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Work and marriage decision


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Old 19th July 2017, 8:07 AM   #1
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Work and marriage decision

Okay, LSers, I need some anonymous and dispassionate advice. I think I know the right thing, but I just need some validation.

I run a mid-sized company that I rescued from financial ruin about 10 years ago. It was my life's passion for a very long time. Lately, I've realized however that there is a lot more to life and that now I want the time to be with my husband and our families. Enter stage left: a job that would allow me to work from home, part-time making about what I make now. My husband, who is the most amazing man on earth to me, says its solely my decision but I do think he sees the pressure I'm under and would like me to take the job. Either way, he supports me.

So, what's the problem? I didn't rescue this company by myself. A lot of people played major roles along the way and a lot of people had faith in me even when I didn't. The guilt I feel about walking away from them is incredible. I'm also concerned about losing some of those friendships naturally when we don't work together anymore. For as much as the daily grind in the high-pressure world of a CEO is killing me, I also know that I'm an extrovert and worried about isolation.

If I could craft my dream job, it would be to do what I'm doing now just three days a week. That obviously isn't possible. This potential new job gets me down to four days a week, all from home and at significantly less pressure than I'm under now. I REALLY want to take the job, but how do I walk away from all of the people who helped me for so long. This feels like an incredibly selfish move. (FYI: the company is in a great place now in every area. If there was ever a time to leave, this would be it. On the flip side, when the rumor got out that I was being headhunted, two of my closest colleagues were tearful.)

HELP! In a lot of ways, this is a no-brainer. This would give us (my husband and I) such a better life, it seems like if my marriage is my priority over my job, I should be running towards this opportunity. Again, the guilt is killing me.
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Old 19th July 2017, 11:52 AM   #2
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I've operated a business since 2001. I've had partners and employees come and go. In 2011 I decided to leave my business partner and employees and go out on my own. It was a difficult decision because I knew I would miss the interaction with my partner and employees.

At the end of the day, you have to do what is best for you. You really do. I did feel guilty because I knew people might lose their jobs because of my decision, but, I had to make a decision that was best for me. I don't regret it. I'm much happier now. I have more freedom to do activities with my kids.

And, I have networked a great deal so if I have an issue or need to discuss something with a colleague, that person is just a phone call away. My concern about no longer having a connection with people was unfounded. You can always meet for lunch or dinner.

My sister left her job after 19 years for a work at home position. She makes a point of meeting certain former coworkers once a month to remain in touch.

Based on your post, you've made your decision. You need to let go of the guilt.
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Old 19th July 2017, 12:00 PM   #3
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I run a $25MM operation from my home....I am not sure why you couldn't split time between the office and a virtual office....this would settle both needs however if that can't be done, you need to decide which comes first your loyalty to the partners and employees or your family....that's what it boils down to isn't it?
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Old 19th July 2017, 1:15 PM   #4
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Thanks for the responses! By far, my family comes first but you are also right, I have to let go of the guilt. I want this for me as much as I want it for us, because it will dramatically slow my work pace and change my lifestyle.

Truly, thank you so much! I needed dispassionate strangers to tell me it was really okay.

