Nobody will talk to me

[kenmore]

I don't know what it is. It happens here, my wife won't talk to me, my customers won't talk to me. It's like I'm dead. Maybe I am dead.

 

I reach out. I contact my (potential) customers (probably a hundred by now) several times a month. I'm in insurance and I know there's a stigma, but really?

 

I read a book (cold calling techniques) where the author says 30% of the people you try to sell to will just give you their business (the ones who are shopping), 30% will NEVER give you their business (those who hate what you stand for) and the prized 30% whom you must fight for. While I know that's a generalization, why is it that nobody at all gives me their business nor will even take my calls?

 

I'm not a jerk, I don't talk down to people and I don't make a pest out of myself. I think the author's percentages are skewed (they make nice round numbers), but I would expect something! All I see are tumbleweeds rolling around.

 

I get that I need to persevere and that I'm having a down night, but any insight would be appreciated. My boss says I don't miss a thing and my colleagues say I have a good personality, so there's some combo or something that's really screwing me. Why?

 

Ken

[kenmore]

See? LOL! That's actually really funny!

[StalwartMind]

Sorry about that, I'm not sure what happened there, I must of phased out of reality in my attempt to leave you a response in the world of the dead. I guess there is no one operating the connection between posting a message to the delivery going through.

 

Terrible humor aside, I honestly have no answer as to why you are experiencing everything you said. The most baffling part is perhaps even your wife doesn't talk to you. I'm sure you slightly exaggerated that, else I'll gladly supply you with a bunch of similar humored questions as my intro, which you could try ask her to see if you'll get any response at all.

 

You seem solid enough from what you write, I'm not sure why you experience such a lack of return in communication. Maybe it's just one heck of a fluke, they can happen even if it seems rather unrealistic.

 

I can imagine it would make one feel a bit unappreciated and invisible and while there may be some stigma around your job, I wouldn't imagine it to be so borderline crazy as you mention. The statistics you mentioned from that book I would take with a grain of salt, they seem a bit too tailored for my taste.

 

Seriously though I'd just keep at it, don't let stuff like that demotivate you (work wise at least), I see no reason why I wouldn't talk to you as a customer. The wife however could be a bazillion reasons, you probably know best or perhaps she's just going through a period of personal changes. It's hard to really know with anyone in our time and age.

[pink_sugar]

I have trouble making friends and connections as well. I attribute it to my lack of emotions. My boss even told me I don't exhibit much emotion, which in part I blame on the wall I put up to keep people out since I have been hurt so much in my short life. It's so hard to focus on letting walls down because I have never been able to trust someone 100%.

[kenmore]

I have trouble making friends and connections as well. I attribute it to my lack of emotions. My boss even told me I don't exhibit much emotion, which in part I blame on the wall I put up to keep people out since I have been hurt so much in my short life. It's so hard to focus on letting walls down because I have never been able to trust someone 100%.

 

Pink sugar, please let me tell you about another person who is young and freely says she does not open up to others...she's someone I work with now and have known her for two months.

 

She is very pretty. Very very pretty really, but she is shy and feels (oddly considering her role) unable to open up to people and feels introverted. I can see that what she says is true, she is introverted, even though her role is dealing with people. She is knowledgeable, friendly and I see absolutely no reason for her self consciousness other than the fact that it's a part of her.

 

I felt the same when I was young too. Even though I had nothing to be ashamed of, I always felt like being alone or not being in social situations. Though I have forced myself into being in a socially outward career and I have grown into being a somewhat social person, I still enjoy being by myself or with loved ones more than strangers. Strangers are my livelihood now though, and I feel that is making me a new person...I love it!!

 

Your lack of emotion is right on queue. You have emotions, we all do. you keep yours bottled up inside so you won't get hurt by them. It's ok. Do what makes you feel secure.

 

I assume your boss was saying something positive to you when s/he said that. Bosses these days are so much more in tune with trying to encourage people. When I was young, a boss may very well have said that to be hurtful, but fortunately things have changed.

