I just cried in front of my manager :/

[Penguin_hugs]

Hi there

 

I guess this is more of an unloading my worries post a bit!

 

I'm currently a trainee healthcare professional. I've completed a 4 year degree on the subject and now I have to do this year placement before sitting qualifying exams before I am finally registered in my profession.

 

I've been in my job about a month now and it's been really tough. As part of my role, I should be supplementary to the rest of the staff and I am primarily there to learn and be an extra pair of hands.

 

Well the day I started, one member of staff left unexpectedly- and no one else is trained to her level. This has meant that I am trying to take over and do that role as well as my own. Yet, when I qualify, I will not be doing her role at all. I'm working flat out all day and just haven't been able to leave on time otherwise I would be compromising patient care. Technically I should be doing 40 hours a week (8.30am-5.30pm) plus going home to study each evening. Yet I never leave til 6pm and often I cut my lunch break too- simply because if I get caught with a patient and go on lunch late then the next person will be late etc and then we are even more short staffed.

 

Today has been yet another crazy day at the mad house. We need another member of staff- because I shouldn't be doing all the work I am- it's not my role and I am not learning as much as I should be- and it's too much work just for one person- particularly a new member of staff. I had to have my monthly review with my manager and she kept delaying it all week because she was too busy. This has to be done as it gets looked at on a company wide scale and determines my rankings for whether I get a job after this year.

 

Eventually she decided to do it today at 5.30pm for 2 hours... I was so tired today after a manic day- I just couldn't see straight anymore. While she said some nice things- like my patient consultation skills are really good, I'm always jumping in and helping in other areas etc I ended up just focusing on the negative.

 

Basically she went on and on about how things aren't running smoothly, all the jobs aren't being done each day and things aren't as organised as they should be... which it won't be when you are down a full time member of staff... and basically told me how I had to step up and get the other job role down and pretty much ignore my own... And I just couldn't see how I could be working any harder and I ended up just bursting in to tears in front of her...

 

I feel so embarrassed I feel weak for crying and now she's going to think I must be useless if I can't take criticism. I apologised and just said I was over tired. I really didn't mean to cry!

 

She also told me I need to be better organised with time management and just leave at 5.30pm- but that's impossible when staff numbers are so low and you need a certain number of people to be present for end of day procedures! I don't get paid overtime as part of my contract- despite staying late nearly 2 extra days worth of hours and was told I can't get the time back as my manager didn't specifically ask me to stay that time...

 

Grrr....

 

I'm ranting... I'm tired... frustrated... And she still won't confirm my usual days off which is a nightmare. I need to book doctors appointments but she won't give me more than 2 days notice for when I am working!

 

Long story short- what do I do about crying infront of my manager- I really don't want her to think I am useless :/

[Keenly]

While I can't offer you advice, and I won't derail your thread by posting my own story, I will say that I actually did break down at work today too, in front of my bosses boss.

 

 

We freak out when it becomes too much to handle yet more is expected of us. Our bosses don't understand that as new people, we are not carbon copies of the 15 to 20 year veterans.

 

I hope your boss was as understanding as my victim was.

[Grumpybutfun]

This on her...she needs to be a better Manager. Jobs are like this....they will milk you for everything then grind down your bones for more if you let them. Take a lunch no matter what and leave at 5:30 no matter what. If she brings this up again, remind her this is not your job description and tell her if you are going to be doing two jobs you want to be paid for it. Start putting your resume in for other positions because there is no way to give high quality healthcare when you have a terrible Manager. It is her role to replace personnel, not yours to try to cover it while making yourself ill.

I know you might be new, but a big lesson in working for others is to never let them make their incompetence something you just fix. Just do your job and when she tries to blame you for her lack, remind her you applied for so and so position and that is what you will be doing with a lunch break and going home. I have a SIL in ER who went through something similar and they used her and blamed her for everything because she cared about her patients so wouldn't say no. She said if she didn't do it, no one would and she couldn't stand seeing people suffer. So, she suffered. She learned her lesson after she went into the hospital for exhaustion and stress herself.

If you can, also talk to someone higher up. This is not ok.

Good luck,

Grumps

[d0nnivain]

It's not about working harder it's about working smarter. Lots of people get thrown into the deep end of the pool.

 

Yes, she could have been a better manager but you are supposed to be able to do the job for which you were educated with a modicum of input from her.

 

the healthcare profession is systemically understaffed & it's very definition is working at a breakneck life & death pace. Perhaps you need to re-evaluate whether this is your calling.

 

I do know what it fells like to be overwhelmed especially on a new job. My 1st real job, I came in on day 1 fresh out school never having had a job in the field before. The only people in the office until after lunch that day were support staff. Somebody had left me 10 files to work on, with no instructions other than these have been reassigned to you, work on them. The next day I shadowed one of the other people in the company. On my 3rd day I was sent into the field alone. The next Monday, the beginning of my second week, I was given an assignment that many people don't get until their second or third year in the field.

 

Yes I cried -- privately. Yes I was overwhelmed. yes, it sucked. It was supposed to be a 9-5 job but I rarely left before 7 & I took work home. But I sucked it up & showed my managers that I was team player, eager to learn & willing to put in the time until I got more efficient.

 

All you can do now, is show her that you are tougher than she thinks you are.

[Penguin_hugs]

Thanks for your reply. I think I think I am going to be firmer about just working my hours more. She's away for the next 2 weeks which means we will be even shorter staffed. Apparently we will be getting someone part time in toward the end of September and she predicts us to be better on track by Christmas...

 

I can't apply for anywhere else- this is a fixed training year regulated by a professional board. Basically this year will be tough according to people who've already done it. But things get better once you are qualified. I'll move throughout the company once I'm qualified

[d0nnivain]

Thanks for your reply. I think I think I am going to be firmer about just working my hours more.

 

IMO that is a suicidal career move. It paints you as someone who is not a team player. Proceed with this plan at your own peril. It most likely will cause you not to get an offer or even a good recommendation when your "fixed year training" is over.

[Penguin_hugs]

It's not about working harder it's about working smarter. Lots of people get thrown into the deep end of the pool.

 

Yes, she could have been a better manager but you are supposed to be able to do the job for which you were educated with a modicum of input from her.

 

the healthcare profession is systemically understaffed & it's very definition is working at a breakneck life & death pace. Perhaps you need to re-evaluate whether this is your calling.

 

I do know what it fells like to be overwhelmed especially on a new job. My 1st real job, I came in on day 1 fresh out school never having had a job in the field before. The only people in the office until after lunch that day were support staff. Somebody had left me 10 files to work on, with no instructions other than these have been reassigned to you, work on them. The next day I shadowed one of the other people in the company. On my 3rd day I was sent into the field alone. The next Monday, the beginning of my second week, I was given an assignment that many people don't get until their second or third year in the field.

 

Yes I cried -- privately. Yes I was overwhelmed. yes, it sucked. It was supposed to be a 9-5 job but I rarely left before 7 & I took work home. But I sucked it up & showed my managers that I was team player, eager to learn & willing to put in the time until I got more efficient.

 

All you can do now, is show her that you are tougher than she thinks you are.

 

She actually used that phrase about working smarter- I'll give it some thought.

 

I can do my job- but I'm being made to do someone else's job on top of mine which is not in my area and being criticized for their job being incomplete.

 

I'm really trying- I know I just have to be tougher. But today I am moaning to get it out of my system

[Grumpybutfun]

Thanks for your reply. I think I think I am going to be firmer about just working my hours more. She's away for the next 2 weeks which means we will be even shorter staffed. Apparently we will be getting someone part time in toward the end of September and she predicts us to be better on track by Christmas...

 

I can't apply for anywhere else- this is a fixed training year regulated by a professional board. Basically this year will be tough according to people who've already done it. But things get better once you are qualified. I'll move throughout the company once I'm qualified

 

I missed that about you being a trainee....finish your training as best as you can and get what information and training you need. My advice was for you as a full time employee...I apologize for my error.

G

[Penguin_hugs]

IMO that is a suicidal career move. It paints you as someone who is not a team player. Proceed with this plan at your own peril. It most likely will cause you not to get an offer or even a good recommendation when your "fixed year training" is over.

 

In fairness my manager told me to do that. She told me I am hanging around to finish things off that can be done the next day. Plus I have to go home and study for a few hours on top of working.

