Business partner/friend huge problem

[enori]

Its a long story so I will try to be short as I can. Also it has two sides.

 

6months ago I founded a startup with this guy. We started working day by day and we started hanging out together most of the time. He is totally not my type which was awesome because I knew I am all in for the work stuff and there will no mixed feelings.

 

In time we got really close - basically he became my best friend, partner and almost as a brother.

 

As soon as our company started developing we needed to hire people - one girl and one guy.

One month later the girl got a crush on my partner and they started texting all the time, hanging around together which I didn't want because I didn't want to mix any relationships in the business especially a new one. On the other side she was saying that there is nothing going on, he was saying that its all stupid and in my head and I believed them.

 

Until the moment it was a month ago, when he stopped all communication with me saying I stress him too much and left me to run the company by myself. I was devastated I didnt knew what was going on and in the meantime she was sitting next to me chatting with him and looking me how I am getting myself to a nervous brake down.

 

After a week he came back and said she has to leave the company because he likes her. She left without even needing me to talk to her (apparently it was already agreed with him), and we started fighting about her in a time period of three weeks.

 

Here comes the next part of the story - He is or was my best friend, so he kinda needed my approval (I dont know why). I was really disappointed about him lying and going stuff behind my back and I did a bad think making him choose between me and her which made him very angry and when I pushed enough he choose her.

 

In the next three weeks we were fighting about her alot until we got estranged. The company got putted on hold and I left to. my hometown where from all the stress I got really sick.

 

He knew what was going on because we were communication all the time, and after I got out of the hospital we started getting back on track - our friendship was kinda finding its way back but we were not talking about her at all.

 

Currently he is not admitting that she is his girlfriend, he is not speaking to me about her,. and he even deactivated his facebook because I did mine and because everyone were tagging pics from him with her. But he is taking her on movies, dinners and even skiing.

 

It has pasted only one month since all this **** started - I am in recovery and need to do a lot of other therapy so I don't need this stress but this is killing me everyday.

 

 

- how to get back my friend - we were talking all the time. about everything. Now we talk about me being sick. He tries to bring back the old jokes but still it is not the same. He usually goes places with her (like skiing now) and I am kinda on hold (which means no communication at all).

- how to deal with the girlfriend issue - why he is not admitting that she is his girlfriend to me or to others, how to try to act that I am all fine about this relationship for sake of our friendship without being hurt.

- I think we are friends again because I am sick and he is feeling sorry for me, so not sure how to deal with that as well.

 

I want him in my life he is like my brother I don't have any feelings towards him, I want to start the company back on, and maybe I am being to possessive and control freak but I don't approve of a relationship with a girl who lied to me, made me believe she is there to work instead she wanted to get in this pants.

[Rockdad]

I've learned a lot since I began business 25 years ago. I have learned a lot of what NOT to do operating a business. Being an employer is an entity of it's own beyond the business. Partnerships are an animal all there own.

 

From your post it doesn't come across as this is a partnership that will be successful. You hardly get the wheels rolling and he is doing things behind your back? When he gets stressed he bailed on you? Got involved very quickly with an employee that created huge complications?

 

I would say looking at what you posted be friends and not business partners. There is a huge amount of stress in starting and growing a business. I couldn't begin to tell you the stress employees brings to the table. Even good employees do. You may want to rethink yourself if you should do a start up business if it is impacting your health.

[VeveCakes]

Not sure why you were so stressed over their relationship. Sure that was probably inappropriate to have a relationship, but I hardly think it was worth having a nervous breakdown over.

 

Are you sure you don't have feelings for him?

 

He probably doesn't want to tell you because he knows how hard you are taking him having a gf.

[preraph]

You need to be more professional. You have crossed many boundaries and certainly so has he. You need to decide which is more important, the business or being his friend. Either one of you could have a lawsuit here and ruin the other financially over this business that he first abandoned and then you not being professional.

[whichwayisup]

It's obvious that you are very emotionally attached to him. Otherwise you wouldn't be acting jealous, hurt and like you lost him. you'd be happy he has a girlfriend and be happy that HE is happy. Instead it blew up in your face and stressed you out.

 

Glad you're on the mend and out of the hospital (did that have to do with him?) but now is the time to keep things professional at work and have personal time together outside of work. Mixing business and falling for a guy and saying he's your best friend when in fact you're just too attached has only caused problems.

[enori]

This friendship and all the mess caused me a lot of stress that is not necessary in the condition that I am now.

 

Regarding the business he is handling his clients only, and mine are on hold because I am sick. I am thinking after I get better to pull out my clients and leave the company for sure.

 

Of course I am (or was) emotionally attached to him - there was a time I tough he was emotionally attached to me too.

This week he is skiing and we have limited communication which gave me time to think about what I really want.

 

He didnt ask once how I am and if I am feeling ok, which gave me another perspective on what kind of person he is.

 

I am happy for him, I did knew about all the other gf previously and I was all fine. The issue is that he decided that its better to fight with his partner and f... up his business for a girl which was an employee for one month. That is why I will never trust him and never accept that relationship.

 

Now I dont know how to act around him. Yes he does not want to talk about her infront of me because he is not stupid and he knows how I feel.

 

Since one month I dont know if I want to have a friend who cares how I am in his own terms and is so unstable as a business partner.

 

Still a lot of things rolling in my mind, which cause me stress from which I can not even get better......

[AtlantaJoe]

Most important y'all, be very gentle on yourself. Ya went in with the best of intentions and are in a tough situation. I agree with the other poster, see if ya still want to continue in the business. Life is short and believe in yourself and that ya can do great things.

 

Finally, legally protect yourself if ya want to continue.