Dog Woman Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 I went to a colleague's retirement do last night and had a very enjoyable evening - good company in the main and lovely food, nice atmosphere. Two things spoiled it for me and I haven't been able to get them out of my mind. The first is in relation to coworker whom I have posted about previously on LS. He totally blanked and avoided me last night, despite us talking to eachother on fb only a few days ago. I was circulating last night and talking to colleagues and staff at all levels including some of the male partners, whom I'm directly responsible to. I certainly wasn't flirting - just generally chatting. At one point I went back to join the colleagues on my table and join in their conversation. The male coworker was also on that table. The chair next to him was vacant but he kept his back to me, then excused himself and left the table shortly after I sat down. The other aspect of last night that has upset me a little is a comment made by my colleague who was retiring. I was waiting with him and a few others for taxis/lifts home. We were just generally chatting then they asked how I was getting home. I replied I'd arranged for a friend to pick me up. I was asked my whom. I told them. They didnot know the person (only a friend) but commented well you do have a bit of a reputation. I was a bit shocked at this, I've always kept my private life private and noone knew about the affair I had. I passed the comment over and ignored it but it has got me thinking. Has someone found out about the affair and has it got back to some of my coworkers and is this the reason my male coworker is now avoiding me? Maybe I'm seen as a maneater?? I'm tempted to delete my coworker off my fb friends list - would this seem rude? or could it be he really does like me? and is afraid to make another move after having his invitation for a drink turned down by me? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) Well, he's being hostile, so why on earth would you let him remain on any of your social media when you now know he's up to no good. Block him and any other coworkers you don't trust. I can't fathom that other coworker making that comment after you told him a friend was picking you up. Does the coworker who wanted to go out with you know about your affair with the mm? It sounds like he's either been talking about that or has made you out to have had a big affair with him and then cheated on you or else where could that possibly have come from. If I were you, I would shut the door and ask the one who mentioned your reputation what on earth he's talking about and deny, deny, deny and if necessary tell him you've had a problem with this other guy being after you and you're not interested and shut that all down. Edited March 21, 2015 by preraph Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 Unfortunately if sounds as if your dirty laundry has been aired and you've been the subject of gossip around the office. I don't know the back story about your affair but the unfortunate truth is that people often don't look too kindly upon those who participate in that type of relationship. People will have an opinion of you and they have every right. However, they do not have a right to insult you or treat you badly. I would unfriend your co-worker from fb and avoid the other one who made the mean comment. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 I don't understand how people know about this "affair"? Was it with a co-worker?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dog Woman Posted March 21, 2015 Author Share Posted March 21, 2015 I don't understand how people know about this "affair"? Was it with a co-worker?? The affair was with a mm not employed by the company and not associated with it, however, I'm aware that the male coworker blanking me does know my ex mm as he is/has been a customer of his. I hope exmm hasn't been shouting his mouth off, it's the one thing we promised eachother - not to tell anyone about our affair. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 I doubt your XMM has said anything, unless there has been a Dday perhaps and a wider circle now knows about the A. I guess your slighted co-worker or some other jealous individual perhaps, has been spreading stuff about you. Very easy to ruin someone's reputation with a few comments and insinuations. Say nothing re the affair, because if they actually know nothing, you speaking about it will be news to them and will land you in hot water. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dog Woman Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 I doubt your XMM has said anything, unless there has been a Dday perhaps and a wider circle now knows about the A. I guess your slighted co-worker or some other jealous individual perhaps, has been spreading stuff about you. Very easy to ruin someone's reputation with a few comments and insinuations. Say nothing re the affair, because if they actually know nothing, you speaking about it will be news to them and will land you in hot water. I still can't fathom it out. I'm doubting the slighted co-worker is the source of spreading rumours as I'm the one he comes to in confidence if anyone has made derogatory remarks and comments about him. He gets things off his chest, so to speak. Perhaps, I'm just overreacting? and maybe the comment about me having a reputation was meant to be a bit of a joke? A lot of people find they can confide in me and I do have a few close female and male friends but the male friends are only just friends (most are married). Maybe my slighted coworker doesn't want to be seen in public being friendly with me? Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 and maybe the comment about me having a reputation was meant to be a bit of a joke? This is what I was thinking. It's such a bizarre thing to say to a professional colleague, I had to wonder if it was just some strange joke. I think you should definitely ask the person who made that comment. "The other night, you said I had 'a bit of a reputation' and it's been bothering me since. I'd like to know what you meant by that?" I mean, if it wasn't a dumb joke, he's the one who brought up the subject so I would think that he'd be willing to talk about it with you. Maybe my slighted coworker doesn't want to be seen in public being friendly with me? I wouldn't give him another ounce of energy. He's done this before (I read your other thread about him.) Seriously, stop caring. Don't try to figure him out and don't try to be friendly, just be professional. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dog Woman Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Thanks CC12. I have confronted slight cooworker because he's been giving me so many mixed messages and blowing hot and cold all the time. Now we both know where we stand - I made it clear just colleagues and nothing else. I've not deleted him off fb but moved him to the restricted friends list. From now on I'll only be professional with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Thanks CC12. I have confronted slight cooworker because he's been giving me so many mixed messages and blowing hot and cold all the time. Now we both know where we stand - I made it clear just colleagues and nothing else. I've not deleted him off fb but moved him to the restricted friends list. From now on I'll only be professional with him. Cool. I still think you should attempt to find out about that "bit of a reputation" comment, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dog Woman Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 Cool. I still think you should attempt to find out about that "bit of a reputation" comment, though. I did find out but did it in a light-hearted way. The retiring colleague has absolutely no recollection of saying I had a bit of reputation. Quite a lot of alcohol was consumed at his retirement party though he didn't seem drunk at the end of the night. I could tell by the expression on his face that he was genuinely shocked at the thought of saying such a thing to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 he was genuinely shocked at the thought of saying such a thing to me. He should have been! That must be a load off your mind! Link to post Share on other sites
applej4 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Here's an idea: Do your job, stop wondering about things that you'll never know the answer to. Do the work you are being paid to do and stop the BS. Link to post Share on other sites
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