What is wrong with my friends...is it me?

[chill chic]

I used to have a whole slew of friends to hang out with, but recently that has changed, and I'm not sure why. Two of my friends in particular, who don't know each other and are in different groups of friends, have been avoiding me. I think alot of it has to do with their insecurities. My friend, "Jessica" and I have been friends for a long time, but in the past year, things have changed between us. She has actually become more insecure when hanging out with me. Such as, if we go out to a club or something, guys will look at or come up to me before her. If I ignore the guy's advances, they turn to her, most of the time to ask about me. Which I can understand if she gets mad at that, but I can't help it, but it's just a given when we go out. Not too long ago, I went with her & this guy that she likes on a road trip, along with some other people. She noticed that the guy she likes was being overly friendly with me, but I was stepping back because I know my boundaries when it comes to friends. But that shows me that she's not comfortable hanging out with me. Also, I think she uses me to a point, such as if we go out w/some of her other friends, she'll ask me or want me to get her in the VIP section of a club because she knows I can get my way through the bouncer, and usually the bouncers let me in, along with them, BUT I have to be the one that's first or makes that effort for everyone else's enjoyment.

Anyway, I'll call her and she either doesn't answer her phone or never calls me back. I think it's really rude, and she should at least tell me why she's avoiding me.

Another friend of mine, "Taylor" has also been avoiding me lately. She had texted me merry xmas, after I hadn't talked to her in awhile, so I called her back. We decided to make plans for New Years, so I was excited to see her. So I called her today, talked with her and she told me to call her later on so we could meet up. I did, but she never answered, I called her again, didn't answer. So with 2 people, of who I thought were my friends, ditched me on New Years!

 

Honestly, nothing has been working out for me lately, with friends or this guy that I've routinely mentioned on LS. It doesn't make sense, but when it rains, it pours! And it seems like all these people who have a complex with me, are more than likely, insecure. Funny thing is...after I got my job as an insurance agent, things drastically changed, with everyone. Why?! Could that be part of the problem, because of the career path I chose? I was pretty lucky to land this job, while they are either in dead end careers or still in college. But I think when things come easy for a person, people, such as friends build up resentment. Could that be the case here?

 

*"names" have been changed*

[freckles73]

I know how you feel. One of my girlfriends is highly competitive with her sisters and she tries to pull that crap with me, but I never buy into it. I am not a competitive person by nature. If someone wants to think they have "one up" on me, I'm fine with that....status and that sort of thing doesn't matter to me.

 

But I noticed that when we go out (and this used to happen more often when I was a little thinner) if I got male attention and she didn't, all of a sudden she would get bitchy and headachey and start complaining about the caliber of men -- or worse, she would start flirting with the guy that was paying me attention.

 

I never play into it. If the guy wants to divert his attention to her and give into her flirtation, then I figure he's not all that interested in me for me, but in just getting a piece of behind. So I have tried to develop a strategy of talking with pairs of guys so that at the very least I will have someone to talk to as she tends to start to ignore my very presence the moment some guy starts talking to her.

 

Then of course, I have the other kind of girlfriend who as soon as she becomes romantically involved with a guy she ends up joined at the hip with him and never has time to see me. But when she is single, she calls all the time. But when I am single and she is paired up, she never has any time for me. It kind of makes me feel used. I don't think it's healthy to abandon your girlfriends when you are coupled up, because they are the only ones to be there for you to pick up the pieces if things should fall apart -- and it's always good to have girls' night out so you don't become too dependent on your man for all your emotional needs. Somehow, this concept is lost on this girl.

 

And the thing is, the older I get the harder it is to find women my age to make new friendships with. As friendships fizzle and drift apart it becomes more difficult to fill that void.

 

Just my thoughts.