 

If that was said to you in a current business atmosphere, then that is probably an asset and that's good! If you feel self conscious about it, don't let any "self improvement" harm your career. Let it manifest in your personal life instead.

 

Finally, thank you so much for posting! It really does mean a lot to me!

 

Ken

[kenmore]

Sorry about that, I'm not sure what happened there, I must of phased out of reality in my attempt to leave you a response in the world of the dead. I guess there is no one operating the connection between posting a message to the delivery going through.

 

Terrible humor aside, I honestly have no answer as to why you are experiencing everything you said. The most baffling part is perhaps even your wife doesn't talk to you. I'm sure you slightly exaggerated that, else I'll gladly supply you with a bunch of similar humored questions as my intro, which you could try ask her to see if you'll get any response at all.

 

You seem solid enough from what you write, I'm not sure why you experience such a lack of return in communication. Maybe it's just one heck of a fluke, they can happen even if it seems rather unrealistic.

 

I can imagine it would make one feel a bit unappreciated and invisible and while there may be some stigma around your job, I wouldn't imagine it to be so borderline crazy as you mention. The statistics you mentioned from that book I would take with a grain of salt, they seem a bit too tailored for my taste.

 

Seriously though I'd just keep at it, don't let stuff like that demotivate you (work wise at least), I see no reason why I wouldn't talk to you as a customer. The wife however could be a bazillion reasons, you probably know best or perhaps she's just going through a period of personal changes. It's hard to really know with anyone in our time and age.

 

Your humor did make me laugh, so it's not terrible. I found it refreshing!

 

I also find your comment about my wife somewhat refreshing. While I have now accepted the inevitable end, I do think she is going through some huge emotional and spiritual changes in her life; in fact I hardly recognize her anymore. I have thought to myself that the woman I married five years ago is actually dead. Besides it making me feel better (as horrible as that sounds), it seems true. I don't even recognize this woman as my wife anymore. Even before we ended I saw huge changes in her. She gave up drinking. she started exercising. She changed the color of her hair. Her attitudes changed a lot. She had loved me and then she hated me. I never hurt her. She changed. Or my perceptions were wrong all along.

 

She says now that she never wanted to be married (to anyone), why did she marry me then? She says now that she's happier alone, but she can't leave me alone. It doesn't matter anymore, she will be alone and then she will know true loneliness someday. Not that that makes me happy, it makes me very sad.

 

Regarding work, it's just one of those jobs, I know. People may rather have a root canal than talk about their insurance but I have noticed myself getting better (and so has a colleague) just in the last week. People I might have lost have been willing (and some even wanting) to move to the next stage, so this has given me confidence!

 

StalwartMind, I want to thank you so much for your post! What you said has given me strength and confidence, and it means a lot to me! My best to you as well!

 

And my apologies that this thread is not fitting into business so much anymore. I didn't intend that.

 

Ken

[fitnessfan365]

It's your profession. Regardless of your social skills or how you interact with people, you're an insurance salesman first and foremost. You're one step above cold callers.

 

Ever see the show Wings? There is a segment where Brian is piloting the plane and an insurance salesman starts talking to him. He pretends to fall asleep, taking the plane into a dive just to get the guy to shut up.

 

Think back on Groundhog Day. Why do you think Phil runs the other way and eventually punches Ned Rierson out?

 

Remember Plains, Trains, and Automobiles? "I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days, I could sit there with a big smile on my face. They'd say "How can you stand it?". I'd say "I've been with Del Griffith I can tolerate anything."

 

So all you can do is try your hardest not to take it personally and remind yourself that it's the profession you're in.

[Timshel]

kenmore- I just want to tell you that by reading your posts on this thread and others, you really come across as a very kind, patient and insightful person.

Whatever has happened, I am sure things will continue to get better.

Best wishes

[kenmore]

Fitnessfan, they showed that clip from groundhog day in a training class the other day, I had seen the movie a couple of times and I remember it so much! It's great fun, but obviously it's not like that, at least not anymore if it ever was. There is a lot of resistance but also a lot of acceptance. It totally depends on the perspective. If a client calls me (rare), it goes like a well oiled clock. If I call them, it goes like a mousetrap in reverse.

