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suckered 28th September 2017 8:56 AM

Messy situation at work
I have worked with Dave for a few years. We also became friends and visited each other's houses and know each other's partners well.

Over time, Dave became more and more of a bully towards me. Putting me down constantly in front of others and mocking me. I tried to talk to him, he pretended that he doesn't know what I was talking about. I started to avoid him and all was well as we didn't have to interact that much. I still talked and hang out with his partner independently but felt awkward when she confided some of their relationship problems.

Fast forward to recent events. Dave made a major error at work. It is the type of error that needs to be reported immediately as it affects many teams and the whole company. I did so to our boss. Boss and Dave are "buddies" and boss's reaction was to cover up for Dave and not escalate it. It was disappointing and unprofessional. Dave came through untouched, and actually used the opportunity to point out to our boss that I only reported him because I dislike him on a personal level. He even threatened to report me to HR. The error also remained uncorrected and will came back to haunt the whole team in the near to mid term future.

Yes it's true that Dave and me don't get along but the error was real and had nothing to do with anything personal. Dave's partner (who has poor boundaries) sent me a multiple stream of texts along the lines of "Hope you and Dave patch things up". "No need to take it out on my man". I didn't respond but was highly annoyed.

At this point, I want absolutely nothing to do with Dave, his partner and bare minimum with our unprofessional immediate boss. I have started looking for other work in the interim.

I really want to unfriend both Dave and his partner from social media but am worried that if he goes to HR it will look like I did dislike him on a personal level? I only really have relatives and close to mid close friends on my social media that I use often. I cringe every time I see them on my friend list.

trailwolf 28th September 2017 10:21 AM

i think your only way out of this situation is quit an go to work elsewhere , you mentioned in your post you are looking for another job , i think that would be your best bet !

d0nnivain 28th September 2017 10:59 AM

Document every interaction & keep copies at home. When Dave tried to hurt you professionally you will have the evidence to refute his claims.

Job hunting does sound like a good plan, though.

1966Seahorse 29th September 2017 1:39 PM

Hi Suckered,

This does make for a very unhappy working environment ... I am sorry you are going through this .... in the past I was in a job where someone was openly bullying me but the main partner in the firm who I did go to was this person's boss so nothing got done ... similar to yourself in that respect .... and I subsequently started to dread every day that I went in ... I went from being quite outgoing to a bag of nerves ... anyway ....

... I note from your post that you say "the error also remained uncorrected and will came back to haunt the whole team in the near to mid term future".

Based on this statement I would say you must ensure that you document the error that your work colleague made and the action you took, i.e. reporting it, and the outcome - ensuring that you include dates, times, persons involved in the conversations/any email correspondence/phone calls regarding the error.

Then if the error does have repercussions you have the whole situation documented.

In the meantime I would be inclined to keep on looking for another job ... and I totally get what you say about what to do regarding social media ... I guess I would be inclined to not block, for the reason you state, then once you have left this employment do so then!!

Good luck!!

suckered 21st October 2017 7:52 AM

Since I posted this, the situation got worse.

Dave has openly gossiped about the whole issue, putting his own spin on events to nearly everyone that works with us. He has a forceful, outgoing personality where I am more shy. People naturally find him more fun, and many were friendlier with him so they ended up believing him. I have kept it professional and didn't gossip or spoken about anything except to the boss who supported Dave. I am totally antagonized at work and as a result I dread going in.

In an attempt to smooth things over, I messaged Dave to say that I hope we can find some way to work together without involving everyone that works with us. He didn't even respond but I found that he blocked me on social media after he received that message.

Unfortunately I haven't been able to find anything comparable in terms of other jobs so I feel stuck but I need the money.

I have even started applying to jobs that would be a step down as of last week.

Cersei 21st October 2017 8:18 AM

It sounds like you have been handling it as well as you possibly can. Hang in there and best of luck with the job hunt.

Remember that what goes around comes around. He will fry himself eventually.

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