Is my husband crossing the line with abortion advice or involvement?

[confusedalittle]

Hello,

 

My husband, 27, tends to be very friendly with people at work, something I don't agree with. (I just believe the workplace is for work) Well, yesterday my husband gets a call from a woman he works with (she's 23) and she's asking him for his advice. She's asking him about her abortion and how she should handle it in regards to getting time off as well.

 

I'm very furious he's giving this advice to people he works with, and getting involved in their personal lives. He has lost too many jobs by getting involved in office things, if you know what I mean. He can never stick to just doing his job, he lets people get all up in his business and vice versa. But, anyway...here's the question. ........

 

Was this crossing the line, for both of them? I think so, but I need someone elses opinion. Btw, he's only known this girl for like a month at work.

[westernxer]

It wasn't his baby, was it?

[HoldOn]

I think you're right. But there's nothing you can do to change it. He obviously thinks it's all right.

[confusedalittle]

Westernexer, very funny..because I said the same thing No, it's not his.. she doesn't know whos it is actually, it's either her boyfriends or her trainer at work that she's bangin. TMI huh

[Moose]

Well, let me see......you're getting advice from guys on the internet....

 

What wrong with him giving advice as long as it's sound and he's not cheating? Do you have trust issues with him?

[LucreziaBorgia]

She's asking him about her abortion and how she should handle it in regards to getting time off as well.

 

Is he playing a supervisory role to this girl at work? If not, then he's not the person she needs to be talking to about sick leave and stuff like that. She needs to go to her boss and say "I"m having surgery, and I need some time off." She isn't obligated to tell her boss what it is, and I'm not sure what 'advice' her husband would be needing to give her in terms of how her abortion fits in the grand scheme of human resources if he plays no supervisory role in the company.

 

As for her getting advice to begin with - that would suggest a level of intimacy that extends beyond 'co-workers' - I'm not saying that they are having an affair or even suggesting that - but it does say something about how personal he is getting with is co-workers.

 

Its not really the advice that alarms me, per se though ... its this:

 

He has lost too many jobs by getting involved in office things, if you know what I mean. He can never stick to just doing his job, he lets people get all up in his business and vice versa.

 

Giving advice is one thing, but involving yourself to the point where you are continuously losing jobs is quite another. What types of things has he done that have caused him to lose jobs?

[westernxer]

Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia

What types of things has he done that have caused him to lose jobs?

 

That's a good question.

[confusedalittle]

Moose, first of all, I don't know or work with any of you. There are no repercussions for the advice i'm seeking here except I want someones opinion. There are no boundaries being crossed by asking online, hence why this is a very popular site for advice being sought by so many on a daily basis.

 

No, he's not her supervisor.

 

He just involves himself in people and office politics and his strong opinion and agressive opinions have cost him some jobs.

[westernxer]

How does he get when he watches a football game?

[Moose]

Moose, first of all, I don't know or work with any of you. There are no repercussions for the advice i'm seeking here except I want someones opinion. There are no boundaries being crossed by asking online, hence why this is a very popular site for advice being sought by so many on a daily basis.

This is very true, but still, how would your husband react if you told him that you got good advice from a few guys online? If you told him this instead of seeking advice from a public forum, he'd most likely be jealous too.

 

You have good cause to be worried since he has a history of losing employment over it. But I also get the feeling that you're more worried about what his motivation is giving this young lady advice.

 

I think westernxer is more pointing more to anger problems, does he snap easily?

[tiki]

I don't think it's appropriate, really. He's crossing a line getting personal with a coworker of the opposite sex. Tell him to cut it out. If he's known for losing his jobs due to his actions at work or his ethics, remind him of that. Stop it now before it gets out of hand. Next thing you know, he'll be advising her on how to trim her pubes.

 

If he works in HR or is a supervisor, his interaction should be limited to the 'time off' issue only. He's in no position to make a life-long decision about a coworker of 1 month having an abortion. Unless it's his bambino.

[tiki]

Originally posted by Moose

Well, let me see......you're getting advice from guys on the internet....

 

Originally posted by Moose

This is very true, but still, how would your husband react if you told him that you got good advice from a few guys online? If you told him this instead of seeking advice from a public forum, he'd most likely be jealous too.

 

That's a whole different ballgame, IMO. This man works with her, day in, day out. We don't even know each other here on this website, UNLESS we choose to give this information ourselves, which is at our own discretion. Totally different than working with someone face to face every single day.

[Moose]

That's a whole different ballgame, IMO. This man works with her, day in, day out. We don't even know each other here on this website, UNLESS we choose to give this information ourselves, which is at our own discretion. Totally different than working with someone face to face every single day.

I know, I know.......still......some husbands will get jealous over it don't you think?

[tiki]

Originally posted by Moose

I know, I know.......still......some husbands will get jealous over it don't you think?

 

Ooohhhhhh yeah. I can't blame them, in a way.

