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Professor/Student Situation....What are we?


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Old 30th March 2017, 1:31 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by Simple Logic View Post
Hopefully this prof. knows dating a student is a no no.
OP, If you're wondering what's going on in his mind it's this


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNIZofPB8ZM
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Old 30th March 2017, 2:20 PM   #17
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It sounds to me like this guy is enjoying and sometimes encouraging the flattering flirtatiousness from a very young student, but does not wish to actually date you. Things a m to have fallen off the instant you two were actually going to meet up that one time. To me that says a lot.

He's flattered and has no clue how to keep boundaries but he isn't interested in pursuing n anything.

The short responses aren't him acting tough, they are his attempts at distance any time you get too intense.

By the way, the TA could be his type. You don't know what his type is.

Honestly this whole thing is kind of inappropriate, IMO. He may have finally realized that too. He thought he was just having fun but then attempted plans started being made and all of a sudden he realized that duh, this is his job, his paycheck. I believe there are rules about this sort of thing.
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Old 30th March 2017, 2:29 PM   #18
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Does this man have anything to do with your grade for that class? Do you know what the school's policy is on professors engaging in intimate relationships with students? My guess is that it's forbidden. Him flirting with you is on the precipice of this policy.

If so, you need to leave this alone. This is an actionable offense for him getting fired if it gets out and it will get out--don't be so sure no one hasn't noticed the in-class flirting yet. The TA may begin to put 2 and 2 together if you two forget yourselves and engage in the flirting. If you're emailing him on the school's email system, understand that their IT department can go into his emails at any time and if they see these correspondences between you and him, that's ammunition against him.

Leave the school and pursue him if you like him that much. Otherwise, stop all of this.

Last edited by kendahke; 30th March 2017 at 2:35 PM..
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Old 30th March 2017, 2:47 PM   #19
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Does this man have anything to do with your grade for that class? Do you know what the school's policy is on professors engaging in intimate relationships with students? My guess is that it's forbidden. Him flirting with you is on the precipice of this policy.

If so, you need to leave this alone. This is an actionable offense for him getting fired if it gets out and it will get out--don't be so sure no one hasn't noticed the in-class flirting yet. The TA may begin to put 2 and 2 together if you two forget yourselves and engage in the flirting. If you're emailing him on the school's email system, understand that their IT department can go into his emails at any time and if they see these correspondences between you and him, that's ammunition against him.

Leave the school and pursue him if you like him that much. Otherwise, stop all of this.

So far, he's the most laid back lab professor for the subject. Meaning, I have other friends with different professor and they're all doing poorly. This man curves assignments, drops quizzes, etc. My grade is as fairly observed as any. It's a Gen Ed class and my second semester in it, also meaning I won't have any reason to take another science class, (in other words, no student ties to him after this semester ends-which is in three week.) You are right about the IT email situation, it's something I (shockingly enough) haven't given much thought too. I guess because we haven't DIRECTLY crossed any lines, that I didn't think of it... but there are definitely lines crossed that most professor/students wouldn't have. What are your thoughts about no more emails/minimal flirting once the semester is done? He's younger, so if we were to grab lunch, coffee, drinks... wouldn't appear odd.
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Old 30th March 2017, 2:53 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by kendahke View Post
Does this man have anything to do with your grade for that class? Do you know what the school's policy is on professors engaging in intimate relationships with students? My guess is that it's forbidden. Him flirting with you is on the precipice of this policy.

If so, you need to leave this alone. This is an actionable offense for him getting fired if it gets out and it will get out--don't be so sure no one hasn't noticed the in-class flirting yet. The TA may begin to put 2 and 2 together if you two forget yourselves and engage in the flirting. If you're emailing him on the school's email system, understand that their IT department can go into his emails at any time and if they see these correspondences between you and him, that's ammunition against him.

Leave the school and pursue him if you like him that much. Otherwise, stop all of this.
Also, adding to my other response, why do you think he is so willing to be as exposed to me as he has been this far? If it's as risky as you're saying it is? Why even do THIS much..? He's not old, but old enough to know right from wrong, in this sense. My thought process has pretty much been "Well if he's risking it, it must not be too dangerous." (I get where that becomes a sticky situation, but I've never been in this position.)
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Old 30th March 2017, 2:55 PM   #21
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Also, adding to my other response, why do you think he is so willing to be as exposed to me as he has been this far? If it's as risky as you're saying it is? Why even do THIS much..? He's not old, but old enough to know right from wrong, in this sense. My thought process has pretty much been "Well if he's risking it, it must not be too dangerous." (I get where that becomes a sticky situation, but I've never been in this position.)
He's an idiot with poor judgement.

You would be wise to familiarize yourself with the school's code of conduct on students fraternizing with the teaching staff. I'll bet even money on it that there is something worded in the contract he signed to work there that says he will abide by all the rules and regulations while drawing a paycheck from them. Trust me--your school's legal department have clearly spelled out anything that would drag their name through the mud.

Keep your nose clean in this. Leave him alone until your grade does not depend upon his input. Ever.

