Sunbathe Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I'm a college student who works part time in a food service type job, and I've been at this job for a little over a year now. I have a coworker, B, whom had expressed interest in me back in May. B gave me his number and told me to text him if I ever wanted to get drinks... however, I was just coming out of a 4 year relationship and was nowhere near ready to date again. I took his number, but never texted him. I originally thought B was only slightly older than me but around this time I found out that he is actually in his early 30s, which puts him a good 10 years older than me. Despite me being attracted to B's appearance and personality, I decided that the age difference was too much for me to pursue anything with him. Things continued on like normal at work, with us frequently talking. We even hung out outside of work together in a group setting on two separate occasions. All seemed well, nothing was awkward between us. A couple of months ago, one of my other coworker friends, H, asked me if I had to choose, who from work would I go out with? I responded with B, but that the age difference between us puts me off. Well lo and beyond, H decided to take it upon himself to tell B that I'm interested in him. B approaches me about 3 weekends ago, tells me that he is interested as well, and that he would like to take me to lunch that following week. I tell him that I have a doctors appointment back in my hometown on Monday, and since I don't have work at all that week I might be staying in my hometown for the remainder of the week to visit with friends and family. So I did just that. I spent that whole week back home, and returned to work on Friday... only to discover that B in now completely ignoring me. It's been 2 or so weeks now, and the ignoring has continued. If I direct a question or comment at B, he will respond with short answers. But he no longer comes up to me to start conversations of his own accord. If I walk past him in the building, he does not even look at me anymore. I honestly feel like he tries to pretend I don't even exist. I'm totally confused if I did anything to wrong him to warrant this abrupt change. I really hate confrontation and don't want to create a situation at work, so I've been thinking maybe I should text him and ask him what's going on. Or is this a terrible idea? I'm actually feeling a little hurt by this... I genuinely enjoyed our conversations. Now, he spends his time talking to a newer employee instead. What do you all think I should do in this situation? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Well, never talk to that "friend" of yours who set you up on this. He was probably fishing on B's behalf to begin with to see what you'd do if he asked you out. I think you should just tell B that the whole thing was a joke where you HAD to pick someone, but that sorry, you're just not looking to date at work or someone older. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jakrbbt Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 He's probably embarrassed. Don't be hurt. He asked you out in a roundabout way, and only after he was given to understand you'd say yes. Then, he got a roundabout rejection. Most people retreat when embarrassed. Let him do that and give him his dignity. If I were you, I'd act compleeeetely clueless about the asking-out and even about the change of behavior (though obviously, don't go chatting him up). But I am an anti-confrontational wimp and only confront people if the relationships are important and require it. My advice is geared toward keeping things comfortable-- not toward having some Dr Phil moment where you clarify and mend your relationships with everyone. In other words, let him believe that the "friend" either was lying or got it totally wrong-- and that you never even knew or noticed. Act like you don't know why he's all of a sudden quiet, that you assume he has perfectly good personal reasons for keeping to himself more, and you still like him just fine but aren't going to bug him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 TBH your workplace sounds like a typical retail workplace. When I worked retail, there was always some sort of drama. I also think when your coworkers ask things like "who at work would you date?" I would not partake in this for the reasons you mentioned above. Keep it simple and say you aren't interested in a romance in the workplace and leave it at that. This is a workplace, not high school. And be careful about what sort of things you tell your coworkers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 B sounds really immature for his age. First of all, giving you his number and suggesting that you call him is just lame. I can't stand it when guys do that. And his reaction to you being out of town is also lame. It's possible that H told B about your issue with the age difference while you were out of town (although I'm not sure why he didn't mention this sooner). Just ignore B's behavior. It's childish. He didn't get his way and now he's jabbing at you by acting the way he's acting. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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