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We have a team department lunch where everyone is ordering from a restaurant, in the past my last supervisor never made us eat together to eat lunch-my current supervisor wants us to have lunch in a room all together like one big happy family. My god, even in the other departments when they have food day-they bring food in the lunch room and everyone is free to sit wherever they want this supervisor wants us to be best friends and eat together. Geez. Where clearly I don't even like my co workers, plus they are a tight knit group are friends outside of work. I would feel out of place.

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My office is cliquey like that, but I wouldn't call in sick because of it. I never eat lunch with the group and I feel like an outcast sometimes, but our personalities don't mesh. Most people there are old timers and we don't have much in common. Plus I don't like the idea of everyone being up in each other's business all the time. I only share my personal life with those I am close to. If I were you and you really aren't comfortable, make up some sort of excuse that you have an errand to run on lunch and can't make it.

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UpwardForward

This may seem awful. ..

 

But I would be inclined to go to the lunch after you think most of the others are seated. By this time they have gathered together.

 

Then I would take one of the seats remaining... in the outer area.

 

Then, if supervisor asks for redistribution of seating to accommodate you, I would say: I am fine where I am.

 

(... this the advise of a previous outcast .. ):laugh:

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I think whoever does your HR needs to review the company core values and decide what they want an employee to be like. There is either no culture or one that isn't enforced.

 

 

Let me give you insight from a business owner that does catered lunch on Tuesdays. WARNING: May contain tough love.

 

 

----

 

 

I would be appalled by your mentality. Companies thrive when you have a team. I would take it personally that you have decided your team is not important to you. You spend more time with them than anyone else in your life! That's why I would buy you lunch once a week. It is to give you a break from work and give you an hour to joke around with your coworkers without the stress of function.

 

 

My role is making my employees happy, reducing turnover, and helping everyone understand their role and how it fits within the company. If the catered lunch's goal is to provide community and it's not doing that...then I would stop doing it.

 

 

----

 

 

Now what can you do about it? Here's where I can constructively help. So, you don't like your team. Also, I doubt you want to quit your job even though you don't fit the culture. I definitely doubt your boss is dedicated and intuitive enough to fire you for not aligning within the culture.

 

 

What you can do personally is find a way to extract value from these weekly meetings. Instead of having it free-range...suggest to your boss that you're super interested in learning more about your team members and their jobs during this catered lunch (do it with a fake smile if you have to, pretend you mean it). A lunch and learn, if you will. Offer to go first. Prepare a presentation on what you value, what you do every day, and maybe put in a funny story or two. They will understand you better and your affinity towards them will get better. I promise.

 

 

A single, solitary tear of happiness would come from my eye if my employee had that idea on their own and wanted to bring positive impact to a catered lunch.

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I don't know. i don't think everyone needs to feel obligated to be best buds at work even if you spend a lot of time together. Not all personailities mesh and I don't like disclosing my personal life to everyone at work like most other people seem to. I am there to do a job, not be everyone's best friend. If you happen to hit it off with every single person, great! But it shouldn't be an obligation. I do see your point that this lunch might be a company one to go over goals and unfortunately, OP might just have to suck it up, which shouldn't be hard. It a lunch hour, not a life sentence.

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autumnnight

I do not think coworkers have to be best friends. But emotional intelligence not only impacts success it is a skill. It can be learned. Anyone can learn to be gracious, tactful, and friendly with their coworkers for an hour.

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Hmmm... I find this really hard to relate to... I don't remember a single job I've had (and I've had DOZENS) where I wouldn't want to have lunch with my team. Not a single one!

 

I wasn't necessarily best friends with everyone, but I've always got on with my colleagues. Or at least SOME of them.

 

One of my BEST friends at this moment in time is a coworker.

 

 

So I'd say just suck it up and learn to enjoy your colleagues. It's an hour. Maybe try to find some common ground. I'm sure it would make your work life a lot more pleasant.

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Ok, I don't mind our team-building activities-that's mostly business-we had those in the past, but having to eat lunch together-really irritates me. Lunch time is like my free time where I like to do my own thing and its purpose is to get away for 30 minutes. And every one has different lunch schedules-we all go at different times anyway, no one should be obligated to eat together, not even on food days. I don't see the point. Other departments order food and they serve it in the lunchroom-they don't technically sit together.

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introverted1

It's 30 minutes? You dislike your team so much you can't bear the thought of a 30-minute casual lunch with them?

 

Time for a new job.

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It's 30 minutes? You dislike your team so much you can't bear the thought of a 30-minute casual lunch with them?

