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Thinking of asking a female coworker out...


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VedderisBetter

Ok. I've been at this job for about two months and about a month ago I started noticing one of the only cute girls in the office checking me out at least twice. I pretended not to notice. My first week there she started talking to me first and asked me things like where I went to school, where I live and what year I graduated. We have talked a few more times on our lunch break and have gotten to know each other somewhat better. The thing is, this girl is friendly and social to everyone so it's hard to tell if she's interested in me or not. We have been bouncing questions back and forth to each other the past couple times we have talked. She admitted to me "I really don't know what I want to do with my life" and we barely know each other. We started talking about movies and I told her about a movie I saw called Split and she asked if it was a love story because someone she knows made an indie movie with the same title but it was a different movie.

 

In this same movie conversation, I asked her if she watches a lot of movies and she said no not really but she did say she wants to see the live action Beauty and the Beast that comes out in March because she loved it as a kid. At the time, I had no response but I am wondering if she said that because she wants to see it with me.

 

She has been reading a book for an all-girl Chic Lit Club and part of the way through she put it away. I think she did this so we could talk. We both discovered we each have a dog but since she speaks her mind I figure I would too and told her I keep my dog baby-gated in the kitchen while at work and since he's a minpin, he can't hold his pee and has an accident almost daily and I give him a bath almost daily. I am just hoping she doesn't think I'm irresponsible because I do let him out constantly when I'm here. She asked about puppy pads and I said he will just chew them up if left alone with one out of boredom.

 

She also stares directly at me and smiles and the last two times I was in the supply cabinet, she came over and asked what I'm looking for and tried helping. She's definitely a nice person, but is she throwing hints to me that she likes me? It's a small office, so if anything I was going to ask her to go as friends to the KT Tunstall concert next week at work. I just don't want to get rejected and it being awkward.

 

One thing that has me a little concerned is that I tried adding her to Facebook after one of our lunch talks and she has neither accepted or denied the friend request. I am thinking she wants to get to know me before she lets me in on her business.

 

What're your thoughts/experiences? Girls and guys are welcome to comment on this one. Thanks!

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To be perfectly honest, I did not even have to read your argument which was directed as to why or why not you should date a co-worker. The answer you seek is obvious, and it's a big fat NO. Do not date a co-worker, nothing good can come of it. You realize, that if something goes wrong, and statistically speaking you will eventually break up. Then you have to both work together and that can be a nightmare.



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Based on what you said, it is hard to tell whether she is interested or just friendly with everyone. To prevent things from becoming awkward if you get rejected, I say wait until you get a bigger green light that says ask me out. Until then, continue to get to know her more.

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She didn't want to accept you on Facebook and she didn't want to deny you and insult you since she works with you. She's outgoing and social, so if she is interested in you she would make that blatantly obvious.

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Yeah there are girls in work I'm interested in but I don't ask them out. No huge green go signs means no asking out. I've worked at the company for 2 years without a problem - job is good so no jeopardizing it.

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If he's comfortable with the whole dating a coworker thing, then he should go ahead and ask her out. If she was totally uninterested then she wouldn't give him so much attention. It could be a friend only vibe but there is only one way to find out.

 

Asking her out doesn't have to mean risking a major rejection. If you do a casual, low-pressure invite, then a rejection is also of low value.

 

So, invite her to something you are already going to do, with or without her. "Hey, I'm going to grab a drink after work today. Do you want to join me?"

 

If she wants to reject you, all she has to do is give a lame excuse about being busy. Nobody loses face in that situation.

 

Then, she isn't interested if she doesn't offer another time. It's a legit excuse if instead she says "I would like to, but I have xyz tonight. What about next week?"

 

See how that works?

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VedderisBetter

Well I ended up asking a coworker when most were gone around us for the day on Friday if there was in fact a dating policy where we worked. She pointed out how our boss's wife works at the same company and someone else is in a relationship at the company. The company is just over 100 people but there is only about 15 people in our office. The majority are in the downtown office. Anyways, I did mention to the female coworker how I want to get to know this girl better and possibly ask her out. Her response was that she has or had a boyfriend several months ago. I told the coworker that I don't think she does because the few times me or my boss asks her what she's doing for the weekend, it's always hanging out with her mom or friends. She would've mentioned a boyfriend if she had one by now. Also, she wouldn't keep checking me out like I have been catching her doing. Now, I'm just afraid gossip will get back to her that I like her and want to ask her out. I guess this info isn't a huge deal for coworkers to know, but they don't need to know anything else if we do date. I doubt my boss would care as long as it didn't distract our work.

