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So upset for firing an employee


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Old 8th August 2017, 3:46 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by Art_Critic View Post
I've never had any issues for firing or being part of a firing of someone who was let go for cause, the way I look at it is that once it gets to the point of a firing they have most likely been given multiple chances to right themselves and keep their job if they wanted it and honestly from what I have seen in my past they are already a cancer to the moral of the rest of the company.

The ones that have caused me the most grief, loss of sleep and generally anxiety throughout the years are the layoffs, while we haven't let many go for that reason we have had to do it, those are the people who are let go for no fault of their own, just business or in our case it was the economy.
You hope for the best in those cases and also do whatever you can to make sure they get unemployment benefits.
Thanks so much for taking the time to write, Iím really grateful for all of the lovely people here who have taken the time to message me.

I completely appreciate what youíre saying about the difference between layoffs and having to fire someone. It must be so awful to have your hand forced in letting go of someone due to redundancy as opposed to performance.

I think Iím starting to realise that even in the most obvious of situations, itís a tough process to go through and being able to trust your judgement is incredibly important.

Iíve spent some time today uncovering the mistakes that this ex-employee covered up for the past several months and itís much more severe than I even realised so Iím making peace with the fact that this was the right decision.
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Old 8th August 2017, 3:51 PM   #17
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It means you have a kind heart. That's why many companies hire jerks and *******s as managers because they don't hesitate to fire people and feel little to no remorse. Unfortunately managers do have to fire people from time to time. And you did the right thing. He was a bad employee. It's not your fault. It's his. Don't blame yourself. You have to get use to it and it will get easier over time. I would say learn to judge character so you avoid hiring bad employee as much as possible. I have a manager who is terrible at judging character so when I meet the new employee I could tell immediately, "oh this person is not going to last very long" and usually they get fired within a few weeks or they quit.
Thank you so much for this, itís really comforting to hear all of this and to know that the fact Iím feeling so terrible is in part because I donít want to hurt people. Iím quite sensitive and worry about people liking me but I know thatís not something that I can hold on to when trying to be a good manager. Itís such a clichť but I donít know that you can be liked and respected all of the time and perhaps something I need to work on is boundaries.

Iíve started to uncover just all of the mistakes this employee made while having to pick up some projects he was supposed to be managing and Iím realising just how much he got away with, perhaps because he thought I wouldnít question him on it. Itís a much calmer atmosphere in the office already and Iím hoping Iíll eventually be able to make peace with this. Thank you again for your kind words, they help a lot right now.
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Old 9th August 2017, 8:41 AM   #18
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You have to look at the flip side of the coin realistically. You are assuming that this person you fired is devastated by what you have done. Take a moment to think about how going to work every day must have felt like for him. It probably wasn't particularly fun either.

Some situations just don't work out, it's rarely the case where someone gets fired from a job they are loving anyway. It may be a job they need, but it still probably isn't the right job.
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Old 9th August 2017, 10:36 AM   #19
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The guy was given verbal and written warnings. He created drama and problems. You did your job. Some how you need to learn to detach and not take this in so deeply. I know it wasn't easy for you to let him go but you had no choice. A person can only be given so many chances and he screwed up by not learning from his mistakes.

Besides, him leaving is healthier for everybody else in the work place and that's what you need to focus on. You're a good boss and people respect you because you're compassionate and understanding.
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Old 9th August 2017, 3:07 PM   #20
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You have to look at the flip side of the coin realistically. You are assuming that this person you fired is devastated by what you have done. Take a moment to think about how going to work every day must have felt like for him. It probably wasn't particularly fun either.

Some situations just don't work out, it's rarely the case where someone gets fired from a job they are loving anyway. It may be a job they need, but it still probably isn't the right job.
I would have agreed with you but I came in to work today to hear that the ex-employee has been calling the office in tears and is now looking to seek legal action. He doesnít have a case against us as thereís a lot of evidence but Iím shaken that heís going to come after the org. I donít even know what the end game is as heís burnt so many bridges I canít imagine even if he did get his way heíd be welcomed back. Now not only am I just beginning to uncover just how little progress heís made on all of his projects, but heís also trying to get some sort of retribution. It really feels like this couldnít get any worseÖ
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Old 9th August 2017, 3:13 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by whichwayisup View Post
The guy was given verbal and written warnings. He created drama and problems. You did your job. Some how you need to learn to detach and not take this in so deeply. I know it wasn't easy for you to let him go but you had no choice. A person can only be given so many chances and he screwed up by not learning from his mistakes.

