Rubyxx Posted December 11, 2016 Share Posted December 11, 2016 So I started this new job nine months ago. A manager trainee instantly caught my eye but I let it go. About a month into my new job he was made a manager. And once I had been there for about four months I was having trouble not flirting with him. I was slowly letting thoughts of him not get in my way, especially when he's flirting with me back. The hardest part is that even though he's my superior he is not my direct supervisor and he has no say in my job. Because of that company policy does not limit the type of relationship we are allowed to have. I need to get him off my mind. A relationship is not for me right now. And we work in an office where gossip is strong, I do not want to be the topic of anyone's conversation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 11, 2016 Share Posted December 11, 2016 At this point, its all down to willpower and self-discipline. You have to tell yourself no, and really mean it. Take care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted December 11, 2016 Share Posted December 11, 2016 (edited) Don't dip your pen... These situations are complicated, always. You'll find yourself super attracted to a co-worker (Here a superior even) and you seem smart enough to understand that you'll be everyone topic of discussion at coffee time. Sorry, life isn't always making it easy for us. You're attracted to someone with whom a relationship would jeopardy your job and his, and also your careers. Edited December 11, 2016 by Shanex 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TennisGal Posted December 11, 2016 Share Posted December 11, 2016 I married someone at the company where I worked. We were in different departments in different buildings and had different bosses. We knew each other for years before we started dating. Life is more important than work, IMO. If you think there could be something real here, then why not find out? One of you can get another job down the road if necessary. As the saying goes, you can love a good job, but a job won't love you back. If you can have a meaningful relationship longterm, then what's a job worth if it prevents that? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AmandaDiane Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 Your situation is complicated, depending on what you want in the long run with him, you should either stand back or go for it. If you think is a casual thing, don;t risk it; but if you think that could evolve to something good in the long term, then my advise would be to go forward with it. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rubyxx Posted December 12, 2016 Author Share Posted December 12, 2016 Thanks everyone for the responses. Last week he was out a few days sick, and once he came back to work I was so excited and happy just to see him. Since his return he has upped his game and has let me know that he is interested. But I am uncertain if I should start a new relationship right now. Link to post Share on other sites
CommittedToThis Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 Hi! A relationship is not for me right now. I am uncertain if I should start a new relationship right now. Rubyxx, you obviously know you're not ready for a relationship now, all good; does this mean you're also not ready for dating? I would put aside thoughts of a relationship with your co-worker until you've actually, you know, gone on some dates with him. No need to put the cart before the horse, right? I'm old school but in my day, dating co-workers was always thought of as a bad idea. Weird to learn the workplace is a primary hook-up place these days. Dang, and I work from home. All the best, trust your intuition, Rubyxx. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 How important is this job to you? If it is important then I wouldn't proceed. If it's not important (i.e., summer job, college job) and you plan to be there only a short time anyway then it might be worth considering. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rubyxx Posted December 21, 2016 Author Share Posted December 21, 2016 I agree dating a coworker can be bad news, and this job is important to me. I need the money, I feel like I am lucky to even have gotten this job and I cant throw it away. I am wondering though if my superior has his eyes set on another job and intends to quit because he has clearly made his mind up to pursue me. I believe this to be true because he was out sick, and once he came back he put himself in my path. Rarely did I run into him outside of the office, but since his return he can always be found where I frequent. Example: 9am I run out for a coffee and smoke, he goes out at around 9:30. The other day he left at 8:55, I got caught up in some work and couldnt go until 915. I found him at my usual morning spot and he stayed the whole time I did, until about 935 when he usually is only gone for about 10 minutes. I am trying to get rid of this crush by focusing on his bad qualities, but the bad doesnt seem so bad anymore. I have tried finding his physical flaws but now they are invisible to me. Some days hes an ******* but I no longer find that in him. Some days he wears too much cologne but now it seems like just enough. I am so bad at hiding my feelings, Im sure the whole office knows anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 If he's a single man I say go for it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rubyxx Posted December 24, 2016 Author Share Posted December 24, 2016 I decided to listen to you, stillafool, but I am bad at this stuff. Before the work Christmas party a bunch of us went out for drinks which was arranged last minute. I invited him and he said he may go, which he didnt. Now Im wondering if Im delusional. Has he really been flirting with me? Maybe he just likes to flirt and Im an easy target. However, he was in a rush to leave because he had a long drive to meet family for the holiday. Either way, I feel the ball is in his court and Im backing off. Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted December 24, 2016 Share Posted December 24, 2016 I think you're right. The ball is in his court. If he's interested in dating you, he can ask you out. Do be wise, though...his "interest" may not be the kind you are hoping for and not worth causing problems at your job. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted December 26, 2016 Share Posted December 26, 2016 make sure he is really keen, this will stop you being a passing fling, so no sex in a hurry 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rubyxx Posted January 1, 2017 Author Share Posted January 1, 2017 I decided to back off since he didn't show for drinks, and I have tried being friendly but I am too afraid of it being obvious that I am thinking of him. He is still following me and we're making small talk, he casually announced his new years party plans rather loudly in the office. So loud that I think he was saying it to ensure I heard. Anyway, when work resumes after the new year I will discuss this with him. I cannot stand waiting on him to get the nerve to seriously to talk about this. I don't believe he views me as a work-friend; his actions say otherwise. I don't want to appear desperate, because I'm not, but I hate not having closure. Happy new years!! Link to post Share on other sites
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