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Love and Hate Colleague


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Old 17th August 2015, 11:48 PM   #1
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Love and Hate Colleague

Okay-- this is a tough one. But I have a work colleague that I have fallen for. Never told her. We are both married. But I can't get her out of my head. So that is one problem.

Problem 2. I am a bit jealous and threatened by her in terms of the job. She is very close to the boss. She thinks she is an assistant manager even though she doesn't have that title. She can be a bit bossy and "correcty". So there's a part of me that also really cannot stomach her. It bothers me even more because I am 12 years her senior, have oodles more experience and talent, but she is the classic brown noser and has a lot of influence on the boss.

Every day is a tough day at work for me. Either I'm swooning over her physically or I am dreading dealing with her. I don't know if I should confront her but I would have a hard time articulating exactly what it is that is causing me the most problems. And my reputation would be destroyed if I come to her with petty stuff or start calling her out on things I think about her.

I have toyed with leaving but that's not going to be very realistic given my salary requirements and my age.

Advice on how to handle?
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Old 18th August 2015, 2:04 AM   #2
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What would you want your wife to do if she found herself in the same situation?

Do that.
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Old 18th August 2015, 2:55 AM   #3
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Sounds like you need to take some responsibility.
This is all on you.

You say she is 'correcty', she is probably ensuring that procedures are followed, when procedures get followed everyone can easily find out what has happened with a project/sale/whatever it is.
Honestly I just wonder if your ego gets dented by this.

As regards your attraction to her, I agree with the above, do what you would expect your wife to do whenever she feels attracted to someone other than yourself.
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Old 28th August 2015, 11:54 PM   #4
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I have not told her my feelings and never will. I would never hurt my wife. But I'm having a hard time--I've never had these feelings, even as a kid, I'm so hooked on her.

I've thought about looking for a new job, but that might not be possible. I've tried to minimize my contact with her. I've removed her from my social media, etc. But I still see her several times per week at work. And every day she is on my mind...

It is affecting my work. I used to love coming to work and now dread it and count the hours. Every day is such a battle with my feelings.

Ugh-- I am too old for this!
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