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Is Work Your Social Life?


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I'm starting to wonder if this is odd. I've never been great at establishing lasting friendships, which may go some way to explaining it.

 

I moved to a new town some years ago. All the jobs I've had since have been in other locations at least 20 miles away - and I've never really got to know anyone here. None that are close enough that I would want to do anything socially with, anyway. My wife has quite a few friendships she's established nearby... She's into things that I have no interest in and that's her circle, so I don't really get on with those people or their OH's. Most of them are fundamentally different to me in the way they think and the things they believe in.

 

My social life mainly revolves around going out with colleagues. I know it's not ideal, but these are people that (like it or not!) I spend most of my week around and have built a level of understanding with. In fact it's probably fair to say most of the people I now count as friends are either current or ex-colleagues. It's almost like I have two distinctly separate parts of my life - one at home, the other at work. It makes me very uncomfortable if they ever mix.

 

Is this strange?

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GunslingerRoland

I work at a company where people often stay decades, it's not somewhere that the average person comes and goes from, so working with people for years, close friendships are established, so a lot of my social life does revolve around coworkers, and it's really common here.

 

As for the mixing, I would say that is a little strange. I think you and your wife should try to find more couple friends somehow. I don't know if you have kids, but especially when you have children, it's nice to have a social network of other families.

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Michelle ma Belle

I don't think it's strange at all. Like you said, these are the people we spend the most time with so it's not that unusual to form friendships and even close bonds with some of our work colleagues. Two of my very best friends were women I met at work. They've since moved on to work elsewhere but if it weren't for work, we wouldn't have met otherwise and I'm so grateful for that.

 

Enjoy!

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I don't think it's all that strange, but I do think you should be able to mingle your wife with your workmates if they are real friends. And I just caution you to know that if you leave a job, you may be surprised to see who doesn't stick around as a friend afterward, too. I had a career that was my whole life for 20 years and I did make genuine friends in it, but I also found out when I left one powerful position that I had a few fake friends who were just sucking up to me and weren't real friends at all.

 

I'm trying to imagine why you wouldn't feel comfortable with your work friends around your spouse. Are you going out of bounds with them on things she wouldn't approve of, or are you afraid they wouldn't approve of her or what?

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I'm trying to imagine why you wouldn't feel comfortable with your work friends around your spouse. Are you going out of bounds with them on things she wouldn't approve of, or are you afraid they wouldn't approve of her or what?

 

I don't know. I tend to compartmentalise things, I see my work relationships as completely separate to home life. It's not just her - when work friends have met non-work friends in the past I've found that weird... it's like they are different worlds that aren't meant to meet.

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I don't think it's strange at all. Like you said, these are the people we spend the most time with so it's not that unusual to form friendships and even close bonds with some of our work colleagues. Two of my very best friends were women I met at work. They've since moved on to work elsewhere but if it weren't for work, we wouldn't have met otherwise and I'm so grateful for that.

 

Enjoy!

 

Thanks Michelle. Thinking about it, aside from one person that I've known since I was 5 or 6, the people I'd call close friends are all from places I've worked in the past.

 

I think dropping out of college also is a factor (which is probably the biggest regret I have). Most people I know that went on to uni have a group of friends from their time there.

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While I have a couple close relationships with coworkers, work is not my social life. Who I am at work is not the full/real me and I choose to keep the two separate. I have enough intermingling already and in my position it would not be a positive to fraternize too much anyway.

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I used to not mix the two worlds but I've relaxed on that over the last 6 years or so and have carefully brought in some of my coworkers into my personal life. I'll attend the occasional happy hour or something like that but I don't socialize with them outside of work except for the couple of closer friends.

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Blackened Heart

I was just thinking about this very topic. I'm the type of person that loves being active, staying up late at a bar, karaoke, or doing concerts and so sort. But wow, is my lifestyle the complete opposite of my co-workers!

 

When I was telling them about Halloween and walking around Hollywood drunk at 2am, they couldn't understand how I could stay up so late, some even saying during their Halloween "party" their group were already heading back to bed by 9pm.... -.-

 

I mean seriously, 9pm!?!?! And these are people around my age, late 20s, early 30's. Or when I tell them about flying to another country to see a specific band, they seem so perplexed by the idea. I like my co-workers and can get along with them, but wow are they buzz kills.

 

Back to topic though, I thought about this as it is hard to maintain friendships over the years, people's lives change and making new connections isn't so easy. It's not like in high school or college where you are surrounded by so many your age. Been thinking about doing meetups soon to potentially expand my circle some.

 

Right now, trying to figure who would be willing to fly to Japan with me to go see Guns and Roses :bunny:

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Brady_to_Moss

I spend 9 hours a day with them..i work with awesome people..we joke..fantasy football...ect ect..always talking. So yeah in my case it is

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Eternal Sunshine

My work is my social life too. It's mostly due to moving to a new city and I work with many vibrant, highly intelligent people with similar interests to me.

 

When I lived in my former city for 15 years, most of my friendships weren't from work.

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I don't know. I tend to compartmentalise things, I see my work relationships as completely separate to home life. It's not just her - when work friends have met non-work friends in the past I've found that weird... it's like they are different worlds that aren't meant to meet.

 

I get that because I'm that way, especially online. My interests are kind of starkly contrasting. Like all my old friends are old music culture friends. But I'm real interested in crime and that sort of thing and so liberal about some things and then not at all about violent crime. So there's not much crossover there. But I've been trying to blend a bit more lately and it's been okay.

 

But when it's your wife, honestly, that's your partner. If I were her, I would feel like you were sneaking around doing something she wouldn't approve of.

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  • 2 weeks later...
I don't know. I tend to compartmentalise things, I see my work relationships as completely separate to home life. It's not just her - when work friends have met non-work friends in the past I've found that weird... it's like they are different worlds that aren't meant to meet.

 

This is how I thought at first. I truly am a different person at work, and a different person outside of work. And then one day, a work Christmas party happened, and my outside-of-work personality suddenly emerged. My coworkers saw the fun side of me, instead of the usual the serious side that they see all the time at work. After this, I started getting invited to happy hours more often, and that's how I became close to them. It was weird at first to be hanging out with them like I do with my outside-of-work friends, but eventually I became much closer to my work friends.

 

I am still in touch with my outside-of-work friends (which happen to be friends from college), but we don't spend time regularly. In fact, I don't have much in common with them anymore, so work is pretty much my social life now.

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LoverofWrestling

As I'm in a temporary position at the moment, my social life doesn't revolve around my colleagues and I've only had one night with them since starting in September. I spend much more time with friends I've made in other ways - for example through my old theatre group or the wrestling shows that I attend. I work to be able to afford to have a social life

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It's not "strange", but IMO, should be prohibited.

 

I mean, I've seen the downside of all these people. They form cliques, favoritism, and carry out workplace drama.

 

I had a fool who just worked with me for two weeks wondering why I didn't go X thing they did with her. Really? We just started working here two weeks ago and you are a stranger to me. Are you that pathetic that me not showing up for your thing at work made you sad? Do you have any life/friends outside of work?

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