him an email explaining that I was torn between the pros and cons of living alone and living with him. He did not read the email the same I day sent it...so we ended up arguing in person about it that night. I left the part Torn part out of the discussion. But I think he must have read the email the next day. Cuz since then he's been very sweet to me and hangs out with me more, etc. He throws out these one liners that are meant to be sexual metaphors (like he asked if it was ok to turn on the heater..."you KNOW you like it" he says..ha ha...whatever...anyhow, we are still up in the air about whats going to happen when our lease is up, so I"m hoping a discussion of our relationship will come up then.
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Old 19th March 2007, 12:50 PM   #54
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so what - at least this way she finds out what his intentions are and quits wasting her time wondering if he's planning to do anything.

she could potentially go on wondering for years; and how would that benefit her?

just throw the info out there and see how he reacts... at first, and after a few days when he has had time to think about losing you on a daily basis.
I wasn't disagreeing with you at all.
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Old 19th March 2007, 12:52 PM   #55
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Alphamale I have yet to see you back up your opinions with anything..
I dont' need to back up anything....you've already provided the documentation. Go back and read your own posts very slowly and very carefully.
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Old 19th March 2007, 12:58 PM   #56
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just do SOMETHING....

it is too hard for me to stand by and watch people do nothing - when they obviously want to do SOMETHING.

who cares if he rejects you... he is doing it very modestly every day right now.

just ask him and get it over with and move on. if he says he can't go there, then just act as you always have.

maybe he hasn't said or done something because he's afraid of being rejected by YOU... ever think about that?
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Old 19th March 2007, 1:13 PM   #57
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just do SOMETHING....

it is too hard for me to stand by and watch people do nothing - when they obviously want to do SOMETHING.

who cares if he rejects you... he is doing it very modestly every day right now.

just ask him and get it over with and move on. if he says he can't go there, then just act as you always have.

maybe he hasn't said or done something because he's afraid of being rejected by YOU... ever think about that?
I have thought of that many times Sunny. So i've tried to be more attentive towards him like he has been to me, and we go back and forth with it, but neither of us do anything major. What did you mean by him rejecting me every day?
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Old 19th March 2007, 2:31 PM   #58
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This more complete history you have given only confirms that he's not really that into you. He's had all these years to make his move towards a relationship with you and has done nothing, fully aware of the fact that you have feelings for him. He knows you're in love with him. You are a good friend at most, a f**kbuddy at times....a roommate/rent payer the rest of the time to him. I am really kind of surprised at how many people on here are encouraging you to believe he is in love with you.
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Old 19th March 2007, 2:35 PM   #59
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This more complete history you have given only confirms that he's not really that into you. He's had all these years to make his move towards a relationship with you and has done nothing, fully aware of the fact that you have feelings for him. He knows you're in love with him. You are a good friend at most, a f**kbuddy at times....a roommate/rent payer the rest of the time to him.
yes BJ...thats what i meant also
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Old 19th March 2007, 2:38 PM   #60
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yes, alphamale, I'm with you 100% on this one. I was agreeing with you.
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