Besides, him leaving is healthier for everybody else in the work place and that's what you need to focus on. You're a good boss and people respect you because you're compassionate and understanding.
Thank you so much for saying so but itís gotten a bit more since I first posted as it sounds like he wants to go back and contest the dismissal. I really feel on edge and anxious already and I was really hoping to put this whole ordeal behind me but it looks like itís going to continue for awhile. Iím finding Iím overwhelmed with the work he didnít actually do which I need to cover now plus heís drawing out this process. Itís just been awful.
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Old 9th August 2017, 3:18 PM   #22
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Lots of people scream & cry that they are going to call a lawyer. Let him rant. It's probably just hot air.


If you have the documentation that he was fired for cause, you & your company will be fine.
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Old 10th August 2017, 2:30 AM   #23
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It was my first time firing an employeeóand as I delivered the news and watched him leave the building.

In fact, I learned three unexpected lessons that day, and itís influenced the way Iíve managed my team ever since.I expected that my life would instantly become easier. As it turns out, I was in for a pretty rough couple weeks. I had to immediately sort through all of his work and assign it to other members.
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Old 10th August 2017, 8:47 AM   #24
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I would have agreed with you but I came in to work today to hear that the ex-employee has been calling the office in tears and is now looking to seek legal action. He doesnít have a case against us as thereís a lot of evidence but Iím shaken that heís going to come after the org. I donít even know what the end game is as heís burnt so many bridges I canít imagine even if he did get his way heíd be welcomed back. Now not only am I just beginning to uncover just how little progress heís made on all of his projects, but heís also trying to get some sort of retribution. It really feels like this couldnít get any worseÖ
He has no case. His reaction to this justified firing is just proof you did the right thing.
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Old 10th August 2017, 3:06 PM   #25
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Thank you so much for saying so but itís gotten a bit more since I first posted as it sounds like he wants to go back and contest the dismissal. I really feel on edge and anxious already and I was really hoping to put this whole ordeal behind me but it looks like itís going to continue for awhile. Iím finding Iím overwhelmed with the work he didnít actually do which I need to cover now plus heís drawing out this process. Itís just been awful.

Just the fact you had to cover his work should have been proof enough you did the right thing.

I have been on both sides of this in my past. I have had to fire people that were my friends and I have been fired before...in fact more than once I have been canned. It is what it is.

I should qualify this by stating I eventually did have a physical confrontation about a year later with a former boss in front of his wife and kids at a social event that was kind of embarrassing to both of us but that is what happens sometime in chance encounters with people from your past. I've never been accused of being a real easygoing person, and have been described as a "Master Bridge Arsonist", so take what I say with a truckload of salt. lol

Usually when we are fired we immediately want to lash out and do anything we can to save some sort of face. But that is what HR is for...to handle these things, as it is part of their job description. The former employee will do whatever he can to make this process as difficult as possible simply because he can.

Don't let it get to you,. Part of being a boss is accepting you may have to do some unpopular and even some things you may find personally reprehensible. It goes with the job. You should not feel guilty, especially if the guy was not pulling his weight at only 3 months out. That's a sign of a problem employee.
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Old 10th August 2017, 3:49 PM   #26
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Lots of people scream & cry that they are going to call a lawyer. Let him rant. It's probably just hot air.


If you have the documentation that he was fired for cause, you & your company will be fine.
Iíve put together all the documentation I have from the last three months showing a lot of dropped projects and some I thought he was managing that were never started. Iím really beating myself up about the fact that I should have known earlier how much was being dropped but I guess if I had done any more than I was already doing I would have essentially been doing his job in its entirety. Itís a tough line to walk between not wanting to micromanage but still trusting a new employee and go on faith that theyíll do what they say they will.
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Old 10th August 2017, 3:54 PM   #27
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It was my first time firing an employeeóand as I delivered the news and watched him leave the building.

In fact, I learned three unexpected lessons that day, and itís influenced the way Iíve managed my team ever since.I expected that my life would instantly become easier. As it turns out, I was in for a pretty rough couple weeks. I had to immediately sort through all of his work and assign it to other members.
Yep Iím definitely experiencing that Ė it was anxiety at the dismissal then a small amount of relief muddled with guilt and now a quiet sense of panic as Iíve unpicked the sheer amount of work he let slide. I genuinely feel like Iíve lost three months of work I should have just been buckling down and doing myself. I essentially spent my entire workday managing this guy, calming down arguments with him and other members of staff, etc and that was with the expectation that he was actually doing the projects. But instead Iím just back to square one. I have to say in the past week Iíve felt my anxiety levels shoot through the roof. Itís really made me feel wrung out and ambivalent about the job which is a bit disappointing as I absolutely loved it when I startedÖ. How long did it take for things to return to ďnormalĒ or at least a better state than when the employee was there?
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Old 10th August 2017, 3:59 PM   #28
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Just the fact you had to cover his work should have been proof enough you did the right thing.

