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Woman rejected me because I am white.


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Old 9th May 2016, 3:21 AM   #31
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Originally Posted by TaraMaiden2 View Post
I am 100% certain that is totally NOT the 'thing' he's thinking of.
I think he's talking more of 'mature allure', a presence, a confident personality.
Yeah, that's why he was considering adopting the kids of a woman that he hasn't even went on one date with

Typical 'white knight', 'captain save a h-', 'saviour', 'nice-guy' game, whatever you want to call it.

Gloria's post was spot on.

Last edited by Jabron1; 9th May 2016 at 3:23 AM..
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Old 9th May 2016, 3:24 AM   #32
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The "thing", IMO, is that men naturally want to provide/protect. And, just like how some women misplace their perception of "strength" in bad boys - some men perceive "damaged", "baggaged", "dependent", and/or "distressed" women like the OP as some poor little puppy who needs a strong and brave man - "Captain Save a H-", to ride in on his white (no pun intended) horse and save her.

If the OP is young and probably naive. IMO, he should provide/protect for a woman who's earned it and doesn't come with a questionable past.

You can't rescue anyone. A "Damsel in Distress" will only become a "Distressed Damsel"...in other words, the same poor choices she made in life to get her where she is won't stop cuz of the right man in her life.

You are assuming a lot about this woman here, and the OP's motivations. What makes you think her past is so questionable? She's lived her life, she has maintained relationships, started a family, and is gainfully employed! Her previous relationships with her children dads' may not have worked out, but how does this make her a "Damsel in Distress"?

Also, why are you assuming the OP's motivation is to: "Captain Save a H-", to ride in on his white (no pun intended) horse and save her."??? From the little written here by the OP, can you honestly extrapolate that he is only attracted to this woman because she needs rescue? IMO, you do not seem to be giving the OP much credit here. IMO, he probably simply fell for this woman, and did not view her as a "Damsel in Destress".
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Old 9th May 2016, 3:39 AM   #33
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Originally Posted by Jabron1 View Post
Yeah, that's why he was considering adopting the kids of a woman that he hasn't even went on one date with

Typical 'white knight', 'captain save a h-', 'saviour', 'nice-guy' game, whatever you want to call it.

Gloria's post was spot on.
Well until the OP confirms, either way, it's sheer extreme guess-work.
Looking at the negative seems to be a prevalent attitude, and it's a shame some people feel jaded enough to view things in such a pessimistic light.

I think it says more about them than the subject they're commenting on, at times......
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Old 9th May 2016, 3:42 AM   #34
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Well until the OP confirms, either way, it's sheer extreme guess-work.
Looking at the negative seems to be a prevalent attitude, and it's a shame some people feel jaded enough to view things in such a pessimistic light.

I think it says more about them than the subject they're commenting on, at times......
Pessimistic for saying that he can do better?
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Old 9th May 2016, 3:55 AM   #35
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No, pessimistic in the description of the woman.
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Old 9th May 2016, 5:05 AM   #36
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No, pessimistic in the description of the woman.
That's realism.
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Old 9th May 2016, 5:11 AM   #37
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In your eyes and opinion.
Realism is neutral. It is only our experience that permits us to colour perception.

As Shakespeare stated, "There is nothing Good nor Bad but that thinking makes it so."
Or as Kipling further expresses, "...meet with Triumph and Disaster, And treat those two Impostors just the same,".

In other words, we see events through the colour specs we wear. Some wear pink, others wear grey.
My lenses are clear.

It took a while, but that's where I'm at.
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Old 9th May 2016, 5:33 AM   #38
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That's realism.
I really do wonder whether you ever plan on posting anything constructive and helpful or just come on threads to pick fights. The fact that some posters ignore repeated posts from you should be a clue.
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Old 9th May 2016, 2:56 PM   #39
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Originally Posted by TaraMaiden2 View Post
In your eyes and opinion.
Realism is neutral. It is only our experience that permits us to colour perception.

