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Why Can't I Tell Her I Like Her? It's Not Fair


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PianoMan2016

I have had a major crush on a woman at work for the past year since I started. She's above me but not a "supervisor" or in management even though she has trained me. We are so much alike it's scary. A year later I'm still finding things out about her that are just like me. And she likes me too (as a friend, although I'm suspecting more than that based on everything we've been through over the past year and conversation after conversation after conversation way beyond what any normal work colleagues would do). Just never any conversations about love or sex.

 

Only one problem: she has a boyfriend. Yes, I know. You can't ask a woman with a boyfriend out. Believe me, I'm not going to. But God...this ****ing universe...how is it that it always teases me and I never actually get to have a girlfriend like everybody else? I'm 37 and haven't ever had a girlfriend in my life. I wouldn't even know where to start if someone even started flirting with me. I wouldn't even know what flirting is. I'd just go up and say "I really like you. Will you be my girlfriend?"

 

Why is it so hard? It's not fair. Sorry. Just want to whine a little tonight. I may be giving my two weeks notice soon due to another potential job offer (I will know in a few days) which means leaving her, but it also means a major increase in pay and a way better place where I can spread my wings. I don't know. I'm so conflicted.

 

:( :( :( :( :(

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ChocolateRain

it is always hard to give advice for such situation so i'd rather give my opinion . You have a crush on a woman who has a boyfriend . it should be respected i think ... always flip the script and think , what if you had a girlfriend and some guy tries to get with her ... the only thing that i would do for the sake of getting rid of those feelings inside is to open up to her since you are leaving the company . you could write a note and tell her that for the longest you had a crush on her but respect that she is in a relationship and you just wanted to spill your heart out . The other option would be to leave it alone and see it as a crush and try and find to someone for you . Sometimes life is unfair , i know ... best of luck to you

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TaraMaiden2
I have had a major crush on a woman at work for the past year since I started. She's above me but not a "supervisor" or in management even though she has trained me. We are so much alike it's scary. A year later I'm still finding things out about her that are just like me. And she likes me too (as a friend, although I'm suspecting more than that based on everything we've been through over the past year and conversation after conversation after conversation way beyond what any normal work colleagues would do). Just never any conversations about love or sex.

That would never, ever be acceptable as a conversation to take place in the workplace. Just a total no-no.

 

Only one problem: she has a boyfriend. Yes, I know. You can't ask a woman

with a boyfriend out. Believe me, I'm not going to. But God...this ****ing universe...how is it that it always teases me and I never actually get to have a girlfriend like everybody else? I'm 37 and haven't ever had a girlfriend in my life. I wouldn't even know where to start if someone even started flirting with me. I wouldn't even know what flirting is. I'd just go up and say "I really like you. Will you be my girlfriend?"
If she has a BF she's off limits. And it has nothing whatsoever to do with the Universe, fate, karma or anything else unseen and ephemeral.

 

Why is it so hard? It's not fair. Sorry. Just want to whine a little tonight. I may be giving my two weeks notice soon due to another potential job offer (I will know in a few days) which means leaving her, but it also means a major increase in pay and a way better place where I can spread my wings. I don't know. I'm so conflicted.

I hope you get the job, really I do.

Because the primary piece of advice I would give you - and anyone else in your situation - is that you should never, and can never, DATE in the WORKPLACE.

 

You don't C%&P where you eat, if you get my drift.

Never, ever date a colleague, no matter who, no matter their position.

 

Ever.

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angel.eyes

The first step to getting a girlfriend is identifying women who are available. She has made it clear that she has a boyfriend...in other words she's unavailable to date you.

 

Out of curiosity, why have you never had a girlfriend?

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salparadise
You have a crush on a woman who has a boyfriend . it should be respected i think ... always flip the script and think , what if you had a girlfriend and some guy tries to get with her

 

It's a dog eat dog world. Any man who has a highly desirable woman (or even minimally desirable) must accept that other men are going to be hitting on her. That's a fact of life for men. The rule is that you don't hit on your brother's or best friend's wife or girlfriend. I would add boss's wife to that if you want to keep your job or get a reference in the future.

