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My Boss Done Messed Up


Business and Professional Relationships Networking and maintaining a positive environment in the work place is important! Surviving the 9-to-5 within.

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Old 7th August 2016, 5:30 PM   #1
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My Boss Done Messed Up

I'm a private chef for a small IT company and have held this position for the past year and a half. I love my job, my coworkers, and until recently, prided myself that I could maintain a professional and platonic relationship with my employer. We'll call him Mr. Guy.

Mr. Guy and I have a very close friendship and professional relationship as not only am I his chef, I'm also his personal assistant. I remind him of obligations, clean things for him, I do most all his day to day things. In the past we have talked very candidly to each other about pretty personal matters including personal relationships and romantic ones. He knows I've been involved with the same man for the past 3 years pretty seriously and that I love my boyfriend.

To make a long story short, yesterday Mr. Guy told me he wants a relationship with me. He told me he thinks we'd make great partners. His exact words were, "I don't think there are as many people who would connect and go as well together as you and I could." He told me he was fully aware I was in a relationship with another man and that ultimately he just wants me to be happy whether or not it's with him or my bf. He's very very open and communicative about everything and he said he just had to get out how he feels.

Ok, well, that's all well and great for him. But now I'm put in this really weird situation. I like to be honest especially in my relationships and my boyfriend has has suspicions about Mr. Guy liking me from the very start. I told him everything and let him have one good, "I told you so." Now we are trying to figure out what to do. This is my livelihood but at the same time it's a little uncomfortable for me to work there now. I go back on Wednesday so I have a little time to think about it and am hoping that someone will be able to give me some insight.

Basically what I want to know is: Is there a way I can professionally and non-threateneninly ask him for severance pay so I can have time to find a new job without being made to feel uncomfortable in this now compromised work environment? I don't want to resort to things like, "You hit on me and now you need to pay me money or else!" As much as I'm miffed and wished he could have kept this to himself I do feel for my boss and don't want to be mean at him. But I'm not going to lie, I do feel a tad entitled to be able to request this of him. Any ideas?

Thanks in Advanced!
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Old 7th August 2016, 8:19 PM   #2
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I mean, you can ask for severance pay, but he doesn't have to give it to you. He has put you in a bad situation, and I'm sorry for that. At the very least ask him for a letter of reference, and don't let him just tell you "have them call me." Tell him, "I think the least you could do is type up a real letter of reference to include in my resume so I can get a better job. You put me in a bad position." Maybe he'll get the hint that he's getting off easy. Trouble is if you don't get that letter and he gets all butthurt and resentful, he could keep damaging your career. So get that letter.
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Old 7th August 2016, 9:16 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gunnagetcha View Post
I'm a private chef for a small IT company and have held this position for the past year and a half. I love my job, my coworkers, and until recently, prided myself that I could maintain a professional and platonic relationship with my employer. We'll call him Mr. Guy.

Mr. Guy and I have a very close friendship and professional relationship as not only am I his chef, I'm also his personal assistant. I remind him of obligations, clean things for him, I do most all his day to day things. In the past we have talked very candidly to each other about pretty personal matters including personal relationships and romantic ones. He knows I've been involved with the same man for the past 3 years pretty seriously and that I love my boyfriend.

To make a long story short, yesterday Mr. Guy told me he wants a relationship with me. He told me he thinks we'd make great partners. His exact words were, "I don't think there are as many people who would connect and go as well together as you and I could." He told me he was fully aware I was in a relationship with another man and that ultimately he just wants me to be happy whether or not it's with him or my bf. He's very very open and communicative about everything and he said he just had to get out how he feels.

Ok, well, that's all well and great for him. But now I'm put in this really weird situation. I like to be honest especially in my relationships and my boyfriend has has suspicions about Mr. Guy liking me from the very start. I told him everything and let him have one good, "I told you so." Now we are trying to figure out what to do. This is my livelihood but at the same time it's a little uncomfortable for me to work there now. I go back on Wednesday so I have a little time to think about it and am hoping that someone will be able to give me some insight.

Basically what I want to know is: Is there a way I can professionally and non-threateneninly ask him for severance pay so I can have time to find a new job without being made to feel uncomfortable in this now compromised work environment? I don't want to resort to things like, "You hit on me and now you need to pay me money or else!" As much as I'm miffed and wished he could have kept this to himself I do feel for my boss and don't want to be mean at him. But I'm not going to lie, I do feel a tad entitled to be able to request this of him. Any ideas?

