even coming in on the weekend is not enough for my boss

[HansonGirl]

now, ordinarly i am happy to work on the weekend in my job, as long as i feel like my going out of my way is appreciated. But my boss does not appreciate that at all. She never asks me about my personal life though she seems to be interested in other people's. I know she isn't required to, but it just gets me down, and makes me resentful. It makes me almost like, not want to do the work, if that makes sense. She offers negative feedback but never says anything good. I feel like I'd be more willing to work on the weekends and all that, if it was a more loving atmosphere. How do i not let it get to me? I am just going to try to tell myself it's not me, and this is just how she is. I spoke with a former employee who had my job before and she told me, "I didn't even think she liked me," so she was surprised when the boss asked her to stay longer. That's sort of how I feel, like she doesn't like me too much. If i ever become someone's boss I am going to try to make them feel appreciated.

 

here's an example: last time i was there on a saturday, I had plans to meet with someone for coffee for an hour (god forbid i leave at all...), and i just wanted to let my boss know I was stepping out, to be courteous (she was there too) and i was just like, I have plans to meet someone, so I will be back in an hour. I know I wasnt forthcoming (should I have been?) but her response was ok. have fun doing whatever it is you're doing. and also seemed like, why are you bothering me sort of vibe.

 

Man I really got to not let it bother me. I need to be pleasant and nice.

Edited October 4, 2015 by HansonGirl

[acrosstheuniverse]

The most important thing is to remember that you and your boss are not there to like one another, you're there to do a job. It's nice if you get on with your colleagues, yes, but it's not essential and it sounds like you expend a lot of emotional energy wishing she likes you and interpreting everything she does/says when at the end of the day you can't force her to like you. Some people just get along better together, and some don't. I doubt it's anything personal. Perhaps she just likes to be seen as efficient and reserved and isn't the sort of boss to buddy up with their staff as they want to retain the sense of being in power, or whatever.

 

Regarding feeling like you never get any praise for anything, I had a similar problem on placement for my MA, my supervisor for my first placement was absolutely amazing, very encouraging and built my confidence up tonnes, also was able to bring up things I had done wrong in a sensitive manner. I expected similar for second placement but got the total opposite! My supervisor in that role seemed to totally ignore anything good I did, even if she'd set me a real challenge for the first time and I had aced it, but if I did the smallest thing wrong she would go nuts on me, once even shouting at me in a spare room almost to the point of spitting in my face. She even pulled me to one side after that to ask if I was okay and say sorry for being out of line. Halfway through placement we had our midpoint review and I just simply told her straight how I feel... that the longer I was there, I felt I was gaining in competence but my confidence was sapping away and I felt much less confident doing the job now than I did on my first day. I said that I needed a little more positive reinforcement when I did the good stuff and for her to try and temper her gut response when she was telling me off for something. To her credit she listened, didn't get defensive, really understood what I was saying (I honestly think it was a personality clash) and then changed her behaviour afterwards. We were never going to 'like' each other but she made sure to commend me for good work and be careful in her criticism.

 

Totally different kettle of fish I know, given that it was a placement, it was her job to help me learn to become a good practitioner, I wasn't being paid, and it was within her role to coach and guide me. Very different to an actual boss at work who is just responsible for your work but isn't specifically supposed to be coaching you and helping you along. I don't know if you have performance reviews, and if that's something you can bring up? Just maybe 'it would help me when I've done particularly good work for you to look over it if you get chance and let me know if there's anything you'd particularly like me to repeat' or whatever, as long as it doesn't come across combative. In my final review I actually got higher marks than she'd ever given any student, partly because I was the first student who'd had the confidence to challenge her and try and have that difficult conversation rather than coast along unhappily. So it was a success for me. But again. Totally different to the workplace once you're qualified.

[OpenBook]

Was your boss waiting for you to complete something that day (Saturday)? Some people don't like going into work on a Saturday. It makes them grumpy. (I know it would make ME grumpy.) Maybe she didn't want to be there at all... and your coffee break cost her an additional hour to stay at work. On a Saturday. (That would REALLY piss me off!!) Try to put yourself in her shoes.

[HansonGirl]

Was your boss waiting for you to complete something that day (Saturday)? Some people don't like going into work on a Saturday. It makes them grumpy. (I know it would make ME grumpy.) Maybe she didn't want to be there at all... and your coffee break cost her an additional hour to stay at work. On a Saturday. (That would REALLY piss me off!!) Try to put yourself in her shoes.

 

No, that's not what happened. She was coming in anyways, and wanted me to give her something that is actually not due for like 3 weeks.

[anika99]

Your bosses attitude probably isn't about you personally. The person you spoke with seemed to confirm this by saying they felt the same.

 

There used to be a manager at my work whose office was right near the door. Her desk was positioned so that she could look right people as they were coming and going. The first few times I saw her looking at me as I walked by I smiled at her and said hello. She never responded other than to scowl at me. I was like wow, I wonder why she hates me so much? It got to where I hated when I had to walk by her door. I wouldn't even look in her direction if I could help it because it seemed like every time I did she would be looking at me with that hateful expression on her face. One day I overheard two coworkers talking about they wished that manager would move her office somewhere else because they were sick of being greeted every morning by her miserable face. That was the first time it occurred to me that I wasn't the only one getting that greeting and that it had nothing to do with me. After that the way she looked at me didn't bother me at all. I was over it and pretty much became oblivious to her presence because she wasn't even my manager.

 

Why do you work Saturdays? If it's to make extra money and be a good employee then just do your best and take pride in it. Sounds like your boss could use better people skills but in the big picture it doesn't matter so much. You are there for yourself, not for her.

[Frank13]

I wish I had a boss like that. I'm a private person but my boss and co-workers will ask me if I have plans for the weekend or what I did on my weekend. They will ask if I'm going anywhere on my vacation or what I did on vacation. I just find it rude and nosy. I'm there to work not to socialize and I don't like people sticking their nose in my personal business.

[candie13]

Set up healthy boundaries. Do your job and grow up a little, will ya? She is not there to mother you or to praise you. Obviously that would be nice, but hey, you were not that lucky.

 

Be productive and effective and on top of your job. If my boss asked me to come on a weekend for something that's due in 3 weeks, I would be very curteous and say I unfortunately have plans, but looking forward to discussing the necessity of that projecting coming forward as well as the re-arrangement of my current priorities - projects I am working on.

 

The day only has 8 hours of work, we cannot inflate work time, can we ?

 

Trust me, she will respect you much more if you say "no" than if you show a utter and complete lack of personal boundaries by coming to work on a Saturday. I do hope extra hours are getting paid.

 

Careful there ! If you bump onto a manipulative boss, she'll use your lack of boundaries by giving you a LOT more work and making you work every weekend until you burn out. Some people have no problems squeezing their subordinates like lemons.

 

cheers and best of luck

[GunslingerRoland]

There is a reason why they say your relationship with your direct supervisor is your #1 key to job satisfaction. Like others have said, you don't necessarily have to have a close personal relationship with your boss. But if they are cold and disconnected to you, you WILL NOT be happy.