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My Male Friend Co Worker Is Back


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Old 12th December 2016, 6:14 PM   #16
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I feel for you because I'm going through something similar, but it just hasn't been going on for as long as yours has and we haven't been that vocal. My advice is to get out before you get hurt any worse. You guys can still be friends, but in the future...and if you can ever truly accept him as just a friend (I know you want more). You need to distance yourself to clear your head and not let yourself fall for him any further. In that time, if he breaks up with his gf and you revisit your friendship and hit it off still, great. As it stands right now, though, he's in a committed relationship, even if it is an unhappy one. Until that changes, there will be no room for you. You deserve better than to be strung along just so he can have the both of you.
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Old 14th December 2016, 10:57 PM   #17
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Thank you for your response.

Hopefully he'll leave me be so I can heal from our friendship. He keeps walking through that proverbial door I try to keep closed.
No, guaranteed he won't leave you alone. Some people are like that - they thrive on the attention and flattery. You're gonna have to be the one to ignore him and walk away.

Be careful, next thing he'll be filing false sexual harassment charges against you...People are funny, just when you think they're ok/cool.
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Old 14th December 2016, 10:58 PM   #18
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I feel for you because I'm going through something similar, but it just hasn't been going on for as long as yours has and we haven't been that vocal. My advice is to get out before you get hurt any worse. You guys can still be friends, but in the future...and if you can ever truly accept him as just a friend (I know you want more). You need to distance yourself to clear your head and not let yourself fall for him any further. In that time, if he breaks up with his gf and you revisit your friendship and hit it off still, great. As it stands right now, though, he's in a committed relationship, even if it is an unhappy one. Until that changes, there will be no room for you. You deserve better than to be strung along just so he can have the both of you.
Agreed...

He doesn't deserve to have you as his workplace distraction - while he goes home to his gf every day.

Tell him that it's over, and the day he's single, to look you up.
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Old 15th December 2016, 12:31 AM   #19
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Thank you!
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Old 15th December 2016, 10:09 AM   #20
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Some people are like that - they thrive on the attention and flattery.
Some people, like those with narcissistic personality disorder, require attention and flattery simply to survive day in, day out. The attention doesn't even have to be positive, it just has to be there.

Great call on the OM possibly turning on OP and filing workplace sexual harassment charges.

OP, if this guy is playing any kind of head-games with you, I'd take it as a sign he may be disordered in some way.

Trust a veteran, you don't ever, ever wanna go down that road.

100% Ninja-style NO CONTACT is all you can do. Cut the supply.

All the best.
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Old 17th December 2016, 4:23 PM   #21
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Judging by him side-stepping you and your direct text, he isn't interested in enough of a relationship to feel obligated to correspond back and forth, even. He totally does not want to deal with you on this level, so he's not. Save your self-respect and just stop talking to him unless you have to.

And remember, men are sexually curious about nearly every woman you meet and it is NO indicator of true interest just because they wouldn't mind seeing what you would do to them in bed.
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Old 20th December 2016, 8:03 AM   #22
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Judging by him side-stepping you and your direct text, he isn't interested in enough of a relationship to feel obligated to correspond back and forth, even. He totally does not want to deal with you on this level, so he's not. Save your self-respect and just stop talking to him unless you have to.

And remember, men are sexually curious about nearly every woman you meet and it is NO indicator of true interest just because they wouldn't mind seeing what you would do to them in bed.
That's a pretty broad brush stroke there lol.

Op, could be you are a fallback plan should his relationship with the gf now work out?
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Old 20th December 2016, 8:27 AM   #23
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I would never be someone's side chick or anyone's seconds.

I respect my friend's relationship and actually side with his girlfriend on their issue.

I've been cheated on and it doesn't feel good. But it doesn't feel good to have our friendship left like this either.

I guess I'll close the door again and this time leave it shut permanently. No matter how much he begs me. Everything happens for a reason... maybe it's for the best.

Thank you everyone for your feedback. It helps.

