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Woman rejected me because I am white.


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Old 8th May 2016, 1:22 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by ashteller View Post
She did not offer an explanation she just said no. I should have walked away then but I asked if it was the age difference and she said no it's not then further explained probably uncomfortable from the hurt expression on my face.
She did give you an explanation. She told you she doesn't date white men.
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Old 8th May 2016, 1:44 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by thefooloftheyear View Post
Lessee....

She has kids from different fathers, she's 12 years older than you and probably has more baggage than the terminal at LaGuardia Airport....

You didn't lose out......She did you a huge favor...You just dont realize it yet...

TFY
Funniest thing I've heard today!!
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Old 8th May 2016, 7:25 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by thefooloftheyear View Post
Lessee....

She has kids from different fathers, she's 12 years older than you and probably has more baggage than the terminal at LaGuardia Airport....

You didn't lose out......She did you a huge favor...You just dont realize it yet...

TFY
No, "three" kids - mind you...

I don't care if she's racist, sexist, ist-ist...Thank your lucky stars that she's out of your life.

I have intimacy issues, but I never was selfish/irresponsible enough to drag kids into my issues and don't have an ounce of baggage like she does.

Yea, let her go to some non-white guy to slap her around and treat her like she wants to be treated

She's an idiot and piece of trash, in my honest opinion.
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Old 8th May 2016, 7:38 PM   #19
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No, "three" kids - mind you...

I don't care if she's racist, sexist, ist-ist...Thank your lucky stars that she's out of your life.

I have intimacy issues, but I never was selfish/irresponsible enough to drag kids into my issues and don't have an ounce of baggage like she does.

Yea, let her go to some non-white guy to slap her around and treat her like she wants to be treated

She's an idiot and piece of trash, in my honest opinion.
WOW. LS sure is editing what I get to see from what everyone else gets to see.

Where was it stated she has "three" kids (as if the number - or their existence - even matters)? How did "(s)he was hurt badly in both [relationships] translate into getting 'slapped around'?!?

She can't be that big of "an idiot", since the company for whom they both work chose her to train him on aspects of his job.


She simply doesn't want to go out with him; as a woman, a mother, and a co-worker, that's her prerogative. There's no need for the OP - or anyone else - to get so nasty about what is her choice.
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Old 8th May 2016, 7:51 PM   #20
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To be fair, this woman sounds so low-value.

OP should really be upping his standards.

I mean, you hadn't even kissed this girl, and yet you were so loved up that you wanted to devote your entire life to a adopting and bringing up the lovechildren of a much older woman?

Come on, man. You're better than that. Time to up your game.
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Old 8th May 2016, 10:53 PM   #21
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I'm 34 years old - Indian - and recently had a young, white guy (27 years old) ask me out - consistently and persistently for the past month (we met when I was taking coding classes)....

I had to politely decline his extra classes and coffee dates because of his age and not because he is white. I was also not that physically attracted to him (bit too thin, almost the same height as me, questionable dress sense and strange voice pitch with a lot of giggling when we shared a joke). There were so many reasons but the one I chose to share with him was because of his age...

He is not a bad guy - I just didn't want to lead him on and waste his time. At 34 - I am pretty confident to know what I want to date to ensure 100% commitment from my side.

I don't mean to sound rude or too blunt - but perhaps there was a bit more to her decision and well, you will probably need to find a girl who will appreciate all the qualities you currently have now without changing anything about yourself.

To the other LS posters - no need to call this woman 'low-value' or 'trash' (how can one be considered 'trash' or 'low value' when she is working and proving for her children???).... She has already made some pretty bad decisions in her lifetime - they were probably made in good faith at the time but now she is where she is....at 37 with older children - she could be seeing op as another 'kid' in her eyes and sparing herself another poor life choice....give her that at least.

Last edited by BelleSkye; 8th May 2016 at 10:56 PM..
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Old 8th May 2016, 11:16 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by BelleSkye View Post
(how can one be considered 'trash' or 'low value' when she is working and proving for her children???)....
Her value is very low in a dating sense (just going by all the details in the OP).

- Not very attractive
- Much older than he is
- Has three kids
- Multiple fathers
- Multiple dodgy/abusive relationships
- Has some sort of race fetish

Don't understand why he's pining for her. He should have higher standards.

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Originally Posted by BelleSkye View Post
She has already made some pretty bad decisions in her lifetime
Uh-huh.

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Originally Posted by BelleSkye View Post
they were probably made in good faith at the time but now she is where she is....at 37 with older children - she could be seeing op as another 'kid' in her eyes and sparing herself another poor life choice....
I try not to focus on the 'why' too much in my life. Or on here either.

Fact is she doesn't want to go out with him. No point in getting hung up on why, when there are so many other options in life.

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Originally Posted by BelleSkye View Post
give her that at least.
I credit her with not leading him on, or screwing him around.

But, he can do so much better for himself, and needs some perspective.

He was about ready to devote his entire life to a low-value woman that he hadn't even had a single date with. That is an issue worth raising.

Last edited by Jabron1; 8th May 2016 at 11:19 PM..
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Old 8th May 2016, 11:52 PM   #23
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Geez! It amazes me how many here can be so judgmental of this woman, given the bit that the OP has posted. I mean saying that, "She's an idiot and piece of trash, in my honest opinion", or saying that, "this woman sounds so low-value"! Unbelievable!

OP, she likes what she likes, and it's just that simple. Many of us have been in the position that you found yourself in. We ALL have our preferences, and you should not take it personally that she was honest and very upfront with you about hers. At least you had the balls to approach her and at least try. Good for you! It may not have worked out for you this time, but do not let this discourage you the next time around.
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Old 9th May 2016, 12:03 AM   #24
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Multi Quote not loading....

[QUOTE=Jabron1;6897039]Her value is very low in a dating sense (just going by all the details in the OP).

- Not very attractive -
In OP's opinion - she could be Miss Universe in someone else's eyes...

- Much older than he is -
Nothing wrong with being older - gosh, I know a lot of women in their 40's who look better than some of the 20 year olds I know. Her being older just means she knows what SHE wants...

- Has three kids -
Once again, a lot of women with kids out there who are successfully dating and continuing with life. A sincere guy will understand that children are a part of life and not an inconvenience.

- Multiple fathers -
was she supposed to stop life after the first guy? What happens if guy number 2 was the love of her life? Was she not supposed to try a life with him? From what I read, she had 2 kids from the second guy - that means it meant something to her at least. No fault to her if he left her. Enough people on LS trying to wonder why their partners left them when they did nothing wrong.

- Multiple dodgy/abusive relationships -
once again - you never know until you are in the situation. As long as she is not abusive to her own children i.e. not doing drugs, abandoning her children, not providing etc Plus side - she is now out of those 'abusive' relationships. Where is the low value in that?

- Has some sort of race fetish -
what is wrong with having a legal, healthy fetish? She probably wanted something sincere out of it...I have a fetish for....guys in military uniform? (just an example)...from a woman's perspective, it just means I want all the goodness of a healthy relationship coming from a man who wears a military uniform to work
A fetish only becomes a problem when it imposes on someone else's personal boundaries or well-being....
Jabron1 - mentioning that she has a black fetish (in a condescending way) also sounds a tad bit racist....there are many Black LS posters here - no need to make them feel uncomfortable by saying that they are considered as a 'fetish' for 'low value' people.

Don't understand why he's pining for her. He should have higher standards. -
When you feel an emotion, there is no wrong or right. I'm on LS pining for my ex - I know I should have higher standards but what I feel is what I feel. The best way to know when YOU are in love or feel strongly about someone is when you don't give a damn about what society thinks about your partner...just as long as you are happy

I'm trying to be realistic with OP about the her (his 'lady of concern') choices, to not beat himself up about the race issue....hopefully it will raise some self-awareness about his own short-comings, if there are any (dress sense, height, the way he speaks etc...I don't know, something he might have to figure out on his own).

Last edited by BelleSkye; 9th May 2016 at 12:11 AM..
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Old 9th May 2016, 12:14 AM   #25
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One relationship lasted six years, another fifteen, so I'm not sure how that qualifies her as a woman with low standards. Ppl change and grow apart. She didn't pounce on this young guy, as she could have. Instead, she backed away and said no, and then followed that up by stating she prefers black men, which makes her honest, not racist. In fact, stating that a guy who isn't white "is apt to slap her around" is quite a stereotypical mouthful.

There are lots of factors to consider in a relatively short post. They work together, there is a twelve year age gap, she has three children to consider, along with her preference and prob. a whole host of factors that we aren't privy to. Slamming this woman based on the little info. the OP gave is sad.