 

Beyond that, if the woman is willing some other guy is going to be shtupping her for sure. This is why it's important for men to choose a virtuous woman of high integrity and loyalty. Otherwise he'll probably be squandering his familial investment on the neighbor's progeny.

 

 

... the only thing that i would do for the sake of getting rid of those feelings inside is to open up to her since you are leaving the company . you could write a note and tell her that for the longest you had a crush on her but respect that she is in a relationship and you just wanted to spill your heart out.

 

Really? That's just absurd. If he's not going to act on it due to some kind of perceived "bro code," he should keep it to himself. If such a note fell into the wrong hands and got passed around the office he's be a laughing stock. The woman would probably lose any respect for him for being so beta as to have such feelings for years and being afraid to act on them.

 

 

The other option would be to leave it alone and see it as a crush and try and find to someone for you . Sometimes life is unfair , i know ... best of luck to you

 

Well, that's one other option, but not the only other. He certainly could ask her to lunch after he has left the company and try to determine is she is solid with her current boyfriend, or if she's been looking for an exit strategy. He could indicate interest without revealing that he's been sitting on a major crush for however many years. He can do this without speaking it outright, and if he can read body language and social cues, then he'll know whether to let it go or not.

 

This "bro code" fantasy may exist on LS due to all the wounded hearts here, and it may be desirable in a utopian society... but it is most certainly not the reality on planet earth. Men compete for the best women. Always have, always will. And the most desirable women are seldom single for more than 15.2 seconds.

 

Since the pianoman is 37 and never had a girlfriend, perhaps he will take some comfort in subscribing to the bro code as a way of avoiding potential rejection and rationalizing his plight as being a good and kind person... one who is of impeccable character in that he protects the relationship of the man who's shtupping his heart's desire and continues to live his life alone.

 

PS: I would add that there is a significant difference between a wife and a girlfriend in terms of what is honorable or dishonorable. Girlfriends aren't legally or morally bound, wives are. But being married is only a safe haven for men if the woman is loyal. Men are not virtuous creatures.

Edited by salparadise
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ChocolateRain
It's a dog eat dog world. Any man who has a highly desirable woman (or even minimally desirable) must accept that other men are going to be hitting on her. That's a fact of life for men. The rule is that you don't hit on your brother's or best friend's wife or girlfriend. I would add boss's wife to that if you want to keep your job or get a reference in the future.

 

Beyond that, if the woman is willing some other guy is going to be shtupping her for sure. This is why it's important for men to choose a virtuous woman of high integrity and loyalty. Otherwise he'll probably be squandering his familial investment on the neighbor's progeny.

 

 

 

 

Really? That's just absurd. If he's not going to act on it due to some kind of perceived "bro code," he should keep it to himself. If such a note fell into the wrong hands and got passed around the office he's be a laughing stock. The woman would probably lose any respect for him for being so beta as to have such feelings for years and being afraid to act on them.

 

 

 

 

Well, that's one other option, but not the only other. He certainly could ask her to lunch after he has left the company and try to determine is she is solid with her current boyfriend, or if she's been looking for an exit strategy. He could indicate interest without revealing that he's been sitting on a major crush for however many years. He can do this without speaking it outright, and if he can read body language and social cues, then he'll know whether to let it go or not.

 

This "bro code" fantasy may exist on LS due to all the wounded hearts here, and it may be desirable in a utopian society... but it is most certainly not the reality on planet earth. Men compete for the best women. Always have, always will. And the most desirable women are seldom single for more than 15.2 seconds.

 

Since the pianoman is 37 and never had a girlfriend, perhaps he will take some comfort in subscribing to the bro code as a way of avoiding potential rejection and rationalizing his plight as being a good and kind person... one who is of impeccable character in that he protects the relationship of the man who's shtupping his heart's desire and continues to live his life alone.