 

I get that my profession is one that has as much glamour as a mousetrap (sorry for overusing that analogy), but it does have some real attributes if one knows how to use them. As time goes by, I am learning things about subtleties that certain people would find, if not sexy, at least fascinating! It's a more interesting career than you may imagine, and so incredibly complex. As an ex electronics engineer, I'm intrigued by how much there is to it!

 

Timshel, you just made my day! I have an early appointment with a client, and you are sending me out with more confidence than I had before. More than anything, I want to make sure she is properly covered with no more or less than she needs, and it will be a big meeting! This will be where the rubber hits the road, so please wish me luck! Even though you will most likely not see this before I go. Maybe others who do can wish me luck!

 

I appreciate you saying what you did, and doing so also makes me realize you have insightful traits too, not that you need them to say what you did...but you know... I wish you the best as well! And I hope to see more of your posts as time goes on. I'll go look at yours now (AKA stalk you lol.)

 

Ken

[Els]

I don't know what it is. It happens here, my wife won't talk to me

 

I hate to be so blunt, but you asked for an honest answer....

 

Personally I rarely respond to your posts here because almost every single post that I come across from you includes a gripe about your (ex?) wife. I get that people feel the need to vent during a separation, and I'm sorry you're hurting, but when it starts spilling over into every other thread I tend to switch off. To be fair, I don't read every single thread on these forums, so it could just be unfortunate coincidence. Apologies ahead of time if my perception was wrong.

 

In real life... no idea, sorry. Perhaps try asking people in real life whom you can trust to be honest to you?

[pink_sugar]

I hate to be so blunt, but you asked for an honest answer....

 

Personally I rarely respond to your posts here because almost every single post that I come across from you includes a gripe about your (ex?) wife. I get that people feel the need to vent during a separation, and I'm sorry you're hurting, but when it starts spilling over into every other thread I tend to switch off. To be fair, I don't read every single thread on these forums, so it could just be unfortunate coincidence. Apologies ahead of time if my perception was wrong.

 

In real life... no idea, sorry. Perhaps try asking people in real life whom you can trust to be honest to you?

 

Elswyth, you gotta meet my dad. Been going on about my mom for about 20 years now since they've divorced.

Edited March 4, 2015 by pink_sugar

[angel.eyes]

You have a lot going on, and sales is a hard field to be in, even under the best of circumstances, because of the constant rejection. You can't take it personally.

 

We're rooting for you! Let us know how your call goes. I hope you win the business!

[kenmore]

Thanks all for your responses!

 

Elswyth, thank you for pointing that out! It is so easy to exude feelings and not even be aware of it. I'm sure you are right, I did go through a period of needing to vent about her and I'm sure it was very boring from an outside perspective. Just a big fat ass turn off.

 

Pink sugar, thanks for your support!

 

Angel.eyes, thank you so much for your encouragement and your compliment! They say that at work as well, and while it's true, it's difficult to ignore; but after a whopping three more days, my skin is thickening and fruition is coming from my efforts. I was in the work-your-ass-off-but-see-no-return phase, and now suddenly I'm in the seeing-huge-returns-all-at-once phase. It was just the timing and I have sold four policies in those last few days. Including the lady I went to see!

 

So, you all do help me though the slumps and difficult times, you open my eyes to things I should know and you are people I can vent to. Every post is wonderful, and I will try to have an even thicker skin as time goes by. I got from day one that it would be a frustrating and demeaning career, but also knew it would let me make contact with so many wonderful people and to be able to help them! I still feel the tradeoff is worth it. It's tough to trudge through the lean times though, and the beginning (four months with no income) was the leanest!

 

Thanks all!!

 

Ken

[Els]

Thanks for understanding my viewpoint (and not getting mad! ), kenmore. All the best with your journey towards healing and success.

[kenmore]

Thanks for understanding my viewpoint (and not getting mad! ), kenmore. All the best with your journey towards healing and success.

 

Thanks Elswyth, and you too!!!