Last edited by kendahke; 30th March 2017 at 2:57 PM..
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Old 30th March 2017, 2:58 PM   #22
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It sounds to me like this guy is enjoying and sometimes encouraging the flattering flirtatiousness from a very young student, but does not wish to actually date you. Things a m to have fallen off the instant you two were actually going to meet up that one time. To me that says a lot.

He's flattered and has no clue how to keep boundaries but he isn't interested in pursuing n anything.

The short responses aren't him acting tough, they are his attempts at distance any time you get too intense.

By the way, the TA could be his type. You don't know what his type is.

Honestly this whole thing is kind of inappropriate, IMO. He may have finally realized that too. He thought he was just having fun but then attempted plans started being made and all of a sudden he realized that duh, this is his job, his paycheck. I believe there are rules about this sort of thing.
I appreciate the input, your outlook is one I haven't really gotten before. I'm sure he has realized it's inappropriate. Regardless of my dissapointment, I have too. It's just been so back and forth and a drawn out ordeal...I guess I'm just bummed that the semester is finally coming to an end and there might not be any chance of seeing him afterwards? (Keep in mind, I am in no way implying romantic/relationship hopes. I am not that naive, but I wouldn't mind sleeping with him if opportunity presented itself. He's a great guy regardless and we have loads in common, I'd even be cool with lunch or drinks. Just something I've thought about once the semester comes to and end. But judging by your response, that's something you don't think is in the cards? He still has made flirty advances in the classes following his shorter emails. The same long and tension-filled gazes as well.
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Old 30th March 2017, 3:00 PM   #23
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So far, he's the most laid back lab professor for the subject. Meaning, I have other friends with different professor and they're all doing poorly. This man curves assignments, drops quizzes, etc. My grade is as fairly observed as any. It's a Gen Ed class and my second semester in it, also meaning I won't have any reason to take another science class, (in other words, no student ties to him after this semester ends-which is in three week.) You are right about the IT email situation, it's something I (shockingly enough) haven't given much thought too. I guess because we haven't DIRECTLY crossed any lines, that I didn't think of it... but there are definitely lines crossed that most professor/students wouldn't have. What are your thoughts about no more emails/minimal flirting once the semester is done? He's younger, so if we were to grab lunch, coffee, drinks... wouldn't appear odd.
You didn't answer my question.

Does he have anything to do with your grade and you passing this class?

You don't know what area his department is going to put him into in the upcoming semesters.
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Old 30th March 2017, 3:03 PM   #24
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You didn't answer my question.

Does he have anything to do with your grade and you passing this class?

You don't know what area his department is going to put him into in the upcoming semesters.
He assigns the assignments... (formatting quizzes, labs, exams.) As far as actually grading and submitting the final grades? That is the TA's business. At least, that is how it worked last semester and my TA this semester sits with her laptop during class time, calculating our assignments and handing them back. I believe he simply guides/watches over her, and does his usually lecturing for the lab. As far as the area he is teaching in, you're right.. he could be moved. However, his degree is for Geology and whatever he gets placed under will be Sciences. I am an English major and only needed his two courses for my requirements. I'll not longer have anything to do with that department in particular, if that makes sense.
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Old 30th March 2017, 3:20 PM   #25
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Note from moderation: We've merged three duplicate threads so there may be some overlap or duplicate content. ~6
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Old 31st March 2017, 6:51 AM   #26
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He assigns the assignments... (formatting quizzes, labs, exams.) As far as actually grading and submitting the final grades? That is the TA's business. At least, that is how it worked last semester and my TA this semester sits with her laptop during class time, calculating our assignments and handing them back. I believe he simply guides/watches over her, and does his usually lecturing for the lab. As far as the area he is teaching in, you're right.. he could be moved. However, his degree is for Geology and whatever he gets placed under will be Sciences. I am an English major and only needed his two courses for my requirements. I'll not longer have anything to do with that department in particular, if that makes sense.
I'm a professor. Even though TAs grade the papers, I'm the one who has final say on grades. As such, yes your professor oversees your grades. Don't try to rationalize this away.

Think of it this way, if you wanted to contest the grade the TA gave you, the professor would weigh in.
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Old 31st March 2017, 8:30 AM   #27
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I'm a professor. Even though TAs grade the papers, I'm the one who has final say on grades. As such, yes your professor oversees your grades. Don't try to rationalize this away.

Think of it this way, if you wanted to contest the grade the TA gave you, the professor would weigh in.
That makes sense. I assumed that he probably had final say. Truthfully, anything beyond what has gone on so far while I am still his student hasn't been my goal. If it was, I would have made further advances and been more pushy when he indirectly told me where he was at (multiple times.) However, I see now where the riskiness over the emails comes in and I'll be more careful. I don't, however, see the problem in trying to make something out of all of this flirty banter once I'm not longer his student... considering I won't be taking anymore classes in that department, therefore will have no student ties to him. And, of course, I'm of age while he is fairly young for his job.

