I constantly feel awkward at work!

[Mapper71]

I'm nearly 45 years old and I've been shy my entire life. What makes me maddest of all is when others say to me "Wow you have to stop being so loud" or "I can barely get anything done with you chattering away". I get it. I am shy and those comments are very hurtful to me and I want to punch anyone who says it. Usually it's coming from those who can't shut up or are easily able to talk to anyone. I don't have the gift of gab, but I don't need someone else to think they're being funny by telling me those things.

 

There was a baby shower for a coworker yesterday over the lunch period where people could just stop in for some treats and see her and her family. I work across the street in another building with 11 others in my dept. A lot of the dept went over about 10 minutes before I did because I wanted to finish something up. I go over and most of them were just coming back, but I went up anyways. I barely know this woman and I don't think she even knows who I am. Everyone is in there having conversations and some people look at me and then look away. I kind of sidle up to some people but they are deep in conversation and pay no attention to me. It was SO uncomfortable. Here I am in the middle of the room and nobody wants to acknowledge me. I was there for maybe 2 minutes and left without speaking a word to anyone. I so often feel like I am invisible or weird or something because people just don't want to talk to me. Even if I do start talking to someone, more often than not I don't know what to say or I say such stupid stuff.

 

I want to do things like take art classes, but I don't want one on one time with the instructor because I know I will suck at whatever they are trying to show me. I want to volunteer at an animal shelter but people will probably ignore me there too and think I'm weird so I'll quit immediately. I went skiing with a coworker of mine last year and I hadn't been skiing in 15 years but I was good the last time I went. We took an hour class with an instructor with a small group and I was absolutely horrible. He was probably wondering why I was in the intermediate group. I fell down so many times and couldn't get up without help because I kept sliding. The group would just stare at me struggling to get up and I felt horrible. Finally someone would come over and help me.

 

I just feel so awkward in just about every situation that it's keeping me from doing much of anything. I wish I could be one of those people who make everyone feel at ease and have witty things to say, but I'm not. I see people start work here and within a month everyone knows who they are and love them. I've been here for over 3 years and there are still people who don't know who I am and if they do know me, they barely acknowledge me.

[piano1962]

Hello there, I am so sorry you're feeling neglected. It's not always easy to be in an office environment or in a place with lots of people. The people who said those mean comments have no right to do that to you. They are being very insensitive. From what you've written, it almost seemed to me you are projecting negative outcomes of things that you want to do in your mind before you even do it. Will it be possible for you to may be adjust your thinking a little bit? Instead of telling yourself "I'll probably fail', can you replace that with "I can do it"? Of course, you've probably had some experience of failures in the past, but that doesn't mean you are going to fail every time! I'd encourage you to be bold and try doing that in your mind and then proceed with what you want to do. Give yourself some positive reinforcement; you'll be surprised what your mind can do. Just one little phrase at a time. Any time you think of negative, try to switch your thinking cap to saying something positive. Also, do not compare yourself to other people. And don't try to guess what they are thinking. Will you try it? Hope to hear good news from you!! Take care!

[Nowty V]

Try this book

 

The Highly Sensitive Person:

How To Thrive When The World Overwhelms You

by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D.

 

Some people use 'Introvert' some use HSP, finding out about yourself will show you the positives in your [possible] personality traits

[Beautywithin]

wow its almost as if i could of wrote this, i work in an office and i'm very shy and quiet ( always have been ) and every day a comment is made about how quiet i am compared to everyone else! i work with lots of males, so as you can imagine its a bloody nightmare dealing with comments from them,

 

iv'e been at my work for a couple of years and there are still people who don't no me, if you are anything like me it takes you a while to let people in anyway i don't feel the need to be loud and draw attention to myself.

 

All i will say is don't try and change, you are who you are people who make comments are just trying to make them self look good, i used to feel awkward in every situation but i have really pushed myself to try things and not worry so much about what others think!

 

xx

[Mapper71]

I do get very envious of those people who can start at a new job and within a few weeks everyone knows who they are and they are so charasmatic. There's nothing worse than walking into a room and feeling the awkwardness of just standing there looking awkward. Nobody wants to talk to you.

 

There are approximately 100 people where I work, but my department of 12 people is in a separate building across the street because there's no room in the main building. So it doesn't help that I am separated from a majority of the company and when I go over there I get looks like "Are you a customer?" and that's why I don't like to go over there because it's awkward. My former manager even said "You don't like coming over to eat lunch at the main building but prefer to eat at your desk, don't you?" Yup! Once again I was made to feel like an awkward, weird person!

 

Why is it the loud obnoxious people never get picked on? I sit by someone who never shuts up and turns every conversation to something about her. Yet, nobody thinks she's weird or awkward, they just laugh it off as she likes to talk. Yet I don't say much of anything and I get strange looks and snickering behind my back about my weirdness.

