Co-worker has developed feelings for me.

[luvtoto]

I am in so deep. My co-worker has developed feelings for me. It's pretty obvious. Everyone including my boss is encouraging us to be together. I like him, but I don't think it's a good idea to date a co-worker. Our christmas party is coming up next Wednesday and everyone's gonna spend the night trying to get us together. Just cause we are two nice single people...doesn't mean we are meant to be!!

 

Whenever I say, I am not interested they tell me I have a closed mind...that I should just give him a chance. Yesterday, while talking to a lady co-worker about my chapped lips, he steps in my office and hands me some chapstick.

Awe man!

 

He has not been out to lunch with anyone at work since the year 2000...but, lately, if we go...he goes. It's kind of cute. Everyone's happy that he's been more social. He's usually really quiet...at least that's the only side I've ever seen of him. I've worked with him for 3 yrs. I like him, he's a nice guy. Just not what I am lookin' for. How do I discourage him without lookin' like a great big jerk in front of everyone and ruining his & my friendship???

[Yamaha]

I am in so deep. My co-worker has developed feelings for me. It's pretty obvious. Everyone including my boss is encouraging us to be together. I like him, but I don't think it's a good idea to date a co-worker. Our Christmas party is coming up next Wednesday and everyone's gonna spend the night trying to get us together. Just cause we are two nice single people...doesn't mean we are meant to be!!

 

Whenever I say, I am not interested they tell me I have a closed mind...that I should just give him a chance. Yesterday, while talking to a lady co-worker about my chapped lips, he steps in my office and hands me some chopstick.

Awe man!

 

He has not been out to lunch with anyone at work since the year 2000...but, lately, if we go...he goes. It's kind of cute. Everyone's happy that he's been more social. He's usually really quiet...at least that's the only side I've ever seen of him. I've worked with him for 3 yrs. I like him, he's a nice guy. Just not what I am looking' for. How do I discourage him without looking' like a great big jerk in front of everyone and ruining his & my friendship???

 

If he has developed feelings your relationship is going to change. You will never have the same relationship that you have now. If you reject him he will be hurt and might even resent you for a time. The best way is to talk to him and tell him how you feel. You don't believe in dating co-workers. Don't be mean but be firm. Let him know it just isn't going to happen between you two. Don't be nice and let him think there may be some hope. Don't avoid him afterward's to the point of being rude. Because someone cares for you is no reason to avoid them like the plague. Speak to him but your relationship will take on a different role now that he knows you don't feel the same.

[luvtoto]

Thanks Yamaha. I'm not treating him any differently as of yet. Today, he invited myself and another lady co-worker to lunch today. He has NEVER done that. I told him that she is not working today, and I am not taking a lunch. I did however get hungry later and told him I was running to Runza and asked him if he wanted anything. He seemed reeeaallly flattered that I asked him. I guess you are right...things won't be the same. That sucks! What do I do about all the prodding from my friends? They think it's cute and funny. Someone is pushing him to be bold with me. This just isn't like him.

[slubberdegullion]

You could, of course, come on to him really hard and start talking marriage and babies and let's-meet-my-family-cuz-mom's-just-out-of-jail.

 

That's enough to send most men screaming for the hills.

[Yamaha]

Tell your co-workers that you like him as a friend only. People love to play matchmaker but if you have no interest then be polite but decisive. We are just not right for each other. You might have to tell them a few times before they believe you are serious. They will eventually get the message.

 

Yes, it sucks when things change. Just think how you would feel if you liked him but he had no interest in you but friendship. You would not hang out with him as much and things would be uncomfortable for a time. Just work through this and things will return to a business relationship in time. Just don't lead him on and let him think you will change your mind.

[luvtoto]

You could, of course, come on to him really hard and start talking marriage and babies and let's-meet-my-family-cuz-mom's-just-out-of-jail.

 

That's enough to send most men screaming for the hills.

 

...grinnin' like a possum eatin' sh**. Thanks for the advice, Slubber!

[luvtoto]

Tell your co-workers that you like him as a friend only. People love to play matchmaker but if you have no interest then be polite but decisive. We are just not right for each other. You might have to tell them a few times before they believe you are serious. They will eventually get the message.

 

it sucks when things change. Just think how you would feel if you liked him but he had no interest in you but friendship. You would not hang out with him as much and things would be uncomfortable for a time. Just work through this and things will return to a business relationship in time. Just don't lead him on and let him think you will change your mind.

 

Sheeit! I'm not trying to lead him on. I've worked with him for 3 years and it's fun to see this new 'outgoing' side of him. When we've gone to lunch it was with with a group of co-workers. You are also right about friends wanting to play matchmaker. I've already told them how I feel. I thought they were just messin' at first. I didn't put much thought either way. Then, they started talking about having him sit by me at the party. wtf? Now, he seems to have a fire under his butt. Now, I am starting to go on the defense. Will keep your advice in mind.