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Professor/Student Situation....What are we?


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Old 12th April 2017, 12:25 PM   #46
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I can't say for sure whether this man is a creep or predator.

But, jeez, he sure is an idiot.

OP, you're too close to the sitch to see it, but your postings are pretty inconsistent. You were close to obsessing about him, but now that he's reciprocated you're trying to downplay your interest (you don't want anything exclusive etc) as well as argue that, well, maybe this could be different from your run of the mill prof/student encounter.

As I said, I don't know the first thing about this guy's character, but he has shown exceptionally poor judgment in his interactions with you.

I am not sure how open you are to the various cautions being thrown at you in these replies. So how about this. Now that you know that he's interested, so there's no harm in waiting until you're done with his class to pursue things.

Right?
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Old 12th April 2017, 12:35 PM   #47
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anna121 View Post
I can't say for sure whether this man is a creep or predator.

But, jeez, he sure is an idiot.

OP, you're too close to the sitch to see it, but your postings are pretty inconsistent. You were close to obsessing about him, but now that he's reciprocated you're trying to downplay your interest (you don't want anything exclusive etc) as well as argue that, well, maybe this could be different from your run of the mill prof/student encounter.

As I said, I don't know the first thing about this guy's character, but he has shown exceptionally poor judgment in his interactions with you.

I am not sure how open you are to the various cautions being thrown at you in these replies. So how about this. Now that you know that he's interested, so there's no harm in waiting until you're done with his class to pursue things.

Right?
Right. And I plan on it.

As far as downplaying, being initially obsessed, etc... Well, these things just don't happen everyday; contrary to popular belief. Obsessing over a professor in secret? Sure. Having him actually be interested in return? Not so much. I was doubting it; I didn't want to misread things, say something slightly off, and him immediately reject it. That'd ruin the class or me, maybe even my grade. I was more so obsessing over the details and what everyone took from his actions, so that I could then decide if I was actually seeing things for what they were, if he was as interested as I thought. So basically, "Was I going nuts or did this dude actually flirt back?" kind of thing. Secondly, I've spent so much time trying to downplay it and explain the details to avoid the typical "He's a creep comments." I might be a tad naive, but not enough to be unable to recognize that this guy was a total pedo. Likewise, he's only about 7 or so years older. Now that he's for sure made some sort of bold move that I don't have to constantly decipher and wonder what the meant from it, I've found myself just... well, downplaying. So that I can truly figure out where this going, where I want it to go, where he wants it go...Not really sure what else to say regarding that. I didn't think anything would actually go down and now I'm here.
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Old 12th April 2017, 3:59 PM   #48
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Well, these things just don't happen everyday; contrary to popular belief. Take my word for it, the popular belief in this case is very real. I'm saying it from a position of someone that spent 12+ years doing various degrees, so I've seen A LOT of flirting between students and professors. Yes, more times the students are in love, professors are teasing (aka reciprocating) but the interest and activity is from both ends.

I've seen a plethora of scenarios, including the prof. marrying the student or cheating on his wife with her, but honestly, in the majority of scenarios the heartbroken and hurt one is the student.

Age difference: it is not drastic. It is the position. Why don't you date older guys online? There are so many single men in 25-28 years range that you're attracted to... I feel like here you're getting a bit excited from the forbidenness of the situation.

In any case... Since you're waiting for the end of the semester anyway, you can try seeing if he'll take action and date him if so. But with all honesty, I think it is unlikely to work out.
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Old 18th April 2017, 7:50 PM   #49
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Cont'd...

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Originally Posted by No_Go View Post
Well, these things just don't happen everyday; contrary to popular belief. Take my word for it, the popular belief in this case is very real. I'm saying it from a position of someone that spent 12+ years doing various degrees, so I've seen A LOT of flirting between students and professors. Yes, more times the students are in love, professors are teasing (aka reciprocating) but the interest and activity is from both ends.

I've seen a plethora of scenarios, including the prof. marrying the student or cheating on his wife with her, but honestly, in the majority of scenarios the heartbroken and hurt one is the student.

Age difference: it is not drastic. It is the position. Why don't you date older guys online? There are so many single men in 25-28 years range that you're attracted to... I feel like here you're getting a bit excited from the forbidenness of the situation.

In any case... Since you're waiting for the end of the semester anyway, you can try seeing if he'll take action and date him if so. But with all honesty, I think it is unlikely to work out.

Just a quick update for anybody who is still browsing this thread... (and not completely annoyed with me yet, lol)

The last class of the semester is this coming Monday, so only days away. I had his class a few nights ago.. and I didn't know what to expect, considering he gave me his number the last time we spoke. And as I said, the text conversation was very short and nothing out of the ordinary. He stopped answering after one of my replies. (it was normal, I didn't say anything to sway him away, I think he's just conflicted and realized we still had two more weeks and he'd given his number out, lol). But, anyways, he acted completely normal in class. If anything, more reserved than usual and was simply observing me and waiting for me to chat or say anything. I did a few times, just some normal small talk/banter. I keep overthinking things and wondering why he hasn't texted since he offered his number, asked if he could trust me, and then haven't heard a thing. I don't want anything to happen until the semester is over, I guess it's just difficult when things can't really be expressed between the two of us right now and I'm left wondering where is head is at. I'm excited, and nervous, to see what happens after the last class Monday.