 

Time for a new job.

 

This! ^^^^

 

Unless they want you to eat together every day, sure you can handle 30 minutes for one day. My workplace is very cliquey. I'm friendly, but don't get on 100% with them. However occasional birthday lunches for people aren't a big deal. Your place must be really toxic if you want to call in sick over that. For me, I always love a free lunch.

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avintagegirl
Ok, I don't mind our team-building activities-that's mostly business-we had those in the past, but having to eat lunch together-really irritates me. Lunch time is like my free time where I like to do my own thing and its purpose is to get away for 30 minutes. And every one has different lunch schedules-we all go at different times anyway, no one should be obligated to eat together, not even on food days. I don't see the point. Other departments order food and they serve it in the lunchroom-they don't technically sit together.

 

I get it, its YOUR time and you want to choose how you spend it and maybe that is not with people who seem to be part of a clique.

 

Here is my advice. Go early. Get your seat first and right in the middle.

 

Why?

 

Because I have to wonder why for 30 minutes for one day this idea is so oppressive to you? Maybe by inserting yourself you will find out things you didn't know before and you might come to enjoy the fellowship of your coworkers.

 

Each month my workplace has a 1.5 hour office party and each department takes their turn in hosting. There are times I haven't been totally jazzed about going, but I went. I took the time and it paid off in spades. I have contacts I didn't have before and it paid off to get to know the expertise of others.

 

I say go and see what you can learn!

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It's 30 minutes? You dislike your team so much you can't bear the thought of a 30-minute casual lunch with them?

 

Time for a new job.

 

I guess I need to be more clear. Its not a free lunch. We each have to buy our own meal, my cleaver supervisor-schedule a 30-minute lunch-followed by an hour long meeting immediately AFTER that. So, I will be stuck in a room with them for 1 hour and a half!

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autumnnight

It sounds like this is a policy. So you have 2 choices. [One is outlined in this thread] Or you can make the best of it and try to develop some interactive skills.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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I guess I need to be more clear. Its not a free lunch. We each have to buy our own meal, my cleaver supervisor-schedule a 30-minute lunch-followed by an hour long meeting immediately AFTER that. So, I will be stuck in a room with them for 1 hour and a half!

 

So?

 

I mean, seriously? You will call in sick because you can't be in a room with your coworkers for an hour and a half? And you only have to be social with them for half an hour, if the other hour is a team meeting.

 

I understand if you don't care for them, but surely you can make light conversation with them for half an hour, or at least sit at the same table as them and eat your lunch. Show up a few minutes late after everyone has already sat down and just grab whatever seat is available at the table. You probably don't even have to say a word if you don't want to, but you should probably make an attempt to enter the conversation.

 

Are they really that terrible?

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Interoffice networking is the mechanism by which most people get ahead. Your failure to participate in this will brand you as someone who is Not a team player & it will make your supervisor look at you & your work more critically.

 

Go. Plaster a smile on your face & do your job. Bring your lunch if you really object to his restaurant choice. I do think it's crass to expect you to purchase lunch; if he wants you to eat there for his meeting he should spring for lunch

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introverted1

It sounds like this is a wrong fit for you. You don't like your co-workers nor the work culture. What keeps you there?

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Bobbi, you've got to buck up. Having lunch with coworkers wouldn't faze 99% of people. You're never going to fit in with this attitude. It's a job. It's not a popularity contest, but it is your job to at least be polite and not hostile to your coworkers -- and just being relaxed and casual is important in working with people. If you can't do those things, you are just creating problems for yourself that will always hold you back at work and every other place.

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Bobbi, did you go to work today?

 

I'm with most of the others here; 90 minutes of spending time with co-workers should not be that big of a deal to even consider calling in sick.

 

You have much bigger issues if this is your knee-jerk reaction to eating lunch with your team.

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LuckyLady13

:eek:

 

I wouldn't be at that lunch. There's no way.

 

When I worked for other people, my lunch time hit, I clocked out and my bosses watched me run out the door like the building was burning down! Not one ever had a problem with it.

 

I'm sorry but I had people to see, things to do, I had a life! I never had a boss who didn't understand that concept.Not once.

 

There was great Italian food for me to inhale from excellent restaurants, the car wash was on my to do list and I had a man to ravish for the short time I had if he was available. And when I got back to work, I was extremely happy and in a great mood so I think really, my bosses liked me leaving the way I did. And I got along with my coworkers just fine. Most of them were good people.