[d0nnivain]

If your manager told you to go home follow her directions. Just make sure whatever you are doing get's you a good review.

 

If your job is to do X but staffing issues having you doing X & Y, make sure that is noted. Ask for separate reviews. Make sure you get "credit" for doing the other stuff so you can at least put it on your resume / CV when you graduate & go job hunting.

[angel.eyes]

They will never fill that open position as long as you continue to cover it.

 

You're in a tough spot. Use the fact that you're in training to your advantage. Late in the day...4 pm or 4:30 pm...start asking someone more experienced for help with your task. You would like to make sure you're doing it right, or you need advice on finessing XYZ...whatever. You get the idea. Involve someone else in the task. At 5 pm or shortly thereafter explain in a matter-of-fact manner to the person you've asked to advise you, that you're in training and have to leave to work on other components of your training program. Then leave. No apologies. No tentativeness. No timidity. By the time you actually escape, it will be 5:30. If it happens to be 5:25 one day. So be it. You've stayed over countless other days.

 

Also, when you're given A, B, C, and D to do, but can only do one or two of these, say something!

 

Example: You just asked me to do C and D. But I already have A and B to complete. Each takes an hour to do, so I can't get all four done in the next two hours. I think A and C are most critical, so I'm going to work on those. Would you agree?

 

One of the skills you'll have to learn if you're to have a successful career in healthcare is how to say "no"...diplomatically, of course. If you never learn you will be drowning forever in thankless busy work that no one wants to do, unable to do your real job, labeled disorganized and a poor manager of time because you work longer hours than everyone else in a similar position, viewed as chronically overwhelmed and unhappy, and seen as unpromotable because you're so overwhelmed that you're ignoring important parts of your own job and coping poorly. You're creating a vicious cycle for yourself.

 

Let me ask you this. You're the trainee, right? Of the people working with you, you are the least qualified to be covering the deficit? Yet the full-time...LICENSED...employees with you aren't covering their missing colleague's empty spot, even though they have the experience, knowledge, and certification that you lack? You're stuck holding the bag instead. Why is that? They've learned to voice their limits and establish parameters for what they're capable of doing. You haven't. Are they so overwhelmed that they break down and cry to their boss? No. They balked and said no before they got to their breaking point. That's understanding your limitations and not attempting to be all things to all people. None of us is superwoman. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to state that you can't get to everything. Another part of the learning process.

 

It gets better. Best of luck.

[angel.eyes]

By the way, (((HUGS)))!

 

I really empathize with how you're feeling. It's hard to navigate and know what to do when you're just getting started. Do you know anyone a couple of years ahead of you? Befriend them and go to them for advice.

[Imported]

I know you might be new, but a big lesson in working for others is to never let them make their incompetence something you just fix.

 

They will never fill that open position as long as you continue to cover it.

 

 

 

I think this is true for every job out there. I believe in working hard, but that gets taken advantage of. You're doing a great job, but they don't care. The extra effort you put in, someone else gets the reward for it. All the extra hours you pull to cover manning shortage and make sure everything happens as it should, is going to bite you in the ass, because everything seems to work fine without all those "extra" people. **** em.

 

 

Look out for yourself OP, at all times. Make sure you get a good review, but take care of #1. That's you BTW.

[kenmore]

Hi there...

 

..."We need another member of staff- because I shouldn't be doing all the work I am- it's not my role and I am not learning as much as I should be- and it's too much work just for one person- particularly a new member of staff.

 

Hi there back P_H

 

You are learning more than you think you are, you're just too exhausted to see it yet. As d0nnivain said, that line of work will be like that because it's specialized, not many people will qualify nor go through the training so it has to be spread over who can be available. The thing is though, one day you will wake up and realize how much you have learned and that will feel great! also, WHAT you're learning (how to deal with stress) is so valuable!

 

As for the hours, it depends on the job and I don't know in your circumstance. Working through lunch break and working late is commendable, but it can present problems if you're working more than 40 hours a week and you're hourly, they may be on the hook for overtime. I got flack for that at my previous job and they basically told me to knock it off. If it's not like that, exhaustion aside, they should appreciate that trait in you. If it is like that, just make sure you get your butt out on time.