 

 

i was giving my opinion that is all .... of course Women get hit on , its life . She has a Boyfriend though and he should respect it at least . The rule for Morals at least in my book is , to never hit on another woman's Man . it causes heartache on both sides .

 

That being said ...people do have feelings and yes i am all for opening up if it becomes a burden it can free the mind and soul to have done so and sometimes '' SOMETiMES '' it can be easier to move on but that depends solemnly on the individual . He should decide for himself what's best for him .

 

Sometimes it's better to say nothing and move on , specially because it is a working environment but since he is leaving he could speak up ...

 

it was not advice just an opinion :o

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As a practical matter, if you haven't had a girlfriend yet, I would think the stakes are too high for you to take a chance on hitting on a woman at work, knowing that, as you said, you wouldn't know what to do if she flirted. You are not equipped to handle a work relationship. You know that. Work relationships nearly always end up a disaster anyway, with either one or more quitting or losing their jobs or breaking up and one still carries a torch and has to see the other every day or breaking up and having to work together when they don't like each other anymore. You do not have the skill set for dealing with any of that, so take that other job. Then once you've left, if you want to reach out to her and tell her that if she ever gets between boyfriends you always thought a lot of her and would like to take her out, you can do that. Take that other job and leave first though.

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salparadise
i was giving my opinion that is all ....

 

Understood. I respect your opinion even if there are elements with which I disagree.

 

of course Women get hit on , its life . She has a Boyfriend though and he should respect it at least . The rule for Morals at least in my book is , to never hit on another woman's Man . it causes heartache on both sides .

 

If she indicates such convincingly, then yes. If he expresses interest there are three possibilities... a) she says no thanks and asks him to respect her relationship, b) she reciprocates his expression of interest, in which case it's a green light for him to pursue, and indicates that's she is open to the possibility, c) she says no thanks with words, but at the same time green lights him to pursue and encourages his attention. This last one is what I sometimes call feigning demure. It gives her plausible deniability even though she's actually interested.

 

He said that there is way more communication and familiarity than a working relationship. What if she feels exactly the same way but is waiting-wishing-hoping for him to make the move? ...because of the way women are socialized to be virtuous and take only the passive role?

 

What if he moves on to his new job and a few months later learns that her prior relationship ended and she now has a new boyfriend? Would he not be kicking himself for not having the balls to have become the new boyfriend when the timing was right after all. What about the new boyfriend- is he off limits too?

 

What if he continues to feel this way about her for decades and never lets on because she always has a boyfriend... and then at age 64 after a solitary life without a mate she bumps into him at the grocery store and tells him that she had such a crush on him all those years ago, and she only wished that he had found her attractive enough to have asked her out? Think he'd still be happy with himself for being Mr. Honorable?

 

Do you see what I mean? There are an awful lot of gray areas and what ifs between hard DO or DON'T options at the extremes. Sometimes a man (person) simply has to have the cajones to take a chance rather than feed himself a steady diet of what ifs and wish I hads.

 

The rule for Morals at least in my book is , to never hit on another woman's Man. it causes heartache on both sides.

 

Well, I think men and women are different in this regard, both biologically and in the way we're socialized. But realistically, neither men nor women live by this code... but I do appreciate all the nice men who do not try to steal my girl because of it. I'm sure all the women with hot guys appreciate your restraint as well. What a wonderful would it would be...

 

 

That being said ...people do have feelings and yes i am all for opening up if it becomes a burden it can free the mind and soul to have done so and sometimes '' SOMETiMES '' it can be easier to move on but that depends solemnly on the individual . He should decide for himself what's best for him.

 

I agree that sometimes it's best to put it out there, but not so much to unburden your soul as to try and create your own destiny.

 

Sometimes it's better to say nothing and move on , specially because it is a working environment but since he is leaving he could speak up ...