If he responds to my text messages I'll come back to update. In the meanwhile I've blocked him from contacting me through online chats.
You keep talking about this "friendship" you want to nourish with him yet you know he already has a gf. Do you plan to be friends with her as well? If not, you are fooling yourself, you want more than his friendship. If you really want to be his friend that would include inviting his gf to these functions of your milestone celebrations. Some guys just get off on girls they work with crushing on them. It adds excitement to their day. When the day is over they go home to their wives/gfs and use that energy. This is probably why he took his own sweet time to answer your text with nothing really meaningful to say.
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Old 1st April 2017, 3:30 PM   #24
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My Male Friend Co Worker Is Back

My friend from work has returned back into my life. We are both attracted to each other, but I had to sever our ties because I caught feelings. He has a girlfriend and wasn't planning on leaving her anytime soon.

My question is, he isn't pranking' now he wants back in. This time for me it'll be different. I'm not going to catch feelings for him again. I don't know the status of his relationship. Will it be a smart move to invite him over? He's been practically begging me to allow him to come over. This will be just as two friends hanging out and nothing more. I've been dreaming of this opportunity for a long time.
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Old 1st April 2017, 3:49 PM   #25
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My friend from work has returned back into my life. We are both attracted to each other, but I had to sever our ties because I caught feelings. He has a girlfriend and wasn't planning on leaving her anytime soon.

My question is, he isn't pranking' now he wants back in. This time for me it'll be different. I'm not going to catch feelings for him again. I don't know the status of his relationship. Will it be a smart move to invite him over? He's been practically begging me to allow him to come over. This will be just as two friends hanging out and nothing more. I've been dreaming of this opportunity for a long time.
Sure, but what are you going to do if his situation hasn't changed?
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Old 1st April 2017, 3:53 PM   #26
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Imagine a friend of yours is asking you this. Does it sound like a good idea?

No. Of course it doesn't. Find someone who is available.
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Old 1st April 2017, 4:04 PM   #27
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My friend from work has returned back into my life. We are both attracted to each other, but I had to sever our ties because I caught feelings. He has a girlfriend and wasn't planning on leaving her anytime soon.

My question is, he isn't pranking' now he wants back in. This time for me it'll be different. I'm not going to catch feelings for him again. I don't know the status of his relationship. Will it be a smart move to invite him over? He's been practically begging me to allow him to come over. This will be just as two friends hanging out and nothing more. I've been dreaming of this opportunity for a long time.
100% honestly...you are talking out of both sides of your mouth. Contradictory statements abound in your paragraphs above. and i bet if you kept explaining it would be more. You still like him. First step is to be honest with yourself.
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Old 1st April 2017, 4:20 PM   #28
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You say you won't "catch feelings for him again."

Too late! The feelings are already there!

Getting involved with a coworker is already a slippery slope. Don't pee where you eat. Second, I'm assuming this man is no longer involved with this girlfriend, so I question if the timing is right due to rebound, as far as things go for you...you don't want to be the rebound.

You don't know for sure if the girlfriend is out of the picture.

I'm really leaning in the direction of NO on this one. You don't really know his status, and while you state you won't get caught up in the feelings, you will, and you know you will. I would. Let's be realistic.

Assuming he is unattached, you are free to pursue this, but consider the fact he's a coworker.

You state "just friends," but I really don't see that happening. You posted on a dating forum, so you clearly have feelings, and you've been "dreaming of this opportunity." I think you should not "poke the bear" by playing the "friends" game. If you socialize with your coworkers, you can socialize in a group, but one-on-one is probably not the best idea...at least know for sure if he still has a girlfriend first...also consider your coworker status and if it's a good idea to get involved.

We all know it won't be "just friends."
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Old 1st April 2017, 7:25 PM   #29
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What gives is he has a girlfriend he loves and he doesn't want to mess that up by encouraging a woman who he knows is romantically interested in him. Be merciful and just leave him alone until and unless he leaves this woman, which it doesn't sound like he plans to do.
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Old 1st April 2017, 7:30 PM   #30
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Thank you all who posted. I totally agree and understand the entanglement of this sticky situation.

Yes I am very much attracted to him and yes he may still be with his girlfriend. What's changed is my acceptance of his situation and I'm totally happy for him. I don't want to lose his friendship again.

He is a truly a great friend to me and I'm of need of someone to be in my corner right now. He fits the bill. I am the firm believer of you don't get your honey where you get your money concept and that's in the front of my mind. Plus I'm planning on leaving my job for a big promo soon.

I'm going to tread lightly with this situation and prayerfully stay strong.
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