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Inappropriate coworker


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Old 5th July 2016, 8:16 PM   #1
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Inappropriate coworker

I started a new job and am being texted by a coworker old enough to be my father. I have a boyfriend and have mentioned him many times. Told him I was at my boyfriend's house all weekend which I was...

He texts me asking me out to brunch, breakfast, dinner... He said "I can't wait to see you" and how "pretty" I am. He texts good morning and good night, where am i, am i coming to work today. It's over the line already.

At work he stays away and acts normal. I try to avoid him and give no attention. I only see him staring a few times but nothing else weird. I don't respond anymore after he became creepy with "i can't wait to see you". Why doesn't he get the hint??? It's making me uncomfortable. He's married with kids and at first acted like I should date one of his sons.
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Old 5th July 2016, 8:18 PM   #2
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Number one, save all of these texts.


Number two, send them to his wife, HR, or both.
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Old 5th July 2016, 8:49 PM   #3
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^ I agree with GT. I'd read the employee handbook and see who they say to report harassment to. If it's your manager, start there. If it's HR, that would be better, IMO. In that process of reporting, I would copy them the emails. I would tell them you came to them before you bluntly told him in email to stop emailing you but that you are willing to try that, only with their permission to address him directly and bluntly, to see if that fixes the situation before you file an official complaint.

I mean, I wouldn't write anything rude to him without their approval, basically, but at some point I believe in order for them to do anything about it, you will have had to have been direct and to the point in telling him to stop. Then he has his chance. If it doesn't work, you've already laid the groundwork and can go back to whoever makes a report or takes action on him. What a nuisance.
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Old 5th July 2016, 9:13 PM   #4
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Yeah I don't want to go to HR really unless it gets out of hand. I have to work in the same room with him all day. I hate to cause drama.

I just replied that my boyfriend is coming over for dinner. He said "ouch". Any time he asks me somewhere again I will mention my boyfriend. It should send the message.
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Old 5th July 2016, 9:32 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by five2nine View Post
Yeah I don't want to go to HR really unless it gets out of hand. I have to work in the same room with him all day. I hate to cause drama.

I just replied that my boyfriend is coming over for dinner. He said "ouch". *Any time he asks me somewhere again I will mention my boyfriend. It should send the message. :roll eyes:

*Do that, but be prepared to go in harder, if he doesn't back off.

Keep all the messages, as GorillaTheater advised you.
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Old 5th July 2016, 10:08 PM   #6
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My advice, stop with the "hints" and make it 100% clear that you are not interested.

In his head you are playing along with him by allowing it to continue. He just thinks you are playing hard to get which only makes it more exciting for him.

Next time he sends you a message you need to tell him that the messages have to stop and to please keep things professional.

After that it is up to him. If he keeps pushing it you will need to take action.
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Old 5th July 2016, 10:13 PM   #7
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Yeah enough hinting, this guy is being a jerk.

"I will not meet you for a meal, please never text me again"

If he STILL texts, report him. Don't let this A hole make work uncomfortable for you. He knows what he is doing.

(Or have your bf text him and tell him to back the hell off)
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Old 5th July 2016, 10:52 PM   #8
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You need to go to HR. He is giving predatory vibes and how many other people has he probably done this to? You owe it to your and other girls safety to report this creep.
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Old 5th July 2016, 11:37 PM   #9
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How does he even have your private number?
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Old 6th July 2016, 12:20 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by five2nine View Post
Yeah I don't want to go to HR really unless it gets out of hand. I have to work in the same room with him all day. I hate to cause drama.

I just replied that my boyfriend is coming over for dinner. He said "ouch". Any time he asks me somewhere again I will mention my boyfriend. It should send the message.
Stop hinting and be direct.
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Old 6th July 2016, 10:47 AM   #11
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How does he even have your private number?
He got it from me last friday. He also added me on facebook and I accepted because he wasn't being weird yet. Only through text over the weekend is when he became weird.

I mentioned it to my boyfriend and he was teasing me about it but he doesn't always say his feelings so it probably bothered him a bit. But he told me to block/delete the guy and if he asks just say my boyfriend wasn't comfortable with me talking to him.

I hate drama like this. Guys have always reacted in a mean/aggressive way after being rejected at least in my experience.
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Old 6th July 2016, 1:04 PM   #12
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Your boyfriend is right. Block and delete.

Do that now, before Mr Creepy gets worse.


Take care.
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Old 6th July 2016, 1:41 PM   #13
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In my opinion, I would at this stage rethink the HR position....if you refrain from going to HR while all this is happening, he / they may see it as you're okay with the attention....and later down the road it will be tougher to prove you've been disturbed all along.

Make HR aware of this with the texts in hand and let them handle this.

Is he a co-worker or a manager?
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Old 6th July 2016, 2:22 PM   #14
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Tell him directly to stop via text. Do that first. Do it in response to his very next message. If he so much as sends a response other than something like 'okay' / 'no problem', go straight to HR immediately.


If you have never told him to stop or that you don't like it, then HR's hands may be tied here. That doesn't mean not to tell them as this may be a repeating issue, but definitely tell him to stop ASAP.
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Old 6th July 2016, 2:38 PM   #15
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You know, you can tell HR what has been going on and that you intend to be direct with him without having to make anything official.
I did this over someone I was having issues with just as back up in case anything got worse.
I never made an official complaint but all that happened is on record should it erupt again.

For this guy though, like others have said you need to be incredibly clear and direct and tell him in no uncertain terms to leave you alone.
Delete and block him from any social media at the same time.
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