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Secret coworker relationship issue.


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Old 28th May 2016, 1:34 AM   #1
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Secret coworker relationship issue.

I need some help as I am not sure how I should deal with this. I am divorced and have been in a secret work relationship with with a coworker for about 6 months. The reason its a secret is because I am technically one of her managers.

I am 26 and she is 20. She was the one who started things between us and was very into trying to get me to notice her romantically at first. I texted her to ask her a work related question and it turned into a long string of texts that ended with her telling me she wanted me.

This is how our relationship started and though she kept trying in did not give in for about two weeks and we finally kissed and it was another 2-3 weeks before we sex. We had sex quite a bit over the next two months or so and she would text me nudes and tell me how great I was. We talked every day but would not hang out every day as our schedules are always difficult to make it work. We have been planning spending a week together in June and have talked about it for months.

Now my problem:
About two weeks ago she basically stopped texting me. If I text her she gives me very short answers or does not respond. When at work she still kisses me and touches me and rubs up against me and tells me she loves me but she has basically stopped interacting with me outside of work. I texted her about our week together the other night and she responded with yep next month but we havent had much other contact other then work. And no sex in almost a month.

She has basically turned a 180 in the last couple weeks. I have played it cool and not gotten upset or blown up her phone but I am getting frustrated with what to do.

Thoughts?

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Old 28th May 2016, 1:40 AM   #2
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Thoughts?

She's 20 years old. Flakey, flighty, drama....I don't take a 20 year old seriously - especially when it comes to dating.
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Old 28th May 2016, 1:44 AM   #3
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Maybe she's seeing someone else outside of work. That's the impression I get from her about-face (aka 180).

Hey, cut the physical crap out at work, and tell her that she has to get her "fix" outside of work hours. Then it's her move, or you move on. Right now you are the puppet, and she has the strings.
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Old 28th May 2016, 1:24 PM   #4
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Maybe she's seeing someone else outside of work. That's the impression I get from her about-face (aka 180).

Hey, cut the physical crap out at work, and tell her that she has to get her "fix" outside of work hours. Then it's her move, or you move on. Right now you are the puppet, and she has the strings.
I don't want to come off as "give me attention or i'm out" I also don't want her to feel like i'm being clingy. about two days into this I texted her a simple "is everything ok you have been quiet" and her response was "yeah" I then texted her "well if there is anything wrong or if you wanna talk about it I am here for you" She did not respond to that one. The next time I saw her at work she walked up to me and asked if there was anyone around and kissed me and told me she loved me. I texted her the next day and asked if she was busy that night her response "yeah"

Maybe I am over thinking this but maybe she is just not feeling it anymore and doesnt know how to deal with the fact that we see eachother at work and she is just hoping I will break it off?

I have not done the dating thing for awhile and I have never dated someone that is 6 years younger then me.

Should I just ignore it and act as if I dont even notice the texting issue or should I confront her in person and just ask her face to face whats going on?
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Old 28th May 2016, 2:27 PM   #5
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Agree w/ above--she's just a flakey, attention-seeking 20-year-old girl. She's seeing someone else but is still doing little things at work to keep you on the hook. Just realize that this was a fling and has zero long-term potential because she's a flakey, attention-seeking 20-year-old girl. Be nice enough to her at work and starting dating someone else that's a little more mature. When you do this, she'll instantly start acting more interested in you again because that's what flakey, attention-seeking 20-year-old girls do. Just don't take the bait this time.
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Old 28th May 2016, 5:18 PM   #6
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Looks like it was a fling for her. She sounds used to flirting and manipulating men. The fact that she is still using her sexuality to affect you at work but is avoiding much after work says a lot. I think you need to forget this woman. Do not treat her any differently form anyone else, but cut off the sexual side of things and draw a line. Best not to get involved with people at work.
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Old 28th May 2016, 6:54 PM   #7
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Thoughts? Just one... thats is a damn stupid idea to get involved with coworkers. Period!
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Old 29th May 2016, 1:03 PM   #8
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Thoughts?

She's 20 years old. Flakey, flighty, drama....I don't take a 20 year old seriously - especially when it comes to dating.
I understand that she may be this way. I guess what im really asking is how i should respond? She was literally perfect with everything and then one day it all stopped with no reason. I am trying to act normal when i around her and the one time i asked her if everything was ok she said it was. At first i thought maybe she was just on her time of month but she hasnt come back......should i just have a face to face talk and ask her whats up? If so should I give her a way out and let her know I will be nice to her at work and she doesnt have to worry about a strange work issue?
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Old 8th June 2016, 12:21 AM   #9
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Ok so I have an update but still am very lost...I decided to just lay low for a few days and see if she contacted me...she did not i decided to email her and get it all out in the open. I basically asked whats going on and why she has been acting this way. I told her i have been loosing sleep over it and just want to know if shes upset or angry or if her feeling have just changed. I also asked in the email if she still wants to spend the week together. I asked her to email me back or talk to me in person....no response....the next day I arrive at work and she pulls in at the same time she smiles and waves at me and we walk in together. Later on in the day I walk up to her and give her a hug and ask her if she is still planning on hanging out for the month she smiles and says yes. I did not show much emotion and said ok i then asked her if she was scared to talk to me she said no. She made no other attempt to talk to me and declined lunch with me that day. I havent talked to her in two days and i have not reached out to her. Is she just hoping ill go away? Is she trying to make me mad so I break it off with her? I am very lost here.
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Old 8th June 2016, 12:28 AM   #10
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She is faking it for the work environment. Pretty cold if you ask me. She didn't even reply to your email. If she isn't going to see you outside of work this isn't a relationship.
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Old 8th June 2016, 2:36 PM   #11
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The very first entry read like somebody who had trapped himself in a work (horror story) and he was all too eager to dig the hole deeper.


THEN, suddenly, a possible 'out' appeared on the horizon... and he won't take the miraculous way out and save his job.



Of course she is seeing someone else, and that's the best news ever for the OP, as that's the only way this "secret coworker" won't surface as his worst nightmare.


What does one believe that 20yo females do all day/week/month? Sit around and wait for the manager to come-onto them? and with no other action or sexual opportunities??


A 20yo woman, at this stage, fears that SHE is the one with way too much of herself hanging in the balance based on things she's participated in, with the OP. So she is trying to seem as appropriate as possible while in the workplace.


Like most young adult women, she can get action any time and anywhere she wants it, and the OP should hope she does...
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Old 1st July 2016, 12:45 PM   #12
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I hate to say this, but this reminds me of a similiar incident I had while posted at a call center about five years ago. Started off with innocent flirting then turned into something physical. It was hot and heavy and she made me feel like a mini version of Antonio Banderas. Out of nowhere got cold on me but wasn't sure why. As it turns out, she was cheating on her boyfriend with me. As it turns out he was a bit of a chump and she made an emotional impulsive choice to groom me into being her side guy, but as soon as the boyfriend got his stuff together, she ditched me without explanation, only telling me this when I pressed her for an explanation. Interesting note, I was 28 at the time and she was 20, just like this girl.

My advice? Stick to mature women. They're more up front about what they want and don't make impulsive decisions that leave you confused. They don't beat around the bush, and between you and I, anything your little 20 y/o did, they can do a whole lot better .
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