 

Now that I think about it, me and the crush are the only single people out of the 15 so maybe it's destiny lol. She did just train me on something new but we sit on opposite ends of the office so I don't think it's a big deal. We've both tried the online dating thing and it hasn't worked for either of us. My gut says go for it. She already told me she doesn't want to retire from the place and neither do I.

 

Is there anything to lose if we just take things slow and are friends at first?

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Ok. I've been at this job for about two months and about a month ago I started noticing one of the only cute girls in the office checking me out at least twice. I pretended not to notice. My first week there she started talking to me first and asked me things like where I went to school, where I live and what year I graduated. We have talked a few more times on our lunch break and have gotten to know each other somewhat better. The thing is, this girl is friendly and social to everyone so it's hard to tell if she's interested in me or not. We have been bouncing questions back and forth to each other the past couple times we have talked. She admitted to me "I really don't know what I want to do with my life" and we barely know each other. We started talking about movies and I told her about a movie I saw called Split and she asked if it was a love story because someone she knows made an indie movie with the same title but it was a different movie.

 

In this same movie conversation, I asked her if she watches a lot of movies and she said no not really but she did say she wants to see the live action Beauty and the Beast that comes out in March because she loved it as a kid. At the time, I had no response but I am wondering if she said that because she wants to see it with me.

 

She has been reading a book for an all-girl Chic Lit Club and part of the way through she put it away. I think she did this so we could talk. We both discovered we each have a dog but since she speaks her mind I figure I would too and told her I keep my dog baby-gated in the kitchen while at work and since he's a minpin, he can't hold his pee and has an accident almost daily and I give him a bath almost daily. I am just hoping she doesn't think I'm irresponsible because I do let him out constantly when I'm here. She asked about puppy pads and I said he will just chew them up if left alone with one out of boredom.

 

She also stares directly at me and smiles and the last two times I was in the supply cabinet, she came over and asked what I'm looking for and tried helping. She's definitely a nice person, but is she throwing hints to me that she likes me? It's a small office, so if anything I was going to ask her to go as friends to the KT Tunstall concert next week at work. I just don't want to get rejected and it being awkward.

 

One thing that has me a little concerned is that I tried adding her to Facebook after one of our lunch talks and she has neither accepted or denied the friend request. I am thinking she wants to get to know me before she lets me in on her business.

 

What're your thoughts/experiences? Girls and guys are welcome to comment on this one. Thanks!

 

Why do you need to add her to facebook?

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VedderisBetter

I messaged this girl on facebook and she responded and said she is in a long term relationship and would like to remain friendly co-workers. She said I must've mistaken her friendliness for interest. Why would she check me out and Friday I saw her looking at my hair and standing really close when she comes to my desk. I've seen her cry twice at work so she is emotionally unstable. A coworker told me she has a boyfriend when I said I might ask her out. I figured she was just jealous of the girl I liked.

 

I think the girl either shot me down or has an imaginary boyfriend in all honesty. It's possible she just has a weird relationship with her "boyfriend" as he is not on any of her facebook profile pics. She talked to other girls about her supposed boyfriend but when me or my boss ask her what she's doing or did over the weekend she never brought up a boyfriend. She said she was doing things with her mom or friends, no boyfriend was brought up. This seems a bit weird but I told her it's no big deal. A girl who cries a lot is a lot to handle anyways but I figured I'd try to give it a go because she is attractive and nice. Plenty of girls out there, but I was hoping to get a chance with her as she's someone I met in person and all the others have been girls I've met on dating sites. Life will go on lol.

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TheTraveler
Why do you need to add her to facebook?

 

It's half assing it and to data mine

 

Rather than a good ole fashion, would you like to get together sometime

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I messaged this girl on facebook and she responded and said she is in a long term relationship and would like to remain friendly co-workers. She said I must've mistaken her friendliness for interest. Why would she check me out and Friday I saw her looking at my hair and standing really close when she comes to my desk. I've seen her cry twice at work so she is emotionally unstable. A coworker told me she has a boyfriend when I said I might ask her out. I figured she was just jealous of the girl I liked.

 

I think the girl either shot me down or has an imaginary boyfriend in all honesty. It's possible she just has a weird relationship with her "boyfriend" as he is not on any of her facebook profile pics. She talked to other girls about her supposed boyfriend but when me or my boss ask her what she's doing or did over the weekend she never brought up a boyfriend. She said she was doing things with her mom or friends, no boyfriend was brought up. This seems a bit weird but I told her it's no big deal. A girl who cries a lot is a lot to handle anyways but I figured I'd try to give it a go because she is attractive and nice. Plenty of girls out there, but I was hoping to get a chance with her as she's someone I met in person and all the others have been girls I've met on dating sites. Life will go on lol.

