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My boss is too attractive


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Old 12th March 2017, 8:05 PM   #1
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My boss is too attractive

Hi all,

my 3rd post in a few days...LoveShack, you've been good to me, so I'll get it off my chest. Mind you, this is actually more interesting than my therapist's points. Why am I paying her?! Anyway, back to my situation.

I started working at this little wonderful NGO last summer as an admin assistant. The team is very small. Me, my other colleague and my boss share one office. But the worst thing is that my boss is just smoking hot. And it sounds totally ridiculous, I know, but I feel it affects me too much. I have a serious crush or something...it doesn't help that he is also very intelligent and has a great personality. He's too attractive for me to actually be able to focus at work sometimes.

It's the classic case of "works with her boss all day, thinks about him all night." I just want it to stop. I tried to re-program myself to view him as a father figure (me - 23, him - 40), but that didn't help. Tried bringing it up in therapy, that hasn't helped yet either (even though I am going there to process and understand my attraction towards older men and authority figures which I feel is unhealthy).

So, it's just making my life harder. I obviously excel at work in order to impress him, but I just want to un-crush...any ideas on how to get him out of my head???
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Old 12th March 2017, 10:29 PM   #2
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Imagine that he has big open sores on his private parts, plus a highly communicable form of flesh-eating anal herpes. That should help.
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Old 13th March 2017, 9:23 PM   #3
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Bringing drama to the workplace is never a good idea.

If you're so driven to distraction that you're unable to do your job, perhaps quit and find something new before blowing this small office apart and moving on (or more likely, being forced to).

You could also read the threads on this board from people who got involved at work. Almost none of them are happy feel good stories.

Last edited by Carpe Diem; 13th March 2017 at 9:25 PM..
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Old 11th April 2017, 6:50 PM   #4
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I had an employee who left last fall (left on great terms as she had to devote her time to her family - still keep in touch with her). Nice looking woman, and she always dressed nice. Sometimes she looked really good (wearing a dress with dark tights and showing a little bit of cleavage - nothing slutty) and I'd have to tell myself to look at her eyes. I was always able to keep it professional and above-board, even though I admit to having thoughts of hiking up her dress and getting it on. Trust me, those thoughts left when I thought of what that entailed - we're both married, and she was a great employee (and evidently she thought I was a great boss). We're still on great terms, and I want to keep it that way.
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Old 12th April 2017, 4:03 PM   #5
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The easiest way will be to focus on someone else. Just start dating and you'll find someone that you're attracted to.

You're attracted to this man because you're idealizing him and you spend a lot of time at work with him, but... You may even no like him outside of work, you just don't know him and the attraction is big time fantasy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redheaded-squirrel View Post
Hi all,

my 3rd post in a few days...LoveShack, you've been good to me, so I'll get it off my chest. Mind you, this is actually more interesting than my therapist's points. Why am I paying her?! Anyway, back to my situation.

I started working at this little wonderful NGO last summer as an admin assistant. The team is very small. Me, my other colleague and my boss share one office. But the worst thing is that my boss is just smoking hot. And it sounds totally ridiculous, I know, but I feel it affects me too much. I have a serious crush or something...it doesn't help that he is also very intelligent and has a great personality. He's too attractive for me to actually be able to focus at work sometimes.

It's the classic case of "works with her boss all day, thinks about him all night." I just want it to stop. I tried to re-program myself to view him as a father figure (me - 23, him - 40), but that didn't help. Tried bringing it up in therapy, that hasn't helped yet either (even though I am going there to process and understand my attraction towards older men and authority figures which I feel is unhealthy).

So, it's just making my life harder. I obviously excel at work in order to impress him, but I just want to un-crush...any ideas on how to get him out of my head???
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Old 12th April 2017, 4:50 PM   #6
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Is he married? Are you friends with his wife?

If no to either of those questions then it's not as bad as it could be
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Old 13th April 2017, 12:24 AM   #7
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After ending up in bed with a boss at one point... I'd say it's best to just avoid it. It doesn't end well, even if both of you keep your jobs. Find someone else to date, and stay very, very busy.
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Old 13th April 2017, 8:29 AM   #8
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Find another job and get a boyfriend.
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Old 13th April 2017, 12:16 PM   #9
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Doesn't sound like a problem if he's single. Posts like this are just a way for people to gush about their crushes, anyway.

"Boss is too attractive" "I ended up in bed" Come on folks, you are responsible for your feelings, crushes, mistakes, etc.

And hey, if things work out, a man in his forties is a perfect match for a woman in her twenties and I'm not being cheeky at all.
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Old 5th May 2017, 3:57 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by No_Go View Post
The easiest way will be to focus on someone else. Just start dating and you'll find someone that you're attracted to.

You're attracted to this man because you're idealizing him and you spend a lot of time at work with him, but... You may even no like him outside of work, you just don't know him and the attraction is big time fantasy.
Definitely. Work is only one context in which you know this person (I'm assuming), and therefore your view of him is probably very one sided.

I'd definitely be careful before starting something, but I won't say it's 100% a bad idea if you're doing it for the "right" reasons and the "right" way.
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Old 5th May 2017, 6:46 AM   #11
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Best thing for you to do is think about what will happen if you get involved with him. If he is married, you will wind up as mistress and dumped when he is caught. If your employer finds out and has a policy against fraternization of employees you may find yourself jobless.

As far as gather advice about getting a boyfriend. Not sure that's a great idea. You need to get this over before you enter a relationship with some poor unsuspecting soul who you may wind up cheating on before your relationship gets off gathering ground.

You're 23, read some literature about how affairs with 40 year old men normally work out and that may bring you to the reality of what you are setting yourself up for. Or just read here the women who are mourning they have wasted years of their lives in affairs and wind up with nothing.

You need to reverse course now.
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Old 5th May 2017, 7:24 AM   #12
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Crushing on someone is totally normal. I'm in my 40s so I'm past the crushing stage but I still appreciate a good looking guy when I see one - my boss is also very attractive, hunky, muscly (very rare in my field) and with a strong work ethics, but he's married to a guy so treble impossible. That doesn't stop me from checking him out!

One of my colleagues is also hot as in a totally different style (curly, unkempt grey-ish hair, always disheveled, 'mad professor' type) and I get my flirt on every time we cross paths but I don't want anything to happen with him - just a bit of light-hearted banter to cheer everyone's day.

What I'm saying is that it doesn't have to be all or nothing, OP - rein in on the fantasy part is all you have to do.
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Old 5th May 2017, 7:33 AM   #13
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Date a cop?
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Old 5th May 2017, 8:44 AM   #14
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It can be kind of cute to have an innocent crush at your age ;-) Like you said, it even motivates you to do your job better. But it's become unhealthy if you're obsessing over your boss. I would say the best way to stop the obsession is for you to start dating (I assume you're not dating, right?). Once you meet someone you like, you won't have enough space in your brain for this obsession anymore.
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Old 5th May 2017, 9:09 AM   #15
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At 23 I was dating so many guys my own age and thought 40 was ancient. I might have found one attractive for his wife but that was the extent of it. OP you need to date guys around your age and get a hot boyfriend.
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