[laRubiaBonita]

IMO~ i think abortion is a woman's right. I do not agree with it for myself, but i support other's if that is what they want.

 

the only man that can have any opinion on the woman who is debating the choice for herself, is the father of that baby. But he can only offer an opinion.

 

so yes, your husband was extremely out of line, i would not even give advice to a good friend, but i would support her. The girl was very unprofessional, to say the least, to even be discussing her personal life and/ or female issues with you or anyone at work for that matter!

[westernxer]

I think hubby loves being the eye of the storm.

[Moose]

Originally posted by westernxer

I think hubby loves being the eye of the storm.

I agree.....my sister is like that.....there has to be some kind of conflict in her life in order for her to be happy.....weird.

[Jadey]

I cant personally see how theres anything wrong with giving advice to a co worker..I think ive missed something. Wots so wrong with it? You obv do not trust your husband and thats wot the REAL problem is. Just dont worry so much and talk to him calmy about it.

[FolderWife]

um...a little anal aren't you ?

 

Look at it this way. He spends more time at work than he does with you...wouldn't you say? At least eight hours a day of his life at work, and probably 4-6 hours in the evening with you.

 

Now...do you WANT him to be miserable 70% of his awake life?

 

The reason I put it this way, is that I work in a car dealership. These people are like family to me! I met my best friend here. We sometimes go to lunch together. I mingle with my co workers. We are all very friendly, and very happy to be working together.

 

And to be frank, there are a COUPLE of people here that I would call for advice if I needed it. I spend 9 hours a day with these people, and 2 hours a day with my husband.

 

I'm not going to avoid making friends here because my husband is insecure.

 

I think it's VERY selfish of you to expect your husband to not form relationships with the people he works with! I don't think what she did was inappropriate, because I would probably do the same thing.

[confusedalittle]

Actually monday,

 

No, i don't consider myself anal. I consider myself concerned. Abortion advice to a co-worker he's know less than a month? Come on.. and no, my husband and I spend more time than that together. He doesn't avoid me.

 

 

I agree with Western, never thought of it that way.. and yes, unprofessional to say the least on his and her part. No offense to you Monday, but my husbands career is a little more, substantial, that one you'd find at a car dealership. Maybe that's why your opinion differs on this subject..he works in a rather strict corporate world where this type of behavior isn't OK.

 

Let's face it, it's ok for a construction worker to have a beer, but not a pilot.. get what I mean? There are unspoken rules of conduct in each field, and some things are accepted as general knowledge.. I just don't think his treading in this arena on very personal issues with people is one that's accepted in his world of business.

[Moose]

Let's face it, it's ok for a construction worker to have a beer, but not a pilot.. get what I mean?

I couldn't tell you how many times I've been up in a 57' Cessna drinking beer, smoking pot with 2, sometimes 3 people on board just goofing off. Flying a plane becomes just as natural as driving to the grocery store if you do it enough.

 

Is it possible this young lady happened to ask him his thoughts or opinion on abortion, and she expanded her query.....to the point that you gathered he was giving advice?

I just don't think his treading in this arena on very personal issues with people is one that's accepted in his world of business.

I could tell you exactley what time, each day, my engineers takes a dump......some things are just right there.....

No offense to you Monday, but my husbands career is a little more, substantial, that one you'd find at a car dealership.

My brother and I have companies that clear more than 8 figures a year......profit, mind you......I bet Monday could run what we run, hands tied.

[HoldOn]

I still think it's wierd to talk about whether or not to get an abortion with a co-worker. -- of the opposite sex -- who you've only known a month. But whatever.

 

Also, she's right about certain things being more taboo in certain work environments. Even though you can make a lot of money at a car dealership, it's still a different environment than a big-time corporate office. come on now.

[Moose]

Also, she's right about certain things being more taboo in certain work environments. Even though you can make a lot of money at a car dealership, it's still a different environment than a big-time corporate office. come on now.

No it's not. You're missing my point totally. The corporate wig and the exposed butt crack construction worker are both human. Neither one is above the other when it comes to personal beliefs, opinions, or basic needs of survival.

 

I've agreed that his losing jobs over actions such as these is a huge red flag, and just cause to be cautious.

 

I don't agree with the stereotyping that rich, corporate businessmen shouldn't be known to give advice, opinions or even have some sort of rapport with co-workers male or female........if you knew, HALF of what I know about the king pins in my area.....you'd be bored to tears......because we're all alike people.

[FolderWife]

I still think you're anal

[XNemesisX]

I don't really see what the big deal is unless you think he has something going on with this girl?

 

More than likely if she is telling your hubby stuff like this, then she just sees him as the friend type (unless it is his baby! )

 

In all of the jobs I've had I became very close with all my co-workers. Not in THAT way, but close..even to the married men. It was nothing more than friendship.

 

Maybe he is just trying to be a friend to her. Like I said, I bet she sees your hubby as a friend type to be discussing something so personal and embarrassing....