 

You dodged a bullet with this girl. In future, I would stay well away from work based relationships especially if you work in a small office and have only recently started working there. You're headed for trouble if things don't work out. It sounds like this woman could easily have made your work like a living hell if things took a turn for the worse. Just focus on your job and find girls outside of work.

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Why would she check me out and Friday I saw her looking at my hair

 

I've read the stories of many people who've interpreted checking someone out as romantic interest. However, the two can be totally unrelated.

 

Reasons for checking someone out:

 

They are hot

They have good hair

Something about them is weird

Something about them is interesting

They look like someone you know

They've got a good/bad body part which you can't drag your eyes away from

 

None of this necessarily means that they have romantic interest. I've known hot guys who I've been guilty of checking out, but they were totally not my type of personality and so dating would have been totally out of the question.

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VedderisBetter

One coworker was showing signs of interest(checking me out, standing close, pushing hair behind ears, going out of her way to help me, etc.) and I messaged her on Facebook last night and she said she's so sorry but she's in a long term relationship and I confused her kindness for interest. Why do girls show interest when they are already taken? I'm sorry catching a girl checking you out a few times is not from kindness lol.

 

Then today I ended up messaging my old supervisor because I left my job abruptly about a year ago. I apologized and then I asked her how she trimmed down. She started telling me about the gym she goes to and I was like "Do you need a gym partner or do you have one?" She said her trainer is her boyfriend. When I worked at my old job, I caught her checking me out through peripheral so I felt she was interested as well. My brother and her sister dated years ago so she kept asking me questions like where I grew up, etc. I know she was talking to her sister about me because she all of a sudden one time asked about the street I grew up on and she mentioned the name so she already knew from talking to her sister. She may have just been friendly but who knows. I told her we can keep in touch if she'd like to and she said sure we go way back ( meaning our siblings dated each other in the late 1990's.) I hope I didn't seem desperate but I probably scared her or something lol. On the plus side, she was receptive with my apology and continued the conversation for 15 or so minutes through fb messenger. I promised her I didn't reach out for a date but to apologize. It was only in our conversation that I saw an opportunity to ask her. I figure if she is dating him, it will end in a few months when she discovers how many girls he sleeps with lol.

 

The funny thing is, neither girl has their boyfriends on their facebook profile pics which I find odd. The first girl also never talks about her supposed boyfriend but she did months ago to a female coworker. Why are girls such an enigma lol?!

 

I figured I'll just play it cool with both and move on. I don't have many skills in picking up women lol.

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One coworker was showing signs of interest(checking me out, standing close, pushing hair behind ears, going out of her way to help me, etc.) and I messaged her on Facebook last night and she said she's so sorry but she's in a long term relationship and I confused her kindness for interest. Why do girls show interest when they are already taken? [...]

 

What they are showing is attention and not interest. There is a difference, meaning that a woman may like your attention and is giving you attention in return, but may have absolutely zero interest in a romantic relationship.

 

Men notoriously overestimate a woman's body language and her friendliness. In most cases she is just friendly because you're a nice guy, but that's about it.

 

Most women who have real interest are rather unambiguous about it in my experience, at least with the exception of a few very shy ones.

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What they are showing is attention and not interest. There is a difference, meaning that a woman may like your attention and is giving you attention in return, but may have absolutely zero interest in a romantic relationship.

 

Men notoriously overestimate a woman's body language and her friendliness. In most cases she is just friendly because you're a nice guy, but that's about it.

 

Most women who have real interest are rather unambiguous about it in my experience, at least with the exception of a few very shy ones.

 

Thank you CptInsano. I've just written about this on another post: the fact that we check a guy out doesn't mean that we're necessarily interested. Not to mention, we may be looking at him for reasons other than physical attraction. It could be because he looks like someone you know. Or he's got something weird going on.

 

Regarding girls saying they have boyfriends if they don't really. The reasons behind this are twofold. It's partly because women are conditioned to not make waves. Saying "I've got a boyfriend" isn't nearly as hard to say as "I'm not interested". There's also a thing where some guys will hear a "not interested" but they don't respect this and keep trying. But if the same guy hears "I've got a boyfriend" he will respect this and back away.

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You men have GOT to stop thinking every time a woman touches her own hair, she's interested. This could not be less true. I touch my hair a hundred times a day when I'm home alone working.