 

If she happened to be the love of his life, I'd say he should speak up regardless of the environment or the bro/sista code thing.

 

In the end we don't so much regret the things we did as the opportunities we missed by not doing.

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ChocolateRain
Understood. I respect your opinion even if there are elements with which I disagree.

 

people often disagree and that is fine as long as it doesnt become a heavy debate than that's fine :D i respect peoples input :o

 

 

If she indicates such convincingly, then yes. If he expresses interest there are three possibilities... a) she says no thanks and asks him to respect her relationship, b) she reciprocates his expression of interest, in which case it's a green light for him to pursue, and indicates that's she is open to the possibility, c) she says no thanks with words, but at the same time green lights him to pursue and encourages his attention. This last one is what I sometimes call feigning demure. It gives her plausible deniability even though she's actually interested.

 

well , what i understand from the Op she may show behavior of b) ... then again ... it is a different time and people behave differently these days . i am in my early 40's but my views are a bit old fashioned :cool: . in the era ( culture too ) i grew up in people were not as open as they are today . i find it rather difficult to be honest . People are way to comfortable these days i could name a few examples ! On the other hand she could just be a happy open personality and he misunderstands her signals , anything is possible . it happened to me before as well that just because i love to joke around the Office with all people doesnt mean that someone sees this as the go a head to pursue me . But again ...the possibility exists that she could be interested in him ...

 

 

 

 

He said that there is way more communication and familiarity than a working relationship. What if she feels exactly the same way but is waiting-wishing-hoping for him to make the move? ...because of the way women are socialized to be virtuous and take only the passive role?

 

i think generally we mean the same thing :laugh: that's why i suggested for him to let her know once he leaves for this other job ... ;)

 

What if he moves on to his new job and a few months later learns that her prior relationship ended and she now has a new boyfriend? Would he not be kicking himself for not having the balls to have become the new boyfriend when the timing was right after all. What about the new boyfriend- is he off limits too?

 

well , first things first ... well , what can i say hhhh Karma ? :lmao:

 

What if he continues to feel this way about her for decades and never lets on because she always has a boyfriend... and then at age 64 after a solitary life without a mate she bumps into him at the grocery store and tells him that she had such a crush on him all those years ago, and she only wished that he had found her attractive enough to have asked her out? Think he'd still be happy with himself for being Mr. Honorable?

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao: i am not laughing at you i am laughing with you ... well at age 64 lol should they meet :laugh: then while bumping into each other at the grocery store :laugh: maybe it was meant to be to wait this long to finally get together ( fake teeth & mobility scooters and all :laugh: ) :love:... Karma again ? i cant and wont tell the OP what to do i think he is old enough ;)

 

Do you see what I mean? There are an awful lot of gray areas and what ifs between hard DO or DON'T options at the extremes. Sometimes a man (person) simply has to have the cajones to take a chance rather than feed himself a steady diet of what ifs and wish I hads.

 

i absolutely agree with you !

 

Well, I think men and women are different in this regard, both biologically and in the way we're socialized. But realistically, neither men nor women live by this code... but I do appreciate all the nice men who do not try to steal my girl because of it. I'm sure all the women with hot guys appreciate your restraint as well. What a wonderful would it would be...

 

well , from what i have seen lately in this day and age nothing is really sacred anymore and some people really lack moral skills ... true that , true that ....men and women are different :laugh: ( still )

 

 

 

 

 

 

I agree that sometimes it's best to put it out there, but not so much to unburden your soul as to try and create your own destiny.

 

 

 

If she happened to be the love of his life, I'd say he should speak up regardless of the environment or the bro/sista code thing.

 

well , i hope he takes your advice ... :o

 

In the end we don't so much regret the things we did as the opportunities we missed by not doing.