 

Being on the other side of that fence now, I think it's a sign of a sick mental disorder if your boss wants you to treat their business as if it's your own and wants you to buddy up with your coworkers as if you're all best friends now just because you work in the same place.Get along with your coworkers? Of course. But, not be best friends.

 

I think any boss who would want their employees to act like best friends and spend their ENTIRE DAY together is socially inept! People have lives.

 

And smart bosses know that if people aren't having fun (in their own way with their friends they have things in common with or their family they love), they will suffer burnout and be a hindrance rather than an asset to the company.

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:eek:

 

I wouldn't be at that lunch. There's no way.

 

When I worked for other people, my lunch time hit, I clocked out and my bosses watched me run out the door like the building was burning down! Not one ever had a problem with it.

 

I'm sorry but I had people to see, things to do, I had a life! I never had a boss who didn't understand that concept.Not once.

 

There was great Italian food for me to inhale from excellent restaurants, the car wash was on my to do list and I had a man to ravish for the short time I had if he was available. And when I got back to work, I was extremely happy and in a great mood so I think really, my bosses liked me leaving the way I did. And I got along with my coworkers just fine. Most of them were good people.

 

Being on the other side of that fence now, I think it's a sign of a sick mental disorder if your boss wants you to treat their business as if it's your own and wants you to buddy up with your coworkers as if you're all best friends now just because you work in the same place.Get along with your coworkers? Of course. But, not be best friends.

 

I think any boss who would want their employees to act like best friends and spend their ENTIRE DAY together is socially inept! People have lives.

 

And smart bosses know that if people aren't having fun (in their own way with their friends they have things in common with or their family they love), they will suffer burnout and be a hindrance rather than an asset to the company.

 

And that's your personality. I am a boss. Every person in my company is extremely good friends with everyone else. It's because we hired people that fit the culture. They like each other because they are all very similar.

 

 

Call it ineptness if you wish. But in 3 companies, 5 years, and over 50 employees I've never had a single person quit.

 

 

You are a subset of a very large population. Some people like coming to work and genuinely enjoying the people they spend more time with than anyone else in the world. That's a fate I would wish on every person. To wake up and look forward to their work day...not question how quickly they can 'run from the building'.

 

 

And that's why I wouldn't hire someone like you. It would be a bad situation for both parties. That's what the hiring process is for.

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And that's your personality. I am a boss. Every person in my company is extremely good friends with everyone else. It's because we hired people that fit the culture. They like each other because they are all very similar.

 

 

Call it ineptness if you wish. But in 3 companies, 5 years, and over 50 employees I've never had a single person quit.

 

 

You are a subset of a very large population. Some people like coming to work and genuinely enjoying the people they spend more time with than anyone else in the world. That's a fate I would wish on every person. To wake up and look forward to their work day...not question how quickly they can 'run from the building'.

 

 

And that's why I wouldn't hire someone like you. It would be a bad situation for both parties. That's what the hiring process is for.

 

And I am an executive with a global company of over 9,000 employees and this would be very abnormal for us. Personally I consider these things fluff and forced socializing which I abhor. So I would never force my people to do this. Ugh.

 

We will have some social engagements but it is at the person's discretion if they choose to be there and I could care less if they don't. I don't go to some either. I evaluate people on how well they do their job, not how well they socialize nor do I need people friends. I need them professional and compassionate.

 

I keep my personal life out of work and do not think to force others to mix the two. That is the company culture here as well with our owners. It is lovely and I appreciate I don't have to mind numbing birthday parties and baby showers. :sick:

 

Now the company will do company meetings that will have social elements, but again no requirement to participate.

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LuckyLady13

I've been running a successful international business since 2007 so I am so glad I am not looking for a job because if I ran into your company, I'd run away fast finding out how you treat employees, Empresario! If you want to pin people down like they're in prison, that's the way you run things but it's not how everybody else is doing it.

 

This reminded me of a time years back when I volunteered to stay late at work one night. My manager approached me and asked "what's so wrong that you don't want to go home?" and I was busted. I told him I had a "friend" who was staying with me for an agreed 3 months while he got on his feet but that 3 months was up and I didn't want to confront him because I knew our friendship was over. I didn't want to go home and deal with it. You know what he did? He sent me home!

 

If you're an asset to the company you work for while you are there, that's what most bosses want to see. At the end of the day, it's the bottom line that matters. Your boss is making a lot of money (compared to you) and doesn't expect you to pretend you care as much about their business as they do. They want you to love it as much as you can, of course. But, you aren't the one bringing the majority of the money home, they are.