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PinkElephants
I figure if she is dating him, it will end in a few months when she discovers how many girls he sleeps with lol.

This reeks of sexual jealousy. You don't even know this guy yet you're tearing him down and attempting to undermine their relationship by calling him a cheater. It's just sour grapes that he's with the woman you want.

 

Also, you need to stop abusing "lol". Looking through your posts it seems like you use it to soften something you're saying or as filler because you don't know what else to say. It's awkward and absolutely not age appropriate. You're about 30, right? Your "lol" days died about 18 years ago.

 

It's possible that a woman was interested in you until she saw how you write. Not kidding. It's enough to make someone not take you seriously. If you're communicating via facebook messenger then they're looking at a screen full of "lol" and you're shooting yourself in the foot.

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You men have GOT to stop thinking every time a woman touches her own hair, she's interested. This could not be less true. I touch my hair a hundred times a day when I'm home alone working.

 

You're interested in a hundred men a day? Wow! Don't you have any limits!? :)

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Saying they have a boyfriend is a lot easier than stomping on a guy's feelings with I'm not interested. And as someone else pointed out, some men will not take no for an answer, but if you imply you're already in a relationship, they will back off.

 

Otherwise, you may be misinterpreting being friendly with flirtation, and there are some people who flirt but are not interested in taking things further, particularly in the workplace. When you asked, you were told no, but all you can do is ask when you're not sure.

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VedderisBetter

The girl who I thought was crushing on me when she checked me out numerous times(and might still like me) told me she is in a long term relationship when I told her I think she's sweet and nice and asked her out. I went to her Facebook page and she has no profile pics of her and her boyfriend posted. I find this privacy odd. She had no problem telling me she doesn't know what she wants to do with her life, so I don't think openness is an issue with this girl.

 

She told me she wants to stay as friendly coworkers and I misinterpreted her signs of friendliness. This just happened Saturday, so this week at work I am acting nonchalant when she approaches. I just find it odd that when I asked her what she's doing for the weekend, she mentioned doing stuff with her mom and friends, but no boyfriend was mentioned in the few times we talked. The average person when asked what their plans are, would mention a significant other. I'm starting to think hes' imaginary lol. Any thoughts?

 

Also, I'm not that into her only physically really since she's cried at work twice in the past few weeks for stupid reasons. One because I wasn't full listening when she trained me and I apologized and another time when she said she didn't want to fix other people's mistakes.

 

I swore I overheard her today gossiping to another coworker about me. I couldn't hear it too clearly but she told her I asked her out and I said she never mentioned a bf in our conversations and said, "I can't worry about it." Why is she still thinking about it?

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CaliforniaGirl

One way or another, she is telling you no...she may be fudging about one thing or another to soften the blow, but it's still no...keep looking around...there is someone out there for you. :)

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[] She was showing attention and not interest. You're obviously reading something into this that is not there. Now, she could have feed you the line about having a boyfriend as to let you down easy because you two work together and she doesn't want things to get awkward. She also did it because she is not interested in you that way and doesn't want you to keep at. You are now obsessing over this girl and if you keep it up you're going to have problems with her and your work. Move on and stop thinking of her as dating material for you.

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I went to her Facebook page and she has no profile pics of her and her boyfriend posted. I find this privacy odd

 

Just because he's not on Facebook doesn't mean he's not real.

 

She had no problem telling me she doesn't know what she wants to do with her life, so I don't think openness is an issue with this girl.

 

Because you're a friend, she has zero sexual interest in you.

 

She told me she wants to stay as friendly coworkers and I misinterpreted her signs of friendliness

 

Oh look it's the friendzone.

 

I just find it odd that when I asked her what she's doing for the weekend, she mentioned doing stuff with her mom and friends, but no boyfriend was mentioned in the few times we talked. The average person when asked what their plans are, would mention a significant other. I'm starting to think hes' imaginary lol. Any thoughts?

 

You don't have to spend every minutes with your significant other, having a social life outside the bf/gf is the healthy thing to do.Plus you don't know the aspects of their relationship.

 

Also, I'm not that into her only physically really

 

Yeah right!

 

I swore I overheard her today gossiping to another coworker about me. I couldn't hear it too clearly but she told her I asked her out and I said she never mentioned a bf in our conversations and said, "I can't worry about it." Why is she still thinking about it?

 

Yeah sure she's daydreaming about you all the time! here's the thing she can't worry about it because she friendzoned you. Get the hint and stop obsessing over here.

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