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Woman rejected me because I am white.


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Old 10th May 2016, 10:40 AM   #46
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Originally Posted by TaraMaiden2 View Post
I am 100% certain that is totally NOT the 'thing' he's thinking of.
I think he's talking more of 'mature allure', a presence, a confident personality.
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Originally Posted by ashteller View Post
....@Gloria you are part right about the protective part. That is a big aspect because of what this woman has revealed to me and even when she says certain jokes about being "the man of the house" amongst other things I see the pain behind the joking comments and in her eyes.

That is not all of it though even though it is the strongest factor. She also has a certain "swag" like she is super confidant and has a tough edge to her, but is still a woman none the less. Hard to explain. It's like she puts on this hard exterior, but is soft underneath. Her smile is amazing.
....
Seems like we were both partially right.
Even though I stand by my original comment on 'that "Thing" '.

I would not define it as the OP has.

Still, I'm hoping you, @ashteller can move past this in a mature and stoic way, and continue working with her in the professional environment you find yourselves in ,without making it creepy for her!
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Old 10th May 2016, 10:42 AM   #47
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Originally Posted by Gloria25 View Post
We're all free here to express our "opinions". Opinions are formed from actual knowledge and life experiences - which we all have/differ in.

The OP and all of us aren't aimless zombies. When we're attracted to someone, there's "something" that draws us into them - healthy or not. From what the OP described about her there's nothing positive. And, agree or not - men's biology is to provide/protect women.

I'm sorry, but three kids by three different guys (especially no marriages) and a "job" (which for all we know could be a retail job where she makes barely $10.00 an hour) at almost 40 years of age doesn't make me think "winner" of someone like her.
There wasn't three guys there were two. She was with the first for 6 yrs and the second for 15 yrs! So she wasn't exactly being some sort of tramp. Assuming she never cheated, her track record proves that she was able to maintain a loyal monogamous relationship for 15 yrs. Can you say the same? That's longer than a lot of marriages last.

I see nothing in the OPs description of her that indicates the woman is of low value. Sounds like she has had very few sexual partners, and she was able to maintain long term committed relationships.

Her preference for black men might not even be so much a sexual preference as it is a practicality. Her children are black. Perhaps she feels like a black man would be more accepting of her kids or better able to relate to them. In any case I don't understand why people are tearing her to shreds just because she's had a couple of very long term relationships that produced children.
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Old 10th May 2016, 10:55 AM   #48
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There wasn't three guys there were two. She was with the first for 6 yrs and the second for 15 yrs! So she wasn't exactly being some sort of tramp. Assuming she never cheated, her track record proves that she was able to maintain a loyal monogamous relationship for 15 yrs. Can you say the same? That's longer than a lot of marriages last.

I see nothing in the OPs description of her that indicates the woman is of low value. Sounds like she has had very few sexual partners, and she was able to maintain long term committed relationships.

Her preference for black men might not even be so much a sexual preference as it is a practicality. Her children are black. Perhaps she feels like a black man would be more accepting of her kids or better able to relate to them. In any case I don't understand why people are tearing her to shreds just because she's had a couple of very long term relationships that produced children.
Or the fact that maybe she was left holding the bag with those guys, that she is a glutton for punishment??

Truth is, no one knows....She aint playing......guy needs to move on...period...

Not to be a pot stirrer here, (), but I do wonder if the "its her choice" type of responses from the ladies would be the same if a woman started a thread stating "Man rejected me because I am overweight"...

My guess is no.... and that there would be quite a bit of "tearing to shreds" types of responses....meh...Everything is relative...

TFY
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Old 10th May 2016, 10:55 AM   #49
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In any case I don't understand why people are tearing her to shreds just because she's had a couple of very long term relationships that produced children.
Usually that kind of behavior says more about the attacker than the person they're attacking. Just another form of intolerance for the most part. :-/
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Old 10th May 2016, 4:54 PM   #50
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The best thing you can do is to accept it with good humour and start showing interest in others instead. If you hang on like a lovelorn guy, you will convince her she's done the right thing by putting you off. If you show you are a strong guy who doesn't care whether she's interested or not, she might be intrigued.


Having said that, others are right. She has already had two fairly serious relationships and two children. She presumably knows what she likes by now.
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Old 10th May 2016, 9:40 PM   #51
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Thanks again.

New thing though. I am the one creeped out now. Not sure why but she is doing something. I said good morning to her and she did not say it back and I asked her if she heard me and she said yes but still no return. I asked her how her weekend was and she said it was OK. She did not ask about mine. I ended up eating lunch with her and others that day a half hour late then I normally do. I usually eat with different people but I still talk with these others. Any ways doesn't "my woman" ask this one guy how his weekend was and then further more 10 minutes later she asked a woman how her weekend was and it's not like we don't see each other often, so no reason for any favoritism or exceptions. To me when she asked it seemed it was emphasized and I admit I felt hurt.

