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my students hate me...


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My students say the meanest things to me and I have to take it. There really isn't anything I can do because I'm in a position of authority.

 

Last semester I had three particularly unpleasant encounters with female students.

 

One of them, an African American woman who was perhaps a few years older than me, laughed right in my face as came up to her to give her a password for an online test. She laughed in my face in front of other students and said

 

"you're funny".

 

I've been told this by people all my life, so it REALLY gets under my skin. I tried not to show it, so I immediately said jokingly

 

"yeah? maybe I should quit my day job and become a comedian"

 

and she immediately did one of those big-eyed "lord have mercy!" faces. At the same time she said

 

"nooooooooooooo"

 

still shaking her head with her eyes nearly coming out of her skull for emphasis. I said:

 

"I know, I'm pathetic"

 

and walked away.

 

Another time, I was tired and I noticed a female student (Hispanic girl, maybe 22) continuously looking at me. She was just staring at me, almost absently. Finally I decided to ask

 

"do you need something?"

 

and she said:

 

"well... I'm not looking at you because I think you're handsome"

 

Naturally I paused, my jaw dropped. Then I looked at her and she did one of those irritating "and..." expressions with her eyes, where the head jerks forward and down and the eyes are open wide for emphasis (with strong eye contact). It's hard to describe in words. Luckily she dropped the class next week.

 

Then another time, I was going over a girl's test with her, and I was admittedly tired as hell and I made an honest mistake and she didn't, but I was convinced she did and she basically started to explain the problem to me really loudly so that everybody could hear. And I came out looking like a total dumb-ass. Then she said, in front of a few other people,

 

"sorry to burst your bubble dude... but you're wrong"

 

Luckily not a lot of people hear these things, since I can't get my students to come to class. Poor attendance means a lot of this goes unnoticed.

 

I guess I'm just a bumbling idiot, and I should embrace what I am, but I'm having a hard time accepting that I was born to fellate people's egos... I need help.

Edited by Eddy Street
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This post was really funny...lol. Actually, you are witty. The way you write...it's comedy. Maybe you just need to accept that you make people laugh. You might just be one of those naturally funny people who don't know it. I think you should play with being funny.

 

Actually, this reminds me of Chris Rock and his show Everybody Hates Chris.. He used to joke about how much he was bullied in school in his standup routines, and showed a lot of it in that tv show.

 

I have a theory that people who aren't yet living to their fullest potential encounter heavier obstacles to push them forward to fulfill their destiny. Maybe that's whats happening with you.

 

Also I think you should learn about the law of attraction. You bring about what you think about.

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WonderWoman911

Yes,you may feel a certain way because your students don't like you,but you have to remember that you're not there to become bff's with anyone. You're there to be cordial and give them the education that they need. Nonetheles, I must say that you have good come-backs when it comes to their ignorant statements. I would just get a stronger back bone when it comes to those students. When they realize and see that in you, they won't come at you with nonsense. Just become more confident about yourself,your knowledge, and your teaching position.:bunny:

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It gets worse. My second semester teaching a student of mine who was quite a bit older than me (maybe 45) called me over and asked me straight-faced where she needed go to report me so that I could be fired. Just like that.

 

And there is this thing my students do when I walk by... they always get startled. I think it's a conspiracy to drive me to a meltdown, which would be captured on a smartphone and made viral on the internet. I don't plan on giving anybody the pleasure.

Edited by Eddy Street
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whichwayisup
It's too late to switch careers at 27,

 

 

No it isn't. You're so young still to go do other jobs in your lifetime. Where is it carved in stone that you MUST stick to one career for the rest of your life?

 

If you hate teaching and don't feel you have the personality and drive for it, then find another passion and go for it! Learn about it, take courses.. Life is short, so if you're unhappy do some changes.

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WonderWoman911

Wow,that definitely is a lot to deal with. You don't want to go through your teaching career,that you worked so hard to get to, facing this type of behavior. This seems to be a consistent thing that's occurring. I wouldn't consider changing careers though. I would consider teaching at another school or become an online professor.

