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I just can't relate


Business and Professional Relationships Networking and maintaining a positive environment in the work place is important! Surviving the 9-to-5 within.

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Old 10th January 2017, 2:09 PM   #1
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I just can't relate

I'm a pretty chill person. Not much bothers me and I live and let live. I mean I have my thoughts and opinions but at the end of the day... to each their own.


I have this co-worker I love, she's beautiful, fun, kind. But... she's always thinking the world is out to get her, she stresses things that are not in her control. Recently I did an interview and they are starting to call my references. I'm super excited because I'm thinking I'm gonna get the job. I told her about it and now she's irritated with me. She is giving me the cold shoulder and acting like I've done something wrong.


I guess, I feel like if someone is getting a new job, or moving on up I'm super excited for them. At the end of the day, we all must do what's best for our family and our happiness right? So I would be supportive, I don't understand the cold shoulder.


Anyway, I'm a little sad about this situation because I do love the girl, I just can't make her be ok with something that works for me.
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Old 10th January 2017, 2:25 PM   #2
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What is your question?
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Old 10th January 2017, 3:29 PM   #3
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This is simple, she was never your real "friend".

In life, there's no such thing as a friendship that lasts a lifetime - like the "Beaches" movie. Shoot, even in the movie the friendship between the two women had ups, downs, jealousy, envy, them losing touch, etc.

Some people are friends that only served us well for a certain point in our lives (i.e. high school buddies), some you know you can share your deepest secrets with, some are only at a level where the only thing you can do with them is beers and a movie.

This guy called my favorite podcaster. He literally was mourning breaking a frienship with another dude. His friend was still in "party" mode when the guy who called my fav podcaster was maturing and wanted to do more positive things with his life (i.e. hiking, fitness - not getting wasted and chasing girls every weekend). But hey, sometimes we grow past certain people who at one point we considered a "friend".

Chalk this up as not a "friend" but a workplace acquaintance.

Well wishes on the new job
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Old 10th January 2017, 5:06 PM   #4
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I wouldn't consider her not your friend - she is paranoid - you know this.

You also can't expect anyone to behave the way you would.
Forgiving it will relieve your stress.
Forgive her - just for yourself.
Good luck with the new job!
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Old 10th January 2017, 5:12 PM   #5
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Is she worried about losing your friendship or about how it will affect her work? If it's the former, you can reassure her that you will still be friends, share contact info, whatever (assuming you want too).

If it's the latter that is really between her and her boss to sort out, but it may depend on how the company has previously handled situations when people leave. Some companies it really can be hard on the remaining employees.
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Old 10th January 2017, 5:52 PM   #6
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She's probably upset about losing a friend at work. Think about it, you.may very well spend more with her at work than anyone else, even family. The same is true for her. You are excited for a new opportunity but she is sad because about 50% of the time she spends awake, at work, is going to drastically change for the worse by losing you at work.

You can't tell me if you got rejected and learned you were stuck with your current employer and the found out she was leaving you wouldn't be hurt or sad. With coworkers I consider friends I hate seeing them leave, it changes a comfortable dynamic. I am happy they are advancing but sad that my work environment will be worse off.
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Old 11th January 2017, 11:12 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Survivor12 View Post
What is your question?

I'm sorry, I'm pretty new to LS, I mean I've been reading it for a while, but new to posting my stuff. I didn't realize it had to be a question. I just posted a situation and figured if anyone had input they would comment.
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Old 11th January 2017, 11:17 AM   #8
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You guys are pretty awesome, thanks for all the best wishes!! I have learned the older I get that we have different friendships in our lives and not all of them are forever.


I don't work in her department but she's welcomed me in as if I did. I get to join in all the fun they do on her side, and felt we were close. When someone in her department has left she is upset and says it's a loyalty issue. I guess she feels that about me too.


Truth be told I like to be at a job a few years then see what else is out there, I have learned so much, had so many experiences and met so many amazing people. LOL and some not so amazing people. This stresses some out, my mom is a baby boomer so thinks I'm crazy, but being a work gypsy is exciting for me. I love new adventures and learning new things. I just wish my co-worker and I were good, I do love her she's a good person... its just this one thing. She disagrees with my choice so cuts me off.
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Old 11th January 2017, 12:24 PM   #9
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I'm, like you I live and let live. We can't change others but we can change ourselves, including our reactions, I'm sorry she feels that way but you're doin what's best for you, anything beyond is her problem sorry to say. She needs to learn some ways to cope with her emotions.
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Old 11th January 2017, 5:48 PM   #10
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Leaving co-workers and colleagues can be funnily enough quite hard and sometimes it's an emotional process. Obviously it's completely dependent on how well you know them and vise versa, but still applies regardless.

I agree with most, that she is probably just a little agitated at the fact that you're (planning on) leaving. But, like you said you must do what's best for your own family, finance and happiness fundamentally.

Godspeed and hopefully you get appointed the job.
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Old 11th January 2017, 11:21 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by IfonlyIknew View Post
I'm, like you I live and let live. We can't change others but we can change ourselves, including our reactions, I'm sorry she feels that way but you're doin what's best for you, anything beyond is her problem sorry to say. She needs to learn some ways to cope with her emotions.
A real "friend" would be happy for you and hide their emotions. We're human, we're gonna hurt, feel, etc - but we do have control on whether or not we show it. A good person "gives" they don't stand their with his/her hand out and make your happiness all about "them".
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Old 12th January 2017, 2:34 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by moana View Post
I'm a pretty chill person. Not much bothers me and I live and let live. I mean I have my thoughts and opinions but at the end of the day... to each their own.


I have this co-worker I love, she's beautiful, fun, kind. But... she's always thinking the world is out to get her, she stresses things that are not in her control. Recently I did an interview and they are starting to call my references. I'm super excited because I'm thinking I'm gonna get the job. I told her about it and now she's irritated with me. She is giving me the cold shoulder and acting like I've done something wrong.


I guess, I feel like if someone is getting a new job, or moving on up I'm super excited for them. At the end of the day, we all must do what's best for our family and our happiness right? So I would be supportive, I don't understand the cold shoulder.


Anyway, I'm a little sad about this situation because I do love the girl, I just can't make her be ok with something that works for me.
She's a debbie downer and probably one that likes drama and negativity, she gets something out of it.

She's jealous that's why. Doesn't like change and how it will affect her. She doesn't care how great of an opportunity it is for you (congrats by the way!).
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Old 12th January 2017, 7:58 PM   #13
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She probably just has a problem with change. I have a friend who if you drive down the street and they're tearing out an old building to put in a new one acts like it's the crime of the century. Oddly, she is overly optimistic -- but really it's just her way of compensating for her fears. She always gets mad if you say anything that's not all unicorns and rainbows, but yet she fears change so much.

Each to his own, like you say. Not your problem.
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