Mydish1 Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 Is it possible? I dont think im specifically looking to make friends with anyone as i know its rare nowadays. But maybe an acquantance or someone to chat with or do lunch with. I just started an internship a few weeks ago. The majority of people on the floor about 30-60 ..middle aged pretty much. one of the guys sitting near my office, when i first met him i thought he was cool and on the same page as me, at least around my age. But in the end i find him to be more work focused and helping around when i need help as a co-worker...doesnt seem too interestd in socializing, kind of a stiff. so i havent bothered asking him to do lunch..in fact doesnt seem like he takes lunch breaks at all, seems like he's in his seat from 9-5. This other guy, he interns in another department on the floor and i run into him pretty often as he comes over to my side to do stuff. turns out he's in the same program/year/school as me. i've had a good chat with him a couple times. today i ran into him again and was headed out to lunch, so i figure no harming in asking if he wants to join. he said he had some stuff to finish and would be done in 10 mins. so i saidd id meet him downstairs at that time to do lunch and he agreed. Obviously he wasnt going to show and i knew it so i didnt bother waiting. after returning from lunch i ran into him a couple times and just greeted each other. i dont even think he went out for lunch at all. i saw him finishing up the project he was last working on before i went to lunch. Perhaps it's the atmosphere there or the age groups. But seems like everyone or almost everone seems to like their personal space, even out of the office. the entire floor is almost half a block. my last job the business & office was small, everyone was clumped. communication and getting to know each other was that much easier, we were pretty tightly knit. At that time i almost made friends with someone that i referred to so he could get the job. But again it seems like the co-worker/friend conflict always clashed that we just became acquantances. Link to post Share on other sites
superconductor Posted July 19, 2006 Share Posted July 19, 2006 Don't take it personally. Large organizations, and many small ones, are so rife with inter-office politics that there's often an assumption that a friendly invitation to lunch or whatever has an ulterior, politically-inspired motive. As well, seeing as you're an intern there, you may be still viewed as a bit of an outsider. Again, that's very common, and there's little you can do to change anyone's mind about that. Besides, these people are probably stressed and overworked to the max. It's all part of the myth of doing more with less. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 Is it possible? It certainly is. I worked at a headquarters with about 150 people and over the course of some years gradually became friends with a woman everyone thought was the poster girl for an Ice Maiden. She was extremely impersonnal and excriciatingly profession, no-nonsense, say-what-you-have-to-and-be-quick-about-it, ambitious type person. I suspected all along there was a lot more to her than she ever let anyone see, myself included, and I was intrigued and challenged. Cutting to the chase, the "Ice Maiden" and I have now been married almost 10 years and she is anything but. She's warm, loving, giving, sensitive, spiritual, all that and more yet still a very private person overall, except with me and family. Give yourself and your coworkers time. You're still the new kid on the block. Give them room to come to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 I *really* like that story, big C! Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 The best part's the ending! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mydish1 Posted July 20, 2006 Author Share Posted July 20, 2006 Don't take it personally. Large organizations, and many small ones, are so rife with inter-office politics that there's often an assumption that a friendly invitation to lunch or whatever has an ulterior, politically-inspired motive. As well, seeing as you're an intern there, you may be still viewed as a bit of an outsider. Again, that's very common, and there's little you can do to change anyone's mind about that. Besides, these people are probably stressed and overworked to the max. It's all part of the myth of doing more with less. i dont take it personally, i know how work relationships usually run. at the office you greet the person and you guys have a nice chat or whatnot. out in the street, well you 2 will probably just be strangers avoiding eye contact. one of the heads on the floor in another dep't hooked me up with the internship there. he seems like a good guy with a bit of an inflated ego, but nevertheless the first day he made an offer to do lunch but i declined, now realizing my fault. he comes by every so often to see how im doing. now as for political motivation or maintaining connections, one of these days im planning to return the favor to do lunch but i hope i dont come off that way. Although i was given a tour of the floor and met almost everyone there on the first day and shook hands, yes im probably seen as the outsider still. the only people i work/speak to on a regular basis is probably 3-5 people around the office. the internship is until the end of august, but i doubt much is going to change. thanks for the reply. very inspiring post Carmud Link to post Share on other sites
