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It just keeps getting worse..


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Old 11th June 2017, 11:20 AM   #1
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It just keeps getting worse..

This is basically an update of an old thread but I could use some advice.

Last fall, a co-worker would pop into my room and hint at hanging out. I gave her my number and asked her out. I never heard from her and it didn't bother me and I didn't treat her any differently at work. However, she became stand-offish afterward and I broke the ice at work several times just to keep things from being tense. She drank too much at the staff Christmas party and started hitting on me but I tactfully avoided her as nothing good would come out of it. Once again, things became weird at work but I calmed things down before they became a storm..

Since then, her and I have chatted quite a bit and have been friendly. She was even texting me here and there but I have never asked her out again. A bunch of us went out fishing last weekend and one of my co-workers invited her to come with. I figured she would decline as she has said that she doesn't want to be seen with male co-workers as she "doesn't want to give people the wrong impression..". Well, my co-workers and I had a lot of fun fishing and several of us sent her a pic of the fish that we caught (she loves fishing..) and she has been an absolute witch at work ever since. She is passive aggressive, rude, and I get the feeling she has been talking about me behind my back. Several of my female co-workers have been weird with me all week as well.. I walked into her office last week to ask a work related question and she was in there with two other female co-workers. The conversation completely ended when I walked in (uncomfortable dead-silence...) and she was short with her response to my question.

I am a teacher and school is out for the summer but I am working for the maintenance crew. She works in the school office and we have the same hours. At this point, I have been avoiding her like the plague but I am getting frustrated. I can't even eat lunch with the rest of the staff if she is around as they are acting very odd. I am pretty close with one of these other people as she and I are both teachers and work closely with one another throughout the year. She barely said a single word to me last week when we used to chat continually.

So, I am pretty angry right now and am truly trying not to be reactive..With that being said, I am almost tempted to talk to our superintendent about the situation but I don't know how much good it will do. He knows her well and knows she has a big mouth and maybe he can put an end to it. I certainly will not approach her about it on my own as apparently ONE conversation about going out nearly a year ago and ONE text message last week is enough for her to cause drama.

I have been letting this sh-t blow over all year long but it just keeps popping back up, again and again. And, now it is affecting my professional relationship with other staff members..
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Old 11th June 2017, 10:57 PM   #2
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Have you asked any of your co-workers what the deal is? If their attitude towards you has changed that obviously then you wouldn't be being unreasonable to just casually ask if everything's OK. It sounds as though she's inflated your interest in her in her head and is now angry because you didn't have enough interest to pursue her, so it's possible that she has been bagging you to other people. This is usually how people act when they've slept with someone, not just had a couple of conversations and a few laughs. On the other hand, if she's got the Narcissism thing going on then she would be fuming that you didn't pursue her and there's no telling what she'd be saying about you. But, for sure, if it's so noticeable that it's upsetting you at work I'd be wanting an explanation, and if she has been badmouthing you then I'd be having a chat to your superintendent because she could be saying anything - she could be saying stuff that could get you into trouble.

Last edited by MsJayne; 11th June 2017 at 10:59 PM..
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Old 12th June 2017, 5:41 PM   #3
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Have you asked any of your co-workers what the deal is? If their attitude towards you has changed that obviously then you wouldn't be being unreasonable to just casually ask if everything's OK. It sounds as though she's inflated your interest in her in her head and is now angry because you didn't have enough interest to pursue her, so it's possible that she has been bagging you to other people. This is usually how people act when they've slept with someone, not just had a couple of conversations and a few laughs. On the other hand, if she's got the Narcissism thing going on then she would be fuming that you didn't pursue her and there's no telling what she'd be saying about you. But, for sure, if it's so noticeable that it's upsetting you at work I'd be wanting an explanation, and if she has been badmouthing you then I'd be having a chat to your superintendent because she could be saying anything - she could be saying stuff that could get you into trouble.
I did ask her if she was alright last week and got an abrupt, "I'm fine." I tried to strike up conversation and she was not interested in talking to me.. Things have really done a 180 in this regard. The week before, we had several polite conversations and she continues to have these kinds of conversations with the rest of the staff. Just not with me.

I really don't know what is going on with her at this point. She said she didn't want to date anyone from work and I respect that. I doubt she can say anything to the superintendent to get me in trouble as he knows the both of us well. I'm polite, friendly with the staff and keep to myself. She, on the other hand, runs her mouth about her own personal life and the personal lives of others at times. To be blunt, I never would have asked her out had I gotten to know her better as she doesn't have a "brain to mouth filter". People know that I asked her out last fall (small community) and quite a few folks commented on her behavior at the holiday party. I ended those subjects quickly and politely.