I don't know why it's like I am getting the cold shoulder and she hates me now but sometimes our work involves or hands coming into contact so we are directly working with and near each other and close consistent proximity.

Me personally I am a very social person and an extreme extrovert. I thrive in social settings and am a great communicator and have no problem speaking or bringing things up.

I want to ask her what's up and why is it like this now? What did I do wrong besides be honest with how I felt?
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Old 10th May 2016, 10:29 PM   #52
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Thanks again.

New thing though. I am the one creeped out now. Not sure why but she is doing something. I said good morning to her and she did not say it back and I asked her if she heard me and she said yes but still no return. I asked her how her weekend was and she said it was OK. She did not ask about mine. I ended up eating lunch with her and others that day a half hour late then I normally do. I usually eat with different people but I still talk with these others. Any ways doesn't "my woman" ask this one guy how his weekend was and then further more 10 minutes later she asked a woman how her weekend was and it's not like we don't see each other often, so no reason for any favoritism or exceptions. To me when she asked it seemed it was emphasized and I admit I felt hurt.

I don't know why it's like I am getting the cold shoulder and she hates me now but sometimes our work involves or hands coming into contact so we are directly working with and near each other and close consistent proximity.

Me personally I am a very social person and an extreme extrovert. I thrive in social settings and am a great communicator and have no problem speaking or bringing things up.

I want to ask her what's up and why is it like this now? What did I do wrong besides be honest with how I felt?
C'mon man.....

She dropped you on your head and you are exchanging pleasantries??

Of course she's gonna feel weird....What would you expect??..You dont have to be douchey, but just leave her alone at this point...Have some dignity and man up here...

TFY

Last edited by thefooloftheyear; 10th May 2016 at 10:32 PM..
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Old 10th May 2016, 10:36 PM   #53
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Thought best thing to do was act normal like nothing is wrong and act friendly like I did before the rejection. So I am just supposed to do nothing? It's very awkward if we just are there and don't say anything when random people will come by and chat us up.

Can't be a stone, or is it best to ignore and be ignored?

OK this whole thing is hard for me because dealing with rejection is scarce for me. So this is very different for me. Also it's the first rejection where it's still in proximity with the person daily.

Yeah work romance is no good. Is it possible that she questioned my intentions because of age gap and me being on the more attractive side? Not full of myself or anything but I do workout regularly and am built. Perhaps she felt like I was out of her league.

Last edited by ashteller; 10th May 2016 at 10:39 PM..
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Old 10th May 2016, 10:42 PM   #54
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Ya know this whole thing is weird for me too.

No matter how much confidence or game or attraction someone may have, rejection is still hard and it hurts and it sucks. I am the one who got rejected not her. Why do I need to be the one to do all the work still?

I still care about her as a person and want to have a healthy work relationship at least.

Last edited by ashteller; 10th May 2016 at 10:45 PM..
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Old 10th May 2016, 10:54 PM   #55
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Originally Posted by ashteller View Post
Thought best thing to do was act normal like nothing is wrong and act friendly like I did before the rejection. So I am just supposed to do nothing? It's very awkward if we just are there and don't say anything when random people will come by and chat us up.

Can't be a stone, or is it best to ignore and be ignored?

OK this whole thing is hard for me because dealing with rejection is scarce for me. So this is very different for me. Also it's the first rejection where it's still in proximity with the person daily.

Yeah work romance is no good. Is it possible that she questioned my intentions because of age gap and me being on the more attractive side? Not full of myself or anything but I do workout regularly and am built. Perhaps she felt like I was out of her league.

You put her on the spot....Then you kept going(by asking if she heard you) when she obviously was ignoring you ,,,,No good...

Just fade into the background at this point and don't make her feel more uncomfortable than she already does

TFY
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Old 10th May 2016, 11:08 PM   #56
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Originally Posted by ashteller View Post
Thought best thing to do was act normal like nothing is wrong and act friendly like I did before the rejection. So I am just supposed to do nothing? It's very awkward if we just are there and don't say anything when random people will come by and chat us up.

Can't be a stone, or is it best to ignore and be ignored?

OK this whole thing is hard for me because dealing with rejection is scarce for me. So this is very different for me. Also it's the first rejection where it's still in proximity with the person daily.

Yeah work romance is no good. Is it possible that she questioned my intentions because of age gap and me being on the more attractive side? Not full of myself or anything but I do workout regularly and am built. Perhaps she felt like I was out of her league.
'Out of her "league"'?

I'm single, no kids, no baggage, have my own stuff (home, etc) and no guys wanting me like the OP does. Actually, I'm referred to as a "cancer" that must be rid of.

Now, does anyone see why I've given up on dating?

It's like we're in bizzarro world - where overweight, irresponsible, dysfunctional is praised and pursued.