The slayer Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 IMHO I think you're approaching this in the wrong way. Freindships at work aren't on the whole formed by picking out the person that you think you are most likely to want to be freinds with and meeting them for lunch. They tend to grow out of the people you have contact with and develop over time. In a few weeks you aren't gong to make "Friends" the best you would do is have a bit of a laugh with a group of people you have a lot in common with. For me the richness of forming friends at work is becoming friends wth people you wouldn't normally become friends with, people who are much younger thn you or much older than you or seem to have nothing in common with you. The people you should be trying to make friends with are the 3 or 4 people around the office that you actually have to work with, even if they are middle aged! Link to post Share on other sites
mariJane Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 all i know is my whole working life i just had my friends outside of work, and now i tried something new i met a couple friends, and a guy, and stuff, and i regret it more then anything!!!!!!! i am happy for some of the relations, but the friends i thought were the closest were the fakest, ya know, and if i hadnt got work all ****ing twisted with that guy id be happy with him right now, but now i am without those friends that guy or the job, ****ing stupid ****, anyways, thats all, i wont do it again, i will cherish the good times though!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 20, 2006 Share Posted July 20, 2006 You will find every office has it's own 'culture', meaning they do things a certain way and it's very hard to change things. I had one job in a very large hospital. My department wasn't all that big, and most people were close to my age. Several us had originally come from the same state. I thought, initially, we'd really hit it off and become good work friends. Well, I soon learned that there was a lot of paranoia in that department. Someone was always complaining about the other. People would be nice, face to face, than backstab the other person the minute they left the room. Several of the 'less aggressive' sorts (myself included) tended to try and avoid the nastiness by just holing up in our cubicles and avoiding the other people. It was a lonely place to work. Later on, I moved to a different job in a smaller hospital. I work with about 9-10 full- and part-timers and we are very diverse in terms of age, background and education level. Yet we all get along really well. Some of us socialize outside of work with each other. I really love working where I do. I've found that having a pleasant work environment is much more important to me than having an important title. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 I do have to say that I waited to ask my wife out for the first time until after she'd moved on to another agency. If we'd still worked together or even for the same agency I wouldn't have, nor would she have accepted if I had. Fishing in the company pond can certainly bring about more trouble than it's worth. Link to post Share on other sites
mariJane Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 hey C, if you dont mind... How long after she left did you wait to ask her out? Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 hey C, if you dont mind... How long after she left did you wait to ask her out? It was about 11 months. We'd known one another for five years and I'd been divorced for two years. I asked her out as soon as I felt I was ready to ask anyone out. Obviously, it took! Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 Fishing in the company pond can certainly bring about more trouble than it's worth. I definately agree! Depending on the size of the company, size of the building, etc... the company lake or ocean can probably be pulled off. What is worse is the same dept, floor, or sometimes building. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 Yup! There were only 150 of us, she'd been there many years and everyone knew her. It would have been a disaster! If we'd worked in different buildings it might have worked but probably not because we had a lot of contact professionally and I think that would have been the kiss of death. Interesting, her new agency worked in the same policy area mine did and she and I were both legislative and public policy/political analysts so we often worked together and, at times, against one another politically, including after we were married. Now THAT we pulled off just fine! The Legislatiure thought it was a hoot having a husband and wife both testifying on the same bill with one of us in support and the other in opposition. We thought so too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mydish1 Posted July 21, 2006 Author Share Posted July 21, 2006 The people you should be trying to make friends with are the 3 or 4 people around the office that you actually have to work with, even if they are middle aged! That likely isnt to happen, the 3 ppl i work with are married middle aged women, and the other is the assistant to the 3 which is a guy with a cubicle outside my office. the guy is possible, but so far he doesnt appear to socialize at all with anyone in the office. The IT guy seems cool, but he only comes around when there are issues to be resolved. You will find every office has it's own 'culture', meaning they do things a certain way and it's very hard to change things. I've taken a notice to that. my last job people were more friendly and we were pretty tight with each other, we were practically sitting next to one another...but overall i think the main reason for that was the job/environment was slightly more laid back. This one, not so much and the attitude in the environment there appears to have rubbed off on me. Link to post Share on other sites
mariJane Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 oh thanks, thats good though, that makes a good solid foundation huh, how sweet, ya replying to the 11 month wait time, hmm, well i hope my crush gets in touch sooner then that or atleast stays single til then!!! woah, wousers, well ya thats good though, al'ite, thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts