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Woman rejected me because I am white.


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Old 8th May 2016, 1:31 PM   #1
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Woman rejected me because I am white.

Hello all,

Alright, so I became interested in this woman at work. I am 25 and she is 37 years old. We had to work closely together for awhile as she trained me at certain aspects of work. She is half white half Puerto Rican, looking all Puerto Rican. Well besides a lot of things I fell for her real hard.

To be honest at first I did not find her physically attractive at all besides her amazing smile. But as I got to know her and how she treated me I now think she is beautiful. But that is not the point. Over the course of several weeks I have felt like I have been getting mixed messages from her. The biggest one of interest to me is she acts different around me by not swearing since I act humble and speak proper. She admitted she does not talk "****" around me because I am too nice. There are other things too. She has children from 2 different men one lasted for 6 years the other 15 years. She was hurt badly in both. So she has baggage like most of us.

But to my point. I really felt she was playing hard to get because of her hurt past. I still was and am into her. Just this Friday I had the balls and finally built up my courage to let her know I am into her and would like to get to know her more outside of work. I said this while we were both somewhat preoccupied with work. She looked up at me and hesitated slightly and slowly shook her head no and eventually said the first "no" horsley then said a second no with more affirmative, I took a step back hesitated and moved forward asked if it was because of the age gap and she said "no, I don't date white guys. Both of my children's fathers are black"

So this was my first time experiencing this type of rejection for being white. My initial feeling when she said that was that seems racist. I did not say that. I know she isn't because one of her best friends is a married with child white male 28 years old. I can see why she said what she said because she does have a certain swag and I think that's what really drew me to her was her confidence and mannerisms.

My whole point in this thread is to figure out what I should do next. Yes she said no but I think it was because I caught her off guard and that I have been to persistent in showing her attention. She is a Libra and she strongly believes in that stuff and I know Libra always are seeking their true love and I can't see why she would not date the possible best thing to ever happen to her Just because of skin color.

Plus I am highly optimistic and a Gemini. I would like to eventually like to try again down the road. Any advice or tips is appreciated, thanks.

P.S. I am open to the option of a long term relationship possible marriage, so it's not like I was looking to just get with her and dump her.
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Old 8th May 2016, 1:36 PM   #2
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Gemini-schmemini....

Never, ever date in the workplace, ever, no matter who; no matter what nationality, religion, sexual persuasion, age or status.

Never, ever EVER date in the workplace.

Find someone closer to your age.
Taking on a woman, with children (and it sounds as if she's had children from different fathers) is never a wise option when there's an age-gap of this nature, and the guy is the younger.

Oh, and did I mention, you should never, ever date in the workplace?
EV-ER...??
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Old 8th May 2016, 1:38 PM   #3
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All I can say is 'ouch'.


And, yeah, never EVER date in the workplace. Easier said than done but oh, so true.
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Old 8th May 2016, 1:39 PM   #4
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Lessee....

She has kids from different fathers, she's 12 years older than you and probably has more baggage than the terminal at LaGuardia Airport....

You didn't lose out......She did you a huge favor...You just dont realize it yet...

TFY
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Old 8th May 2016, 1:41 PM   #5
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And, without wishing to sound crude, she's got her 'thing'...and it's not guys of your persuasion. It's hard to fight that. So...don't.
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Old 8th May 2016, 1:43 PM   #6
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As with most things (especially those charged with sexual energy/sexual attraction), "No Means No", regardless of whether or not you agree with the reasons behind it OR whether you believe the reasons behind it are valid...or not.

Leave it be, OP. She, too, is allowed to have her own personal preferences when dating, which include NOT dating white guys, NOT dating guys considerably younger than her, and/or NOT dating guys with whom she works (and trained).

She's even allowed to not be interested in you - or anyone else - just 'cuz.


Best of luck to you, OP...
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Old 8th May 2016, 1:46 PM   #7
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One final thing - if she said NO - AND gave you a reason - she means 'No'. And she was fair enough to give you a reason.

Above comments regarding baggage also very true.

I am a woman, and honestly, I don't judge but for a woman to permit herself to be made pregnant twice - not once - from different guys - is not exactly a glowing reference or point to her advantage.

Or yours, for that matter.

It could be she dates guys from her own culture exactly because her kids are black.
Less of a shock to their system if they know they're black - and hang on - their mamma's dating a white guy now?

"What's wrong with this picture??"
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Old 8th May 2016, 1:47 PM   #8
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She said no, only one way to interpret that. If you want to hang onto your dignity with her you'll stop trying and just be friendly. If you chase and get increasingly desperate she'll lose respect for you and you'll just become a somewhat pathetic orbiter who's never gonna get in there.