[ChickiePops]

It kind of seems like you're expecting people to go out of their way to include you when you don't go out of your way to be friendly to them. I understand that you're shy but you can't expect friends to fall into your lap. I seriously doubt that anyone is intentionally trying to make you feel awkward.

 

It's very likely that what you see as shyness, other people see as unfriendliness. Even if you can't find the courage to speak to anyone, you could try smiling at them. That doesn't take any effort at all, and it would make you more approachable.

 

It might also help if you stop judging people as 'loud and obnoxious' just because they have more confidence than you.

[preraph]

Social stuff is very tricky. If it makes you feel any better, I am usually okay to casually talk to people, but I ALWAYS nonetheless had many times when I'd come into a room and just feel like there was no one open to go up to and talk to or anyone welcoming me. I think it happens to a lot of people. I am fairly gregarious, but even I have times when I feel like a ghost in the room. Now, if I have a purpose or duty to be there, a role to play, I am usually fine.

 

The key is not to take it personally. Because remember that there are probably more people on your end of the scale than gregarious ones who are laughing and easy talking to everyone, so that's why in a room like that, you get a lot of constipated people who don't know what to do and are too shy to just cold-approach anyone. I think the best thing to do, but even it takes some nerve, is pick out someone else who looks lost and just go up to them and introduce yourself or ask how they are. It's awkward, but you're not alone. I bet at least half the room feels that way but maybe they cover it up better. I learned to cover it up some with a big pointless smile.

 

Don't let it stop you.

 

I hope you will do some animal rescue, but I will caution you (because i've done it) that animal rescuers, especially the long-timers, can become really hostile towards people in general. Of ones working with organizations, I never found any of them very friendly. They just see the bad day in and day out with people trying to dump their pets on them because they discovered they aren't a toy you can just put in a box and forget about when you're done. But please don't let that stop you. Just don't assume it will lead to anything social. However, they will or should be appreciative for your help.

 

You know, I volunteered at the zoo years ago and found myself pretty alone there. Half the people were rich socialites because that's what keeps the zoo going, and they are the muckety-mucks and all stick together and ride golf carts around. Then the animal handlers were more down to earth, but you know, all animal people and not particularly trying to reach out and make a new friend. But it was still very rewarding because I love animals.

[GemmaUK]

It kind of seems like you're expecting people to go out of their way to include you when you don't go out of your way to be friendly to them. I understand that you're shy but you can't expect friends to fall into your lap. I seriously doubt that anyone is intentionally trying to make you feel awkward.

 

It's very likely that what you see as shyness, other people see as unfriendliness. Even if you can't find the courage to speak to anyone, you could try smiling at them. That doesn't take any effort at all, and it would make you more approachable.

 

It might also help if you stop judging people as 'loud and obnoxious' just because they have more confidence than you.

 

I totally agree!

In the main because I am shy and quiet. We also all judge - good or bad - it's natural and instinctive. What we take and accept is where the difference comes from though.

I am old enough now to know and choose whether I want to go to a baby shower or a birthday something though.

How old are you Mapper?

If I don't want to go I don't.

If I want to poke my head in then obviously the first ten minutes is 'the bit' to do and then slope away so don't be late if you feel you should go.

Otherwise, if you know the person well you mail them or speak to them one to one.

 

It's not that hard - maybe you need to learn as you age with this.

I'm mid forties - so know how to handle this type of thing at this stage.

I'm guessing you are a teen or early twenties - so don't beat yourself up.

It's life stuff that you will come to learn.

[SoulCat]

I read a bunch of your other post and I can only come to the conclusion that you do not like other people. You don't seem to 'like' anyone.

You carry grievances against your husband, your mom, your step-daughter, your co-workers, neighbours and even perfect strangers. You seem to treat all of them with contempt and bitterness.

 

My guess is that they sense that, and that's why they avoid you. You exude negativity.

 

You fully admit to preferring to isolate yourself. Instead of parking your butt in the communal lunch area you choose to eat at your desk. You purposefully create a void between you and other people.

You walk away when things get hard. When you mess up.

You are very very hard on yourself, but what are you trying to prove exactly? And to who?

 

You are both envious and resentful of coworkers who are outgoing and chatty, and instead of befriending them you alienate them with your negativity and contempt.

 

Over the many threads you've posted on your issues you have been given great advice but thus far you've chosen to do nothing with it. That's your prerogative. Just don't expect anything to change if you aren't willing to either.

 

 

Take pride in little things, ignore what people 'may' think.

Fall over, mess up, make a fool yourself. Nobody has ever died of embarrassment.