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Unwanted Advances at Work


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Old 17th August 2016, 5:45 PM   #1
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Unwanted Advances at Work

I have another situation where a man is coming onto me at work. I have turned down his advances and told him no several times.

He's now showing up when I get to work, when I use the gym, etc. Always when I'm alone. I have even tried varying my routine and he's still there.

The issue with this specific situation that I haven't encountered before is this man doesn't work for my company. Instead he works for a company separate from mine who has a contract with the area around me for maintenance. I also don't have the guy's name. So I wouldn't have any idea how to report this even if I tried.

I tried talking to my BF about this and he just told me 'Let me know if there's anything I can do to help'. I tried talking to a few male coworkers that I'm close to and got some ideas but I'm not convinced any of them would work. I'm not sure what to do next.
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Old 17th August 2016, 7:50 PM   #2
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You report it to your boss and they will have to find out who the company is and make the complaint. Even if you don't know his name, they can talk to all that work there. It's creepy, so tell your boss.
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Old 17th August 2016, 8:01 PM   #3
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With technology being what it is today, it shouldn't be too hard to find out who he is and who he works for. Maybe also go with a more firm turndown "F-Off,ya freak",ect..
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Old 17th August 2016, 9:21 PM   #4
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In a situation like this, never be afraid to be rude. I have problems similar to this sometimes, because I work in a nearly all-male technical field. It just plain stinks when they don't listen to a very clear "No!"

What's always worked for me is getting my "violent crazy" on. You don't actually have to hurt anybody or make threats, and I wouldn't advise that because it could be illegal. The idea is to leave no doubt in his mind that you CAN and WILL. It's an attitude/demeanor thing, and kind of hard to describe, but I hope you get the point.

I take it from your description that a lot of this is happening outside of work hours. You can report it to the police, file harassment charges, whatever. Next time he shows up, take his picture and tell him it is going to the police. Take it to the next level and get mean if you need to.
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Old 17th August 2016, 10:17 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by major_merrick View Post
In a situation like this, never be afraid to be rude. I have problems similar to this sometimes, because I work in a nearly all-male technical field. It just plain stinks when they don't listen to a very clear "No!"

What's always worked for me is getting my "violent crazy" on. You don't actually have to hurt anybody or make threats, and I wouldn't advise that because it could be illegal. The idea is to leave no doubt in his mind that you CAN and WILL. It's an attitude/demeanor thing, and kind of hard to describe, but I hope you get the point.

I take it from your description that a lot of this is happening outside of work hours. You can report it to the police, file harassment charges, whatever. Next time he shows up, take his picture and tell him it is going to the police. Take it to the next level and get mean if you need to.
That's similar to the approach I used to take in the old days. I was in a business where there weren't many women and a lot of obnoxious guys who felt they could say anything to a woman (it was pre Anita Hill). Anyway, if they would come right out and proposition me, like "Let's go ____," or something like that, I would look them up and down like I was sizing them up and then say, with kind of a sadistic glint, "Nah, you wouldn't like it." Used to scare them to death.
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Old 18th August 2016, 12:28 AM   #6
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So I take it this is a maintenance guy who shows up in places ostensibly to do maintenance while you happen to be there? And the gym - work gym? If not that's a while diff ballgame.

Can you get his license plate number by any chance? Sorry to pepper you w questions lol, just gathering prelim info.
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Old 18th August 2016, 1:56 AM   #7
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This is more like stalking l. Make it clear to him to leave you alone or you will get law enforcement involved and file a complaint.
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Old 18th August 2016, 11:05 AM   #8
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I work in tech too so I am used to being the only woman and having the men make comments like that. I just dish it right back and we all laugh about it. So I really don't have much trouble being cheeky like that.

Yes this guy is a maintenance guy for a big office campus (there are many workers). He seems to have figured out my schedule and appears whenever I am somewhere and alone. If someone is there he doesn't come out. He'll show up in the work gym when I'm working out or when I'm leaving the locker room, be near my car when I arrive and lunch, pop out of stairwells, call the elevator when I'm in it, etc. Not sure how he is getting any work done. He has access to the 'community' type areas; not my actual office.

I have already tried varying my schedule and he still shows up. I have also started parking closer to the building so I can get into the stairs and elevator quickly and take both inconsistently. Once I get up the first floor I badge in and then take internal routes the rest of the way (he has no access to inside my office).

I've also mentioned it to two of my (male) coworkers in my department who I am closer with. One is from his country (Mexico). Their suggestion was since I didn't know his name was to tell it to the guy who does maintenance for our building (who is employed by my company) and see if he can pass it on to the other maintenance company.

He doesn't speak English very well. I don't speak his language too well but I speak one close enough I can figure it out most of the time. Though no does mean no in his language. I have turned down date requests. Told him no many times. Gave him the cheek, pushed him away, and said no when he tried to kiss me, etc.