 

Agreed ;) and thumbs up

Edited by ChocolateRain
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It's a dog eat dog world. Any man who has a highly desirable woman (or even minimally desirable) must accept that other men are going to be hitting on her. That's a fact of life for men. The rule is that you don't hit on your brother's or best friend's wife or girlfriend. I would add boss's wife to that if you want to keep your job or get a reference in the future.

 

Beyond that, if the woman is willing some other guy is going to be shtupping her for sure. This is why it's important for men to choose a virtuous woman of high integrity and loyalty. Otherwise he'll probably be squandering his familial investment on the neighbor's progeny.

 

 

 

 

Really? That's just absurd. If he's not going to act on it due to some kind of perceived "bro code," he should keep it to himself. If such a note fell into the wrong hands and got passed around the office he's be a laughing stock. The woman would probably lose any respect for him for being so beta as to have such feelings for years and being afraid to act on them.

 

 

 

 

Well, that's one other option, but not the only other. He certainly could ask her to lunch after he has left the company and try to determine is she is solid with her current boyfriend, or if she's been looking for an exit strategy. He could indicate interest without revealing that he's been sitting on a major crush for however many years. He can do this without speaking it outright, and if he can read body language and social cues, then he'll know whether to let it go or not.

 

This "bro code" fantasy may exist on LS due to all the wounded hearts here, and it may be desirable in a utopian society... but it is most certainly not the reality on planet earth. Men compete for the best women. Always have, always will. And the most desirable women are seldom single for more than 15.2 seconds.

 

Since the pianoman is 37 and never had a girlfriend, perhaps he will take some comfort in subscribing to the bro code as a way of avoiding potential rejection and rationalizing his plight as being a good and kind person... one who is of impeccable character in that he protects the relationship of the man who's shtupping his heart's desire and continues to live his life alone.

 

PS: I would add that there is a significant difference between a wife and a girlfriend in terms of what is honorable or dishonorable. Girlfriends aren't legally or morally bound, wives are. But being married is only a safe haven for men if the woman is loyal. Men are not virtuous creatures.

 

It's not just women who get hit on in the workplace. Men get hit on too. No matter who's getting hit on or having an affair, it nearly always causes a ripple of resentment because of favoritism fears and also time being wasted at work, not to mention it's breaking rules.

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I have had a major crush on a woman at work for the past year since I started. She's above me but not a "supervisor" or in management even though she has trained me. We are so much alike it's scary. A year later I'm still finding things out about her that are just like me. And she likes me too (as a friend, although I'm suspecting more than that based on everything we've been through over the past year and conversation after conversation after conversation way beyond what any normal work colleagues would do). Just never any conversations about love or sex.

 

Only one problem: she has a boyfriend. Yes, I know. You can't ask a woman with a boyfriend out. Believe me, I'm not going to. But God...this ****ing universe...how is it that it always teases me and I never actually get to have a girlfriend like everybody else? I'm 37 and haven't ever had a girlfriend in my life. I wouldn't even know where to start if someone even started flirting with me. I wouldn't even know what flirting is. I'd just go up and say "I really like you. Will you be my girlfriend?"

 

Why is it so hard? It's not fair. Sorry. Just want to whine a little tonight. I may be giving my two weeks notice soon due to another potential job offer (I will know in a few days) which means leaving her, but it also means a major increase in pay and a way better place where I can spread my wings. I don't know. I'm so conflicted.

 

:( :( :( :( :(

 

Just because she has a boyfriend does not mean that they both agreed for it to be an exclusive dating relationship.

 

If they were engaged it would be one thing or even if they have an agreement to be exclusive.

 

So why not ask. If she says no, she and her boyfriend are not exclusive, than ask her for a date. The fact that you are leaving can be a good excuse for asking.

 

Nothing ventured nothing gained, and at least you can forget about her and move on, if she turns you down for the date.

 

As Beyonce sings to her boyfriend: "If you liked it than you shoulda' put a ring on it....don't be mad once you see that he wants it."

