Having crush on the new guy at work and we come from totally different backgrounds

[shirleyshirley]

I [24-year-old Female] recently found myself having a crush on this new guy [28-year-old Male] who joined the company this year. I have been with the company for several years and I didn’t really notice him when he first joined. Recently we had opportunities to work on the same project and that’s how I got to know more about him. Turns out he is a very friendly, funny and smart guy.

 

 

Let me just tell you guys more about myself to make this ordinary story not so boring : I came to this country several years ago for school then stayed for work after graduation. Recently I just got my permanent residence and I don’t see myself moving back to my origin country in the near future. I am an asian and obviously not a native speaker. Although I have been getting comments like “wow your English is so good. Can’t tell you have only been here for this long”, deep down I still feel insecure and not so confident when people are mentioning words I have never heard before or jokes that I don’t get :’( Well this wouldn’t been much of a concern but my office crush is actually a white guy who only knows English…

 

 

When we worked on the same projects, he was very kind and offered to help me with my work if he knew the stuff. He often makes jokes in our conversations but unfortunately after the projects ended we didn’t have many chances to work together/interact frequently again. We still chitchat a bit if we bump into each other on our way to work and he will make jokes that lighten up my day. I have caught him looking at my directions a few times when I turned around in the office. BUT he never asked me out for lunch or drinks after work (we are in a very busy environment so he always eats lunch at his desk and he needs to go home for study after work as well.) At the only one time people from work gathered for drinks, I happened to sit beside him...we only talked a bit then the rest of time just listening to a guy who sat beside us talking loudly about work stuff. He never asked for my phone # or if I’m single (we are both single). Because of above observations, I don’t think he is interested in me but he doesn’t hate me at least (??)…

 

 

I am a relatively shy girl and never gave out any hints (and I don’t know how lol). Outside of work I have other guys approaching me (same race) but he fills my head now :S Also I don’t mind switching my job (not a fan of my current employer anyways) if it truly leads somewhere. I’m just not so sure what I should do now to get his attention and not so sure if it’s worth a try because we come from two totally different backgrounds.

 

 

Any thoughts guys? Sorry about the long paragraphs!

 

 

To summarize: Me [24F] having a crush on the new guy [28M] at work. We come from totally different backgrounds and we dont interact much in the office so not sure if this can go anywhere or HOW it can go anywhere. Any advice is much appreciated. THANKS IN ADVANCE

Edited June 2, 2015 by shirleyshirley

[newmoon]

as soon as you give notice and quit, then go for it. the worst thing you can do to yourself is go after someone in the workplace when they are not clearly asking you out. unless he drops his number into your lap or specifically asks for yours just go about your business and leave it alone. be friendly and natural and work on a friendship with him - that will also make you feel less shy. if you look at someone as a friend only you'll come across more natural, but if you're going after someone with intentions of making them like you it'll just make you more nervous. you might work at Burger King for all i know, but in any work environment you want to be professional until you have 1,000% clear interest signals from someone. you don't right now, so just do your job :-) if you pursue something - or try to - it can ruin your reputation (or his), and every time you hear your name you will wonder who is gossiping about you. people will gossip and stare and it'll get uncomfortable if you're trying to pursue someone. people notice your interest, don't fool yourself. it might not sound like what you want to hear, but most people have been-there and done-that and learned the hard way.

Edited June 2, 2015 by newmoon

[loverboy69]

Men and women are not always so obvious with their intentions especially if they are trying to play things cool at work to avoid drama.

 

I have been strongly attracted to many people throughout my life; (even coworkers) whom I've never asked out or made any obvious attempts to date them for whatever reason. I wouldn't come to conclusions about whether he likes you or not simply based upon his decision not to hit on you. You have to respect a man who plays responsible at work.

 

Sometimes when you are attracted to someone and you project your own interest on them you start looking for obvious clues as to whether he's into you or not. Every time he smiles at you, laughs at your jokes, accidentally brushes your arm when he walks by... etc. you think it's always intentional but sometimes it's just coincidence.

 

Women (and gay men) look too hard for the obvious clues of interest and ignore the subtleties. One way to gauge his interest is to see if he treats you *differently* than everyone else. Yes differently! It doesn't matter if he's friendlier to you or less friendlier to you than others all that matters is that he treats you differently.

 

If you are feeling a bit brave try this: Next time you are sitting next to him tell him something sarcastic and funny and when you get to the punch line grab his forearm and give it a little squeeze. This will tell him without saying anything that you are funny, sexy and have formed a bit of an attraction to him. See if he jumps a bit or if he flashes you a big smile.

 

Or when you are talking to him pretend to see a spider and scream while grabbing/clutching his arm tightly with your head rested against it. If he likes you (even slightly) he'll love your touch.

