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Social anxiety popping up at work because of cultural differences


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I wasn't sure i which section to post this...but since it's about my job, here goes.

 

I recently got a new job, which I was told was very internationally oriented. In the first week I had my own wake up call. Everybody is from the same background, and I'm the only foreigner there. Which shouldn't matter, but I feel the difference.

 

Then my boss started complimenting me all the time on my good looks, which made me awkward, so now I blush whenever he's trying to talk to me, since I can feel his liking for me. I feel almost everything coworkers feel, I'm extremely sensitive and empathic. That doesn't make it easier for me.

 

Lastly, all of the people there, are so differently oriented, all married and thinking of kids, and watching the same dead end tv shows every evening...I just feel soooo out of place, I can't even begin to tell you.

 

It's a small office, consisting of 6 people including myself and my friends and family tell me that I should adapt but I just feel like from Mars and they're from Pluto. I also feel that THEY feel I am not like them so they react very kind and caring to me but still they can't really grasp.

 

That wouldn't even be a problem, if my boss hadn;t told me in the first week that "I was not being my authentic self", which was true as I don't like to lay open my personal life right away.

 

I'm living a cultural clash on so many levels and I cannot cope...I'm very well at my job though. Then the thing with my boss...I don't know what to do.

 

My gut feeling? Tells me to go get another job immediately...but I just started here and I'm usually not the job hopping type.

 

Help me guys I need your advices

Edited by SerCay
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Your boss needs to shut his trap about how you look. I think that combined with the not fitting in might make me immediately seek other employment as well.

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did you not realize the type of environment before you applied? or during the interview process? it seems that perhaps the fault is yours for not knowing the culture of this place. seeing as how there are only 6 people i can't imagine you went into this job with no knowledge of the co-workers and who you'd be around.

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did you not realize the type of environment before you applied? or during the interview process? it seems that perhaps the fault is yours for not knowing the culture of this place. seeing as how there are only 6 people i can't imagine you went into this job with no knowledge of the co-workers and who you'd be around.

 

Actually it's part of a larger firm with offices throughout the country. Most of the offices are culturally mixed. I knew my office was not so diverse but I thought that, knowing that they're a mixed company working also with expats only, they would be used to- and open to cultural differences. Now however they want to let it seem as if they are, I hear the remarks about customers and the negative attitude towards any behaviour different than theirs. I couldn't have known that...

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That sounds like a difficult situation. It does take time to get adjusted. Can you give it a while longer? The situation with your boss does make the relationship strained, but if you can move through it, remain professional and do your job well do you think you could put it behind you? Also, it is for you to determine how "authentic" you should be in what environment. Good boundaries make for good working relationships. You are wise to give it some time before you relax some of your boundaries. It sounds like you need to keep them intact at this job. Can you sit with the question of whether to move on or not for a few days/weeks and see if you get a sense of peace one way or another. Hugs!

 

Thank you for the kind words.... I needed them. I'm indeed going to sit it out for another couple weeks... if I can't adjust, which I think will be the case, I'm going to look for another job.. I hate this situation because I actually chose this job out of 3 offers..sigh

 

Your boss needs to shut his trap about how you look. I think that combined with the not fitting in might make me immediately seek other employment as well.

 

You feel me Preraph.. as you usually do... I hate awkward positions and the fact that I blush doesn't help a bit!

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Lastly, all of the people there, are so differently oriented, all married and thinking of kids, and watching the same dead end tv shows every evening...I just feel soooo out of place, I can't even begin to tell you.

 

Why did you describe it like that? It sounded like you were criticizing how they spend their free time. Maybe you wouldn't feel so different from them if you stopped being judgmental of them? If I've drawn an incorrect conclusion there, feel free to correct me.

 

In any case, if you want to feel something in common with your coworkers, why not appear interested in learning more about their culture? When appropriate, ask them about the foods they're eating or the holidays they're celebrating. Or just ask them normal questions like how their weekend was. Try to remember they're just humans doing a job to earn a paycheck, same as you.

 

And sorry that your boss is being inappropriate with you. Would there be any repercussions if you asked him to stop making comments about your appearance?

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Cultural differences can be difficult to overcome, but not impossible, especially if you and they treat each other with kindness and respect. If I avoided any situation where I would be the odd one out culturally, I'd be cutting a whole lot of options out of my life.

 

But I can understand feeling awkward about your boss's constant comments on your appearance. Can you tell him nicely that they make you feel uncomfortable, and see if it stops?

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Is there an HR department? Is there a policy manual? If so, read the manual and see what they say about making personal comments and sexual harassment. Read what the procedure is to report someone. Big companies nowadays often make it so you can anonymously report incidents to help avoid getting retaliation. I mean, we know he does this to you, but does he do it to others? Is there anyone there (female) you feel comfortable asking if he's always like that and find out if he retaliates if you tell him to stop or ignore him. You can always contact HR anonymously even if it's not their policy and ask them what to do in the situation. Do you think the other culture that is there are used to putting up with him? Do they seem to like him or just tolerate him?

 

I'd be looking for a better job either way, because it's easier to find a job if you already have one -- and before you let them know why you're leaving if you do. If you look for a job while you still have one, the potential employer cannot expect to be able to check your reference for the job you still have, and in this situation, that is a plus.

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