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It's a dog eat dog world. Any man who has a highly desirable woman (or even minimally desirable) must accept that other men are going to be hitting on her. That's a fact of life for men. The rule is that you don't hit on your brother's or best friend's wife or girlfriend. I would add boss's wife to that if you want to keep your job or get a reference in the future.

 

Beyond that, if the woman is willing some other guy is going to be shtupping her for sure. This is why it's important for men to choose a virtuous woman of high integrity and loyalty. Otherwise he'll probably be squandering his familial investment on the neighbor's progeny.

 

Really? That's just absurd. If he's not going to act on it due to some kind of perceived "bro code," he should keep it to himself. If such a note fell into the wrong hands and got passed around the office he's be a laughing stock. The woman would probably lose any respect for him for being so beta as to have such feelings for years and being afraid to act on them.

 

Well, that's one other option, but not the only other. He certainly could ask her to lunch after he has left the company and try to determine is she is solid with her current boyfriend, or if she's been looking for an exit strategy. He could indicate interest without revealing that he's been sitting on a major crush for however many years. He can do this without speaking it outright, and if he can read body language and social cues, then he'll know whether to let it go or not.

 

This "bro code" fantasy may exist on LS due to all the wounded hearts here, and it may be desirable in a utopian society... but it is most certainly not the reality on planet earth. Men compete for the best women. Always have, always will. And the most desirable women are seldom single for more than 15.2 seconds.

 

Since the pianoman is 37 and never had a girlfriend, perhaps he will take some comfort in subscribing to the bro code as a way of avoiding potential rejection and rationalizing his plight as being a good and kind person... one who is of impeccable character in that he protects the relationship of the man who's shtupping his heart's desire and continues to live his life alone.

 

PS: I would add that there is a significant difference between a wife and a girlfriend in terms of what is honorable or dishonorable. Girlfriends aren't legally or morally bound, wives are. But being married is only a safe haven for men if the woman is loyal. Men are not virtuous creatures.

 

Being 'taken' never stopped me. And I'm not just saying that from a 'playa' perspective - if I randomly run into my future soul mate and she's on the arm of some random possible turd guy, I'm not gonna say hands off just bc of that. (That was what happened w/my most recent GF and doing what I did is what led to much happiness on both our parts and less happiness on the part of the douche who was dragging her down.) There's no universal bro code. It's just tough s**t for the loser, and a lot of times the loser deserves to lose. You're not automatically intruding on some virtuous white picket fences scenario - reality is diff than that and 'survival of the fittest' actually benefits a lot of ppl. A good person competing for a good person with a bad person is good. The dysfunctional pair doesn't enjoy some invisible force-field of being off limits just due to some abstract set of rules that protects any and all couples.

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BreakOnThrough
Being 'taken' never stopped me. And I'm not just saying that from a 'playa' perspective - if I randomly run into my future soul mate and she's on the arm of some random possible turd guy, I'm not gonna say hands off just bc of that. (That was what happened w/my most recent GF and doing what I did is what led to much happiness on both our parts and less happiness on the part of the douche who was dragging her down.) There's no universal bro code. It's just tough s**t for the loser, and a lot of times the loser deserves to lose. You're not automatically intruding on some virtuous white picket fences scenario - reality is diff than that and 'survival of the fittest' actually benefits a lot of ppl. A good person competing for a good person with a bad person is good. The dysfunctional pair doesn't enjoy some invisible force-field of being off limits just due to some abstract set of rules that protects any and all couples.

 

 

So you would seek out someone who is/would be verifiably disloyal to their current mate, based on outward evidence that their relationship is dysfunctional, and expect that a healthy relationship would result? Let me guess, you are 0/20 long-term on these types of scenarios.

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ALL OR NOTHING
I have had a major crush on a woman at work for the past year since I started. She's above me but not a "supervisor" or in management even though she has trained me. We are so much alike it's scary. A year later I'm still finding things out about her that are just like me. And she likes me too (as a friend, although I'm suspecting more than that based on everything we've been through over the past year and conversation after conversation after conversation way beyond what any normal work colleagues would do). Just never any conversations about love or sex.