As Shakespeare stated, "There is nothing Good nor Bad but that thinking makes it so."
Or as Kipling further expresses, "...meet with Triumph and Disaster, And treat those two Impostors just the same,".

In other words, we see events through the colour specs we wear. Some wear pink, others wear grey.
My lenses are clear.

It took a while, but that's where I'm at.
So, if someone's thighs are in real life "big", acknowledging that "fact" is negative/pessimistic?

It would be wrong to walk up to that person and be like "hey, you got fat thighs"...cuz yes, that is mean and rude. But, acknowledging a fact (i.e. talking to my friend about her thighs) is not negative, mean, pessimistic or whatever...

But that's the society we live in now a days. Everyone is so PC and the "truth/fact" is being a "bully", "negative", etc.
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Old 9th May 2016, 2:59 PM   #40
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You are assuming a lot about this woman here, and the OP's motivations. What makes you think her past is so questionable? She's lived her life, she has maintained relationships, started a family, and is gainfully employed! Her previous relationships with her children dads' may not have worked out, but how does this make her a "Damsel in Distress"?

Also, why are you assuming the OP's motivation is to: "Captain Save a H-", to ride in on his white (no pun intended) horse and save her."??? From the little written here by the OP, can you honestly extrapolate that he is only attracted to this woman because she needs rescue? IMO, you do not seem to be giving the OP much credit here. IMO, he probably simply fell for this woman, and did not view her as a "Damsel in Destress".
We're all free here to express our "opinions". Opinions are formed from actual knowledge and life experiences - which we all have/differ in.

The OP and all of us aren't aimless zombies. When we're attracted to someone, there's "something" that draws us into them - healthy or not. From what the OP described about her there's nothing positive. And, agree or not - men's biology is to provide/protect women.

I'm sorry, but three kids by three different guys (especially no marriages) and a "job" (which for all we know could be a retail job where she makes barely $10.00 an hour) at almost 40 years of age doesn't make me think "winner" of someone like her.
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Old 9th May 2016, 5:20 PM   #41
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So, if someone's thighs are in real life "big", acknowledging that "fact" is negative/pessimistic?

It would be wrong to walk up to that person and be like "hey, you got fat thighs"...cuz yes, that is mean and rude. But, acknowledging a fact (i.e. talking to my friend about her thighs) is not negative, mean, pessimistic or whatever...

But that's the society we live in now a days. Everyone is so PC and the "truth/fact" is being a "bully", "negative", etc.
You totally misunderstand my point.

Personal perception has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with Political correctness.

Negativity is in the eye of the person perceiving it. And everyone not only sees things differently, they also mostly CHOOSE to see things in a particular light, because of personal previous experience.

It has nothing to do with calling someone fat or large, or big boned.
It has everything to do with whether you choose to criticise that, or refrain from doing so, because you aren't bothered by it.
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Old 9th May 2016, 5:24 PM   #42
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We're all free here to express our "opinions". Opinions are formed from actual knowledge and life experiences - which we all have/differ in.
That doesn't make it acceptable, though. Having the right to form an opinion, isn't the same thing as being appropriate in expressing it....

Quote:
The OP and all of us aren't aimless zombies. When we're attracted to someone, there's "something" that draws us into them - healthy or not. From what the OP described about her there's nothing positive.
On the contrary, he felt there was.
Quote:
And, agree or not - men's biology is to provide/protect women.
I disagree. And actually, judging by some of your prior comments regarding men and their behaviour, I'm not entirely sure how you can believe that either.

Quote:
I'm sorry, but three kids by three different guys (especially no marriages) and a "job" (which for all we know could be a retail job where she makes barely $10.00 an hour) at almost 40 years of age doesn't make me think "winner" of someone like her
Fortunately, you're not the one wanting to date her.
So this comment is not really relevant.
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Old 9th May 2016, 10:53 PM   #43
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Well I love this forum.