 

When you get a new car, do you expect everyone to love it as much as you? No. When you have a baby, do you expect everyone to love your baby as much as you? Of course not. The company you work for is your bosses baby, not yours. And thankfully, most bosses do understand you can't and won't and shouldn't be expected to love their baby as much as they do. And devote your entire life to it!

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I've been running a successful international business since 2007 so I am so glad I am not looking for a job because if I ran into your company, I'd run away fast finding out how you treat employees, Empresario! If you want to pin people down like they're in prison, that's the way you run things but it's not how everybody else is doing it.

 

This reminded me of a time years back when I volunteered to stay late at work one night. My manager approached me and asked "what's so wrong that you don't want to go home?" and I was busted. I told him I had a "friend" who was staying with me for an agreed 3 months while he got on his feet but that 3 months was up and I didn't want to confront him because I knew our friendship was over. I didn't want to go home and deal with it. You know what he did? He sent me home!

 

If you're an asset to the company you work for while you are there, that's what most bosses want to see. At the end of the day, it's the bottom line that matters. Your boss is making a lot of money (compared to you) and doesn't expect you to pretend you care as much about their business as they do. They want you to love it as much as you can, of course. But, you aren't the one bringing the majority of the money home, they are.

 

When you get a new car, do you expect everyone to love it as much as you? No. When you have a baby, do you expect everyone to love your baby as much as you? Of course not. The company you work for is your bosses baby, not yours. And thankfully, most bosses do understand you can't and won't and shouldn't be expected to love their baby as much as they do. And devote your entire life to it!

 

Yeah I'm such an evil person. Treating employees like family and making sure all of their needs are met. I'm such an a-hole :).

 

 

Seriously, it's a difference in core values. That's why a company has them. I don't ask anyone to like each other, nor do I ask people to care about our company as much as I do. None-the-less they do. It's because I've hired the right people, right fit, in the right model.

 

 

You are living in a very narrow-sighted world where your way of doing things is the only correct one.

 

 

I'm telling you that this is a diverse world. The reason I've produced 3 8-figure companies is because I hire and retain the people that would 'abhor' your management style. They don't see it as restricting. They see it as freedom. Every person here owns their own career because everyone has each other's respect.

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And I am an executive with a global company of over 9,000 employees and this would be very abnormal for us. Personally I consider these things fluff and forced socializing which I abhor. So I would never force my people to do this. Ugh.

 

We will have some social engagements but it is at the person's discretion if they choose to be there and I could care less if they don't. I don't go to some either. I evaluate people on how well they do their job, not how well they socialize nor do I need people friends. I need them professional and compassionate.

 

I keep my personal life out of work and do not think to force others to mix the two. That is the company culture here as well with our owners. It is lovely and I appreciate I don't have to mind numbing birthday parties and baby showers. :sick:

 

Now the company will do company meetings that will have social elements, but again no requirement to participate.

 

Well then you are in a different industry than I am, for sure. My management style probably wouldn't work for you.

 

 

I am a software guy. I can be multi-national while growing vertically, not horizontally. That's why our small, tight-knit team works extremely well.

 

 

And here's the difference. I genuinely care about the people I hire. I really do. I don't see investing in their careers and lives as 'mind-numbing'.

 

 

That's why there is culture. You can have the people that want to work a job. I will scoop up the talent that likes a close-knit community. It has been working out for me, and I'm sure it works for you.

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Well then you are in a different industry than I am, for sure. My management style probably wouldn't work for you.

 

 

I am a software guy. I can be multi-national while growing vertically, not horizontally. That's why our small, tight-knit team works extremely well.

 

 

And here's the difference. I genuinely care about the people I hire. I really do. I don't see investing in their careers and lives as 'mind-numbing'.

 

 

That's why there is culture. You can have the people that want to work a job. I will scoop up the talent that likes a close-knit community. It has been working out for me, and I'm sure it works for you.

 

LOL how on earth is forced socializing caring about their development and careers? And how on earth is NOT forcing cake and forced interactions NOT caring about their careers.

 

Sorry, we show we care by pay, benefits, upward mobility, personalized training, special projects, relocation opportunities, mentorship programs, departmental cross training projects, etc. As a career woman I would far rather have a company care that way then making us all sit together and gossip. :laugh:

 

A small company, like yours, has this more "earthy" approach. It may work at that size. But once you become a large corporation it just doesn't nor does anyone think to impose that on others. We invest in our employees on items that will strengthen their skills, resumes, etc.

 

How exactly are your forced luncheons developing them? Have you done an anonymous survey or, as the owner, you just assume everyone is hunky dory?

 

And we do it in areas that they have requested.

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