 

As for the crying (you knew I'd finally come to the point ), don't take it too hard. Obviously you couldn't help it and your manager was most likely over-tired too, so you broke down and she was not sensitive to it. Come next week she won't care at all, so whatever you do don't ever bring it up again! It never happened. In addition, though she didn't say anything "comforting", not only is that a good sign (it means she expects things from you, would you want that any other way?) it also doesn't mean she isn't aware of how it is in that field. That kind of thing probably happens more often than you'd care to guess!

 

Try to get some sleep and take it easy on yourself. You're in a tough thankless profession, you're at the toughest part of it, and you had a hiccup. It happens, I think you're doing great!

 

Hugs! Ken

[Penguin_hugs]

Thanks for your replies, for further clarification- I'm a preregistration pharmacist working in a busy community pharmacy. I'm on a fixed contract of 40 hours a week and will get paid a fixed amount- regardless of whether I work overtime.

 

I'm basically putting the knowledge I have of medicines, drug interactions and counselling in to practice throughout this year- and that side of things I am good at. I have a pharmacist tutor who I can't fault- he tests me constantly and sets me challenges throughout the day. He has me hand out every new medicine, counsel patients and consult with doctors when required.

 

The problem is the dispenser- basically the person labelling and assembling each prescription, answering the phone and dealing with enquiries every 5 mins, ordering stock, and packing away deliveries has left. I have to try and pick up that role on top of mine until we get a new person in. I only have one summer's worth of experience doing that- and then it was part of a team. Not on my own. We get around 150 walk in patients a day for their prescriptions which I can deal with, but we receive about another 150 prescriptions a day from the doctor's surgery which also need to be completed ready for when people come in. My manager did say yesterday that someone will start training at the end of September and will hopefully be completely trained by Christmas- but really it takes an experienced dispenser to be able to complete this task efficiently!

 

We have one healthcare assistant, the pharmacist, one general person who comes in for 4 hours a day to cover lunch and the manager. Ideally we need another 2 trained members of staff! Particularly as I am technically surplus staff here to learn.

 

My manager has gone on holiday now for 2 weeks and basically told me the dispensary has to be running smoothly once she is back. She told me to go flat out dispensing and not do my usual work. The pharmacist told me the opposite- I should spend more time doing pharmacist like activities- so I am stuck in the middle.

 

She didn't mention the tears yesterday- but said she would see where I was at once she gets back.

 

Unfortunately I can't just slow down my working when you get a queue of people coming in for their prescription at 5.20pm and they all want to wait. We never close on time at 5.30pm as we aren't allowed to tell people they can't have their medications that day!

 

On Tuesday once I am back at work I am going to try following the dispenser's model day and see if I can get things sorted and explain my concerns to my tutor. He wasn't part of the review with my manager.

 

I'm going to try and go in with a positive attitude that I can get things sorted, as currently it feels like I can't work any harder yet I'm being told to double my productivity in an area I am not trained it.

 

I'll get there I'm sure

 

Thanks again for all the messages

[kenmore]

P_H, you are doing exactly the right thing. Your manager gave you instructions before she left and you need to assume she knows what she's doing so follow them to the best of your ability. In other words, do what you just said you plan to do, fill the role of the dispenser.

 

That said there will be busy times and not-so-busy times. During the busy times when the pharmacist needs you out front, just go help until it calms down again. He or she will appreciate that and they will also appreciate having the dispensary job running (someone has to do it.)

 

I think it's awesome that your manager has put that responsibility on your shoulders. Just remember what she said: She "wants to see the dispensary running smoothly when she gets back." My guess is your next review will be a shining one if that happens and not so great if it doesn't. I know it's not what you trained for and not what you're regular job is but my guess is everyone there needs to be able to take on most jobs and consider this training for that as well. Besides, in two weeks, you'll be a pro!

 

Finally, follow your managers guidance in the area of hours too. Don't walk out in the middle of a job of course but when your shift ends, finish what you're doing and get out! If you feel you're behind, start a little early the next day if you can.

 

It won't go perfectly smoothly but I know you can do what it takes and do it with a smile on your face! Make it so!

 

Ken

[ufo8mycat]

Don't worry about the tears. Emotions run high in times of stress and two hours is a long review.

 

My approach to this is a bit difference. I also have an applied science degree and had to do a professional development before registration.

