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Is my married boss making moves on me?


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Old 30th December 2004, 12:42 AM   #1
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Is my married boss making moves on me?

I am so confused and I am hoping I have come to the right place for help.

I think my manager may be attracted to me. He treats me like a queen, moreso than his other employees. He is constantly complimenting me on my work, so much that sometimes I feel bad for my co-workers who are almost ignored. He says stuff like, "you know I'm always here if you need me, I'll give you whatever you want.." etc. He seems to find ways to touch my hands, or rub my arms, and sometimes he'll even call me 'babe.' The other day I did a floor move for him and he was so happy that he insisted I give him a hug. About a month ago I got my hair done, and he told me he loved my hair at least once a day for about a week. He would run his hands through my hair and be like, "don't you love her hair? It looks so good!" There are so many little things he does, it would be impossible to list them all. Sometimes I think he does it on purpose to make me blush, because I admit that I am very attracted to him.. and perhaps he knows this? He is a great guy and he is always doing everything he can to make me happy. Does he treat me differently than others because he is attracted to me, or just simply because I am a good worker? I don't want to give in to my feelings for him because A he is married and B he is my boss, and C there is a pretty large age gap. I am 21 and he is 38.

Oh and I forgot to add, what does it mean when he refers to his wife as his girlfriend? I met her the other day and he introduced me to her as his wife, but when he talks about her, he uses the word girlfriend. I know it's the same girl, because it's the same name.
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Old 30th December 2004, 12:57 AM   #2
 
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Sounds OK to me. That's how all my bosses are.
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Old 30th December 2004, 1:02 AM   #3
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Hello! Welcome to a class A jerk.

This guy has no right to touch you, so don't let him. How dare he presume to touch you, let alone run his unwashed paws through your hair!!?? That is called harassment and it is illegal and actionable.

Secondly, tell me you are not even slightly attracted to or flattered by this guy! He publicly disrespects his wife; pubicly dishonours her by flirting with co-workers and dishonours and debases YOU by assuming it is ok for him to treat you like some object in front of your co-workers. And, while you're basking in his gross and inappropriate attentions, your co-workers are likely resenting and mocking you. You will not have any allies. There is no happy ending to this sad tale.

I seriously hope you don't love your job too much, because you're either going to have to leave it sooner or later or, when you finally tell that idiot to get back into his little monkey cage, he'll fire you.

Also remark that if he'd do his wife so wrong, what will stop him from doing the same to you. I imagine if you followed this guy around for a weekend, he'd be trying to put his greasy moves on any live female.

Get your resume in order and start looking for a job where the boss is a respectful human. In the meantime, tell your current excuse for a boss that his attentions to you are inappropriate and you would prefer he stop immediately.

This is a NO win situation, so don't, even for one second, fool yourself that anything good will come of it.
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Old 30th December 2004, 1:04 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally posted by johan
Sounds OK to me. That's how all my bosses are.
Are you quite serious??

That is NOT how all bosses are. That is how all jerks and loser people are and, sadly, some of them end up in management, but it is not how a professional, human boss manages him/herself at work.

You're deluded, pal!
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Old 30th December 2004, 1:11 AM   #5
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I am definitely attracted to him, but probably only because I have never recieved this kind of attention from the opposite sex before. Like I said before, he treats me like a queen and pretty much kisses the ground I walk on, of course I'm enjoying every minute of it.

But you know what, I can't enjoy it because he is married, and it is just, morally wrong. Thanks for shining some light onto this confusing situation.
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Old 30th December 2004, 1:27 AM   #6
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Listen. this has nothing to do with morally wrong. It has to do with an idiot who is treating his wife like garbage and treating you like a a toy.

Did you ever stop to wonder what the heck a 38 year old man sees in a 21 year old woman? It isn't unheard of, of course, but it is rare.

This guy is doing whatever he can to make himself feel like a stud, because he is absolutely NOT one, nor his he a real man.

Real men don't disrespect the woman they've promised to love, honour and respect til death do they part. A real man also RESPECTS women and doesn't treat them like disposable playthings, much like your 'boss' treats you.

Go find a nice, edgy, smart, educated YOUNG man who grew up in NOW and who actually understands that women are not just receptacles for their measly little bits.

You can do better, but more importantly, you must EXPECT better. Your boss's attentions should not be taken as flattery or caring. They're not. Don't do him the favour of deluding yourself.
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Old 3rd January 2005, 2:38 PM   #7
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A lot of bosses do this. I think it's a bit of a power thing.

Don't feed into it, it's like playing with fire. Tell him to close his trap.

