Soap opera at work, I got the leading part

[SerCay]

I don't even know how to start this thread..I screwed up massively.

At least that's how I feel..

 

I work in a large department store as a side job next to college. Usually 2 days a week.

 

When I started working there I met a (male) colleague whom I instantly felt attracted to. The attraction was mutual and soon we started texting. The tension between us was just so high that we had to meet up. So last week I had a date with him and we went to his place, dinner, candlelight everything and ofcourse we did it. I have to tell you that I don't have any feelings for him whatsoever and this was purely sexual. I told him about that when he asked for it the next day. He didn't seem to mind and even joked about him being my 'toyboy.' On beforehand we had agreed not to tell anyone except 1 mutual friend about our meeting. I violated this agreement...but with a very good reason imo. Another mutual friend of our, who knew he likes me because he was telling her all the time, came and told me that his ex gf had come by the store. I naturally asked her were they close, is something still going on between them? She said no I don't think so..Then I told her look, be honest I need to know since I'm dating him tonight and I won't date anyone with any kind of commitment. Then she said no, you can be sure of it, he was even trying to get rid of her. Now I could have asked him, but honestly I thought he can easily lie about that and say no, we're not involved, just to pursuade me into still dating him. That's why I asked her.

 

Later on that day something totally unrelated happened. I was organizing a goodbye party for a colleague who's leaving. She had given me her list of people of who she wished to see present and I had invited all of them. First the above mentioned mutual friend got an attitude towards me. But like really unprofessional, coming in giving me ''a look'' and then going upstairs. So I went after her and asked her whether she has a problem with me, if yes we should solve it since we work together and this is not done in a store to give each other such looks. Her whole issue appearently was the fact that I was organizing this thing when she was close friends with this girl too :S. How childish people can be.

 

What happened next was even more of a shocker to me: the girl I was organizing the party for sent me a text, and told me: I changed my mind, (names of three people she previously invited) are not welcome anymore. Please tell them appropriately. So I asked her, ok, you gave me this list, why all of a sudden this change of heart? The guy I dated, his name was on the list as well. THen she said some things about the others and eventually said and the guy, I heard something really inappropriate about him, so that's why. I started to panic....

 

1. I found it so disrespectful to order me around to change the list days after I have invited all these people that SHE asked for herself

2. The attitude of this (former) mutual friend was so inappropriate you can't even imagine, I felt really discomforted there

3. Why wouldn't she tell me what she heard about the guy if it had nothing to do with me?

 

I automatically assumed that the mutual friend had spoken about it to her. I went to the guy and told him about the fact that I had violated our agreement and I had told the girl, for the reason that I wanted to know whether he was still with his ex or not, and now I think she has been telling people about it.

 

He reacted very supportive, he said I can call him all day and he will go and speak to the girl. Since she was giving me an attitude, I didn't go and speak to her to prevent a confrontation in the shop.

 

Then an unexpected twist: He texts me that he is disapponted in me because I told her while we had agreed not to tell anyone. The girl is denying she ran her mouth and now he doesn't know who is lying.

 

So I text back, I just TOLD you why I told her...about your ex etc. why didn't you react when I told you face to face?

 

Anyway later on we spoke about it and made up. He kissed me goodbye on the lips and I was cool with it, but when i got home I decided that I don't want to see him again. In some way I feel disrespected by him as well :S. Still I feel bad about the whole thing.

 

I already told my colleagues I won't be attending the other girl's goodbye party and I'm refraining from anything that is done for her since I do not appreciate her attitude towards me.

 

A little background info on this girl: I did many things for her including fixing the gap in her paycheck and getting her to a hospital when she injured her knee at work and listening to her rambles about our other co-workers. Then the day that the other girl started to give me an attitude, this girl started on me as well, writing all kinds of texts about how disappointed she is in me and all :S.

 

This story is a mess and it's very long, I think I forgot a lot of details..but these are the headlines....I have no idea what to do about this but the feeling of going to work again Saturday and seeing all of these people again makes me cringe

 

My friends say it's jealousy from the ladies but I'm thinking what would they be jealous of and why would they express it in such a way?

 

Any insights? How should I behave, what should I do?

[Yasuandio]

Hon, honestly, this was hard to read.