And sorry, two kids w/o marriage and playing house with two different guys IMO, is not the same as a marriage. And, I'm glad that I can't say that I've been like the OP's co-worker is. Cuz, I'd never bring a child into this world just cuz I'm shacking up with some guy. "Intolerance"? Intolerance of what? Selfish and poor decision making? But yes, we live in a "don't judge me" society now a days cuz birds of a feather....everyone is selfish, self-centered and are welcoming of anyone who shares the same mindset.
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Old 10th May 2016, 11:19 PM   #57
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Originally Posted by ashteller View Post
Ya know this whole thing is weird for me too.

No matter how much confidence or game or attraction someone may have, rejection is still hard and it hurts and it sucks. I am the one who got rejected not her. Why do I need to be the one to do all the work still?

I still care about her as a person and want to have a healthy work relationship at least.
Dude, you don't want and/or care about her. You're upset about being rejected.

At first I "thought" I liked my neighbor. I had liminerence - where I built him up to be more than is, was, and will ever be.

But with each rejection, I tried harder. I felt that something was wrong with "me". Yes, "me"....and I have and will continue to have more going on for me than him and that sloppy pig he porks. Now that I - unfortunately - know he's a pathetic loser who leeches off of his parents and has no self-esteem, believe it or not, the rejection still stings.

I can honestly say that I don't want him anymore. It has turned into me trying to deal with the rejection.

Like a week ago, my fav podcaster had a call where this military officer was dumped by her loser bf and yep, my fav podcaster was like 'rejection sucks, worst when a loser rejects you'.

So, please, don't think her rejection of you has to do with your worth, cuz the problem is "her". She doesn't believe she deserves better. In other words her rejection of you is a complement.

Forget her and move on....good luck
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Old 10th May 2016, 11:46 PM   #58
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Originally Posted by ashteller View Post
Thanks again.

New thing though. I am the one creeped out now. Not sure why but she is doing something. I said good morning to her and she did not say it back and I asked her if she heard me and she said yes but still no return. I asked her how her weekend was and she said it was OK. She did not ask about mine. I ended up eating lunch with her and others that day a half hour late then I normally do. I usually eat with different people but I still talk with these others. Any ways doesn't "my woman" ask this one guy how his weekend was and then further more 10 minutes later she asked a woman how her weekend was and it's not like we don't see each other often, so no reason for any favoritism or exceptions. To me when she asked it seemed it was emphasized and I admit I felt hurt.

I don't know why it's like I am getting the cold shoulder and she hates me now but sometimes our work involves or hands coming into contact so we are directly working with and near each other and close consistent proximity.

Me personally I am a very social person and an extreme extrovert. I thrive in social settings and am a great communicator and have no problem speaking or bringing things up.

I want to ask her what's up and why is it like this now? What did I do wrong besides be honest with how I felt?
She is uncomfortable now so just give her space. Not all can reject someone and then have everything go back to normal. Maybe too she's worried that if she's nice to you and hangs out with you, you'll get the wrong idea and ask her out again.

Don't ask her what's up, let it go. you work with her so don't create work drama! That will make it more awkward.
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Old 10th May 2016, 11:48 PM   #59
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Originally Posted by ashteller View Post
Ya know this whole thing is weird for me too.

No matter how much confidence or game or attraction someone may have, rejection is still hard and it hurts and it sucks. I am the one who got rejected not her. Why do I need to be the one to do all the work still?

I still care about her as a person and want to have a healthy work relationship at least.
You can't push it. You have to allow things to settle down. You don't have to do all the work, things will fall into place naturally as time goes on and eventually she'll feel more at ease as will you.
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Old 11th May 2016, 12:23 AM   #60
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Please dont take out the "because im white card".

Because im sure much more people of other races/skin color like black and Arabs have a real reason to pull out that card. They may be experience this much more and as a racist reaction.

I dont think this girl was racist atall. Maybe it came hard to you, but rejection always not fun thing to hear.
She just have her own taste in men just as everyone have theirs.
And she just told you what she likes.

Either way clear is she is not into your type.
And that should be enough for you to know and to move on and not waste much more time on her.

But i can see in your post that you so in-love hahaha cute.
Like some already told you its best not to date at work. Because once you break up or have bad days, it will effect you at work directly.
And keep trying while she told you no, can cause you to keep getting hurt in many
ugly ways or being use at some point.
Beside she have to much baggage for someone of your age. You will have to deal with babydaddy drama (twice).
And she probably dont have much time to spent since she have kids. And are you ready to be stepdad and also deal with drama of babydaddys?

You young, if puerto rican girls you like, get a vacation to puerto rico and find yourself a girl of your age. haha.
Since you like her and still have to work with her, just keep being yourself and dont feed your feelings, work on let it go.
And accept that she is not into you. Dont keep imagine or keep hope.With time your feelings will change and you
wont be inlove anymore.
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