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Coworker advancing...


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Old 6th September 2017, 7:26 PM   #1
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Coworker advancing...

So I started working at a research company a few years ago now. So I have a coworker that started working with me a year and a half ago. We became friends right away and were very similar. Then... after working there awhile she was given a raise.... that I asked for for her basically a big one up to my level and I got a bit of an increase as well.*
Then..... recently she got promoted default to a similar position to mine and we were separated for work places. So. She recently fought for another raise and I never got one.*
Yes she has a lot of work to do... and she's stressed but I know way more about the job and have way more experience.*

I don't know I'm hurt and she was telling me for months she wanted a raise... and then she told me yesterday she got one... but management threatened her and said dont tell anyone or we will find out....*

I don't know I feel like ****... even though she's my friend. I've talked to my parents about it even but they're being jerks and not very understanding...
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Old 7th September 2017, 1:21 AM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krista28 View Post
So I started working at a research company a few years ago now. So I have a coworker that started working with me a year and a half ago. We became friends right away and were very similar. Then... after working there awhile she was given a raise.... that I asked for for her basically a big one up to my level and I got a bit of an increase as well.*
Then..... recently she got promoted default to a similar position to mine and we were separated for work places. So. She recently fought for another raise and I never got one.*
Yes she has a lot of work to do... and she's stressed but I know way more about the job and have way more experience.*

I don't know I'm hurt and she was telling me for months she wanted a raise... and then she told me yesterday she got one... but management threatened her and said dont tell anyone or we will find out....*

I don't know I feel like ****... even though she's my friend. I've talked to my parents about it even but they're being jerks and not very understanding...
It's understandable. Jealousy is pretty common in the professional world. If you intend to thrive in the research world, you will have to learn to cope with jealousy, or it will eat you alive. The stakes are small, the competition is fierce, and TBH pretty much everyone is top of their class and used to competing for top GPAs, grants, publications, and prestige.

She may be lying to subconsciously get to you, or if she is telling the truth, she may genuinely believe you have her best interest in mind. In my personal experience in the research world, I've found the latter is rarely the case. I intentionally do not tell most colleagues what I am working on as they will typically try to subtly undermined you.

I don't agree with a lot of Kissinger's beliefs, but he did have one quote (normally attributed to him) that rings very true.

"Academic politics are so vicious precisely because the stakes are so small"
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Old 7th September 2017, 1:25 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by krista28 View Post
So I started working at a research company a few years ago now. So I have a coworker that started working with me a year and a half ago. We became friends right away and were very similar. Then... after working there awhile she was given a raise.... that I asked for for her basically a big one up to my level and I got a bit of an increase as well.*
Then..... recently she got promoted default to a similar position to mine and we were separated for work places. So. She recently fought for another raise and I never got one.*
Yes she has a lot of work to do... and she's stressed but I know way more about the job and have way more experience.*

I don't know I'm hurt and she was telling me for months she wanted a raise... and then she told me yesterday she got one... but management threatened her and said dont tell anyone or we will find out....*

I don't know I feel like ****... even though she's my friend. I've talked to my parents about it even but they're being jerks and not very understanding...
So I am the Director of Operations at a good sized company, just so you know where I am coming from with this. A couple things:

- What does this person advancing have to do with your advancement or lack there of? Do they want it more? Are they just not afraid to go and ask for what they want?

-Why would you need to bring up your friend's raise if you went in and asked for your own?


It appears you are not confident enough in your sales pitch for the raise, or that you have a social anxiety that hampers your ability to go in and make such a pitch. Using another employee's raise/promotion as a reason for your own would be a non-starter with me.


I was taught very young "don't ask, don't get". The management fairy isn't going to just sprinkle the increased fixed labor cost over you if it is either unjustified or unprovoked. I love when my employees are afraid to ask. In fact I count on it.

Go after what you want, and good things will start to happen for you, if you deserve them. If you continue to blame management, co-workers, parents, whoever, for your lack of personal career growth, or anything else for that matter, you will be in the exact same spot you are now in 20 years time.

I climbed to the top in my late 20's on the back of people who were afraid to go have a conversation, similar to you. Don't be the step-stool. Break this personality flaw now, and it will pay dividends the rest of your life.

Last edited by Thatoneguy55; 7th September 2017 at 1:33 AM..
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Old 8th September 2017, 8:04 PM   #4
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Thank you

Thank you I will ask when the times right. It just sucks because honestly....
She was my friend and I kind of showed her everything she knows.... and then now we dont even talk... I still help her out because she cant do an ecg or blood draw...

Shes just using me it seems when I trusted her.
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Old 9th September 2017, 7:56 AM   #5
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She's apparently just better at playing the game than you are.

I'll wager she's a lot more pro-active at lobbying her superiors than you are.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease you know.
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Old 9th September 2017, 1:02 PM   #6
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Be careful of new people who instantly befriend you in the workplace. They may be fake friends and just using you to climb. You are who referred her for a raise to begin with, so there's no complaining about them further promoting her. In the workplace, you need to advocate for yourself when the time is right and tell them why you're the one for the job. Don't expect reciprocation from your friend. She may just be ambitious.
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