Content10 Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 Hello, and thank you for taking the time to read this. I started in my postition over a year ago. For the first couple of months my boss rarely spoke to me. Soon after that he would come into my office often to ask questions that he could have just called or e-mailed me about. He would buy me lunch, act cocky, laugh a lot and consistently draw attention to himself. At first I thought what a great boss! He was very positive and a person that you'd be drawn to. He then asked me to lunch and I declined. I'm hesitant because he's married and so am I. He said he wanted to reward me for all of my good work. I also don't want co-workers to gossip because he doesn't go to lunch with anyone. After that he jokingly called me ugly and called me a witch to one of his guy employees. He goes through stages where the ingnores me for a month or so and then all of the sudden he'll act the complete oppostite. He asked me out for lunch after another couple months and I declined again. He rarely asks anything personal and he has not pursued me so I'm certain what his deal is. He is not like this with anyone else. It caught me off guard when I cried about something and he began to also. Does anyone have advice on this? Does he want something more? Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 This has red warning lights flashing all over the place. You are right that internal office gossip would be scorching up the place behind your back, and that won't do you any good at all. Now, if you confront him about it, he'll deny that there's any intent other than the usual office-style banter, but both of you know better. So stay perfectly professional, keep the conversations clinical, purely professional and factual, and don't go into a one-on-one meeting with him; always take someone else with you. Link to post Share on other sites
penkitten Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 just say sexual harrassment Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 It caught me off guard when I cried about something and he began to also. He started crying? Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 He started crying? He had probably just come back from the men's room and had caught a pubic hair when he did up his fly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Content10 Posted December 2, 2005 Author Share Posted December 2, 2005 yes he became emotional when I did. is that normal? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 is that normal? Sounds awfully strange. Maybe he did catch something in his fly. Link to post Share on other sites
Milo Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 He has a crush on you big time. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 He sounds a trifle unbalanced and a good deal unprofessional. You are handling it perfectly - this guy could be a lot of trouble if you started going to lunches with him, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 It caught me off guard when I cried about something and he began to also. That's taking the relating approach a shade too far! I had a boss a little like this years ago. He would bully me sometimes, and treat me like his "golden girl" others. There never seemed to be any halfway house, and I had a strong sense that he was trying to groom me for an office affair (he was already involved with another employee there - who, funnily enough, was also making my life difficult round about that time). Once I was more settled there, we had a couple of really lengthy discussions about it and things got better. I had to talk it over with a few really good, insightful friends on a number of occasions before I felt able to do address some of the difficulties with him. Also, I didn't mention anything re my suspicion that he was trying to groom me - as I don't think he could have coped with that being brought out into the open. A lot depends, too, on how supportive senior management are likely to be if things deteriorated further and you did decide to raise a grievance. At the time, I was working in an environment where employees were well protected, so that made it a lot easier for me to sit down and discuss things with the problematic boss. Good luck. As Outcast says, it sounds as if you're adopting the best possible approach under the circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
Bogun Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 He sounds a trifle unbalanced and a good deal unprofessional. Yeah, this guy has some issues. Maybe he's like christian bale's character patrick bateman, in american psycho, so dont EVER go out with this guy. Lindya.....your avatar makes me almost cream my pants. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted December 2, 2005 Share Posted December 2, 2005 Lindya.....your avatar makes me almost cream my pants. That avatar has been causing a fair bit of trouble lately! Clearly I'm not the only one who thinks early 20th century erotica has the aesthetic edge on modern day porn. Perhaps it's time to take her off duty and replace her with something a little more....clothed. Whoops - quickly going back to my off topic habits. Sorry OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Content10 Posted December 8, 2005 Author Share Posted December 8, 2005 Thank you for all replying. I'ts great to get advice from the outside. I've been paying extra attention to his behavior and I think he has backed off now. He is wearing his wedding ring everyday and not teasing me much. So, that definitely takes added stress off!!! thanks Link to post Share on other sites
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