I wouldn't interpret it as racist btw, it's just sexual/romantic preference. Everyone's entitled to that, and she actually did you a good turn by being honest about the what and why rather than let you linger on.
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Old 8th May 2016, 1:50 PM   #9
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Yeah, no racism intended. I like ladies to have a few curves or extra pounds. It's just my 'thing', I just like the way it looks better so I tend to go for that.


Nothing wrong at all with other ladies, I just seem to gravitate towards slightly larger ones. Life would be weird if we all liked the same things.
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Old 8th May 2016, 1:53 PM   #10
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I don't think you can hang a "racist" label on someone because they are not attracted to your particular variety of skin and looks. Try to realize that tribes are very real and that throughout history, the tendency is that we are attracted to what is more familiar to us. It's not just about looks either. It's about culture, and that's the bigger factor.

You could say I'm racist if I don't want to date a Hispanic, but my reason for that would be more cultural (male dominated/religious/don't believe in birth control) than anything else. (By the way, I did date a Hispanic as well as had a best friend who was Hispanic, but they were both unconventional rebels, so that's why).

Then you have just attraction. Physical attraction. There's really no accounting for it. It's a very individual thing. You either have it for someone or you don't. A dapper lawyer once asked me out and I declined because that's too suity for me. I like musicians and artists. My friend married a guy I think looks like Howdy Doody but thinks he is so good looking a lot of women are after him. There's no accounting for taste, so don't get bitter on this woman there at work. Just let it go and move on.

Good luck.
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Old 8th May 2016, 1:55 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RedPurpleOrange View Post
Yeah, no racism intended. I like ladies to have a few curves or extra pounds. It's just my 'thing', I just like the way it looks better so I tend to go for that.


Nothing wrong at all with other ladies, I just seem to gravitate towards slightly larger ones. Life would be weird if we all liked the same things.
God bless you. And you must be a happy man and feel you are a wolf let loose in a world of juicy sheep. How did you ever avoid being programmed by the popular media, I wonder.
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Old 8th May 2016, 1:56 PM   #12
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And, yeah, you've also got the fact she has two half-black kids and if you're going to be taking over as daddy, it's gonna be obvious they're not yours and that might be awkward for you. Factor that in.


It's not a great idea, really. Maybe she's just saving you some hell along the line.
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Old 8th May 2016, 2:01 PM   #13
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God bless you. And you must be a happy man and feel you are a wolf let loose in a world of juicy sheep. How did you ever avoid being programmed by the popular media, I wonder.

I like that.


I think when I was told that Santa Claus existed as a child, I never really believed it. And when all the media in the 90s was saying Kate Moss and Victoria Beckham were the most beautiful women in the world and I'm there thinking "but they look like skeletons to me".
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Old 8th May 2016, 2:12 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by TaraMaiden2 View Post
One final thing - if she said NO - AND gave you a reason - she means 'No'. And she was fair enough to give you a reason.

Above comments regarding baggage also very true.

I am a woman, and honestly, I don't judge but for a woman to permit herself to be made pregnant twice - not once - from different guys - is not exactly a glowing reference or point to her advantage.

Or yours, for that matter.

It could be she dates guys from her own culture exactly because her kids are black.
Less of a shock to their system if they know they're black - and hang on - their mamma's dating a white guy now?

"What's wrong with this picture??"
Well thanks to everyone. In such a short period I feel helped out a lot. It was great to be able to share this.

@Tara I also thought about those 3 points you just mentioned. She did not offer an explanation she just said no. I should have walked away then but I asked if it was the age difference and she said no it's not then further explained probably uncomfortable from the hurt expression on my face.

Yeah 3 kids total. 1 from the first man who the child is now 19 years old and other 2 are 12 and 14 but I could have dealt with that, adoption has been a possibility.

Totally agree about the color of being off from white dad to Hispanic mother to black children, I saw pictures they do look black.

Thanks still.

Suprised though that there hasn't been anyone to encourage me forward. Probably for the best though. I am just hurt right now and I am usually super confidant. She lost. 39lbs before and looks better now but she is still about 150lbs. I am 207lbs. and work out on the reg and am a health nut by some people.

Honestly I am surprised at how hard I fell for this woman. She's got that thing about her I suppose.

Last edited by ashteller; 8th May 2016 at 2:16 PM..
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Old 8th May 2016, 2:18 PM   #15
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I think most people on here err towards minimising hurt and protecting people, often in a 'tough love' way. In a good way.


And you're quite young, a 19yr old son might be a handful or create an awkward 'father figure or pal?' dynamic.
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