 

Only one problem: she has a boyfriend. Yes, I know. You can't ask a woman with a boyfriend out. Believe me, I'm not going to. But God...this ****ing universe...how is it that it always teases me and I never actually get to have a girlfriend like everybody else? I'm 37 and haven't ever had a girlfriend in my life. I wouldn't even know where to start if someone even started flirting with me. I wouldn't even know what flirting is. I'd just go up and say "I really like you. Will you be my girlfriend?"

 

Why is it so hard? It's not fair. Sorry. Just want to whine a little tonight. I may be giving my two weeks notice soon due to another potential job offer (I will know in a few days) which means leaving her, but it also means a major increase in pay and a way better place where I can spread my wings. I don't know. I'm so conflicted.

 

:( :( :( :( :(

 

Ok so what you need to do is realize your probably gunna be dead in less than 30 years , an it's the next 10 years that really matter as when we get old the ladies usually deteriorate. If you wanna enjoy the glories of a young beautiful women you need to man up and go for it , remember once your dead your dead , there's no second chances , it's over ! Unless you no something we don't like there's a heaven full of 21 year old cheerleading porn stars there's no point in waiting!

 

Tell her that every day you see her is another day you've wasted , that all you wanna do is tear off her cloths with your k9s and gently savage her like a wild panther leaving her unable to walk for at least a month , tell her your d@cks so big it's got it's own moon and that every time you take off your shirt somewhere in the world a vagin@ explodes , tell her she needs to leave that punk and come home with you , this should all be done whilst wearing a cave man fancy dress in the middle of the office so every sees , if she says no , say "wtf you on about I was totally joking" then go to the nearest toilet and cry out the embarrassment and after wiping the tears from your face , sell your home and belongings and leave the country.

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angel.eyes

If a guy hits on me, knowing I have a boyfriend, I lose all respect for him. That's not a guy I would ever date because he doesn't understand the concept of commitment and lacks integrity. Nothing kills a guy's potential faster with me than that type of slimy behavior. We don't share the most basic core values.

 

And quite frankly, if a guy "steals" another guy's girlfriend, then the guy stealing fully deserves what he gets. If she was willing to cheat on her previous boyfriend, rest assured she will cheat on the new guy too. Did she set up the new guy before breaking up with her existing boyfriend? Yes, she'll blindside the new guy with the same behavior when she tires of him or some yet newer guy comes sniffing around to "see" if she's committed.

 

Either way, it's a lose-lose proposition. My advice: focus on single, available women. There are plenty out there!

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TaraMaiden2
Ok so what you need to do is realize your probably gunna be dead in less than 30 years , an it's the next 10 years that really matter as when we get old the ladies usually deteriorate. If you wanna enjoy the glories of a young beautiful women you need to man up and go for it , remember once your dead your dead , there's no second chances , it's over ! Unless you no something we don't like there's a heaven full of 21 year old cheerleading porn stars there's no point in waiting!

 

Tell her that every day you see her is another day you've wasted , that all you wanna do is tear off her cloths with your k9s and gently savage her like a wild panther leaving her unable to walk for at least a month , tell her your d@cks so big it's got it's own moon and that every time you take off your shirt somewhere in the world a vagin@ explodes , tell her she needs to leave that punk and come home with you , this should all be done whilst wearing a cave man fancy dress in the middle of the office so every sees , if she says no , say "wtf you on about I was totally joking" then go to the nearest toilet and cry out the embarrassment and after wiping the tears from your face , sell your home and belongings and leave the country.

 

I honestly have no words to describe how insulting this is....

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ChocolateRain
Ok so what you need to do is realize your probably gunna be dead in less than 30 years , an it's the next 10 years that really matter as when we get old the ladies usually deteriorate. If you wanna enjoy the glories of a young beautiful women you need to man up and go for it , remember once your dead your dead , there's no second chances , it's over ! Unless you no something we don't like there's a heaven full of 21 year old cheerleading porn stars there's no point in waiting!

