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Husband just got fired for stealing


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Old 27th July 2015, 4:43 PM   #16
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OP, do you enjoy chaos & drama? If so, he's your guy. If not, divorce him. Find a decent & normal guy to raise your kids.
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Old 27th July 2015, 4:46 PM   #17
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Guys,

I've read everything you've posted and I'll post a more thorough response a bit later tonight when I have some private time.

For now, let's just say that he totally gets what a dire situation we are in because of his actions.

-A
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Old 27th July 2015, 5:02 PM   #18
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Guys,

I've read everything you've posted and I'll post a more thorough response a bit later tonight when I have some private time.

For now, let's just say that he totally gets what a dire situation we are in because of his actions.

-A
Does he totally get that this could - and should - be the final nail in the coffin of your 'marriage'? Because honestly, I think you have some serious thinking to do, particularly for your child's sake.
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Old 27th July 2015, 5:04 PM   #19
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Truly apologize to hear what it is that's going on on your end.
I hope all is well with you and you manage to sustain you and him throughout it all.
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Old 27th July 2015, 5:13 PM   #20
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Truly apologize to hear what it is that's going on on your end.
I hope all is well with you and you manage to sustain you and him throughout it all.
Why on earth should she do anything to sustain a man who just got himself fired for stealing from his employer?
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Old 27th July 2015, 5:30 PM   #21
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I'm sorry he did this to you. Were you even aware he was capable of stealing? I mean, this sort of thing can really be a dealbreaker because it reveals his ethics. How valuable the thing was really doesn't matter. He's unethical enough to steal and try to bite the hand that feeds him. I wouldn't coddle him about it.
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Old 27th July 2015, 5:31 PM   #22
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That would only happen if he divorced her & got involved with another girl. She's with him for life.
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Old 27th July 2015, 5:53 PM   #23
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Jesus, what venom from people...

He'll never work again? Please...maybe if he's working in Jamestown settlement.

My question is this, so with all that Americans throw away---does that constitute honesty? Sure, what the guy did was wrong. But I argue that in our excess, our wastefulness and throw-away culture, very few people have the right to point fingers at greed.
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Old 27th July 2015, 6:44 PM   #24
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If the employers of this man want to fire him, that is their right. He stole from them, I don't dispute that.

What I dispute are people who take high moral ground charging that the guy is a loser and unworthy of his wife's support or the trust of a future employer. I charge that our wastefulness is just as culpable as outright greed. I argue that most companies would not be companies if they didn't engage in mind blowing degrees of wastefulness!

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Old 27th July 2015, 8:40 PM   #25
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I don't know what the op's course of action should be, but there are so many posts talking about dire financial corrections.

Couldn't they just live off a single, 6 digit salary for a bit?

If not, they were handling their finances very poorly to begin with.
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Old 27th July 2015, 8:48 PM   #26
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OP, what would make you leave your husband? What would he have to do?
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Old 27th July 2015, 8:52 PM   #27
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There's loss of income, there's his career to think about, there's his emotional recovery from such a huge failure. And then there's the blow to the trust you've had in him. He may not have been the best husband, but at least he held a job and provided and wasn't a thief.

The money is really the easy part. You can adjust and provide for yourself and your daughter. The trust is the big one.
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Old 27th July 2015, 9:06 PM   #28
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My husband's employer is NOT pressing charges. They just asked him to cut them a check for the profits that he made, after shipping and auction fees. All of $300. For context, he sold 4 brand new iPhone 4s that were leftover after the company started deploying iPhone 5s.

Prior to this situation, my husband was their single most productive and brilliant employee. A true one-man IT department, from top to bottom. His boss apologized to him on their last performance review because he couldn't give him the raise he deserved -- he knew my husband was getting paid about half of his market rate. Imagine that, after all this was said and done... the other manager (recently promoted to director) actually told him he would STILL give him a positive recommendation!

So, that said... this is not out of character for him. He's done it before, but it used to be true junk with little value. Tons of IT people scavenge old equipment that is otherwise going to be thrown away. As a manager, I've seen employees do this ALL the time and, generally, nobody cares. However, he took it too far by taking something that was brand new and still had plenty of resale value, even if it was kind of outdated.

My husband's state of mind as of late hasn't been good. Worse than usual, even taking into consideration his depression. When he texted me this morning to tell me he was fired, I was immediately concerned about what he might do. Plus, he was supposed to be taking our daughter to a doctor's appointment, and I didn't think that he would be capable. That's why I took the rest of the day off, and I was glad I did. He was visibly shaken when he got home.

He said he did it because he didn't think it was possible for him to get caught, since he was the one who managed the carrier account as well as the inventory. He just wanted some extra cash to pay off his credit card.

We've talked and right now he's just trying to tie loose ends but he's going to be looking for a job again soon. I'm not concerned about his ability to find a new job (he truly is a rare gem in the IT field -- I say that as a manager, and a wife), but it may take a few months. In the meantime, things are going to be pretty tough around here.

As for the past abuse situation... I've been in therapy for several months now, and believe it or not, after I got a job, the abuse tapered down to almost zero. He still has days when he's not particularly nice, but he's no longer mean and nasty like he used to. My therapist believes that the stress caused by the financial difficulties when I was staying at home with our daughter caused him to act out like that -- he perceived me to be the "cause" of the problem for not having a job. When the situation was resolved, the abuse went away. Not acceptable, of course... but it seems a plausible explanation.

Funny how that goes. Now that he's unemployed, I would NEVER treat him the way he treated me then...
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Old 27th July 2015, 9:08 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by loveweary11 View Post
I don't know what the op's course of action should be, but there are so many posts talking about dire financial corrections.

Couldn't they just live off a single, 6 digit salary for a bit?

If not, they were handling their finances very poorly to begin with.
That is correct. Our finances are in total disarray from when I was staying at home with our daughter. I only recently returned to work and we started getting ahead again.

My income would be plenty if we didn't have a ton of debt from back then.
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Old 27th July 2015, 9:18 PM   #30
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Guys,

I've read everything you've posted and I'll post a more thorough response a bit later tonight when I have some private time.

For now, let's just say that he totally gets what a dire situation we are in because of his actions.

-A
Words are cheap, though. IIRC previously he also said he 'gets' that he was being an abusive and bad partner, etc, before doing the same thing over and over again.

I dunno, A... if he was fired for something like being snarky to a bitchy customer, or being late to work because he overslept the alarm, I could understand. Still wouldn't like it, but I could understand forgiving and forgetting.

But this was completely premeditated, definitely not an accident. He knew what he was doing was wrong and yet he just kept doing it on the sly. Worse yet, he didn't even tell YOU about this. You weren't informed or given a chance to weigh in despite the fact that these actions would affect both of you from now henceforth. And if he hadn't been caught you wouldn't even have known.
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