 

Here is some good ole' fashion advice. Do not have sexy-sex with people at work, period. It usually doesn't turn out good. See how complicated this matter has become? It just ain't worth it. Too, there is your professional reputation to consider. This entire situation just plain out sucks, and doesn't sound like something you need to be around anymore.

 

If I were you, young lady, I would immediately begin my search for an alternate work environment, and, once located, extricate myself from this department store position, asap.

 

Look at this an upward move in your career status - rather than lateral. You have learned, and grown - and it is time for greener pastures. Put these drama queens behind you. That is what you gotta focus on now, not these dummies. Howz that sound? Yas

[SerCay]

Hon, honestly, this was hard to read.

 

Here is some good ole' fashion advice. Do not have sexy-sex with people at work, period. It usually doesn't turn out good. See how complicated this matter has become? It just ain't worth it. Too, there is your professional reputation to consider. This entire situation just plain out sucks, and doesn't sound like something you need to be around anymore.

 

If I were you, young lady, I would immediately begin my search for an alternate work environment, and, once located, extricate myself from this department store position, asap.

 

Look at this an upward move in your career status - rather than lateral. You have learned, and grown - and it is time for greener pastures. Put these drama queens behind you. That is what you gotta focus on now, not these dummies. Howz that sound? Yas

 

Sounds like the only good thing to do..sigh I feel so stupid

[Yasuandio]

Honey, you are not stupid. You are smart. You've reached out for advice, owned the issue, and are moving onward and upward. That's comendable! Yas

[darkmoon]

just communicate thru your work, and keep calm, just work and be nice, you did not keep the affair discreet, inext time keep your private life private

 

quietly observe what transpires over the next few days, i do not think much will

[SerCay]

I feel like he could've spoken to me in a normal way and have told me right upfront that he didn't appreciate the fact that I had told the girl.

He let the other girl stir him up against me and then came back angrily, that's why I truly regret having had anything to do with him.

 

Oh well.. you live you learn...NEVER again somebody at the workplace

[preraph]

I am completely baffled why you acted on what was only a sexual urge at work and then told the guy you're not interested in him and thought that was going to go down well. You don't randomly mix things up at work and expect no fallout for it. Only serious romances ever survive the natural conclusions people will draw in that situation. I mean, in what universe is okay to tell a coworker "I'm not interested in your but I'd F you?" And then why on earth, after that, did you think his comings and goings with other females, including his ex was any of your beeswax? What you got was a lot of blowback from people who found all this behavior random and disgusting. Now, that said, if she had given me a list to invite and I invited them and then she took it back, I'd have handed it right back to her and said, No way, you do it, or told each one of them that it was her who said to uninvite them in no uncertain terms.

[SerCay]

I am completely baffled why you acted on what was only a sexual urge at work and then told the guy you're not interested in him and thought that was going to go down well. You don't randomly mix things up at work and expect no fallout for it. Only serious romances ever survive the natural conclusions people will draw in that situation. I mean, in what universe is okay to tell a coworker "I'm not interested in your but I'd F you?" And then why on earth, after that, did you think his comings and goings with other females, including his ex was any of your beeswax? What you got was a lot of blowback from people who found all this behavior random and disgusting. Now, that said, if she had given me a list to invite and I invited them and then she took it back, I'd have handed it right back to her and said, No way, you do it, or told each one of them that it was her who said to uninvite them in no uncertain terms.

 

I asked about his ex BEFORE we got together...and I needed to know because I wouldn't have gotten together with him if he were still involved. Also, I told him about us being just casual AFTERWARDS and nobody knew about our encounter..so I don't really get how you get to this reasoning preraph :S

 

Yes I did so, I went to those "blacklisted" people and told them upfront that she changed her mind and didn't want them present..That's why she got upset with me later on. But I don't care, I'm not her assistant.

[preraph]

Because if all you wanted is sex, what the hell difference does it make if he's involved with his ex? You don't want a relationship anyway.

[SerCay]

Because if all you wanted is sex, what the hell difference does it make if he's involved with his ex? You don't want a relationship anyway.

 

Seems obvious to me :S even if it's only sex, why would I cheat on somebody's wife or girlfriend??