 

You sound like an intelligent lady. If after you've done your necessary flirting and you feel he's being receptive go in for the kill. Invite him to a local beer/wine tasting event and he'll be yours forever!!!

[shirleyshirley]

as soon as you give notice and quit, then go for it. the worst thing you can do to yourself is go after someone in the workplace when they are not clearly asking you out. unless he drops his number into your lap or specifically asks for yours just go about your business and leave it alone. be friendly and natural and work on a friendship with him - that will also make you feel less shy. if you look at someone as a friend only you'll come across more natural, but if you're going after someone with intentions of making them like you it'll just make you more nervous. you might work at Burger King for all i know, but in any work environment you want to be professional until you have 1,000% clear interest signals from someone. you don't right now, so just do your job :-) if you pursue something - or try to - it can ruin your reputation (or his), and every time you hear your name you will wonder who is gossiping about you. people will gossip and stare and it'll get uncomfortable if you're trying to pursue someone. people notice your interest, don't fool yourself. it might not sound like what you want to hear, but most people have been-there and done-that and learned the hard way.

 

OMG people will notice even it seems like they don’t?? Ugh I wish there is some sort of way to test if he is interested in me as well….but building up the friendship is not a bad idea. I usually would keep my distance with guys though in case of any misunderstandings (yupp i know it’s a bit old school thinking)

[shirleyshirley]

Men and women are not always so obvious with their intentions especially if they are trying to play things cool at work to avoid drama.

 

I have been strongly attracted to many people throughout my life; (even coworkers) whom I've never asked out or made any obvious attempts to date them for whatever reason. I wouldn't come to conclusions about whether he likes you or not simply based upon his decision not to hit on you. You have to respect a man who plays responsible at work.

 

Sometimes when you are attracted to someone and you project your own interest on them you start looking for obvious clues as to whether he's into you or not. Every time he smiles at you, laughs at your jokes, accidentally brushes your arm when he walks by... etc. you think it's always intentional but sometimes it's just coincidence.

 

Women (and gay men) look too hard for the obvious clues of interest and ignore the subtleties. One way to gauge his interest is to see if he treats you *differently* than everyone else. Yes differently! It doesn't matter if he's friendlier to you or less friendlier to you than others all that matters is that he treats you differently.

 

If you are feeling a bit brave try this: Next time you are sitting next to him tell him something sarcastic and funny and when you get to the punch line grab his forearm and give it a little squeeze. This will tell him without saying anything that you are funny, sexy and have formed a bit of an attraction to him. See if he jumps a bit or if he flashes you a big smile.

 

Or when you are talking to him pretend to see a spider and scream while grabbing/clutching his arm tightly with your head rested against it. If he likes you (even slightly) he'll love your touch.

 

You sound like an intelligent lady. If after you've done your necessary flirting and you feel he's being receptive go in for the kill. Invite him to a local beer/wine tasting event and he'll be yours forever!!!

 

Thanks for the tips! are you a guy? Would a guy acknowlege a girl’s interest if she touches and squeezes your arm? That’s how usually people tell? Sorry I have never hit on someone before so it’s a new world to me lol

[Holmes85]

shirleyshirley,

 

Apologies for the late reply, but I wanted to read it fully before putting out any sort of advice.

 

It seems to be clear that you really like the guy. The guy most certainly is not put off by you either. You both are behaving like co-workers should at work.

 

I think he may be few steps ahead of you, but the way you have described him, he also seems shy or maybe he's uncertain or unaware about your interest.

 

The best way would be to get him know more, you can either join in lunches at work and try to talk a bit more, so you can see whether he is really someone you might like to pursue or not. You might have to do things a bit out of your comfort zone.

 

Now as for the touch and that, every guy reacts to it differently. I get touched a lot by girls at work, but I don't bother over thinking anything. But there is a girl in the office (who you already know about in the other thread) is doing the same things that you are describing to me, she did get my attention with the touch, although I have kept it pretty friendly with her so far.

 

It's hard to read some people at work, some are just being friendly and polite while sometimes they do spark interest.

 

My advice to you would be to get to know him more. Once you have established that he's definitely the one you want to pursue, casually ask what he's doing on the weekend and if the opportunity presents itself, ask if he would like to join you since you are planning to see a movie of your interest. If he says yes, that would be your queue to ask for his number, if he says he's busy or he has something that needs to be done, don't fret, ask some other time.

 

I think with time you would get a pretty good grip on how things would proceed with him. Don't rush it, take your time, it's wouldn't be the end of the world if he doesn't show interest.

 

The things that you have described so far, is exactly what the girl in my office has been doing to me. I am still uncertain on if it's friendly or something more, I am looking for something solid to go after and don't want to blindly follow my heart.

 

Best of luck to you or keep us updated on your situation, have a great weekend Shirley.