Dealing with a difficult associate...

[SycamoreCircle]

How would you handle an associate who has the power to oversee your work and approve or reject it and who repeatedly s***-cans it for reasons that always seem dubious? When you finally press them about the matter, they admit in private that they don't like you personally.

[jen1447]

In the professional context, I'd go over their head and inform whomever their superior is (there always is one) about their admitted dislike for you and assert that it's affecting your professional performance. As to personal, not sure what exactly you're producing and what it means to sh*t-can it, but if it's sth that involves intellectual property (yours), there may be legit claims to the arbitrary destruction or elimination of that. (Which could also be taken up with the superior if the associate isn't receptive to the notion.) We all own the rights to the things we produce, whatever they may be, unless we're specifically producing them under contract or license of an employer. (e.g. you don't own the car door assembly you produced on the line, but you do own your thoughts and the rights to profit from any manifestation of them, such as a marketing strategy, business plan, various writings, etc.)

[youdunsay]

I'm in a similar situation -- except the lady kept screaming and ridicule me in my open office. She doesn't like to ask me nicely when checking my work but she would be very nice to people who are close to her or who's older than her.

[mrs rubble]

I worked with a woman who had it in for me since the day she started, as I'd been employed over her in the past.

She used to try to manipulate my shifts/start times, bad mouth me to our superiors and tell them I was incompetent, she announced my unplanned pregnancy to the lunchroom (after I specifically told her to keep it quiet- she only knew because our work involved my medical care)...generally she was a nasty piece of work and I worked with her for 13years..about 2 years ago I started standing up to her. She'd try and repremand me over things (although she had no authourity over me.) I'd walk away or hang up (if on the phone.)

When she tried to change my shifts, I stuck to my guns, she threatened me with having to work more shifts if I didn't do the one she wanted, so I told her not to threaten me. She complained to the boss that I'd accused her of threatening me. The boss told me to be careful with accusing her of threatening- I asked what else would you call it?? I involved the bosses in all incidents where she picked on me after that.......and she left to work somewhere else a month ago!! Hallelujah!!

 

It feels good to stand up to a bully. Try it.

[youdunsay]

I don't know why but I am just not confrontational. I only state things objectively when other party debate in a courteous manner.

[S2B]

How would you handle an associate who has the power to oversee your work and approve or reject it and who repeatedly s***-cans it for reasons that always seem dubious? When you finally press them about the matter, they admit in private that they don't like you personally.

 

I'd tell them I don't need them to like me. They just need to allow Neto do the job I was hired to do.

 

I'd then give my work 110% effort and do everything by the book or as instructed. No altering - only as instructed. Leaves no room for error.

[writergal]

Let your supervisor know that you have issues with your work associate if he/she has tried to sabotage any work you've done and you have proof. Otherwise, chalk it up to personality conflict and try to ignore your work associate if you have to work together and just focus on the work itself. Don't stir up a hornet's nest unless you have actual proof that they're trying to sabotage you.

[preraph]

I'd go over their head too.

[Taramere]

How would you handle an associate who has the power to oversee your work and approve or reject it and who repeatedly s***-cans it for reasons that always seem dubious? When you finally press them about the matter, they admit in private that they don't like you personally.

 

If somebody confesses in a professional context that they have a personal dislike of you, I think it's best to react in a somewhat detached but reasonably helpful way. "Is there something that can be easily resolved? Is there a specific incident that offended you?"

 

If they convey that no...it's just a personality clash or there's just something about you they don't like, then I think it's best to give them a "well, I hope you'll be able to put your personal feelings to one side so that we can get on with the job" message. Leave them in no doubt that you regard it as their issue and not yours, and never get embroiled in anything that smacks remotely of "how can I make you like me?"

 

One thing I'd add. I've had a lot of years of work experience now, and met a wide variety of people. Quite a few of them of a bullying disposition...but with very rare exceptions, I've found the one thing that almost everybody responds well to is empathy.

 

When we're feeling stress at work, it can be easy to forget that our colleagues, bosses, subordinates etc are probably going through much the same thing. Or possibly, in some cases, even more. A lot of people in the workload are under stress, and sometimes it can make people behave in very inappropriate ways. Often dislike is really just anxiety and mistrust dressed in an outfit adorned with hostile little spikes....and that fear/mistrust can begin to dissipate once they realise that

 

a) you're well equipped to shrug off their personal dislike of you without many (or any) hard feelings on your side

b) Despite their personal dislike, you will handle your dealings with them with good intentions, professional courtesy and empathy

 

The only people that's not likely to work with are the "office sociopath" or incurably jaded office cynic type whose sense of self pretty much depends on being miserable and disagreeable. If the woman you're having problems with is like that, I would just limit my dealings with her and not worry about her trying to make trouble for you. People like that don't generally have much credibility.

[jen1447]

The only people that's not likely to work with are the "office sociopath" or incurably jaded office cynic type whose sense of self pretty much depends on being miserable and disagreeable.

 

That was a LOL moment.

 

I have to point out tho that there is a 3rd impossible type - the genuine a-hole.

 

You know how we all have our moments of crabbiness? At those times it could be said that we're "acting like a-holes," but the distinction is that at heart, we're still bscly decent ppl who are being crappy for whatever reason, temporarily. I think 99% of the population falls under that heading. But not the genuine a-hole. The genuine a-hole is an a-hole in every figurative sense of the term, thru and thru. It's their true identity. The irony is that they also sometimes have off days, and those are the rare days when to the rest of decent humanity, they seem ok. But when they do that, they're "acting like decent ppl," just like we occasionally "act like a-holes." But at the core is an a-hole nonetheless, just like there's a decent person at the core of the rest of us on our bad days.

 

Those ppl almost never take a break from a-hole-dom, bc to do so is to be sth other than what they really are, which is hard for anyone to do for very long. Every work environment of decent size has one, and it seems like much of the time they're in a position of authority.

[Tayla]

Sycamore, I work in such an environment where the weak are rewarded and the strong are suppressed.

Be direct since this person was honest (from their personal stance anyway). share with them that its okay not to like you, they are still required to respect your ideas and work ethics. And leave it at that. Assert yourself. Being civil and tactful works wonders!

[Ms. Faust]

Sycamore, I work in such an environment where the weak are rewarded and the strong are suppressed.

 

I work in that type of environment, too. But the manager who was orchestrating it all managed to get himself :love:FIRED:love: so work life is as grand as it can be while we clean up the disaster that he left behind.

[Pastypop]

I also work with a hostile co-worker. It is just awful, awful!! I just stated 4 months ago and he has yelled at me and sent emails of every little error I make to my boss, co-workers and his boss everyday. Every single day starting at 7:00am until he leaves for the day. And, he dumps all the grunt work off on me too! I have not been able to do the job I was hired to do and keep getting in trouble with my boss. I am his elder by a lot of years and am just shocked at his blatant disrespect. Sorry, you are going through a similar issue. Work can suck so bad!!' We are just going to have to win the lottery.