spanishchick00 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 There is this security guard that apparently has some crush on me. Awhile back back he asked if I was single, I told him no. He hen said, "he must be one lucky guy." There is no way avoiding him and I avoid small talk, so the. He accused me of not being social enough and that I need to talk more. I was like wtf? He expects me to have these 30 minute conversations with him or something? I lied told him I was engage and then told me he wanted to be the best man. I just thought that was creepy. And lately, he have been making these comments on "how good I look, how much he likes my outfits, how nice I look, that he likes my coat and notices that I got my nails done." I ignore these comments, then he calls me out saying that I don't like compliments. First off all, these are all unwanted compliments. Who the heck makes these comments at work to the opposite sex? This isn't happy hour. I'm going to have to change my work schedule and come in later to avoid this creep. He only works 2 hours in the mornings. I asked my guy friend this and he told me that it was harassment. What do you think? Or maybe I'm just looking way into too much? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 It's annoying but it's not illegal. Tell him to stop because he's crossed a line. Then ignore him. If he doesn't back off tell his supervisor. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Actually, these days any "unwanted" behavior can be considered harassment. You need to start documenting everything though, including records of telling him to stop. You can also tell him "thank you" but "let's keep it professional". If he continues, by all means take all this to HR, but have everything documented. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 It's annoying but it's not illegal. I'd venture to say that it is. Sexual harrassment policies nowadays are extremely broad and protect against almost any kind of behavior... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I'd venture to say that it is. Sexual harrassment policies nowadays are extremely broad and protect against almost any kind of behavior... This. Most HR policies define "harassment" as any unwanted behavior or anything that makes you uncomfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
aggie382 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I'd venture to say that it is. Sexual harrassment policies nowadays are extremely broad and protect against almost any kind of behavior... A company's HR policy might be very broad and the behavior might actually be a violation of that policy, but in this case there is absolutely nothing illegal about his behavior. Policy violations are very different from the law. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aggie382 Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 This. Most HR policies define "harassment" as any unwanted behavior or anything that makes you uncomfortable. That doesn't make it illegal. Lay people on the internet. smh Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Just tell him to stop making personal comments unrelated to work. If he doesn't stop then, take it to your manager. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I asked my guy friend this and he told me that it was harassment. What do you think? Or maybe I'm just looking way into too much? Probably worth checking your employee handbook regarding such behaviors, as far as what the company defines as harassment, or not. In the realm of workplace battles, YMMV. It could be the hill you want to die on, or not. If refocusing any interactions back to work fails, HR could be of assistance, due to this person, apparently not assigned to interact with you in a work capacity, interfering with your work product. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 A company's HR policy might be very broad and the behavior might actually be a violation of that policy, but in this case there is absolutely nothing illegal about his behavior. Policy violations are very different from the law. My retract my previous statement. I must be getting rusty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spanishchick00 Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 Well, I know taking to another human being isn't illegal. But when he makes those comments about "how good" I look that bothers me. The another day he told me that I've been looking really good lately. I'm like wtf? And I don't even dress up. Comments like those, make me not want to wear make up, wear anything nice. Have any of you women on here received unwanted compliments from a male at work? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Pretty normal in my industry. Men hit on women all the time. I merely need to watch the parade of guys who find a reason to leave the shop to hit the offices to know. Doesn't matter if the women are single, LTR or married. I'll usually hang around to foil their attempts to get some 'alone time' to make their moves, just for fun. What I've noticed, irrespective of looks, is certain women are untouchable and others seem to constantly deal with it. Overall, IMO, it's the vibe they give off, not in a bad way, but rather they don't have their 'fµck with me and you'll pull back a bloody stump' aura perfected. In white collar industries, perhaps things are more civilized, IDK. I've been dealing with it for nearly 40 years, some of that as an employer. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I have seen depositions of cases that hinged on nothing more extreme than that, but I don't know how they were resolved. I think it's sexual harassment once you tell him to stop. Tell him "I'd appreciate it if you'd stop making comments about my appearance. I told you I'm engaged. You're making me uncomfortable. I certainly don't want anyone else in the workplace thinking there's something going on between us." Then if he doesn't comply, as DonniVain said, tell the supervisor. But you do need to tell him to stop first. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author spanishchick00 Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 There was a time when I told him to shut up and then one time to leave me alone, I told him that because every time I come in, he tells me that I need to smile more and why I don't talk. He gets a laugh out of this. I haven't told him to stop about the comments on my appearance. I think of I told him that, he will again get a laugh out of it. I told him to stop picking on me, he did stop for awhile, then he suggested that he was going to find a topic to talk about instead of picking on me. Weirdo. Either it's bullying/harassment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author spanishchick00 Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 There was a time when I told him to shut up and then one time to leave me alone, I told him that because every time I come in, he tells me that I need to smile more and why I don't talk. He gets a laugh out of this. I haven't told him to stop about the comments on my appearance. I think of I told him that, he will again get a laugh out of it. I told him to stop picking on me, he did stop for awhile, then he suggested that he was going to find a topic to talk about instead of picking on me. Weirdo. Either it's bullying/harassment. However, he keeps doing the same thing, tells me that I need to smile, talk, be happy. Can't he get a clue that I don't want to talk to him? I turned the table the tables in him last week by telling him if he tells his wife to smile. He told him that he's divorced with one kid. I can see why his wife divorced him. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 What is your tone & body language when you tell him to stop.? If you are smiling or worse, giggling, he may not realize you are upset. He thinks you're being coy. Do you know whether the guard is employed by your company or if he's a contractor? If he is not employed by the same company, even if he works at your site, that may change things. To make it stop, your boss will have to talk to his boss. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 If you're comfortable with your boss, I mean, you can just go tell them this guy is bugging you and maybe he'll have a word; but these days sexual harrassment is taken very seriously many places for monetary reasons (lawsuits), so sometimes you can't say anything without stirring up the whole hierarchy. But you need to tell this guy specifically to stop. If you want to keep it short, tell him only "I'm serious - stop talking to me." Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 That doesn't make it illegal. Lay people on the internet. smh Who said anything about illegal? We're talking about what is considered harassment in the workplace. It doesn't necessarily have to be illegal to be harassment. Unwanted behavior or something that makes one uncomfortable is considered harassment in the workplace. I had a coworker claim sexual harassment against another coworker at work just because she may have touched his shoulder once or twice. She never did anything lewd or sexual, but since he reported her for sexual harassment, true or not, she was going to be suspended from work pending investigation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spanishchick00 Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 What is your tone & body language when you tell him to stop.? If you are smiling or worse, giggling, he may not realize you are upset. He thinks you're being coy. Do you know whether the guard is employed by your company or if he's a contractor? If he is not employed by the same company, even if he works at your site, that may change things. To make it stop, your boss will have to talk to his boss. I have this pissed off look on my face, and I'm serious when I tell him to leave me alone. Well, the security company has a different name from the place that I work at, so it might be contractor. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Just Google EEOC cases. After reading a few results of actual cases, not only will you probably have fallen asleep, you will also get a bad taste in your mouth and realize what "legally" constitutes sexual harassment. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Find out what security firm he works for, call them or if their local, go to their office and tell the person running the office about it and that if it happens again, you lawyer will talk to his. When the God almighty dollar is involved and someone runs the risk of losing it, action will be taken. Nothing hurts worse that an once full wallet going flat. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Find out what security firm he works for, call them or if their local, go to their office and tell the person running the office about it and that if it happens again, you lawyer will talk to his. When the God almighty dollar is involved and someone runs the risk of losing it, action will be taken. Nothing hurts worse that an once full wallet going flat. I agree.... if the company hears you say you will threaten a law suit. They will react FAST and your problem will be solved faster. No way they take a chance at looking bad. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I think this is a clear case of breaking professional codes of conduct in most serious companies. I'd go to my boss if I were you, nothing to wait around for. From what you describe, you've communicated very clearly to this guy that his behaviour is unacceptable. Since that didn't work, take it up a level. Make sure to keep detailed records, like someone else said upthread. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I agree.... if the company hears you say you will threaten a law suit. They will react FAST and your problem will be solved faster. No way they take a chance at looking bad. Oh, I have no doubt that the company will react FAST... But why does everyone think that the company will react in favor of the person making the complaint? If you don't have a case and/or they don't want to deal with the alleged "harasser", what do you think they're gonna do? Also, you are not a "hero" to the company, even "if" they take your complaint seriously. They are gonna see you as someone who will "complain" about this and that and it's in their best interests to get rid of YOU. In other words, the company is gonna make an assessment as to how much this complaint is gonna cost them, and it doesn't mean that they're gonna always side with you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I don't think she should take it upon herself to call the contractor's company. What if her boss has a great relationship with them or something? I think she goes up the chain of command. If it's a contractor, her boss may feel more free to tell the guy to keep his comments to himself. Link to post Share on other sites
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