 

When your manager comes back, find a time to sit down with her and talk about professional development year, how you are tracking to your registration, what you are expected to be able to do at the end of the year and any areas where you feel your experience might be a bit light on.

 

This takes it back to you (which ultimately your PDY is about training to be a safe, qualified pharmacist, not in dispensing) rather than the day to day work that she needs done.

 

You have to absolutely make sure that you get what you need out of this year. Does you tutor have any advice? From a staffing perspective interns/PDYs are not considered a 1.0 FTE as they need to be trained and often, supervised.

 

For the next two weeks do what you can, but you do need to have a chat about the scope of your role given that you ARE training. There is risk involved in unleashing inexperienced health professionals on the community (not saying that you are.... its just the whole point of the PDY).

 

I am not sure what the situation for pharmacists is like in the UK, here it is a bit dire. But after my PDY I didn't stay in the hospital where I trained. I was registered so could go anywhere.

 

But it critical that you get the training you need in this role. More critical than her managing the retail pharmacy.

[Penguin_hugs]

I spoke to my pharmacist tutor on Tuesday about the situation and he was really annoyed that my manager (who is more to do with operations and retail) told me to stop studying. He said he would allow it for the next 2 weeks but no longer. My manager needs to get more staff in.

 

My tutor has been pretty understanding- he said there is no way a single person can do just all the dispensing jobs- let alone be training or new. We're trying our best to get things done together but we aren't completing every thing. Technically I don't count on the staffing levels list so that would just leave the pharmacist doing everything!

 

With regards to leaving work on time, we have started trying to do the end of day activities in between walk in prescriptions and have left 20 mins late each day- but that's much better than usual. He's pretty fed up of the situation though.

[Penguin_hugs]

Just if anyone is interested in an update on the situation

 

As the saying goes- things have to get worse before they get better...

 

My manager was off for 2 weeks and things did not go well. The first week I just about survived in the dispensary- but there was no way I could get all the tasks done- so work really began to pile up.

 

The second week was awful as the regular pharmacist was away on training which just left me in there and a relief pharmacist who had qualified 2 weeks previously and had not worked for the company at all. I was really just dumped in it and it was awful. I had even more jobs to do than usual and it was so busy. It was also one of those days where if it could go wrong- it did. We had a constant queue of angry people and I basically just had people shouting at me all day because they thought the new pharmacist was slow. It was bad- I was trying to do everything and didn't sleep for 2 days. I began to get really panicky about work and had days where I just came home and cried. Far too much was put on me- but there was nothing I could do for those few days. One day I worked 8.30am til 6.30pm without even leaving the dispensary for a bathroom break or a drink of water- there was no chance for me to take a lunch break!

 

I was a wreck. My hair is falling out, my face has broken out in really bad acne and I am shattered.

 

Luckily after those disasterous few days I had a study day- where I get to meet up with other interns like myself. I had a chat/ crying session with my teacher practitioner and she was fairly horrified with the situation! It's basically part of my contract that I am not supposed to be in working conditions like that and I shouldn't have been doing half the jobs I was doing. She phoned my area manager to say that the situation needed sorting asap or she wanted me moved to another pharmacy.

 

Amazingly by the end of the day- things were in motion to actually get a dispenser again- and they should be starting imminently My manager was given a bit of a rap on the knuckles so to speak for allowing the situation to get that bad- plus I think some patients made complaints.

 

Luckily when I saw my manager again she didn't blame me for the disasterous situation we had the week before and she said if she had been there she would have actually closed the pharmacy. She's been in the dispensary on her own the last week, while I worked in healthcare and all she has done is complain that one person can't do all the jobs...

 

That's basically what she wanted me to do and kept telling me it was possible and I just had to work "smarter". As wrong as it sounds, I do feel a little smug that she can't do it either But I am just really pleased that we are getting more staff as soon as HR can clear it.

 

Luckily I have had the weekend off and took a few days off too for a long weekend as I really needed a break!

[Diezel]

If I had a dollar for every time someone cried in front of me, I'd be rich.

Listen, it happens. Bounce back from it.

 

It's your first month, so don't attach unrealistic expectations to yourself or you'll never evolve from this.

 

In about a year, you'll look back on that day and realize, you rose above it. That, or it made you crumble.

 

Don't be the crumble option.