I did not expect all this. Thanks to everyone.

@Tara sorry that I did not communicate properly. I never meant to come off negative about "my" woman in any way. I was just trying to explain more. I agree with a lot of what you said and I appreciate your time.

@Gloria you are part right about the protective part. That is a big aspect because of what this woman has revealed to me and even when she says certain jokes about being "the man of the house" amongst other things I see the pain behind the joking comments and in her eyes.

That is not all of it though even though it is the strongest factor. She also has a certain "swag" like she is super confidant and has a tough edge to her, but is still a woman none the less. Hard to explain. It's like she puts on this hard exterior, but is soft underneath. Her smile is amazing.

I think she is beautiful. I am trying to explain before my attraction how I felt. She looks average. Yeah what is average? For her age her face looks younger then she is. Thought she was late 20's at first.

I never meant any disrespect toward her in anything I say I am trying to convey a mental image with words. She makes $17.50 per hour and from the little I know she is a good and involved mother.

Also hold up. I do not want to marry her or adopt her kids.
I am mentioning that it is an option if the relationship were to develop. For me that is my aim let's say when I have a relationship. If it got serious I would be open to it. I thought a lot about it before I asked her. I am tired of games and she is confidant and has had her experiences and she seemed safe and least likely to cheat on me.

I am a hopeless romantic and I value the relationship and the responsibility. If both partners put the needs of each other above their own it helps create a healthy relationship and marriage, both have to apply it though.

I feel I moved on though, even though I still like her. I still l want to communicate with her on a regular basis, but should I fall back?

Also I was not saying she is racist. I mentioned that is what I initially thought in my head when she hit me with that excuse because I became defensive in my mind. As well I know she gave me an explanation, but only after I asked if it was for a different reason. If I walked away like I was originally about to do and was supposed to do I doubt it would have been mentioned.

Do you think she thought about it? Think she just shrugged off rejecting me or do you think she may have felt a little sad?

I was in a lot of pain and I cried about it. I still can't put it to a single thing why I like her so much. Her being a great listener was amazing and refreshing. I think I was too pushy and persistent at first and I came off clingy.

I have had experiences in life where I wait too long and I miss my opportunity. My first crush was single for a week in middle school, first girl I was going to ask out. Finally when I gathered my courage to ask her she tells me someone else already asked her out 2 hours before me and it was legit. Plus during my child hood a lot of my female friends always ended up moving.

Thanks everyone.
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Old 9th May 2016, 11:35 PM   #44
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Hopefully you woke up and smelled the coffee....

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Old 10th May 2016, 1:32 AM   #45
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So this was my first time experiencing this type of rejection for being white. My initial feeling when she said that was that seems racist. I did not say that. I know she isn't because one of her best friends is a married with child white male 28 years old.
Someone's personal tastes and preferences about people they date and have relationships with aren't subject to discrimination laws. If she's not attracted to white guys, that's her personal choice or biologic preference. There's no law saying she has to date a certain quota of white men, or short men, or whatever the criteria is. She gets to decide and you don't have any recourse. It's not racist in the same sense of the word that we normally use it.

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My whole point in this thread is to figure out what I should do next. Yes she said no but I think it was because I caught her off guard and that I have been to persistent in showing her attention.
If she said no, there's nothing else for you to do. You've got to respect her right to make up her own mind and not assume that you know what she wants better than she does.

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She is a Libra and she strongly believes in that stuff and I know Libra always are seeking their true love and I can't see why she would not date the possible best thing to ever happen to her Just because of skin color.

Plus I am highly optimistic and a Gemini. I would like to eventually like to try again down the road. Any advice or tips is appreciated, thanks.
My advice is to stop basing life decisions on astrology, because it's total b******. Find a girl your own age who you don't work with and take it from there. If she likes you, great. But if she doesn't accept your advances, you need to stop there and resist the urge to see "what else" you can do about it. Best of luck.
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