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Working with ex - considering to leave


Business and Professional Relationships Networking and maintaining a positive environment in the work place is important! Surviving the 9-to-5 within.

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Old 21st September 2017, 2:53 PM   #1
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Working with ex - considering to leave

Hello, I work in the same company for over 3 years,
During this time I was promoted multiple times and about 2 month ago I was promoted to department supervisor.

During these 3 years I dedicated myself to the work and became extremely proffesional on all fields that I work on. I reached to a point that my name is well known among work collegues/management.

The problem starts with the fact that my ex GF of 2 years became my direct manager, don't get it wrong, she doesn't do anything to sabotage my work, she does the opposite, she does everything to support me and tries to create best work zone for me.

I have a hard time seeing her everyday, I feel like I'm losing it, sometimes I'm at work and I get really upset or angry especially with the fact it took her 1 month to get a new boyfriend.

Me and our boss are really close, and she knows that I was in a relationship with work collegue so I decided to talk to her directly, I asked her is there a chance for me to transfer to diferrent department, she declined said I'm too valuable and she wants me to progress further and that I'm going to be alright, just give it some time.

Last week I couldn't bare it anymore so I sent my info to multiple companies to get an interview and apply for a new job.

I haven't informed my boss about anything, I'm not 100% sure that I'm doing the right thing, should I inform her about my plans ? Or should I keep it quiet until I get the new job ?
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Old 21st September 2017, 3:43 PM   #2
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Get the new job before you say anything. Give at least 2 weeks notice upon leaving, more if you can swing it.

DO NOT tell your present employer that you are thinking about leaving. You will be viewed as disloyal & possibly suspected of corporate espionage.

While your reasons for leaving are valid, they are not valid BUSINESS reasons. Do not tell anybody that you are leaving over your EX
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Old 21st September 2017, 4:39 PM   #3
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Or an alternative is get into therapy and blow off steam there and see if you can't get control over yourself. I know it's not easy, believe me. My only therapy was playing Megadeth on the way home.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 8:44 AM   #4
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Or an alternative is get into therapy and blow off steam there and see if you can't get control over yourself. I know it's not easy, believe me. My only therapy was playing Megadeth on the way home.
First of all thank you and doninvain for the suppprt, you guys been replying to the most of my posts.

When it comes to therapy I do my best, I leave my car and take the bus so I could walk home.
I hit the gym 3 times a week and going to take additional software developing courses in october.

I still wanna change my job I think it will help me and reduce the stress.

Thank you
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Old 22nd September 2017, 8:58 AM   #5
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I think it is important to put your emotional health before your work. If working with your ex affects you so much, you should leave. However, do not rush the process. You are coping, in a fashion, so the need to leave is not desperate. Only leave when something just as good or better comes along. No point in sabotaging your career over this. Don't tell your employer until you are handing your notice in. They do not need to know. Treat it how you would any other reason for leaving.

I understand, I have left jobs because of ex's before. Take your time and weigh the pros and cons for your career and act accordingly.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 9:24 AM   #6
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I think it is important to put your emotional health before your work. If working with your ex affects you so much, you should leave. However, do not rush the process. You are coping, in a fashion, so the need to leave is not desperate. Only leave when something just as good or better comes along. No point in sabotaging your career over this. Don't tell your employer until you are handing your notice in. They do not need to know. Treat it how you would any other reason for leaving.

I understand, I have left jobs because of ex's before. Take your time and weigh the pros and cons for your career and act accordingly.
^^This all day^^

I will add that you are emotional now and not thinking logically. Leaving the job because of the ex is fine in my book, but make sure whatever decision you make is done with a complete absence of emotions.

Decisions based on logic and reason tend to work out long term. Whereas decisions based on emotion often blow up in your face. For the past year in my breakup recovery I did not make any big decisions as I knew they could be partly based in pain. That includes large purchases (like a new car), moving jobs (we did not work together), moving out of state and starting fresh, tattoos, etc.

My mind is a lot clearer now so I am allowing myself to make bigger decisions. I would recommend you make sure you have that clarity before you make a life changing decision to leave a job - especially one where you are advancing and they value you.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 10:01 AM   #7
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^^This all day^^

I will add that you are emotional now and not thinking logically. Leaving the job because of the ex is fine in my book, but make sure whatever decision you make is done with a complete absence of emotions.

Decisions based on logic and reason tend to work out long term. Whereas decisions based on emotion often blow up in your face. For the past year in my breakup recovery I did not make any big decisions as I knew they could be partly based in pain. That includes large purchases (like a new car), moving jobs (we did not work together), moving out of state and starting fresh, tattoos, etc.

My mind is a lot clearer now so I am allowing myself to make bigger decisions. I would recommend you make sure you have that clarity before you make a life changing decision to leave a job - especially one where you are advancing and they value you.
Well at first I applied for jobs that I knew that I wont take any way, had few phone calls but declined meeting for the interview.
Few days ago I applied for another company, this time is a very serious place, Its really hard to get there but I honestly dont see any reason for them not to hire me.

The salary will be lower at first obviously, but I know what I'm capable of proffesionally and I can bet that I will get promoted very fast.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 12:50 PM   #8
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The salary will be lower at first obviously, but I know what I'm capable of proffesionally and I can bet that I will get promoted very fast.

Why would you think the salary would initially be lower? Every time I changed jobs, except when I opened my own business, I made more money with each change or worked less hours. Don't sell yourself short.
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Old 25th September 2017, 3:43 AM   #9
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Why would you think the salary would initially be lower? Every time I changed jobs, except when I opened my own business, I made more money with each change or worked less hours. Don't sell yourself short.
Also don't move to a lower paying job and rely on fast advancement. No matter how good you are, circumstances beyond your control could prevent that from happening.
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Old 28th September 2017, 2:32 PM   #10
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If it's bothering you, better you look for other opportunities. I worked with my ex for a project (had daily interaction) and made a series of stupid choices which cost me my marriage. If your gut feeling says leave just leave. I didn't listen to mine and now I regret not taking the decision then.
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Old 28th September 2017, 7:17 PM   #11
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Update on the situation:

lately I been more calm for whatever reason.
yesterday I received a phone call from the company which I really want to get in. the women on the line made a phone interview,
later on she appointed a real interview on next Monday and sent me a lot of paper to fill.
I'm really excited because if I get the job it will be a major change in my life
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Old 28th September 2017, 8:00 PM   #12
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I splitted from my ex in 2004. He had started his own company and convinced me to join him, I did. Our relationship of 4 years ended no less than 6 months after I started working for him. I wanted to leave the company but he convinced me we could work together as exs and this was the challange of a life time. He convinced me.

Fast forward 14 years, yes it ended up being the professional challenge of my life and I am now VP of a major corporation. Would I do it again? No. Those first years working for him as exs were hell. It took me 3-4 years to get over our split because I kept on seeing him every day, not only did I have to see him but I had to work with him hand in hand in growing a company.

Now the company runs on its own, he is still my boss but I have not see him for years. I run my show in my city and his office in another city. I still think back I should have left back then.

Good luck with everything.
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