 

Tell her that every day you see her is another day you've wasted , that all you wanna do is tear off her cloths with your k9s and gently savage her like a wild panther leaving her unable to walk for at least a month , tell her your d@cks so big it's got it's own moon and that every time you take off your shirt somewhere in the world a vagin@ explodes , tell her she needs to leave that punk and come home with you , this should all be done whilst wearing a cave man fancy dress in the middle of the office so every sees , if she says no , say "wtf you on about I was totally joking" then go to the nearest toilet and cry out the embarrassment and after wiping the tears from your face , sell your home and belongings and leave the country.

 

i take this with much humor and had a laugh ... but i hope deeply you are not serious

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This "bro code" fantasy may exist on LS due to all the wounded hearts here, and it may be desirable in a utopian society... but it is most certainly not the reality on planet earth. Men compete for the best women. Always have, always will. And the most desirable women are seldom single for more than 15.2 seconds.

 

Exactly. Dating is called dating for a reason.

 

Dating is not an engagement and it's not a marriage. Marriage or an engagement should be respected, but the entire point of dating is to decide whether or not you are compatible enough to marry.

 

A woman who is simply dating another man, is fair game as a date.

 

That is the whole reason for dating someone rather than marrying them immediately.

 

It's been that way for a millennia, I do not see that it has changed.

 

If I had a daughter, I would not want her to EVER date exclusively.

 

If the guy wants to take her out of circulation, he better put a ring on it.

 

Otherwise, if they are just dating, it is certainly her prerogative to take another man up on their offer for a date.

 

 

PS: I would add that there is a significant difference between a wife and a girlfriend in terms of what is honorable or dishonorable. Girlfriends aren't legally or morally bound,
Exactly.
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PianoMan2016

Yeah I get it. My life has always been one big gigantic no. I guess another one won't hurt.

 

The whole big unfortunate thing is that she won't ever know. That's fine. I'll deal with it. I'd rather be ethical about things and respect her current relationship rather than stir up unneeded drama.

 

It always ends exactly the same way as this video. Without the kiss at the end or anything else. Fine. I guess love will always just have to stay a fantasy for me...no matter what I do. :( :( :(

 

Season 2 finale of The Office: Jim Tells Pam He Loves Her

 

It's not going to matter if I say it to the 2nd girl I like or the 5th girl I like. I don't matter. It all doesn't matter.

 

At least not to anyone who cares or would actually reciprocate.

Edited by PianoMan2016
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Well, right, because it's tv, they always make it seem like there is a happy ending. In reality, if he went up and kissed her like that after their talk in the street, it would have been really out of line and creepy.

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  • 3 weeks later...
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PianoMan2016

Update: I may finally be close to getting a job offer. So, this question to myself has come up again. Do I tell her? I was thinking about going about it in the following way. Is there any right way to do it? Or am I just completely screwing myself if I do do it?

 

I ask her out to lunch. During lunch:

 

"You know..I've kind of had feelings for you for awhile. I know you are in a relationship and as a rule, I tend to keep romantic feelings out of the office. I didn't know I'd get feelings for you, because I didn't know how much both of ourselves have literally lined up with each other. And how freaking amazing you are as a person, both inside and outwardly.

 

I don't want to disrespect your current relationship or our professional relationship otherwise, but I thought you should know. If anything happens and you're eventually single, I would love exploring the possibilities of a romantic relationship with you. Since, we are no longer going to be professionals working directly with one another."

 

Ugh. Not sure how I like how that sounds. I feel like however I put it I'm going to come across as a creep. She's probably had many guys say the same thing. But, then again, we seem to have a special connection.

 

I just don't know. Sigh.

 

Stupid life. Stupid romantic feelings. Blah.

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