If you're too tempted, do yourself a favor and get another job.
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Old 3rd January 2005, 4:38 PM   #8
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My boss does similar things to me. I actually posted about it a few days ago on this forum. He usually doesn't come out and compliment me or my work very often or flirt, but he always seems to have his hands on me. I thought he was just a people person at first, then I realized he doesn't touch anyone else or give anyone else the "eye" like he does with me. He must think he's being very subtle - your boss sounds more bold. I don't know what to do or what to tell you to do, except look for a new job. I do enjoy the attention and I feel attracted to him, but the fact that other people are taking notice makes me feel weird. They know that I'm not trying to take advantage of it to get a higher status or something because they know I'm interviewing for new jobs and want to leave soon. He knows I'm looking, too, so I think that's helped - he's been acting more distant with me lately, keeping the paws off. That makes me feel better - even though I really like him, I've realized that now is not the time to push anything furthur since I have enough stress with trying to find a new job and decide where I want to live if I do get the job(s).
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Old 3rd January 2005, 7:42 PM   #9
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Originally posted by SixthSt.Girl
My boss does similar things to me... he always seems to have his hands on me... he doesn't touch anyone else or give anyone else the "eye" like he does with me... I do enjoy the attention and I feel attracted to him, but the fact that other people are taking notice makes me feel weird....
And so it should!

Why is it that some women are flattered by the sordid attentions of an obvious abuser?

What could possibly be attractive about an unprofessional man who sees you as a plaything and who pays no attention to the ethics and morals of business.

Make no mistake: the man is not interested in you and his pursuits have nothing to do with feeling anything for you -- a human. They have everything to do with his need to prove to himself that he is in the powerseat. His behaviour and the behaviour of men (and occasionaly women) like him is emotional rape -- a powerplay by an insecure individual.

You are right to seek another job. If you have the opportunity to participate in an exit interview, take advantage and tell him that his attentions were unwelcome and unprofessional, and it was that which motivated you to go work elsewhere.

Caution: there is every possibility a similar situation will reoccur. Perhaps check around your local university for assertiveness training for women -- and some self defence courses too.
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Old 3rd January 2005, 10:50 PM   #10
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[color=violet]You are right to seek another job. If you have the opportunity to participate in an exit interview, take advantage and tell him that his attentions were unwelcome and unprofessional, and it was that which motivated you to go work elsewhere. [/color]

Just to be clear, my wanting to leave has nothing to do with my boss. I've been wanting to leave for several months - I only took this job to get some more work experience in my field to complement my degree, and because the economy SUCKS, and not many opportunities have come up until now.
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Old 14th January 2005, 10:51 PM   #11
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be cautious

Take everything one step at a time
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Old 14th July 2005, 9:46 PM   #12
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Love is blind, but the neighbors ain`t

It sure is easier to deal with this sort of thing before it gets out of hand, and this situation is getting there! Know that all you co-workers are paying close attention and don`t miss a thing. The etiquette (or however you spell it) of the workplace requires that you speak up when you find a co-workers actions objectionable. So, it is time to speak up. There is no other choice except to quite your job. Oh, there is in fact one other choice; to get it on with your boss. But you seem to not want that. So, speak up, tell him hands off. It makes you feel uncomfortable. The good news is if he keeps it up you can sue the company!!!

Last edited by Neptune; 14th July 2005 at 9:52 PM..
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Old 14th July 2005, 11:58 PM   #13
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I see this thread switching to the Other Woman forum very soon. He is all over you and it's more than obvious that he is trying hard to seduce you. But you'd be better off if you stay away from him and let him know that you feel uncomfortable when he touches you. You don't need to verbally tell him that.
You are already wondering how much his wife means to him and would he leave her for you if he calls her a GF? He is already throwing dust in you eyes. In front of her, she is a wife, for you she is nobody. What do you think you will be for his wife and friends and family? Does he have children with her?
He might eventually divorce her. But he might not. You decide what you want to do. Good luck!
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Old 15th October 2005, 4:47 PM   #14
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Unhappy same problem

I have the same problem...me and my Boss have had eyes for each other since the first day we met.And the flirting has increased.He talks to me about his problems with his wife and personal things, and his wife doesn't like me because he's always talking about me to her. I'm not a homewreaker and would never make the first move but it's starting to get hard because we have so much in common and we act like a couple and everyone around us knows it but we don't do things couples do (intimate things) I just don't want to get too attached because he's married!!!! But from what I've witnessed his wife can't make him happy even though they have been married more than two years.People's advice is obviously leave the cheating scumbag alone but it's hard to do when he's your Boss,Friend and you got feelings for him.
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Old 15th October 2005, 5:12 PM   #15
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Unhappy Same Problem

I have the same problem...me and my Boss have had eyes for each other since the first day we met.And the flirting has increased he even jokes to his friends that I'm his wife.He talks to me about his problems with his wife and personal things, and his wife doesn't like me because he's always talking about me to her. I'm not a homewreaker and would never make the first move but it's starting to get hard because we have so much in common and we act like a couple and everyone around us knows it but we don't do things couples do (intimate things) I just don't want to get too attached because he's married!!!! But from what I've witnessed his wife can't make him happy even though they have been married more than two years.People's advice is obviously leave the cheating scumbag alone but it's hard to do when he's your Boss,Friend and you got feelings for him.(not to mention he's so dam sexy! ) (yes I feel guilty even though I didn't do anything)
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