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Wow,that definitely is a lot to deal with. You don't want to go through your teaching career,that you worked so hard to get to, facing this type of behavior. This seems to be a consistent thing that's occurring. I wouldn't consider changing careers though. I would consider teaching at another school or become an online professor.

 

My current goal is to get my PhD and teach at a university, where I would either teach smaller classes with more mature folks or larger classes with less student contact.

Edited by Eddy Street
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I have a lot of thoughts on this...

 

I was offered the opportunity to be a PA/TA as I was the top student in this class. I am not saying this to be a braggert, just setting up context. The students knew this and you would think some of them would say to themselves "perhaps it is in my interest to follow the advice of someone who aced this class". It is a rigorous and high standards program, I expected a lot more maturity than I encountered.

 

Many of the students were wonderful but some of them seemed to want to live and breathe just to argue or attempt to discredit myself or the Professor. This is not an Associate level program and yet I felt like I was dealing with less-than professionalism from some.

 

I learned to not take it personally - these were people who had not spent a year and a half interning in the field and were literally newcomers so they had no experience or basis other than their ego. Some got over it and learned to listen by the end, some did not and really? Their wasted opportunity.

 

They may be adults in professional education (not sure what level you're in though) but grown people can behave like little children. Don't let it get to you that is their lot in life to work though.

 

However, "I know, I am pathetic"...when I read that I went WHAT. Why, why, why would you ever say such a thing? I think the big problem you have is that your students do not respect you and think about it...would you respect a Professor/instructor who behaved like a self-defeated person devoid of confidence? You really need to exude confidence and yes, those little nit-picking know-it-all students with the horse patoot attitudes will still try to challenge that.

 

This spineless act is not going to do.

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My students say the meanest things to me and I have to take it. There really isn't anything I can do because I'm in a position of authority.

 

 

Another thing? This is bullcrap. You absolutely do not need to take blatantly disrespectful behavior and you most certainly should not ever. You let one student publicly denigrate you and kiss the rest of the class goodbye. They will lose respect for you, which has already happened.

 

Time to get it back.

 

Are you within the U.S. or where are you teaching at?

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WonderWoman911
My current goal is to get my PhD and teach at a university, where I would either teach smaller classes with more mature folks or larger classes with less student contact.

 

 

That's good,but you still have to get a backbone. Smaller classes can still have the same type of individuals. And you don't know who's "mature folks" prior to them enrolling. So that confidence has to kick in asap or else you'll be dealing with this forever.

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Another thing? This is bullcrap. You absolutely do not need to take blatantly disrespectful behavior and you most certainly should not ever. You let one student publicly denigrate you and kiss the rest of the class goodbye. They will lose respect for you, which has already happened.

 

Time to get it back.

 

Are you within the U.S. or where are you teaching at?

 

The US, most of my students are Hispanic and African American, which leaves me, as a short white dude, at a huge disadvantage to begin with lol.

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The US, most of my students are Hispanic and African American, which leaves me, as a short white dude, at a huge disadvantage to begin with lol.

 

This is in your head.

 

As a female, I cannot begin to tell you the amount of male egoism I have had to encounter. I am under-estimated all of the time because of my gender. This is not some whiney-feminist generalization. I mean this is what I have experienced quite a bit and again, something I have learned to not let get to me. The true disadvantage is if I give in and stop demanding respect.

 

You sound like you are afraid of your students, how will that ever work? This is a hard lesson for you to learn but if you have any aspirations for teaching at University level than you had better learn it because you will find those students who want to challenge your authority or make you feel inferior.

 

How did you get the job you are in now? What are your educational credentials and is this a community college or?

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This is in your head.

 

As a female, I cannot begin to tell you the amount of male egoism I have had to encounter. I am under-estimated all of the time because of my gender. This is not some whiney-feminist generalization. I mean this is what I have experienced quite a bit and again, something I have learned to not let get to me. The true disadvantage is if I give in and stop demanding respect.

 

You sound like you are afraid of your students, how will that ever work? This is a hard lesson for you to learn but if you have any aspirations for teaching at University level than you had better learn it because you will find those students who want to challenge your authority or make you feel inferior.

 

How did you get the job you are in now? What are your educational credentials and is this a community college or?

 

Community college and I have a B.A. in math with lots and lots of experience being a student teaching assistant, which is just a small lousy step above "tutor". I honestly love the idea of teaching and I was overjoyed when I got the position, but I went into it scared and I still haven't lost my fear. Fear of looking like a weak chicken is the way I like to think of it. But I love teaching and I can't see myself doing anything else... because what else would I do? In my spare time I write science fiction but I can't live off of that.

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todreaminblue

i like the line born to fellate peoples egos......gives me a rather funny image.....causing orgasms to an ego......an ego spasm....

 

 

the only troubling thing that you have written to me i sthat fact about someone saying to whom to report to get you fired......what did you say back to her and why did she say that?

 

 

I also think you shouldnt give up because of a couple of bad eggs in a classroom...bad eggs are everywhere....there are students who will benefit from knowing and learning from you......without a doubt.....teachers can make mistakes.......one of my kids teachers asked my son when he gave a talk about meerkats....if he had made that name up......teachers dont know everything.teachers especially good ones admit they make mistakes.........a good teacher will take out from a class as much learning as they teach...a teacher progresses with every class they teach...a good teacher never stagnates or is too above himself or herself to learn something new..from a five year odl even....five year olds are gems........and yes you learn from your students....in fact i have been in progressive classes where we learned from teacher pupil interaction where there were rebels and boundary pushers who tested the status quo...and we were wiser for it..soemtimes boundaries need exploration to be understood...take everything as a learning opportunity for them and for you..if they say soemthing crappy redirect the conversation you are clever you are witty....you can do it....say speaking of that reminds me of this.make i trandom and unrelated......make them think and try to draw a comparison.......and lead the conversation away from where you arent comfortable make them think....take them out of class...somewhere busy ....pop culture.,....and give them tasks to fulfill...find out their strengths and weaknesses.....and have a prgram in mind before you get in class abtou where you want the day to lead...what message do you want hammered in there.....relate aroudn that message.............grow with them....get to know them......dont ever give up....a teacher never does...you are a ....teacher..learn them.....know them......by each and every name......good luck.......deb

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Community college and I have a B.A. in math with lots and lots of experience being a student teaching assistant, which is just a small lousy step above "tutor". I honestly love the idea of teaching and I was overjoyed when I got the position, but I went into it scared and I still haven't lost my fear. Fear of looking like a weak chicken is the way I like to think of it. But I love teaching and I can't see myself doing anything else... because what else would I do? In my spare time I write science fiction but I can't live off of that.

 

Okay well...not saying you should not be doing what you are doing, only pointing out that you need to put a stop to the disrespectful behavior. You said you did TA'ing before, did you ever encounter any power struggles then or witness any between students towards your Professor? If so, how were they handled?

 

Do you really believe you cannot do anything about the mean things students say to you? This cannot be true. You need to know your options and use them. Respectful treatment should be a priority and students need to be corrected when that is not the case. You do not just give in and tell students you are pathetic.

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the only troubling thing that you have written to me i sthat fact about someone saying to whom to report to get you fired......what did you say back to her and why did she say that?

 

I basically apologized like a wet dog and gave her all these excuses:

 

it's only my second semester teaching EVER

the students have been giving me a hard time

other teachers were not as supportive as I expected

etc...

 

And lots of "what can I do to make this class better? I welcome criticism"

 

I appealed to her motherly instincts, since she has kids my age. It worked, she didn't report me.

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todreaminblue
I basically apologized like a wet dog and gave her all these excuses:

 

it's only my second semester teaching EVER

the students have been giving me a hard time

other teachers were not as supportive as I expected

etc...

 

And lots of "what can I do to make this class better? I welcome criticism"

 

I appealed to her motherly instincts, since she has kids my age. It worked, she didn't report me.