- GG
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Old 19th July 2017, 3:43 PM   #5
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I was in a similar position 15 years ago when I left a job to do this one--from home with more time to be an actual, involved family member that didn't travel the globe/country. I literally prayed a lot for guidance for the best decision. It sounds like you know that answer already. I think women are somehow wired to have guilt when it's not necessary. I also would suggestyour true professional/personal friends will remain exactly that and be happy for you. Those that are not will be telling, which will make your work from home even more meaningful to know who your true friends and relationships are. As far as the isolation, working from home gives you the opportunity to get out there when you want it and need it--take it from someone who's done this for 15 years. It was fabulous for my marriage and my family in general, if that's your goal, too. It sounds like a good time to do this as well, as no one is being left in a financial lurch. Dispel the guilt and go for it! You've earned it. Congratulations.
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Old 20th July 2017, 11:08 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsSimpf View Post
I was in a similar position 15 years ago when I left a job to do this one--from home with more time to be an actual, involved family member that didn't travel the globe/country. I literally prayed a lot for guidance for the best decision. It sounds like you know that answer already. I think women are somehow wired to have guilt when it's not necessary. I also would suggestyour true professional/personal friends will remain exactly that and be happy for you. Those that are not will be telling, which will make your work from home even more meaningful to know who your true friends and relationships are. As far as the isolation, working from home gives you the opportunity to get out there when you want it and need it--take it from someone who's done this for 15 years. It was fabulous for my marriage and my family in general, if that's your goal, too. It sounds like a good time to do this as well, as no one is being left in a financial lurch. Dispel the guilt and go for it! You've earned it. Congratulations.
Your post hit the nail on the head! Thank you so much!!! I have about 10-15 years left to work and I want that to be at a slower pace and more family focused. You are so right about misplaced guilt. Now, I just have to plan my exit. Most CEOs give between three and six months' notice. I am thinking - due to timing issues - it will be about four and a half.

Thank you again!!!
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Old 23rd July 2017, 4:09 AM   #7
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Okay, last question. New employer offers incredible flexibility with start date. I was thinking of giving a 5 month notice then taking a month off in-between. I would be doing that to ease the pain of old employer. But, a lot of evidence out there is that organizations with a lame duck CEO actually suffer and notice time shouldn't be more than 3 months. So thinking of doing the shorter notice. T
Just rip off the bandaid and let everyone move on. Thoughts?
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Old 23rd July 2017, 8:36 AM   #8
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georgia girl, I say rip off the band aide!

Start that new phase of life ASAP!

I retired early (40) and I've loved every minute of it.


“I have accepted fear as part of life – specifically the fear of change... I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back....”
― Erica Jong
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Old 23rd July 2017, 10:22 AM   #9
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If you are an extrovert, I really doubt working from home would work for you. I mean, I work from home and I LOVE it. But I typically test about 90+% introverted in most personality tests...

Many of my extroverted friends cannot understand. They ask me how I "bear" the lack of social contact throughout the day. I ask them how they bear SO MUCH social contact for 40+ hours a week... But yeah, I think the suitability really depends on the person.

Is there truly no middle ground between "part time work from home" and "CEO working all the time with no time for family"? Perhaps a 3rd job's the charm?
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Old 23rd July 2017, 2:42 PM   #10
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You have to do what is right for you. I hope you are realistic, if you have kids, about how much work you can actually get done at home.

Why not sell the company you saved. If you don't own it, then it's the owner's problem. Either way give them a month if you can to job search and give them all good recommendations. If you want to go the extra mile, you might even hire a headhunter for the group.
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Old 27th July 2017, 6:42 PM   #11
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Thank you everyone for the replies! It was amazingly helpful to receive both the validation and the responses that challenged me to think a little bit harder. In the end, I am ready to go. It took me a year to get to this point (I was first approached about a year ago) and I have thought about the pros and cons almost too much. I have also dealt with the emotions of leaving - including the guilt - as well as some of the fears. This is absolutely the best choice for me.

I am now ready for my next chapter.
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Old 1st September 2017, 8:14 PM   #12
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Just a quick update. I took the job and am officially "semi retired"! Thank you all for the help. Guilt is hard and announcing it was as bad as I expected, but I am now on the other side and I am so excited for my new life.

Thank you!
GG
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Old 1st September 2017, 8:30 PM   #13
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Congratulations, GG! When do you begin your new job?
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Old 2nd September 2017, 6:51 AM   #14
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Thank you, LWP! Not until late winter. I am actually so lucky that I can take a few months off in-between jobs. I am so looking forward to the break and the new job.

There was a lot of emotion telling people but now that it's done, I can feel myself starting to relax.

GG
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Old 2nd September 2017, 6:53 AM   #15
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Well, keep us posted as you work through you new life and how you navigate keeping up with any professional and social relationships from your old life.
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