Thanks in Advanced!


While this IS a puzzler, important ingredients in sexual harassment are repetition and unwanted.


SO, I think your responsibility to yourself, and to your boyfriend, is to make is crystal clear that you are not interested in your boss in any non-professional way.


You need to start there in order to follow any further course of action.


Your sincerity is clear, given that you told your boyfriend everything.


Maybe you can initiate a mature conversation with the boss, while making yourself CLEAR, and then continue to work there, if you like other aspects of the job.


So far, it isn't wrong that some random man admires some random woman, even IF he IS her boss.

And he is probably within reasonable bounds when telling her so once!



At any rate make yourself clear


(*** and you need not be/seem stark raving mad in order to do just that)



You may even gain some respect from him and potentially from those around the company.
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Old 7th August 2016, 10:24 PM   #4
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Thanks for the replies! I don't intend to stay at the job. If I were single I might make the job work but I have to respect my boyfriend (who is being great and not giving me an ultimatum). But if he had a coworker who knew he had a girlfriend and she still made an advance I can't say I would be on board for it. He is uncomfortable with me continuing there and rightfully so. So I need to plan my out in a way that is classy and also covers my butt. From what I read online there's no harm in asking for severance.
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Old 8th August 2016, 10:05 AM   #5
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The employer's unprofessional advances puts the employee in a hostile work environment. The OP should be consulting an attorney versed in local employment laws, not the internet. The owner of the small IT company (Mr. Guy?) will be doing the same.
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Old 8th August 2016, 10:45 AM   #6
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I'm sorry you are in this situation. I'm not blaming you but in the future you may want to practice having better boundaries. Having candid conversations with members of the opposite sex about personal and romantic matters while you are in a committed relationship is not okay. I wouldn't want my bf to quit his job just because another woman came onto him even knowing he is in a relationship. I mean that could happen anywhere you go. However if a woman were hitting on my bf and I found out that my bf had been having deep conversations with her regarding personal and romantic matters I would definitely hold him partially responsible for the situation. Those kinds of conversations are intimate and are the first step to creating an emotional bond with someone. I realize that it may not have felt like that to you because sharing personal feelings and experiences through conversation tends to come easily for women and sometimes they can do so without any emotional investment in the person they are sharing with, but I think it's different for guys, generally speaking. In your next job keep your interactions with the opposite sex friendly and professional and do not discuss personal or romantic matters.
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Old 8th August 2016, 11:16 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Beach Guy View Post
The employer's unprofessional advances puts the employee in a hostile work environment. The OP should be consulting an attorney versed in local employment laws, not the internet. The owner of the small IT company (Mr. Guy?) will be doing the same.

Not sure how this is a hostile work environment. He is not punisher her, he is not threatening her job.


That's like saying a co-worker comes in to work and you say you like her dress and now she thinks you lover her and she can no longer continue to work there because she feels uncomfortable.


If anything she know he likes her but wants to leave because her boyfriend would be uncomfortable, as she indicated earlier.

Simply telling someone at work you would like to date them may be against company policy, but it is not illegal. And the fact she says they shared a personal relationship and talked about personal things in her job as his personal assistant probably works against her too.


What I don't get is why she has to leave based on the bf feelings if the bf already knew he liked her in a romantic way and was ok with it but because she chose to pretend otherwise before, it was ok to work there. He still liked the OP before, but now that he verbalized what her bf already told her it's impossible to work there anymore?


As long as the boss doesn't treat her differently than before, I don't see he did anything all that wrong, just unprofessional.
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Old 8th August 2016, 2:04 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by gunnagetcha View Post
I need to plan my out in a way that is classy and also covers my butt.

Well anyone with any common sense knows that the first step in covering your butt involves making it clear to your current boss that you are not interested in a personal relationship with him.


So start there, and until such time as when he repeats his advances AF-TER you made your position clear, then you don't really have any course of action that involves the law.


His "knowing you have a boyfriend" probably doesn't mean very much. Monica knew that Bill had a wife, and Monica hasn't been formally targeted for legal action.

Wait, what? Everybody has known since the dawn of 1980-something that Bill had a wife...
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