Tressugar Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I need an answer. I was invited to go to the funeral service of a former coworker (whom I met once (never worked with her) mother. I learned her mother died of cancer. My father has terminal cancer. I can't take something so emotionally charged for me in my life right now. I informed the invitee, not the former coworker, since I don't know the former coworker and this is an emotionally charged situation for me I won't be able to attend. I did offer to help contribute financially for the card or flowers. Am I wrong or shooting myself in the foot for not attending? Here's the disclaimer; I'm still on probation and work in an extremely small office full of women. What's your take on the situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I need an answer. I was invited to go to the funeral service of a former coworker (whom I met once (never worked with her) mother. I learned her mother died of cancer. My father has terminal cancer. I can't take something so emotionally charged for me in my life right now. I informed the invitee, not the former coworker, since I don't know the former coworker and this is an emotionally charged situation for me I won't be able to attend. I did offer to help contribute financially for the card or flowers. Am I wrong or shooting myself in the foot for not attending? Here's the disclaimer; I'm still on probation and work in an extremely small office full of women. What's your take on the situation? Without further information, it would be hard to advise. Was the former co-worker a very popular long term employee of the company? Is it a small company? Is it a small town where everyone in town goes to a funeral when anybody dies? If that be the case, the company ownership might believe the current employees attendance at the funeral is the company extending condolences to the former employee. You might decide to go. If not, no way am I going to to that funeral. You do not know the deceased or any of her family members. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted January 5, 2017 Author Share Posted January 5, 2017 (edited) Thank you for your response. The department is very large, but where I work is a small satellite branch of the department in a different city from the main office. We live in a somewhat big city. The former coworker I think was a long term employee for the department. I've seen her one time (never exchanged words), she's still friends with my current coworkers and I never knew her mother. I know I think very differently than most and I would probably be offended if someone were to attend one of my relatives funeral services without first consulting me or knowing my family. Edited January 5, 2017 by Tressugar Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 I agree with you. I would feel odd about going to a funeral when I didn't even know the deceased or the family. Being invited to the funeral of a coworker's mother when you don't even know the coworker is weird to me. Funerals are for grieving, saying goodbye and supporting our living loved ones. None of that applies to you since you hardly even know these people. I probably wouldn't go but you say you are on probation and work in a small office full of women. In that situation a social miss-step could go badly for you? What is your impression so far of the women you work with? Have you seen them behave gossipy or judgemental of other women in the office? Do they have cliques? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 5, 2017 Share Posted January 5, 2017 I wouldn't think of going to a funeral of someone I didn't know unless I went with my spouse who did know them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BlackCherry Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 I wouldn't worry. Given you barely know the woman and didn't know her mother, I'm guessing you just got invited as default along with the rest of your coworkers as they didn't want to exclude you. Nobody will bat an eyelid if you don't go, it might even look weird if you DO go. But seriously I doubt anyone will notice. Having thrown a funeral for my own mom, I can tell you that emotions and stress are so high it's difficult to recall who even showed up or not on the day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tressugar Posted January 9, 2017 Author Share Posted January 9, 2017 Anika...in response to your questions. Yes my unit is very gossipy! They have already spilled tea on those who knows the former coworker and knew of that coworker's mom and still elected not to attend the funeral. The upside of any office gossip there it tends to pass quickly. So far no one has held any long grudges against anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
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