 

 

what was she going to be reporting on? if you dont mind me asking....deb

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Okay well...not saying you should not be doing what you are doing, only pointing out that you need to put a stop to the disrespectful behavior. You said you did TA'ing before, did you ever encounter any power struggles then or witness any between students towards your Professor? If so, how were they handled?

 

Do you really believe you cannot do anything about the mean things students say to you? This cannot be true. You need to know your options and use them. Respectful treatment should be a priority and students need to be corrected when that is not the case. You do not just give in and tell students you are pathetic.

 

I did not witness much of this behavior.

 

The only thing I can think of is to insult them back, which would guarantee that I would never step foot in that particular college again. So I guess the only sensible solution is to avoid interactions that beget this sort of snotty criticism. I need to take preventative measures. I'm well aware that I set up walls for myself and then walk right into them, like that time when the girl said in front of other students that I was wrong and called me "dude". One way to avoid this is getting enough sleep so that I'm not a zombie in my class. That's one of my problems. I teach and then I tutor, same day, then I get home and it's late and I'm determined to read books and do stuff for myself, then I go to sleep past 1 AM and I have to get up at 5. I end up being a zombie. I should probably quit part-time tutoring.

 

Another thing is talking less. I should heed Lincoln's words. Sometimes I say things and I repeat myself because I'm just not good at talking to people. I should probably keep interactions with students sweet and concise whenever possible.

 

Semester starts on the 19th, I have some time to get ready.

Edited by Eddy Street
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TheFinalWord

If it is your first or second time teaching the class, give yourself some time to adjust. It takes teaching the same class 3 or 4 times before you can make improvements. For most of these intro classes, after the 3 or 4 time teaching, you will not get any new questions from students as you will have heard them all. You will also be able to improve your assignments.

 

Another tip I advise is after each class, use a teaching journal to talk about what worked and what didn't work in terms of teaching tools.

 

I don't get how the first two were offending, but the last girl you could just say that you cannot provide the answer for the test. I wouldn't get into an argument with a student during an exam. If it's a bad question, just drop it from the exam.

 

A few tips,

 

1. Your fear is because you do not know the material fully. You should continue to practice as students do have a right to expect you to be knowledgeable.

 

2. If a student wants to argue in class, tell them it is not the place and to please visit your office hours. Don't engage them.

 

3. If a student threatens to report you, request they speak with you in a private meeting first to see if you can resolve the situation.

 

Be sure to explicate your exam and assignment policies in your syllabus to help cover yourself.

Edited by TheFinalWord
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1. Your fear is because you do not know the material fully. You should continue to practice as students do have a right to expect you to be knowledgeable.

 

2. If a student wants to argue in class, tell them it is not the place and to please visit your office hours. Don't engage them.

 

3. If a student threatens to report you, request they speak with you in a private meeting first to see if you can resolve the situation.

 

I know the material fully. It was a silly calculation that I thought she was plugging into the calculator wrong but she wasn't. It was elementary school maths. I was tired so I made the mistake. I thought she was using parentheses wrong but she wasn't and for some odd reason I had a different answer in mind, I was just tired. It wasn't even a test question. It was a random question I made up on the spot, it was a one on one review of a test previously taken.

 

As for the handsome comment, I think that was very offensive. She told me indirectly that I was an idiot.

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what was she going to be reporting on? if you dont mind me asking....deb

 

Something about online tests not being mentioned in the syllabus I think. And also the fact that I got the syllabus to the class 2 days later than I said I would.

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take a course in public speaking and/or work in a more up-scale estrablishment, less rudeness

 

unless you are a hard-marker, and your students are pissed?

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todreaminblue
Something about online tests not being mentioned in the syllabus I think. And also the fact that I got the syllabus to the class 2 days later than I said I would.

 

did you write the syllabus.......and why was it late....deb

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did you write the syllabus.......and why was it late....deb

 

Yes, I wrote it, and I guess I just procrastinated. I could have had it done before the semester started.

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