HansonGirl Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 (edited) I have a coworker who I have started avoiding because she turns everything into a debate . I'll go and say hello and the discussion gets sidetracked or I'll go in with a very simple question and it turns into something else. It's almost as though she acts like everything I'm saying is wrong. It's become unpleasant to talk to her. I don't even like to go say hello to her anymore for that reason. I don't think she means any harm but it's like she doesn't "get" me . I really want to know how to handle a coworker like this . On more than one occasion our discussions turned into heated debates and I was not interested in that. It left me feeling defensive and like wtf just happened. I'm not interested in debating this person. I almost find her to be very patronizing . It's funny because whenever she tells a lame joke and it's obvious that she is kidding she will wink to ensure we understand she's joking. But then I say something in deadpan that everybody else knows is a joke she didn't understand that I was kidding. (Nothing inappropriate) .I have to wonder if that has something to do with it . Like she also will follow up an innocuous discussion to make sure she hasn't said anything offensive . I'm like um no . (Not talking about one of the times she is trying to win the debate but some of the time it is one of those times) one time I made a comment about how my friend was staying at my place longer than anticipated and it was starting to affect my plans and she was like only well where I come from we have hospitality . Bla bla bla . Whatever she said contorted what I was saying to make me sound like a huge a-hole. I never said I wasn't going to be hospitable but I was just remarking on how I was starting to get a little bothered . She Said at one point she is the type to want to "fix" or "solve" something when someone's a person simply just wants to talk something out . She seems to try to take the role of the therapist in a discussion and frankly I don't want to get psychoanalyzed without consent by a nonprofessional armchair therapist. Again I don't think she's a bad person .I just think our styles are different . How do I not let this get under my skin . And what strategy should I use when speaking to her. I interact with her daily . And it's easy to get too comfortable and relaxed aand let these discussions occur. I want to learn effective communication because surely she won't be the last person like this I come across. Edited December 8, 2015 by HansonGirl Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 I generally use a trick I learned from the RN's and social workers at the dementia facility my mom was at, that being to disconnect the behavior from the person and treat them like a patient and their comments like the ramblings of the insane. De-personalize. I first learned of the techniques when consistently interacting with a customer who was schizophrenic (medicated) but would 'go off' on me occasionally. No sense in taking him out; he's mentally ill and can be managed peacefully, and was. Working with professionals and learning their tricks helped a lot. Not saying the person you're dealing with is mentally ill, only that the tools used with the mentally ill have worked well for me in dealing with other problem people who don't respond to healthy interpersonal communication. This presumes contact is required. If not, disengagement, to me, is preferable. Everyone lives to engage another day. Bottom line is you have no control over anyone else, rather only yourself. You choose how you apply that control. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 Read up the following: Hyperbole and a Half: The Alot is Better Than You at Everything Even if you don't find it helpful, at the least you WILL find it funny to read. The technique the author is using is clever to say the least. Link to post Share on other sites
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