She is gone this week and I am hoping things settle down. I had a good day with my colleagues and I am thinking things will return to normal by the time she gets back. I still don't know if talking to the superintendent about it would do any good, especially given that there's not much she can say to paint me in a bad light.. At least not without making herself look bad. And, he is a 60 year-old Good Ol' Boy (misogynist..) that will be p-ssed as hell if he thinks she is causing problems. He could end up jumping her over it pretty hard which could make the situation worse.
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Old 12th June 2017, 5:49 PM   #4
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Isn't this the woman from your old thread who you were trying to avoid? If so, you seem like the one who did a 180, since you asked her out. What happened?
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Old 12th June 2017, 7:53 PM   #5
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Isn't this the woman from your old thread who you were trying to avoid? If so, you seem like the one who did a 180, since you asked her out. What happened?
There's two women at work; one that is going through a divorce and the one I am referring to in this thread. I haven't had any contact with the divorcee in quite awhile as that is a COMPLETE nightmare.

I had been avoiding this other gal but she started showing up in my room again sometime in the early spring. We'd just have friendly chats and she would go on her way. She did start shooting me texts but I gave short, polite responses. I did start keeping my distance from her at the end of the school year as she came in one afternoon and divulged some seriously sensitive information about another co-worker. Again, she's a gossip.
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Old 12th June 2017, 8:34 PM   #6
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oh, I see. wow, the attitude of people there sounds like a pain. I'm not sure how to go about this situation, as going to a superintendent sounds extreme. also, I can't stand "good ol' boys" and the guy would probably get on me for going to him. But if you're cool with him, and the problem persists long enough, maybe you should consider at least asking him about it.
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Old 12th June 2017, 9:12 PM   #7
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You said you'd been letting the situation play out for about a year? I was going to tell you to let it play out until i read that. But, still, I think I'd let it play out. Everyone knows who you are and who she is. I always say, "Act in such a way that no one will believe what she's saying..." Sounds as if you already have been, so good on you!

I always pray about everything which helps me cope and seems to often shed light on or change the situation.

There have been times I could swear I have correctly evaluated a social situation. There will be many pieces to the situation and they all seem to fit. Only to find out later the pieces are shaped totally differently than what I'd imagined and I've been glad I have waited and prayed about the situation rather than to have further complicated the relationship.

Last edited by LivingWaterPlease; 12th June 2017 at 10:47 PM..
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Old 13th June 2017, 5:34 PM   #8
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oh, I see. wow, the attitude of people there sounds like a pain. I'm not sure how to go about this situation, as going to a superintendent sounds extreme. also, I can't stand "good ol' boys" and the guy would probably get on me for going to him. But if you're cool with him, and the problem persists long enough, maybe you should consider at least asking him about it.
We will see what happens when she gets back next week. To be honest, everyone around there can be gossipy and nosey so this I suppose this shouldn't surprise me much.

The superintendent is a good guy but I get the strong feeling he will come down on her hard if I go to him.. And that could make things worse in the long run as I will have actually given her something to run her mouth about then. Right now, anything she is saying will come across as childish and immature after awhile. I get along well with my co-workers, I don't run my mouth and am easy to be around. So... Time will just have to tell.

My fishing buddies invited her to go out with us again this weekend though. I doubt she'll join us (I sincerely hope not...) but I'm not going to bag on my fishing plans because of her and the attitude. That will prove to be interesting.
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Old 14th June 2017, 2:36 PM   #9
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Dating co-workers is always a big mistake. It causes far too many problems
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Old 14th June 2017, 5:37 PM   #10
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Dating co-workers is always a big mistake. It causes far too many problems
Yes, yes it does...

This is the first time since my teens that I have asked a co-worker out. I am certainly glad she didn't take me up on my offer as it would have ended badly and then things at work even uglier.

I could see this kind of behavior if I had been pushy about anything or acted badly when she opted not to date me. But, this has been a ludicrous situation, all around.

Things have been good around work without her there and I think they'll continue that way when she's back. I spent my day working with the teacher colleague of mine and we're back to normal.

I am finding a strange pattern of behavior around here. I live in a small town in a rural community and single women are few and far between. They get a ton of attention from the single guys in the area and it seems to go to some of their heads. This is particularly true with this woman. I do think she was a bit put off by the fact that I rejected her advances at the staff party. And, after thinking about the situation, I figured that she started popping into my room again and texting me when she found out I was dating someone. So, it is certainly strange behavior, one way or another.
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