I have been on both sides of this in my past. I have had to fire people that were my friends and I have been fired before...in fact more than once I have been canned. It is what it is.

I should qualify this by stating I eventually did have a physical confrontation about a year later with a former boss in front of his wife and kids at a social event that was kind of embarrassing to both of us but that is what happens sometime in chance encounters with people from your past. I've never been accused of being a real easygoing person, and have been described as a "Master Bridge Arsonist", so take what I say with a truckload of salt. lol

Usually when we are fired we immediately want to lash out and do anything we can to save some sort of face. But that is what HR is for...to handle these things, as it is part of their job description. The former employee will do whatever he can to make this process as difficult as possible simply because he can.

Don't let it get to you,. Part of being a boss is accepting you may have to do some unpopular and even some things you may find personally reprehensible. It goes with the job. You should not feel guilty, especially if the guy was not pulling his weight at only 3 months out. That's a sign of a problem employee.
Thanks for this, itís helpful to hear from someone whoís come at the issue from both sides. I know this sounds anxious as I know how emotionally charged this can be that this guy might try doing something aggressive, either professionally or physically.

Itís an interesting experience to do both something I know is so traumatic for the person on the other side of the table but simultaneously the ďright move.Ē In no other forum other than the workplace are power differentials so clearly set out from the beginning and itís been really odd to interact with someone in a way that would be so uncharacteristic of me in any other settings.

It sounds like you felt a lot of anger at the time that you had your run-in with your ex-boss. Do you mind me asking how long its taken you to make peace with it?
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Old 10th August 2017, 4:07 PM   #29
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I think one important pre-requisite of being an effective leader is to be able to act tough when needed.

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Originally Posted by Veryconfused12345 View Post
Thanks for this, itís helpful to hear from someone whoís come at the issue from both sides. I know this sounds anxious as I know how emotionally charged this can be that this guy might try doing something aggressive, either professionally or physically.

Itís an interesting experience to do both something I know is so traumatic for the person on the other side of the table but simultaneously the ďright move.Ē In no other forum other than the workplace are power differentials so clearly set out from the beginning and itís been really odd to interact with someone in a way that would be so uncharacteristic of me in any other settings.

It sounds like you felt a lot of anger at the time that you had your run-in with your ex-boss. Do you mind me asking how long its taken you to make peace with it?
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Old 11th August 2017, 12:19 AM   #30
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Thanks for this, itís helpful to hear from someone whoís come at the issue from both sides. I know this sounds anxious as I know how emotionally charged this can be that this guy might try doing something aggressive, either professionally or physically.

Itís an interesting experience to do both something I know is so traumatic for the person on the other side of the table but simultaneously the ďright move.Ē In no other forum other than the workplace are power differentials so clearly set out from the beginning and itís been really odd to interact with someone in a way that would be so uncharacteristic of me in any other settings.

It sounds like you felt a lot of anger at the time that you had your run-in with your ex-boss. Do you mind me asking how long its taken you to make peace with it?
It was a long process. It was actually the straw that broke the camels back with my substance abuse and violence issues. That was the last time in my life I drank alcohol or did any narcotics, October 6, 1996. I went cold turkey and have not picked up a drink or a drug in over 20 years.

So in a way me making a total ass of myself was the best thing I ever did. It was the wakeup call I needed. I already had a pretty checkered past with a couple of stretches in Illinois' Finest Correctional Facilities and was probably headed for another visit as already having a record, I was not getting real prime employment. I had a lot of resentment built up over the years because I never wanted to look in the mirror at the monster I had become and never accepted that all of my problems were my doing alone.

The sad and scary thing about it was I actually looked for the opportunity to confront this guy after he had fired me. And it was nearly a year later when our paths crossed. I didn't even flinch that his family was with him. I had about 10 seconds to decide if I really wanted to make such an idiot out of myself in public...yep I sure did..went in with both barrels and it was like a bad episode of a Bravo show.

I have spent the last third of my life trying to atone in some way for the damage I caused so many people. It was not the first time I operated under the assumption that Violence was an acceptable method of dispute resolution among adults. It was however, the last.

On the other side of that coin, although I have been in a management position as well and have had to release people to their destiny, I realized along the way I myself really was not management material, as I seemed to rise to my level of incompetence every time I was promoted somewhere. So again I have been fired more than once...

I still feel you need not second guess yourself on this..again, when sit down and delve into what little the employee you canned accomplished, you'll soon see that had you not done it, someone else would have. I cannot stress enough that you have nothing to feel bad about.
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