Additionally, I looked of my school's policy, and it reads "All sexual relationships between students and faculty/staff are strongly discouraged. Further, no faculty or staff member shall have an amorous relationship (consensual or otherwise) with a student who is enrolled in a course being taught by the faculty member or whose work is being supervised, evaluated, or otherwise similarly impacted by the faculty or staff member."

I won't have him anymore, nor will I be taking any courses in his department after Monday.
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Old 30th April 2017, 3:38 PM   #50
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Another update!

Quote:
Originally Posted by avamarie View Post
Just a quick update for anybody who is still browsing this thread... (and not completely annoyed with me yet, lol)

The last class of the semester is this coming Monday, so only days away. I had his class a few nights ago.. and I didn't know what to expect, considering he gave me his number the last time we spoke. And as I said, the text conversation was very short and nothing out of the ordinary. He stopped answering after one of my replies. (it was normal, I didn't say anything to sway him away, I think he's just conflicted and realized we still had two more weeks and he'd given his number out, lol). But, anyways, he acted completely normal in class. If anything, more reserved than usual and was simply observing me and waiting for me to chat or say anything. I did a few times, just some normal small talk/banter. I keep overthinking things and wondering why he hasn't texted since he offered his number, asked if he could trust me, and then haven't heard a thing. I don't want anything to happen until the semester is over, I guess it's just difficult when things can't really be expressed between the two of us right now and I'm left wondering where is head is at. I'm excited, and nervous, to see what happens after the last class Monday.

Additionally, I looked of my school's policy, and it reads "All sexual relationships between students and faculty/staff are strongly discouraged. Further, no faculty or staff member shall have an amorous relationship (consensual or otherwise) with a student who is enrolled in a course being taught by the faculty member or whose work is being supervised, evaluated, or otherwise similarly impacted by the faculty or staff member."

I won't have him anymore, nor will I be taking any courses in his department after Monday.

SO, update on the situation:

Finished up my last class with him (and all of my classes, with the exception of two exams un-related to him at the end of this coming week). I kept my word as the past few weeks and remaining classes played out; minimal flirting, didn't bother texting him even though I had his number. He has mine, as well, now, and did not bother either. I think he saw an opportunity to give it, then realized we still had two weeks, and was probably like "****, bad call." Luckily, I picked up on it and agreed and that was that. Anyways, once my final exam was in his TA's hand and all was said and done, I figured there was no harm in shooting him a text that night just to let him know I was in fact interested. I haven't really given him any indication that I am, if I'm honest. Been very around the bush about it when he's made hints. So, i say "Am I gonna hear from you after tonight?" he answers a little later in the night, saying "Did you want to?" I tell him I did, as long as it was something he wanted. He doesn't answer for a few days. I'm busy finishing up finals work, so I let it be. He knows how I feel now, so I didn't want to stress myself over a grown man not replying immediately. Later in the week, Thursday, I'm winding down from a long night out and he texts in the middle of the night, responding to my last response. He says, "I do. Just have to wait until final grades are in. Conflict of interest situation." I'm shocked, because that is the first time he has even acknowledged that. With that being said, I liked hearing it. He has some sense after all, everyone!I tell him understandable, and to just let me know when that final date is, because I wasn't clear on it. We shoot a few more texts back and forth about possible dates before he checks the calendar to find it's this coming Friday. I tell him right before he gives me that info that Friday is my dorm move out day. However, I didn't tell him that I can push it to the next saturday around lunch time. I tell him once again to just let me know, that I wouldn't do anything to get him in trouble. He makes a joke about how he appreciates that, but he has a feeling I'm trouble regardless. I make a joke back and that was that; no more texts. It was about 1am, and this was quite a few days ago. So, now my situation is this: I want to see him before I leave for the summer. I will no doubt be back in my college city throughout the summer, but no definite dates, and if I do, I'd be staying with friends.. and excuses will run dry after a while. HIS grades, individually, are already in. Friday is just the overall due date. If we did anything, it probably wouldn't even be downtown. I wanted to shoot him a text tonight, like he did the other night at a late hour, something along the lines of "so, I can't see you before Friday, then?" to kind of make it more clear that I want to see him before I head out. Opinions?
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Old 30th April 2017, 5:10 PM   #51
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Seems like if he was wanting to go out with her, he wouldn't have insisted on her enrolling in another of his classes. Because as long as she's his student, he can't go out with her legally.
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Old 30th April 2017, 5:13 PM   #52
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You should let him know when you're leaving town. He may not have considered that.
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