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How do I fight this attraction to a coworker?


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Old 7th July 2017, 11:41 PM   #1
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How do I fight this attraction to a coworker?

So lately I have been feeling an attraction to a coworker. We are cordial, if friendly with each other. She is a nice woman. However, lately I have been noticing the way I sometimes look at her. I know my limits in the way I look at her. I highly doubt that any of my fellow coworkers even have a clue about my attraction. So at least there is nothing that causes any awkwardness between us.

So what are some ways to fight the attraction?
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Old 8th July 2017, 6:22 AM   #2
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Why do you have to / want to fight the attraction? What happens if you give in?

That said, you use self talk -- remind yourself of all the reasons giving in is a bad idea & what is at stake if it doesn't go well
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Old 8th July 2017, 2:04 PM   #3
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Nothing is really at stake. In some ways I wouldn't mind pursuing it, but at the same time, I don't really feel like I want to because I don't want to cause any awkwardness.
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Old 8th July 2017, 2:33 PM   #4
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Good old fashioned self-control. Having sexual relationships in the work-place is really stupid.

The ability to generate options through other means makes it a choice, rather than a need. Obviously you have online dating, approaching people, extended social circle, etc.

When it's a choice, you can manage your risk better. And I find no reason to create any risks to my mental well-being at work ever again. Not worth it at all.
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Old 9th July 2017, 8:39 AM   #5
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Then don't "fight" the attraction. Simply enjoy the flirting or whatever but never act on it. Kind of a sad passive way to deal but it will prevent awkwardness.
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Old 28th July 2017, 5:45 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by E-Squared View Post
So lately I have been feeling an attraction to a coworker. We are cordial, if friendly with each other. She is a nice woman. However, lately I have been noticing the way I sometimes look at her. I know my limits in the way I look at her. I highly doubt that any of my fellow coworkers even have a clue about my attraction. So at least there is nothing that causes any awkwardness between us.

So what are some ways to fight the attraction?
Look it happens but it all comes down to...

A) Crushes and attraction pass.
B) Never s--t where you eat.
C) Enjoy her in your mind but nothing more.
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Old 6th August 2017, 9:22 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by E-Squared View Post
So lately I have been feeling an attraction to a coworker. We are cordial, if friendly with each other. She is a nice woman. However, lately I have been noticing the way I sometimes look at her. I know my limits in the way I look at her. I highly doubt that any of my fellow coworkers even have a clue about my attraction. So at least there is nothing that causes any awkwardness between us.

So what are some ways to fight the attraction?
When I got my first job out of college one of my workers had some sort of crush on me. I never noticed until a fellow worker said something to me.

I never thought about the gal. Pretty. Very Nice. Respectable in manners.

Work is work for me. Nothing more.

I dated a fellow intern in a college we were both working thinking that was ok. Bad idea. Buzzer ring....... Disaster...... But I have to say in college I dated a worker and we hung out ok, but I didnt see her daily on campus since I was always studying and working. We hung out on weekends mainly. Turned out to be a good friend but we never slept together. At most we held hands.
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Old 7th August 2017, 1:23 AM   #8
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I have work crushes now and then but having seen relationships between colleagues go into car crash mode I can easily keep a reign on any crushes.

Not only that but there's two ladies in my team (one older, one younger than me) who are often introduced to new staff as 'The Gossips' - and they are!
Nothing that anyone says to them in private stays private and it's always up for open debate.
They actually cannot handle it if they become aware someone is going through a personal issue and they don't know all of the details. They actively squirm and make blunt attempts to get to the bottom of it whilst feigning concern.
No personal issue is ever dropped either - it's always something to try to find out - months or years later.

So for me, any work crush is just a crush, stays private and stays a crush until it wears off.
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Old 7th August 2017, 7:31 AM   #9
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My parents met at work, but I would never consider dating a coworker. Workplace romance used to be a lot more common but high profile sexual harassment scandals and online dating have made it somewhat taboo. It can be tempting to look for romance at the office because that's where we spend most of our time once we're no longer in college, but more often than not it leads to unpleasant human resources issues such as when a person misinterprets attraction when their advances are really not welcome. Another thing is to recognize that just because you both work the same place doesn't mean you have anything in common outside of that.

Last edited by Redguitar35; 7th August 2017 at 7:43 AM..
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Old 8th August 2017, 4:07 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by E-Squared View Post
So lately I have been feeling an attraction to a coworker. We are cordial, if friendly with each other. She is a nice woman. However, lately I have been noticing the way I sometimes look at her. I know my limits in the way I look at her. I highly doubt that any of my fellow coworkers even have a clue about my attraction. So at least there is nothing that causes any awkwardness between us.

So what are some ways to fight the attraction?
Do your job and go home. Your not paid to look at fellow workers and ga-ga the day away.

I had a woman at work like me but I never noticed until another worker told me.....Even then I didnt respond. My boss pays me to work not play pookie-pookie with a fellow worker and deal with any baggage that may follow or come into play.

Just me.
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Old 8th August 2017, 4:20 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by E-Squared View Post
So lately I have been feeling an attraction to a coworker. We are cordial, if friendly with each other. She is a nice woman. However, lately I have been noticing the way I sometimes look at her. I know my limits in the way I look at her. I highly doubt that any of my fellow coworkers even have a clue about my attraction. So at least there is nothing that causes any awkwardness between us.

So what are some ways to fight the attraction?
Hi there,

I am also dealing with the same thing. Problem is him and I are married.
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Old 25th August 2017, 10:10 PM   #12
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I have not only dated but had sex with two co-workers and rejected two others. It never ends well. In one case the girl I broke up with quit and in the other, I asked for a transfer. My boss has an affair with a co-worker on a high level and the guy ended up quitting once they broke up.

I advise others not to do it because it seldom ends well.
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