Last edited by Miss Peach; 18th August 2016 at 11:08 AM..
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Old 18th August 2016, 11:24 AM   #9
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You've had to physically push him away and avoid actual kisses? Peaches, that's borderline sexual assault.

This is what you need to do: go speak to your immediate supervisor where you work and tell them that a member of the campus maintenance company staff is harassing you. Explain all the details. They should then take it from there and make the necessary inquiries w the maintenance company to attempt to identify him. You may have to visually ID him yourself.

If that somehow goes nowhere (I can't fathom how it wouldn't but if so), you need to go to the police and make the same complaint.

This is serious business Peaches and you have to deal w it accordingly. It's not your responsibility to make sure this guy doesn't lose his job or anything like that, it's his responsibility not to harass ppl and/or commit crimes during the course of carrying out his work duties. Don't allow yourself to be made to live this way where you're hiding and taking sneaky routes and all that - whether you realize it or not it's affecting your quality of life and you shouldn't and don't have to tolerate that.

I'll also add I don't like the sound of all this in terms of rape potential, frankly. I think you're at significant risk here, so please take action to protect yourself.
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Old 18th August 2016, 11:45 AM   #10
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Yeah I'm with Jen on this.

The "having to push him away" part and the "he knows every single detail of your schedule" part are both very scary. This is so much more than just a creepy guy who has the hots for you (which is bad enough as it is).

I cannot imagine that your company would ignore this once you make an official complaint. Even if it's just for liability reasons, they cannot let this go unaddressed. At this point, you need help, whether if be from office bigwigs and office security, or the police.
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Old 18th August 2016, 12:37 PM   #11
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Report it to HR immediately. You are protected by harassment regardless if coworker, vendor, client, customer, etc.
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Old 18th August 2016, 3:20 PM   #12
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Your work has "campus" security in and around your building right? REPORT TODAY. If not...at this point...POLICE.
I feel like you seem really casual about the way you are relaying this ie. told a few coworkers, changed my schedule. You need to take actions that ELIMINATE this situation, it's gone on long enough and you shouldn't be taking all these efforts to protect yourself, you need someone with the power to end this stalking, it's not enough to make a few mild adjustments hoping it will just end, you don't know the guys criminal background and history so step up the level of reporting these things .
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Old 18th August 2016, 3:42 PM   #13
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I agree you need to do something about it right away. If he is pushing himself on you physically, hell, call the police! Because no one else may do anything except tell him to leave you alone but he'll still be there and might follow you home if he hasn't already.

I had this Mexican mafia older guy become a real problem the year I worked at an auto dealership, no less. He directed all the other Hispanics there and they worked on his behalf and were always tricking me into riding the parking lot golf carts with them, which yes, you do share if someone else wants to go with, and then they went so far as to actually deliver me to him one day! I knew he was after me, mainly because he'd stare and stuff but then have the other guys telling me that. When I got mad and reported him, which I think I did to the HR number, then he tried to arrange it so I could (how petty) never get my hands on a golf cart, at which time I went to the manager (who was pretty sexist himself, which is why I went to HR) and just told him he was mad because I wouldn't be his girlfriend and trying to keep me from using a golfcart now, and he put a stop to it, but I had one of his minions actually tell me he was kind of powerful and I was kind of scared for awhile that he'd find out where I lived. They also wrote in Spanish on the temporary license plate you put in a car for a test drive and someone finally told me they'd written that I was a prostitute in Spanish on it.

I'd always been able to handle situations myself too, but that one kind of scared me because it would have been so easy to follow me home. So please take care of this and don't pull punches. Please realize that rejecting someone who is deluded or off in the head may only turn them on more and make them more determined.
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Old 18th August 2016, 3:45 PM   #14
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P.S., if you want to PM me and give me a good description of the guy and the contact info for your company and have me do an anonymous complain on him for you, I'd be happy to. But I do like the idea of trying to get his tag number. But you shouldn't be afraid to do it yourself. We have laws to protect us nowadays.
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Old 18th August 2016, 8:54 PM   #15
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If he has touched you or attempted to kiss you, that is assault territory! At that point, I would not hesitate to act in self defense. Remember the old self-defense technique "SING," which stands for:

Solar plexus, Instep (foot), Nose, Groin. You may have to use it. And carry some sort of pepper spray or self-defense item, whether or not your job allows it. Your life and health are worth more than a paycheck.

This is sounding very rape-y, and you'd better take action immediately. I don't care if he's from another culture/language group where that's acceptable. In fact, that makes it doubly risky and obnoxious. Take every measure to protect yourself, because this is not going away until you do something about it. Tell your boss, tell the police, tell your family/friends. Let everyone know what is going on. Take photos of the guy. Get his prints by handing him something and taking him back. You need to get backup, evidence, whatever in case this stuff goes south. And by all means, for the love of God, find a way to get this guy fired.
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