Just something simple, like telling him to let me know if he ever wanted to grab lunch, etc. If it led nowhere, then that would be that. I guess the focal point of this post was more so to find out what others thought about the way he acted towards me (pursued me in some sense?) and what I should make of that..rather, If it'd go my way if I were to pursue anything once the semester ends in three weeks. Hell, he might even do something. But I'm not banking on that and I understand he has obligations.
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Old 31st March 2017, 3:41 PM   #28
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Honestly the fact that this guy is flirting so heavily with a CURRENT student really makes me doubt his character. I taught undergrads while in grad school, and it is a huge huge no-no. He could get fired.

Also, he's almost ten years older than you....it's kinda skeevy to be interested in a 20-year-old! No offense or anything, but that is a huge life experience gap right there.

But anyway, since you're interested in him....Next time he mentions where he's drinking or whatever, I'd just say something like "It'd be fun to meet up there for a drink when the semester's over and you're not my prof anymore!" or something like that. Then you really should stop flirting with him over email until the semester is over. It's not in your best interests to have that all documented in writing.
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Old 11th April 2017, 10:28 AM   #29
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Follow up to "Professor/student situation"

So, if you read my previous post/commented on it, you have an idea of what's been going on. After reading the comments and talking with some of you about your thoughts, I decided that most of you were right. He seemed unsure when he bailed a few times, maybe he came to his senses, maybe I should wait and ask him out for a drink once the semester was over. With only 4 week left, I had full intentions of doing so. Didn't email him. Kept the flirting to normal, nothing out of the ordinary, in class. It was killing me, though. I didn't want him to lose interest in me before the end of the semester rolled around. I guess you can say I'm insecure in that aspect.

Last night we had our night lab, as usual. We flirted as usual and as I said, I was making a more conscious effort to keep it minimal and to not give anything away. As mentioned in the comments, the TA could be watching more than I initially thought. As I mentioned in the last post, I had no more school prints left and do not own a printer myself. So before heading out, I thought I'd give it one last try.. (I do realize that I probably shouldn't have done this. But class was still in session, so I figured no harm done, right?) and asked him if he had a sec to print me out a paper that was do in the morning (I genuinely did need the paper.) He seemed a tad flustered and before answering, the TA had joined near us and he declined and offered me some other suggestions, saying he didn't have access to one right now. I shrugged and told him goodnight and my lab partners and I were done for the night. We left.

Shortly after returning to my room, he emails me saying that he can print me something, I just had caught him off guard. I'm assuming he was concerned about how it'd look, so he waited until everyone had left; fair enough. I tell him sure, and email him the paper. Eventually he lets me know he got it done for me and I tell him I'll come meet him, (he's on his way out of the building.) After we meet up and I thank him for the paper, we talk. For hours on hours; literally, began at nearly 9 and was done around 10:50. It was easy conversation, not awkward tension. He was venting about work and I school. It ended up getting really deep and I could probably recite the man's life story now; which was pretty epic, if I should say so. Not something you'd declare to just anyone. He even made a note that he had no idea why he was being so open with me. But nonetheless, he did, and we were still out side of the school building. No boundaries were being crossed. Just talking, and we were both enjoying ourselves.

Eventually I mention that I should let him go; I didn't want to be that girl that kept him around and became annoying. He just nodded and we started walking, he told me he was grabbing some beers and I just said okay. Didn't make any effort to join and he didn't directly ask. It's not my place, I can wait a few weeks for that (I also had a paper due in merely hours, so there was that.) The bar being near my apartment, we walk together on our way. The conversation started to become slower and I realized I should probably mention something about the situation. I was about to say something when I see my lab partner walking in her building, and I come to a halt. He notices and asks me what's up, and what was wrong. I tell him and he asks me, "Does she not know you were seeing me tonight?" I tell him no, and he asks me why I didn't tell her; that we were friends. I tell him, "Didn't think she needed to know." He took that into consideration and then flat out asks, "So you're saying you're trustworthy?" and I say, "Do you think I am?" He just watches me for a bit before I tell him thank you again, and that I'd see him soon. We both walk away and I got back to my room. It wasn't long before he shot me an email, apologizing for talking so much and that If I ever wanted to cut him off, to feel free. I kept it simple and told him that I liked listening. He responds, "Can I trust you?" I tell him "You can." He emails me on my personal, (which he had because I had to send him a file once on that email to print) and sends me his number. We texted about how his night was briefly, and that was that. Nothing else was said and I went to sleep.

So, what now? about 2 weeks left. One class, one class with our final exam. Then I'm done. I feel like I understand so much about him from our long talk; a lot of strings were tied together for me. I also think that by him seeing for himself that I didn't tell my closest friend on campus that I was even getting something printed from him, it showed him that I keep to myself. And I believe that is probably the only reason he did what he did. He knew where I was and the bar was close; he could have easily asked me to get drinks then and there, or even texted later on asking to meet up. He didn't yet, so maybe he's waiting it out. And if so, I can handle that. I'd be more comfortable with that, too. I'd sleep with the guy no doubt, but I also enjoyed just chatting about life. Thoughts?
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Old 11th April 2017, 10:34 AM   #30
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A couple more weeks and both you and he don't have worry about dilemmas regarding ethics and university rules and his career. You can do that standing on your head.
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