OP, she isn't interested and it would serve you best to respect her wishes. Also, I admire you for not judging a book by its cover, so to speak.
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Old 9th May 2016, 12:21 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by MrBojangles View Post
Geez! It amazes me how many here can be so judgmental of this woman, given the bit that the OP has posted. I mean saying that, "She's an idiot and piece of trash, in my honest opinion", or saying that, "this woman sounds so low-value"! Unbelievable!
Yes, this "low value" stuff is subjective nonsense. Even if you could view someone as a commodity to begin with, there's no way we can know anything meaningful about this woman's 'value' in the few paragraphs OP's shared about her here.
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Old 9th May 2016, 12:51 AM   #27
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It just very possible she's not attracted sexually to white men. That's not racist, it's just who she is and her taste in men.

Sorry it hurt that she rejected you, but ask yourself this. Let's say you two got involved, are you truly ready to take on the roll of step father to her children? You say you'd adopt her children, but are the fathers involved at all? If so, you wouldn't be able to adopt them as your own.

Also she may not be interested in dating someone she works with.

Last edited by whichwayisup; 9th May 2016 at 12:55 AM..
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Old 9th May 2016, 1:42 AM   #28
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Originally Posted by ashteller View Post
Well thanks to everyone. In such a short period I feel helped out a lot. It was great to be able to share this.

@Tara I also thought about those 3 points you just mentioned. She did not offer an explanation she just said no. I should have walked away then but I asked if it was the age difference and she said no it's not then further explained probably uncomfortable from the hurt expression on my face.
I am ignoring all comments above, particularly those which I deem both ignorant and insulting regarding 'low values' and 'trash'.
She explained to you what she didn't think dating you was a good idea. And I'm sure she has her reasons.

Quote:
Yeah 3 kids total. 1 from the first man who the child is now 19 years old and other 2 are 12 and 14
She has a ready-made family. And you are barely 6 years older than her oldest child. I honestly think age is probably a factor, too...
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but I could have dealt with that, adoption has been a possibility.
Pardon me, but it's utterly ludicrous to even think in such terms and on such a level, as to discuss adoption even before you've hit first base! Which, you haven't, because it's a no-go! Adoption? Really? You obviously have no idea of just how complex the whole matter would be.
And you really also need to think about it from the children's PoV.... would they even want that??

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Totally agree about the color of being off from white dad to Hispanic mother to black children, I saw pictures they do look black.
Yeah, exactly. Now perhaps, you'll see how impulsive and untimely all this talk of 'adoption' actually is.

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Thanks still.

Suprised though that there hasn't been anyone to encourage me forward.
It's because we see there's no good to come out of it.
Recap:
  • She has said No.
  • She said, NO, because her children have black fathers.
  • She has a ready made family, with an eldest child a little younger than you.
  • The notion of adoption is ridiculous, in that you obviously haven't thought it through, at all.
  • She said NO.
  • You never date in the workplace, ever.
  • She said NO.

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Probably Definitelyfor the best though.
Fixed that for you.

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I am just hurt right now and I am usually super confidant.
Then you're not 'super-confident'. If one lady, can crush you to this extent, with a simple 'no' (and with very good cause) then I don't classify you as 'super-confident'.

Quote:
She lost. 39lbs before and looks better now but she is still about 150lbs. I am 207lbs. and work out on the reg and am a health nut by some people.
I fail to understand exactly what this has to do with anything at all. Are you suggesting that merely because you LOOK the part, she should have taken you up on your offer, pronto....?

Quote:
Honestly I am surprised at how hard I fell for this woman. She's got that thing about her I suppose.
A lot of women have that 'thing' about them.
Although as a woman, I'm not sure your 'thing' is the same definition of 'thing' as mine....

Move on, just be friendly and keep it professional.
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Old 9th May 2016, 1:57 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by TaraMaiden2 View Post

A lot of women have that 'thing' about them.
Although as a woman, I'm not sure your 'thing' is the same definition of 'thing' as mine.....
The "thing", IMO, is that men naturally want to provide/protect. And, just like how some women misplace their perception of "strength" in bad boys - some men perceive "damaged", "baggaged", "dependent", and/or "distressed" women like the OP as some poor little puppy who needs a strong and brave man - "Captain Save a H-", to ride in on his white (no pun intended) horse and save her.

If the OP is young and probably naive. IMO, he should provide/protect for a woman who's earned it and doesn't come with a questionable past.

You can't rescue anyone. A "Damsel in Distress" will only become a "Distressed Damsel"...in other words, the same poor choices she made in life to get her where she is won't stop cuz of the right man in her life.
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Old 9th May 2016, 2:07 AM   #30
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I am 100% certain that is totally NOT the 'thing' he's thinking of.
I think he's talking more of 'mature allure', a presence, a confident personality.
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